Chapter 3

So Martin had been practically on my mind since the moment I left my house, peaking in meeting the man himself and learning that I had done him wrong in assuming that he wasn't interested in a date with me.

By lunch, I had come to the firm conclusion that an apology to Martin couldn't be postponed. There was no use. Until I had this wretched business out of my way, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else. The injustice I had done to him was a thorn in my flesh and it kept hurting. If I wanted to give a better performance as a teacher during the afternoon, then I had to go up that hill now.

So, instead of grabbing my packed sandwich in the staff room I took my handbag and marched towards the harbour and up the hill. It is strange. Roscarrock Hill had never seemed so steep and long before.

Actually, it was long enough that doubt got the better of me. What should I say to Martin? How could I explain? Wasn't I intruding when his parents were visiting? I just turned on my heels and bought a pasty on my way back to the school instead.

In the afternoon I met with Danny to go with him to the talent night later on. Danny was good company. I knew that I could never ask Martin to come with me to such an event. Even if he'd be coming, which was unlikely enough, he would embarrass both of us to no end. I sighed.

The night Martin had stood me up at the pub and I had spent the evening with Danny instead, I had made a mental list when I was back at home. I had to understand how I had ended up in this muddle, between two men but not with either of them. If I only understood.

Rationally I knew that Danny would be the better choice for me. Since he was back in Portwenn he had sent strong signals that he was quite keen to revive our relationship from way back when. We could share memories. We had a similar background. He seemed to be settling in Portwenn. He adored me and was quite good looking. He was fun to be with, sociable, good for a laugh. He also earned a decent living and had made himself a name as an architect.

But no matter how much I liked spending time with Danny, there wasn't the right spark between us. Well, at least not from my side. There was something missing that was definitely not rational.

That was exactly what drew me to Martin against my will. And against my will it was. I had no explanation whatsoever why I wanted to be with Martin. Normally, I'm not the chasing-the-impossible type of pursuer. I don't need to prove to myself that I can get every man, no matter how aloof he might seem. There was absolutely nothing that connected Martin and me. He was gruff, monosyllabic and rude, he also was stand-offish, irritable, snobby, you name it. He had a whole bag of characteristics that I couldn't stand. Not a whole bag, more like a trunk!

However, I couldn't deny that I was definitely drawn to him. Funny thing was that I was pretty sure that he wasn't completely uninterested either.

I just hoped that if I could get a glimpse of what he really thought, what he really felt, I might understand my attraction and deal with it – either way. It was the first time that I'd felt myself having a crush on someone and absolutely no idea why. I had hoped the evening in the pub could help me – us – to get our relationship straight, but it remained rocky as it could be.

This night I found myself in the company of the man that would be better suited for me but for whom I didn't really feel that much. We both had settled at a little table in the village hall to watch the talent night. To be exact, I wasn't in his company for too long, as Danny's cough seemed to be getting worse and worse. I had told him several times to go and see Dr. Ellingham, but Danny wouldn't have any of it. Men!

Maureen was announced to enter the stage, but instead Martin's tall frame appeared through the curtain. Again, I found myself between Danny and Martin. Just as Danny was leaving to cough his lungs out outside, Martin made his entrance. Again, my stomach reacted and I felt a warm flush. Seeing Martin always made me react physically.

He was his grumpy self. Matters were made worse, as the whole village laughed. In a way, I could understand them, as his appearance had a comical touch. Martin, however, quite visibly didn't see the humorous side. Maybe he thought he was being laughed at, and maybe he wasn't too much off the mark. I sat at the table, quite indecisively, with both men heading for the exit, both in distress, and me being unable to help either of them.

To be continued…