Link!: On my profile is a wonderful sight full of happiness. FML McCoy is so funny, you might just pee your pants. It's hilarious even if you haven't seen TOS. I do encourage you all to watch the Original Series though, they're highly entertaining and fun!

Chapter 3: Turns out Getting Lost is a Good Thing

It was another shitty day in San Francisco. Or, at least that's what Leonard thinks. It's cloudy, and had been drizzling on and off all day. Not only that, but he had forgotten to carry some money with him, so that when the convention was over he had no way of paying for a cab. His ride to the convention had left early unbeknownst to him. Now here he was, walking briskly down the streets and hopefully not getting lost. The drizzle starts up again. Super.

McCoy tries getting a hold of Jim again. Nothing. Stupid kid was about as reliable as a two-year-old.

A vendor tries getting his attention, McCoy glares at him and the poor salesman shrinks back. He was unfamiliar with this part of town, actually it was starting to look like the crummy part of town. Maybe he was lost. Not that he was going to admit it to himself. He figures if he keeps going North, he'll eventually hit the Academy.

He hears a loud noise in the alleyway that he has just passed. McCoy pauses for a minute, not sure of what he has heard. There it was again, and yes it did confirm his suspicion. Not that he was too pleased with being right. The sound of flesh on flesh, and a very feminine cry of pain. Apprehension trickles into his mind, this is a situation that Jim would love to be in, but Jim wasn't here and Leonard was a doctor dammit. He wasn't going to sit on the sidelines when someone needs his help.

Pivoting around, he enters the alleyway. It was dark, and smells like piss and garbage, steam was rising from the warm ground. He really doesn't like this one bit. Taking a deep breath, McCoy steps further in. What he sees makes his blood boil. A ratty young man was holding a purse aloft while beating the crap out of a middle-aged woman who was curled up on the ground.

Now it might be true that McCoy had almost failed the hand-to-hand in his combat class (oh hell, he almost failed the whole damn class), but he bet his ex-wife's antique Russian dolls that he was a hell of a lot better than some runny nosed punk off the streets. The only thing that worries him was if the kid had a weapon besides his appendages.

Leonard doesn't even give the kid any warning, but his arm gives a satisfying crack as the doctor twists it behind the criminals back and the sound of the kid's nose practically exploding follows as McCoy slams the palm of his hand into his face. The thief howls and throws his left fist wildly in McCoy's direction. McCoy takes the hit in favor of slamming his opponents face into the wall. The kid seems pretty resilient, and McCoy doesn't want to toy around anymore, he has a victimized woman to take care of. So he fluidly pulls out a hypo and injects it into the thief's neck. The kid groans and falls, unconscious. McCoy looks around the alley trying to find something to secure the delinquent. Shrugging, he picks up an empty garbage bag and starts wrapping it around the kid's wrists. He put it in a knot that no human could get out of even though it was just a garbage bag.

With that done Leonard takes out his communicator and he patches in a line to the police.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I found some lady being beaten to death. I stopped the perpetrator, but the woman looks like she needs a hospital."

"Sir, we advise you not to attempt intercepting the criminal. What address are you at?"

McCoy groans, "I don't know where the hell I am! If the people who constructed this God-forsaken city actually numbered it logically, I might be able to tell you."

"Sir, I need you to calm down and look around you and try to find any directional markers."

McCoy growls and stalks out of the alleyway, "I'm in a dumpy part of town, uh, there's a store across the street with a big ol' alien's ass on it with the number 410 West."

"We know where you are sir, please stay calm and we will be with you as soon as possible."

McCoy closes his communicator and turns back to the alley, "'Don't attempt to intercept the criminal.'" He snorts.

He kneels beside the woman while taking out the small medikit he always carries with him. He touches the side of her neck, a whimper escapes. "No need to worry miss, I'm here to help you. An ambulance is coming right now, but I'm going to see if I can take care of some of the minor damage. It's ok, that man won't hurt you anymore, you're safe."

The woman relaxes marginally. McCoy passes a scanner over her body and while the diagnosis isn't good, at least it looks like she was going to live. "I'm just going to give you something for the pain and I'll take care of some minor cuts and breaks." She relaxes completely as the sedative starts coursing through her body, she gazes at the doctor, tears running down her cheeks.

"Thank you . . ."

"No need for thanks, miss, just doing my job." In the distance there were sirens.

The cars and ambulance pull up and people start pouring out. McCoy shouts and gets their attention. He's immediately talking to the emergency medics about what he had found in his scan and what he had done for her since then. They load the woman into the vehicle and take off. Leonard would've gone with them, except the police wants to take him back to the station for a statement and whatever else these people did.

They were loading the criminal into a separate emergency vehicle; McCoy guesses that he might need some hospital time as well. The thought makes him grin. Leonard climbs into the police vehicle and they start off. He doesn't feel completely comfortable around these people (which is ironic because Starfleet is basically the police force of the universe), but on the bright side he was getting a ride into a more familiar part of town. Maybe they would even give him a ride back to his dorm.

He sat at a desk in an empty room, it screames the feeling, 'you're about to be interrogated!', so he guesses that the room fulfills its purpose. The door slides open and a man walks in, McCoy can't really tell his ranking, hell, it's not like he really cares about stuff like this anyway.

The man puts a recorder down on the table and presses a button, "Mr. McCoy, I'm Carl Smith. I was hoping you could recount the events of the day for me."

Well duh, of course he could, what was the point in hiding information. So McCoy got comfy, "Well, I was making my way back to Starfleet Academy-"

"Through lower San Francisco? One of the worst districts in this city?"

McCoy's face heats up, "I was a little bit lost okay?" He huffs and starts again, "So I was making my way back to Starfleet Academy when I passed by this alley and heard the sounds of someone beating the shit out of a female. So I decided to intervene-"

"You, a civilian, decided to confront a criminal when you didn't know the situation or if the criminal was armed and dangerous, instead of calling the police first?"

McCoy glares at him, "I've been taught hand-to-hand combat by some of the best people in this universe, besides if I had taken the time to call the police and wait for you guys to get your sorry asses to the scene, the woman might have been dead by then. I'm a doctor, my profession is all about taking chances." Leonard adjusts in his seat, "So anyway, I confront the kid and knock him out with a sedative, and I secure him so that if by some miracle he regains consciousness he won't be able to go anywhere. Then I contacted the police, and attended to the woman who was attacked. I gave her a sedative and fixed some minor abrasions and well as start to mend some minor bone breaks. She was stable enough that I wasn't too worried about anything life threatening. And then you guys showed up."

Carl leans back in his chair, "So you stopped a crime, and then started work on healing the victim-"

"I'm a doctor, dammit, what did you expect me to do?"

"Nothing more than what society demands of you." Carl stands up, "Well, I think that about covers it. We'll be contacting you about the trial as soon as a date is set. Is there anything we can do for you, doctor?"

Leonard rubs his chin, "Well, now that you mention it, I would really appreciate a ride to the hospital that they took that woman to. I would like to check up on her personally."

Carl nods, "Come with me."

It was a hell of a time trying to find the woman, but Leonard seems to have a gift in tracking people down. He finally finds the room and as he nears he encounters a couple of people that look to be relatives. They turn to him as he approaches.

McCoy cleares his throat, "I would like to visit the woman in there."

One man was instantly suspicious, "Why? You're not a doctor nor are you a relative."

An eyebrow rose, "Sir, I am in fact a doctor, but that is not the reason I am here. I would like to inquire on the health of the woman I had just rescued from certain death. To see if these state hospitals are actually doing their jobs."

They were all surprised, the woman standing behind the man smacks him in the arm, "Gregory you are such ass, treating Chrissy's savior like dirt." Her eyes land on McCoy, "You can go in, I don't know if she's still awake or not."

McCoy nods and proceeds inside. There were the familiar beeps in the room that Leonard recognizes, and it makes him feel at home. He walks over to the screen above the bed, going through the files there. He could tell that the woman was staring at him, but he doesn't give her any mind as he continues to scan the results.

He finally turns to her and smiles slightly, "It looks like you're going to be fine, miss. You had me worried the first time I saw you."

Her eyes widen, "You-you're the man-" her voice was raspy, "That he-helped . . . in the alley."

McCoy nods.

"Tha-thank you so much."

His heart seems to constrict, and his chest feels like it's on fire. These are the moments in a doctor's life that are cherished above all. It makes a truly shitty job bearable, "You're welcome, miss. It was really nothing, anybody would've done it."

"No-not just anybody. You-you're special, sir. It must ha-have been the Heaven's that sent you to-to me."

McCoy shakes his head and mutters, "Nope, just got lost."

"Then I am gl-glad that you got los-lost today." She reaches over and grabs his hand, "What is the name of my savior?"

Leonard flushes a bit, "Uh, Leonard. Doctor Leonard McCoy, but my friends call me Bones." Leonard almost rolls his eyes, why did he mention that stupid nick-name? He hates the name, and only one person in the entire universe calls him that.

"Leonard." Chrissy smiles, her eyes were drooping.

McCoy pats her on the shoulder, "You should get some rest, you have a whole life ahead of you."

He leaves. The trek to Starfleet takes a half hour and he is just stepping onto campus when his PADD goes off. Checking it, McCoy almost feels like throwing the stupid thing.

Meet me in the mess hall for dinner, I've got some babes that want to hook up with you.

Sometimes he really wants to deck that kid. McCoy looks at the sky, it was dark. He had tried to get a hold of Jim all day, and he chooses now to contact him. Where was his great grandpa's shotgun when you need it?

Slowly he makes his way over to the mess hall. His feet are aching like no other and his nice clothes that he had worn to the convention were muddy, wrinkly, and bloody. McCoy can feel the bruise on his jaw throb in time to his heartbeat. One thing was for sure, he was not in the mood, or the condition, to go out on a blind date tonight. Especially with a female that Jim had picked out, hell, it might not even be female if McCoy knew anything about Jim's sense of humor.

The mess hall was pretty empty thankfully. McCoy spots Jim with a couple of broads practically hanging off of him. The doctor obtains his food before venturing over to the small group. He wants to keep a little distance from Jim, since the urge to slug him was still heavily present in his mind.

Jim waves at him, "Hey, Bones! These two lovely ladies are my friends Leylanee and Leslie, and they tell me that they really want to get a physical exam, if you know what I mean." The kid wriggles his eyebrows suggestively at him while the two girls giggle.

Wow, talk about absolutely no tact, McCoy just sets down his tray and startes digging into his food, "No."

"Oh, come on Bones, have-" Jim's eyebrows shot up, "Are you ok? Is that blood on your clothes?"

McCoy grunts, "I don't want to talk about it, Jim. I just want to eat, and then I want to sleep," the girls giggled, "alone."

"Oh by-the-way, sorry for not answering your messages, I've been kind of busy."

Leonard looks at him skeptically, "Right."

"So how was that medical convention anyway? sounded boring as hell."

McCoy stops eating and looks at Jim like there were no words to explain it, "You wouldn't believe me one bit. Not at all."

So sometimes I imagine McCoy as a ninja: walking down the halls of Enterprise, throwing hypos like darts at people, twirling them around in some samurai-ish fashion! It's a just a bit of silliness.

Thanks for reading! Look forward to another update next week!