Chapter Three: The Best Part of Christmas is the Present

John sat up in his bed in the manner of Dracula popping up at sunset. He felt like he'd been hit by an Abrams tank. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand: 2:00 AM.

It was then he noticed the blinking light on the answering machine on his nightstand. Knowing he probably wasn't going to fall back asleep anytime soon, he reached over and pressed the playback button.

"Hey man," the voice of his best friend Randy Orton greeted him. "Just calling to wish you Merry Christmas, even though I know you'd rather sleep through the holidays. Anyway, I know you're probably gonna just hole up in your house all day tomorrow, but you're welcome to come and have dinner with me and Stacy. Again, Merry Christmas, man...lemme know what your plans are for New Year's. Later."

John smiled at the message. Leave it to his best friend to make him feel better. He scooted down in the bed, pulled the blankets up around himself, and rolled over in preparation for going back to sleep.

"Hey! Don't go to sleep; we just got here!" said a voice. John rolled over quickly to find not one, but two spirits staring down at him with wide, cheery grins on their faces. One even gave him a little wave. These two were also dressed oddly; instead of the deep forest green usually associated with Christmas, the green on their outfits was a glaring neon green.

They were made even weirder by the accessories they sported; the one who'd waved to him was wearing a cowboy hat, while his companion was toting - of all things - a sledgehammer.

"Lemme guess," John said, "the Ghosts of Christmas Present, right?"

"That's us!" the one wearing the cowboy hat cheerily confirmed. "I'm Shawn, and he's Hunter."

"Lemme ask you a question, John," Hunter spoke up. "In your opinion, what's the best thing about the Christmas season?"

John grinned. "I'm gonna go with an answer I'm sure a lot of guys would agree with: the Victoria's Secret Christmas catalog."

"Ooh, that's a good one..." Hunter trailed off, a distant look in his eyes and a happy little smile spreading across his face.

"Hey! Can we get back to the real Christmas stuff?" Shawn complained, causing Hunter to roll his eyes.

"All right, all right." He turned back to John. "Let's go visit some friends!"

WWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWE

Before John could say anything, they were off. Through the course of their travels, they visited John's father's house, where John saw his father and those of his brothers who still lived at home gathered around the tree in the den, talking and joking. Next was Randy's place, where John saw his best friend and Randy's wife Stacy sitting in front of their tree, doing their tradition of each opening one gift on Christmas Eve.

"Isn't that nice?" Hunter commented, as Shawn sniffled and faked wiping away a tear. "Don't you want that for yourself someday?"

John shrugged. "Yeah, but I doubt if it'll ever happen."

Hunter smiled secretively. "I dunno...you'd be surprised."

The scenery changed before John could even blink. The three of them were now in the living room of a modest-sized apartment. It was cheerily decorated for Christmas, and a nice amount of presents were under the small Christmas tree that stood in the corner of the room.

"Whose place is this?" John whispered.

Before either ghost could answer, the sound of a baby crying was heard. It startled all three of them, and Shawn lost his balance and fell through the coffee table in surprise. He looked around from his position on the floor.

"Boy, I'm sure glad I'm a ghost...that woulda hurt if I were human!"

Hunter rolled his eyes as Shawn got to his feet, and the baby's cries grew louder as the bedroom door opened and John's secretary came out holding the baby, sleepily rubbing its back as she made her way into the kitchen.

"Shhh...shhh...it's ok, Taylor, it's ok..." she soothed.

John's eyebrows were on the ceiling. He was stunned. He'd had no idea Maria was a single mother. Then he saw what she was wearing: a long nightshirt that was about three sizes too big with Snoopy on the front. She was apparently not wearing pajama bottoms, and a pair of the best-looking legs John had ever seen in his life were sticking out the bottom of the shirt.

He was still stunned as the three of them followed Maria into the kitchen, where she went through the motions of warming a bottle for Taylor. Hunter and John stood over in the corner, while Shawn stood right behind Maria and made goofy baby faces at Taylor, causing Hunter to roll his eyes at his associate's behavior.

"She never said anything about a baby..." John trailed off.

"It's not hers biologically," Hunter replied. "A friend of hers from high school had cancer, and stated in her will that your secretary get custody."

John glanced nervously around the kitchen, his eyes lighting on the refrigerator, which was covered with pictures, mostly of Taylor or Maria's family. But there was one of him sitting behind his desk, held to the fridge door by a heart-shaped magnet frame. He recognized it as being a photo Maria had taken because she'd wanted to get a roll of film developed, and still had one picture left on the roll. He'd been reluctant to have his picture taken, but when she gave him puppy eyes and begged, he probably would've signed his business over to her, she'd looked so cute.

Hunter saw him looking at the photo and smirked at him. "You couldn't tell?"

"Tell what?" John asked, coming out of his memories of the gorgeous redhead to find her sitting at the kitchen table feeding Taylor her bottle.

"That she's got it bad for you," the ghost replied. "Think of the times you've found a McDonald's bag on your desk...all the times she's given you fresh coffee when you walk through the door in the morning...all those smiles every time you speak to her, and what do you come up with?"

John sighed and hung his head. "I come up with the fact that I'm a clueless idiot."

"Hey, maybe there's hope for you yet!" Hunter grinned. "Just kidding!" he added, when John glowered at him.

"What do you think she wants for Christmas more than anything else in the world?" Shawn asked, coming over to join them. "She wants you to see what's right in front of you, but she thinks you're never going to do that."

"Yeah...but she'd also probably just settle for a kiss," Hunter smirked. "Why do you think she put up that mistletoe yesterday?"

"She was hoping to catch me under it?" John's statement came out sounding like a question, even as his brain told him, Duh! Of course she was! And don't even think to say you wouldn't absolutely love to be caught under the mistletoe by her! Hunter and Shawn both gave him looks that said, 'What do you think?'

By now, Taylor was falling back asleep. Maria got up, put the bottle in the sink and filled it with water, and was about to leave the room when her eyes fell on John's picture on the refrigerator. The redhead smiled tenderly before kissing her fingers and brushing them across the picture. She gazed at it a moment longer before sighing and then walking out of the room, turning out the light as she went.

When the apartment was once more in darkness, John turned to the two ghosts and sighed.

"I had no idea she felt that way."

Hunter grinned at him. "Yeah, but now you know. The question is, what're you gonna do about it? Good luck, buddy."

Even as he said this, he and Shawn - along with Maria's apartment - were fading from view. Before they disappeared, however, Shawn called out, "And if you're not down with that, we've only got two words for ya!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" the duo chorused before vanishing completely.

Up Next: The Ghost of Christmas Future!

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