Welcome back to Chaos Law, where the Law part of the name is null and void.

Guest reviews!

LoveYouEpicThoth: So, you're into Gilljeet, huh? Just let it happen, then... and don't expect much. Life's easier with low expectations. As for that plot twist, well, the plot was twisted, all right. My debate was over the existence of a plot. But have it your way. Finally, if you'd like to know Spooner, you should have been born a few centuries ago. And in England somewhere.

Phineas

Luckily, I had no classes with Isabella the for rest of the day. Otherwise I would not have been able to concentrate.

Unluckily, I made a new friend. If you can call him that.

His name is William Eberhart, and he was something of a celebrity around these parts. He has a nickname, too. Not one of those normal ones, either. You know, the Will/Bill/Billiam type? Not those.

Apparently around here he is called Bull. As in Bull E. As in bully. As in similar-to-but-not-quite-Buford. As in— I'm out.

It was when I confronted him that I made the biggest mistake of my life.

"Hiya, shrimp!" he said, noticing me approach him. The kid's cheerful disposition caught me off guard—it was so light for such a tough-looking man.

The voice was also incredibly familiar to me, whitch is strange considering I'd just met him. Ferb, however, had already told me why the sound was so recognizable.

Bull's voice was the same one I heard over the loudspeaker. You know, back when... you know, me and... you know, that other girl... you know, Isabella... you know, kinda accidentally-on-purpose... you know, I think you get the idea.

She's a lot more comfortable talking about it than I am. Frankly, I'm still growing into the idea. Heck, I'm still growing up. I have no idea what to make of all this.

Before this tangent goes on too long, let me get back to the story.

"Hiya, shrimp!" Bull E. said, and his cheerful disposition caught me off guard.

Despite my surprise, I managed to keep my cool. I had a game plan in mind, and I was not going to stray from it. At least, not yet.

"I heard your voice over the loudspeaker today," I said.

The eighth-grader laughed. "I know. Classic, right?"

I shook my head, continuing to attack this kid. My (ill-formed and impulse-based) plan was essentially the same as Buford's mantra: the best offense is a good offense. No way William gets out of this unscathed. Thus, my assault continued:

None

"Thus?!" cries Buford. "Who still says thus?!"

"Apparently, Phineas," Baljeet confirms.

"Him and who else?" Buford argues. "Shakespeare?"

Phineas sighs. "On with the story..."

Phineas

My assault continued: "I thought that what you said was very demeaning to some people."

"That's kind of the point," Bull continues. "Nothing's funny unless it's also mean. Besides, the laughs far outweighed the cries there."

"Don't do it again," I warn him.

A look of realization suddenly dawned on his face. "Oh," he said. "So you're one of those sixth graders who still thinks he can stand up to bullies. Well, this ain't Kansas, Dorothy."

"No, it's Illinois," I pointed out.

"See? I was right. Now, I strongly advise you to get out of my way before I pull a spinning backflip triple lutz flaming cyclone sidekick of ultimate doom on you."

I hesitated. That was quite a menacing name for a kick. The whole 'ultimate doom' part had to count for something, right? But then I remembered: was I not the Beak, who saved Danville multiple times in twenty-two minutes? Was I not the man who traveled the world in under forty hours? Was I not the same Phineas who discovered Atlantis? Who built a skyscraper to the moon? Who got shipped off to military school in a dream? Who traveled through space more times than one? Who might have discovered a second dimension had he ever found the time? Who built a roller coaster in a morning? Who spent an entire day watching Space Adventure? Who... is saying all of this out loud?!

I did a double take. Sure enough, Bull E. was laughing his everything off, and everyone else within earshot was having equal trouble containing themselves.

"I don't even need to bother embarrassing you," William said between guffaws. "You do enough of that all by your lonesome."

I scrambled to defend myself. "It's true! I really did do all that! Except for the second dimension part. That's still in the works."

"Yeah, right," Eberhart groaned. "And pigs can fly."

"Flying pigs," I mused. "Don't think I've done that yet, actually. Mind if I try it sometime?"

"You know, kid," Bull confessed. "You're really starting to get on my nerves. I think it's time to show you who's really king around here."

"I dare you," I retorted, staring him in the face.

"I'm going to beat you at your own game," Bull E. challenged. "A one-off, next weekend, right here. We'll see who among us can actually build his two cents' worth. If I win, you admit that I am king, and have to obey my every command until you graduate."

"And if I win?" I asked.

"Then maybe I'm not as all-powerful as I claim," Eberhart bargained.

I fought back. "Not enough."

"Okay," said William. "I'll give up what control I have over the school."

I thought about it for a moment. "Am I allowed to work with my team?"

"As am I," Bull affirmed. Surprisingly professional for a bully like him.

However, satisfied with the conditions, I held out my hand. "Deal."

I had no idea that shaking his hand would be the biggest mistake of my life.

Ferb

...

None

"Ferb!" Phineas cries. "It's your turn to tell this part of the story! You can't just go on being silent forever! Not everyone can understand the way I do!"

Ferb blinks. Then nods his head.

Ferb

...

None

"Use your words, Ferb," Isabella eggs the Brit on, trying to get him to tell his part.

"I'd rather not," Ferb replies.

"It is not that hard," Baljeet adds. "Just keep doing that for a long time."

Ferb shakes his head.

More arguing ensues, but Ferb remains adamant in his vow of semi-silence.

Finally, Phineas concedes. "Fine. I'll tell this part."

Ferb

Well, actually Phineas

A lot happened on the way to school the next day.

First, Isabella came out of her house. Admittedly not that unusual, but her outfit was.

Immediately after that, Buford came running down the street.

"What are you wearing?!" I cried.

"Pants," answered Buford. "They're all the rage nowadays."

"No, not you," I said, shrugging him aside. "Isabella, that dress..."

"Do you like it?" she asked. "I was kind of bored with the constant white and pink, so I went with white and gold instead."

"How is that dress white or gold?" Baljeet asked, flustered. Yes, he was already there. He always is, waiting eagerly for us at 6:30 am every school morning, an hour before we typically leave. Ferb was also already there, because he's always by my side.

"All I can see is blue and black," Baljeet finished.

Isabella chuckled inwardly, as if Baljeet were playing a bad joke on her. "Yeah," she said sarcastically. "And Pinky only sees gray and gray. Stop kidding yourself, Baljeet."

"No," I protested. "I'm with Baljeet here. All I'm seeing is blue and black."

"It's white and gold," Buford said bluntly. "But that's not why I came running down here. I don't know what you did, Phineas, but you just got yourself upgraded to a class three nerd. Only the chairman's personal enemies have that status. Triple Bullympics points to anyone who gets those guys."

"Who's the chairman?" I asked, though I had a grim feeling I knew the answer. "And more importantly, what color is the dress?"

"The chairman's the guy who looks like a chair," explained Buford. "They call him bully, but they also call me bully, so it cancels out."

"Not bully," Ferb clarified, realizing who led the bullies. "Bull. E. Phineas, I fear you have a giant problem in your hands."

"Ohh," Buford goes. "That makes more sense. Sorry about this, Dinner Bell."

Buford pushes me off the sidewalk and into a puddle by the curb.

"Ten points!" The bully—not the Eberhart kind—brags.

I sigh. It's going to be a long year.

You've all seen the dress, right? It would've been hard not to. If you haven't, half of that last seen will confuse you, and you should probably look it up. Seriously: what color is the dress?

Okay, so I realize the Chaos part of the name doesn't exactly fit the story, but there's a big yet in that. Patience, my friends, is a virtue. Just not in reviewing. I want reviews and I want them now!

~Review! If you please.