Disclaimer: *sarcasm* Actually, I DO own Digimon. That's why Taichi and
Yamato got together at the end of season 2. You did see that, didn't you?
*sarcasm*
I was going to leave it like that, but decided that someone could sue me for that. *Sighs* So, NO, I don't own Digimon. Okay?!
THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED COMPLETELY TO JULIAN FROM THE COMPUTER CENTER AT MY COLLEGE!! HE SAVED THIS FROM UTTER AND COMPLETE DESTRUCTION AT THE HANDS OF MY ETERNAL ENEMIES- MICROSOFT WORD AND FLOPPY DISCS!! HE SPENT HOURS FIXING MY DISC SO THAT EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN WAS NOT LOST!!! YAY FOR JULIAN!!!!!!!
Author's Note: Okay, I just uploaded the second part five seconds ago, so I have not gotten any reviews yet. Umm.. I should let you all know the wonderful thing I have found. Daniel Johns of silverchair- yeah, he IS Yamato, okay? You all must look at him. I was totally unaware that Yamato had a clone. I went out and bought the CD. It's good. Yep, that's right. He's the lead vocalist and guitarist in a rock band. Also, he's lanky/skinny, and he's SUCH a pretty boy. Bishounen is not the right word, it's more than that. He was depressed, but got out of it due to falling in love. And he's tall. And he's hot! I'm talking, DAMN HOT!!!!! I MEAN, HELLO?!?!?!? How Yamato IS he?
You all might have already known this. Maybe I was the only one left out of the loop, I don't know. But it's information worth passing on. The CD I got, btw, is "The Best of Volume 1", which I'm listening to right now. ^.~* The "Daredevil" CD also rocks my world, the movie's great!! Go spend your money on these frivolities!!
Also, I wanted to say something here before I got any further into this story. I probably should have said this at the beginning, but oh well. You can skip this if you want, seeing as how most of you probably won't care. I'm attempting to make this story as realistic as possible. What this means is the following: I have no idea how long it'll be until there's some actual action. I know what has to happen BEFORE there's any taito, but I'm trying to make this realistic. Yamato's dad is away all the time, busy with work, which leads Yama-koi to being very lonely and depressed. I think there's enough evidence of that being true to the series in both seasons. Taichi's parents are around and care about him. I mean, they never showed signs of abusing him or anything. Same with Yamato. Yes, I think I might probably be including season 2 digidestined. No, I don't know when. That all equals out to be a big maybe. Also, I honestly believe that Yamato and Taichi being together is not the end-all, be-all of Digimon. I mean, they're going to always be together. If you can accept them as being either homosexuals or bisexuals, then they'll be together romantically. If they're both straight, then they'll be best friends. I think fics that separate them or belittle their relationship are completely inaccurate. Even though they are rivals, and fight, they still have a connection that neither can or wants to get rid of.
What does this mean for my fic? I have no idea. ^.^;; I'm playing it by ear. I know that everyone reading this fic must like Taito, since that's what it's under. But I just figured I'd let you guys know my opinion on the whole thing. I don't know if any of that made sense or not, but ah well... ^__^* I just had to say it. I'm tired of reading fics that don't work with the actual anime. Like, making Yama completely girly. Hello? His Japanese voice is so damn sexy and completely NOT girly. But I might fall into this stigma too, so I can't really complain. Or is it just that anyone who shows weakness is thought of as being girly? I might be unintentionally discriminating against myself. *contemplates the complications which would arise from such a situation* ... ahh!! True, my fic isn't in Japanese schools or anything. That's entirely my fault. But, I'm trying to make the rest of it accurate. Let me know if you read something that you think doesn't fit!! It's really important to me!!!!!
Umm, again, there's American school in here, and cursing. And taito. So- yeah. And- a request- does anyone know their birthdays? I've looked around, but I can't find them. Argh- do they not exist, should I make them up??
PLEASE R&R!! *begs* ^.~*
Enjoy!!
Chapter 3
Superfluous
Yamato stood outside the door and glared at everyone he passed. The guys looked insulted and ready to fight, the girls looked ready to cry. Not that he really cared. What did it matter what all those people thought of him? It didn't matter at all. The only people he really cared about knew him well enough to be able to deal with the shit he pulled. Not that he cared. If they couldn't deal with him the way he was, there was no way he was going to change. Not for people who wouldn't even try to understand him. Hell, no. Now, if Takeru asked him to do something, that was a whole different story. He would do anything for his little brother.
He knew the same was true with Taichi. Even though they constantly fought or even attacked each other, he knew he would do anything to protect Tai. Even when he was pissed off at him, like now. He didn't know why he felt this way. It seemed to him that he had plenty of reason to hate the stupid, goggle-wearing, dinosaur-loving, big-haired, loud-mouthed, short soccer player. He was given more and more reasons everyday why he shouldn't like the older boy. It always seemed that he was trying to irritate him. There was no reason at all why Yamato should even consider him a friend.
But he did consider Tai a friend. The best friend he had ever had. The best friend he would ever have. It was corny to think about it, but still true. That was the only reason he put up with Tai. It was the only reason he needed. If someone knew him as much as Tai did, and still wanted to hang out with him it was a miracle. Taichi knew almost every bad thing that had ever happened in Yamato's life. Even though he tried to keep it secret, Tai could still somehow wrench the truth out from him.
It was strange that they could fight so much and still be such good friends. Then again, he couldn't imagine being friends with Tai without all the fighting that went along with it. It was nice to be able to tell Tai exactly how he felt, even if it would make him upset. In fact, it was great to be able to just say whatever was on his mind. In many ways, Tai knew more about him than he knew himself. Tai could almost read his mind sometimes, just because Yamato had given away how he was feeling with a simple headshake or hand movement. It had freaked him out at first, but lately he had begun to rely on that ability to communicate with the brunette faster and easier.
Of course, Tai still didn't know everything that went on in Yamato's mind. Which was a good thing. A very good thing. Since a good portion of Yamato's thoughts on Tai were not of the platonic friend sort, he thought it was for the best. After all, how would he feel if Tai came up to him and told him he loved him?
...
Okay, bad example. Not only was it a nonexistent possibility, but also he would flip out. Yamato had no clue how he would react to Tai saying something along those lines. He didn't even want to think about it. He'd probably embarrass himself in some awful unimaginable way. Like squealing. Oh, God, he was sure he would do something like that. One minute, he'd be fine. The next he'd be squealing and acting completely idiotic. That would kill his reputation around school. "The guy who squeals over other guys". It just didn't have the right effect on people.
Not that he would squeal. More likely than not, he would punch Tai. Oh, that was even better. He says 'I love you', and Yamato decks him. That would really get his point across beautifully, wouldn't it? Nothing says 'I love you' like a bloody nose.
But all his thinking on this subject was fruitless. Taichi would never tell Yamato that he loved him. Yamato would never be given the chance to decide how he would react. And Taichi would never have to learn that his best friend was in love with him. Yamato would never have to see the look of disgust and revulsion that would undoubtedly cross his friend's face. He would never have to be rejected by the one person that mattered. He wouldn't be able to recover from it. The only other person that he wouldn't be able to handle rejection from was Takeru, but Yamato knew that it was coming. Sooner or later, Takeru would get a clue and ditch his older brother. With Taichi, that never had to happen. Tai wasn't smart enough to figure out that he shouldn't hang out with Yamato. The idiot actually wanted to hang out with him. As long as he never figured it out, Yamato was safe.
If he ever realized that Yamato wasn't worth the effort, Tai would ignore him. And, for some reason, that would hurt more than Takeru's rejection. Takeru was related to him by blood, after all. They could never really get away from each other, even if they wanted to. Taichi, on the other hand, could easily lose contact with Yamato. True, they were bound together by being digi-destined. But that didn't mean they always had to stay together. Or even like each other. There was no rule that said all the Chosen Children had to get along. It worked out better for the group if they did, but that didn't mean they couldn't function if there were arguments going on.
Then again, Sora had told him that when he was fighting with Tai, he was the weak link in their group. So maybe they needed to be friends in order to fight evil digimon? His crest was Friendship, after all. It sort of made sense that he had to be friends with everyone. Whether they wanted to or not.
Yamato sighed and ran a hand through his hair, unconsciously fixing it. He was certainly in a depressing mood today. It wasn't intentional, but his thoughts always seemed to drift this way. He could never let his mind wander and end up thinking happy thoughts. Oh, no- no flowers and bunnies for him. All he got was depression and anxiety. It seemed like a pretty raw deal.
His hand got caught in a small knot. He closed his eyes and let his sense of touch guide him. His fingers worked out the thin blonde strands until they were smooth. The ends of them tickled against his fingers, making a soft airy feeling run along all the small cuts on his hand. A small smile came to his lips as he concentrated on this feeling.
He blinked his eyes open to find Tai staring at him, openmouthed. Yamato was instantly annoyed. Smile vanishing, he asked, "What?"
Taichi shook his head quickly, replying, "N-Nothing." Yamato could have sworn Tai was blushing, but he turned his head to the side before he could get a really good look. "Sorry," he said, still looking away.
It was amazing. Yamato could actually feel his anger draining out of him. This was better than any stupid anger management course his father had tried dumping on him. He shrugged in response, but both boys knew the matter was settled between them.
So gym class got off to a rough start. The teacher was waiting for them, and they were forced to run an extra lap around the track during warm-up. Tai had tried arguing with the teacher about this, but to no avail. Yamato had the distinct impression that Tai didn't want him to be on his feet any more than he had to. So, thanks to their teacher, they ran an extra lap. This was torture for Yamato, whose feet were killing him by the end. He was absolutely certain that he had reopened a few of the cuts on his feet.
The never-ending dodge ball tournament continued as expected. Yamato and Taichi remained separated throughout the game. The only surprising event of the day was when a boy on Tai's team hit Yamato. He had been running slower than usual, and knew he was going to get hit. He had not been surprised when it happened. The boy was ecstatic, as he was the only person that had tagged Yamato in their entire class. Taichi glared at the boy while everyone else on their team was congratulating him. Yamato caught Tai's attention and rolled his eyes. Tai grinned in response. They both knew it never would have happened if he was as fast as usual. But as Yamato walked over to stand in 'prison', Tai shot another glare at the boy who had hit his best friend. Yamato was freed shortly thereafter, and the game went on without any other major events.
So, when the whistle blew and Yamato turned to begin walking back to the lockers, he was not surprised to find Tai hovering over him.
"Matt, are you alright?"
He rolled his eyes and frowned. "Tai, you think a little thing like that was gonna do me in? I've survived worse, as you may recall."
Tai grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, well, you know... making sure you're alright is part of my job."
Yamato raised an eyebrow to that, but didn't respond. He was somehow not surprised to find out that Taichi considered it his job to look after him. Annoyed, maybe, but not really surprised. Hey, Tai had done a good job of keeping everyone alive in the Digiworld, so he wasn't as annoyed as he might have been if someone else had made the same statement.
It took him a great deal of effort to maintain these peace-keeping thoughts. Flowers and bunnies, flowers and bunnies. If he tried, he could think positively.
"You sure you're okay?"
Although he had to wonder if it was really worth the effort.
"I'm fine, Tai," Yamato said in a tone of voice that clearly said 'shut up or die'.
Yamato pushed through the door to the locker room and heard Tai's footsteps following his own. He wanted to be mad at him for being so nosy and overprotective, but he also thought it was sweet that Tai worried about him. He was confused about why he was so confused, and all these emotions jumbled together to form one huge headache.
He rubbed his forehead with one hand and opened his locker with the other. Tai wisely stayed silent, although Yamato knew he was staring. Maybe not staring, but surreptitiously glancing in his direction every second or so. Yamato tried to ignore this, since Tai was trying to be covert. He pulled off his shirt and threw it in his locker, only to have his arm suddenly grabbed.
"What?!" Yamato asked.
Tai pulled him over to a nearby mirror and said, "Look!"
Yamato tried pulling his arm away, but Tai was too intent. "At what?!"
"Your arm!"
Yamato looked at his reflection and saw that there was a bruise forming where he had been hit. Oh, that was just fantastic. But, as there was nothing he could do about it, he pulled his arm away from Tai roughly. "Yeah, so?"
"So?!" Tai repeated, incredulous. "So that kid bruised you!"
"Yeah, well, it's called dodge ball for a reason, Tai. There's a ball. You dodge it." Yamato rolled his eyes and walked back to his locker. "It's not that complicated."
Yamato expected to hear Tai following him. When he didn't, he turned around to see what was taking him so long. Tai, however, was not there.
"Wha-" Yamato muttered to himself until he heard a loud shouting match on the other side of the room. He ran over there, already knowing what was going on.
He reached the fight just in time to see Tai punch the other kid in his stomach. The kid doubled over in pain, grasping his midsection and gasping for air. Yamato stood in shock for half of a second, then walked over and punched Tai in the arm.
"Matt!" Tai yelped, clutching his arm. "What the hell was that for?!"
"Being a complete moron," he said, glaring at Tai.
"But-"
"What did you think you were doing?!"
"Matt, I-"
The gym teacher ran over then, and began asking what had happened. Surprisingly, no one said a word about the fight. There was normally a tattletale in a group somewhere, but everyone kept their mouths shut. The teacher eventually left, just in time so that everyone would be late for the last period of the day.
Yamato walked back over to his locker once more, and finished changing quickly. Tai stood there watching him for a minute, looking hurt. Then he began to change, avoiding Yamato's eyes.
Oh, no. Tai was going through the whole 'I did something wrong, what did I do, I'm a horrible person, my best friend hates me now' thought process that Yamato knew too well. Guilt swamped over him. But Tai had acted irrationally. He had to know that.
"Tai."
No response.
"Tai, don't be like this."
"Like what?" Tai asked, monotone.
"Upset over some stupid thing. Just stop it."
"Okay."
"Tai, I mean it."
"What do you want from me, Matt?" Tai asked, turning to face him. "Someone hurt you, and I hurt him. I had to, okay? It's not something I have a choice about."
"Tai, it was just a game. This isn't the Digiworld. I'm not in any danger. You don't have to protect me."
Tai looked at him for a long moment. It was the most uncomfortable look they had ever shared. "Don't I?"
Tai closed his locker and walked away. Yamato stood there for a minute, trying to grasp what had just happened. He would have stood there longer except that he heard Tai's voice calling him.
"We'll be late if you don't hurry up."
Yamato ran to catch up to Tai, who had ruined his dramatic exit by holding the door open and waiting for him. As soon as he passed through the door, Tai slammed it shut behind him. The shorter boy stomped down the hall towards English class, glancing back once or twice to make sure his friend was following.
"Come on, Tai." He didn't respond, and Yamato sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for punching you, okay?"
Tai shook his head. "Doesn't matter."
Yamato felt small pains on his feet, and mentally cursed all dishes. He walked faster in spite of this, trying to catch up to Tai.
"It does matter."
"No, it doesn't."
"It matters to you."
"I don't care."
"Yes, you do. You wouldn't be acting this way if you didn't."
"No, I don't. Not about that."
"Then about what?"
"...Nothing."
"Tai, what is it?"
Tai didn't answer, and Yamato finally whispered what had been on his mind for the past minute. "Why are you walking so damn fast?" He hadn't expected an answer, since he assumed Tai couldn't hear him. He was pleased, but surprised, when Tai stopped and waited for him to catch up.
"Sorry," Tai mumbled quietly before continuing towards class at a slower pace than before.
Yamato shook his head. "No, it's alright. I didn't realize you heard me."
Tai shrugged. "Should've thought of it before you had to tell me."
Yamato ran a hand through his hair, pleading with himself to remain calm. "No, you shouldn't have had to slow down. It's me who's screwing up here. Not you."
"Matt, we're never gonna agree on this."
"I agree with you completely."
They walked in silence for another few seconds. "You okay?" Yamato asked once the silence became too uncomfortable.
Tai nodded. "Yeah. Just angry."
"About what?" Silence. "Come on, Tai. You can tell me."
"I know, but-"
"But what?"
"... I don't know."
Guilt ran over him once again, and Yamato touched Tai lightly on the arm. "Tai, I really am sorry about punching you."
Tai relaxed a little, and replied, "It really doesn't matter. We've hit each other before. If you want to beat me to a bloody pulp, you can. If it's you, I don't care."
"Then why are you so upset?"
"Because!" Tai shouted, turning to face his best friend. "That kid hit you, Matt."
Yamato waited for more, but it didn't come. "And?" he prompted.
"Isn't that enough?!" Tai responded. "You're already hurt from that damn dish breaking. Now your arm's bruised up."
"Tai, it was just a game."
"But you HATE dodge ball!"
"Well, it's gym. Everyone's got to play."
"Well, you shouldn't have to."
"I don't have a choice."
"It's not right!"
Yamato rolled his eyes. "Tai, it's fine. This is the first and, believe me, last time I'll be hit during this stupid game."
"But it wouldn't have happened at all if you didn't have to play."
"So is that what this is? You're mad because I had to play dodge ball?" Yamato asked incredulously.
"No!" Tai replied. "I'm mad 'cause you got hurt!"
"EVERYBODY gets hurt playing dodge ball, Tai. It's part of the game."
"I didn't get hurt."
"Well, you're not everybody. Besides, I punched you, remember?"
"That doesn't count."
"It so does."
"No, it doesn't."
"Dude, it counts."
"That doesn't even matter. I don't care if I get hit."
"But you get all upset if I get hit?"
Tai shrugged. They both began walking again, neither one wanting to be any later for English than they absolutely had to be.
"Look Tai, I'm going to tell you this once. That's all. If you don't understand the first time, I won't repeat it, so pay attention." At Tai's nod, Yamato continued. "I don't care if you don't care. I care if you get hit. Just like you care if I get hit. So, we both got hit, and we both feel like shit because of it. That's what's going on. I refuse to feel like shit tonight, so you'd better get over this before then."
"... You care if I get hit?"
"YES! Idiot."
"Even though you're the one who hit me?"
"Not my fault. Your idiocy forced it upon me."
Tai might have replied, but they were standing just outside their classroom. Yamato pulled open the door and apologized to the teacher for the both of them. They got to their seats as their teacher started a new scene in Romeo & Juliet. Yamato followed along for the first few minutes, but eventually found himself spacing out. He just wasn't interested in it at all. He had already read the whole play, and he knew it well enough to be bored when they discussed it in class.
He put his head on his hands and looked out the window. The wind was blowing the tree branches around wildly. It was the time of year when half of the trees were completely bare, and the other half were full of colorful leaves. Browning grass filled the entire school yard. Spots of red and yellow were randomly scattered around on the ground, due to leaves that were holding onto the grass despite the strong current that was ready and waiting to sweep them away. Maybe they were trying to hold on to whatever was left of everything had ever known.
After all, they had lived all their lives in this one tree, looking and feeling exactly the same. Suddenly, they begin to change colors. It was probably exciting at first, especially since all of their friends were changing too. But then one of their friends fell down to the ground that was so far below the rest of them. And, one by one, each of the remaining leaves were forced from everything they had ever known. Each of the leaves knew it would be their turn soon. It was stressful, waiting for the inevitable. He could understand that. And once he realized that he was sympathizing with leaves, he immediately turned his head the opposite way.
To find Taichi staring straight at him. Tai grinned. Yamato rolled his eyes. Why, oh why, did he have to have an idiot like Tai for his best friend? Not only that, but he had to go and fall in love with the moron? Or at least, a horribly strong, completely unreasonable crush that threatened to overwhelm him at any given moment. And he felt like that over some stupid boy who never paid attention in class, always put himself in danger, never thought about the consequences of his actions, and thought a soccer ball was more important than oxygen. There were times he really doubted the sanity of his hormones.
But, looking at Tai, he couldn't help but smile a little in response. The boy was just so damn friendly. How could someone possibly be that friendly? It just didn't make any sense. No one was ever as good to him as Tai was. Even when they fought, he always knew they would get over it later.
His mind was going in circles today. He couldn't think straight. Oh, boy, he hoped to God that he didn't start acting all mushy and sentimental suddenly. That would be just perfect.
Tai looked at him, and Yamato knew instantly that the other boy wanted to know what was wrong with him. Not that anything was wrong. Oh, no, nothing was wrong. Wanting to pull your best friend down on top of you and scream 'Fuck me now!!' was perfectly normal. He was sure everyone felt the same as he did. Oh, yes, uh huh, he was absolutely SURE that everyone had the same sort of platonic best friend thoughts that he did.
Which was, of course, why he kept them locked inside as far away from the light of day as possible.
Yamato just shrugged in response to Tai and scribbled a quick note.
'You're gonna fail the test.'
He handed it over to Tai, who read it and scribbled something else.
'What test?'
Yamato slapped a hand on his forehead to keep from hitting the other boy.
'Romeo and Juliet'
'Who cares? U ok?'
When Yamato saw that in Tai's scribble that almost might have passed for handwriting in some foreign culture, he didn't know how to respond. Was he okay? No, hell no. No, he was not okay. But he couldn't tell Taichi that. Oh no, if it was Yamato's choice Tai would never find out what the hell was wrong with him. Tai didn't have to know his father was always gone when it mattered the most for him to be there, conversation between his little brother and him was frequently strained and uncomfortable, he would never be able to see his Digimon partner ever again, he had no idea why he was alive, he had no idea what he would be doing in the future, and, oh yeah, he was in love with his best friend, who also happened to carry the Y chromosome. Yep, all things Tai definitely didn't need to know.
But he had never lied to his best friend before, and he wasn't about to start now. Well, okay, maybe he had lied once or twice, but only when it was absolutely necessary. His usual responses to questions he couldn't answer wouldn't work with a note. He couldn't write 'whatever' or shrug. So, he wrote back the only thing he could think of.
'Don't be an idiot!'
Tai read it and smiled broadly. Yes, Yamato thought happily. The boy was easily distracted today. Another day of Taichi's ignorance in certain areas of his life that needed to remain hidden.
It was a good day.
'Can't help it.'
Yamato rolled his eyes at Tai's usual response, and crinkled the paper in his hand, signaling the end of the conversation. He returned to staring blankly into space, hoping that the teacher wasn't going over anything urgent.
Tai was also staring into space, although that space seemed to be very close to Yamato's face. Another day he would have been irritated, but he had enough of being upset at his friend today. Besides, Yamato was used to spacing out in class and passing. Taichi was used to spacing out in class and failing. That should have told Tai something, but it didn't. He had to wonder how much his friend wanted to graduate.
Tai was still ignoring the lesson when class ended. Yamato knew that the teacher had noticed their inattention, but for some reason wasn't saying anything. Maybe he wanted to cut them some slack? Not likely. Tai was always goofing off in class. Always had, always will. Most teachers didn't really appreciate that.
"Matt?"
Yamato's head jerked up, and he noticed the classroom was empty. When had that happened? Damn it, and he had called Tai spacey?
Tai just looked at him. "What are you doing?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. We'll be late for detention." He reached down to grab his book bag, only to find it missing. "Where'd I-"
Tai grabbed his arm and gently pulled him up. "Matt, come on!"
"Wait, I need to find my- Tai."
"Huh?"
"What are you doing with that?" He pointed to his book bag, which he had just noticed was slung over his best friend's shoulder.
"Carrying it."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "'Cause you limp when you walk."
Yamato narrowed his eyes. "I do not!"
"You do too."
Yamato opened his mouth to complain more, but sighed instead. Tai was absolutely hopeless today. He insisted on being helpful, even when Yamato didn't want or need the help.
Tai kept the light grip on Yamato's arm and pulled him out of the classroom. He just let the shorter boy drag him around, knowing that Tai would throw a fit if he didn't get his way. Plus, it really wasn't all that bad to feel Tai's hand on his arm. Not bad at all. Maybe even a little good.
Which was a problem he would worry about later. No need to focus on his freakishness now, right?
Yamato followed Taichi down the hall, glancing around to make sure nobody was watching. If anyone saw him like this, he'd flip out. No one had ever seen him act weak in his entire life, and he certainly wasn't going to let it happen now. Tai was the only exception to this, which he himself hated but his friend seemed to enjoy endlessly. For some reason, Tai liked being able to be with Yamato when he was at his worst. Why would anybody want to be around someone who was weak? He was just a liability. It didn't make any sense.
The hand on his arm tightened, and Yamato looked up. Tai was looking at him. Immediately self-conscious, he glared at Tai and said, "What?!"
"What's with you today?"
"Nothing. Nothing's with me." God, he hated it when Tai asked him how he was. Why should anyone care how he was feeling anyway? Especially him... Ugh, it all just didn't make any sense.
Tai sighed. "Again with the 'I'm big and bad and tough and cool'. It really pisses me off sometimes, you know?"
"Well, excuse me for being such a burden on you," Yamato replied, trying not to feel a small sting from the words.
Tai groaned. "Do you always have to take everything the wrong way?"
Yamato remained silent. Tai was looking at him, and he glared back. Now this was something he was used to- glaring at Tai. Yamato was proud of his ability to glare for extended periods of time. He could glare at anyone for hours on end, but with Tai he could go for days. The boy just inspired all the wrong sorts of feelings in him, and it made it all the easier to glare.
"Well?"
Yamato rolled his eyes. "Yes, Taichi, I do manipulate everything you say. You're absolutely right."
Ah, sarcasm. Another art he had perfected. With that and glaring, he was set for life.
Taichi just shook his head. "I hope you get over this when we're in detention. I don't think I'll be able to deal with you being bitchy all night."
Yamato blinked, then growled. "I'm not being bitchy!"
"Sure, Matt."
"Tai, don't patronize me."
"Umm... okay."
Yamato rolled his eyes. "You have no idea what I just said, do you?"
"Nope."
"It means don't act like I'm lower than you, or that you're better than me."
"Well, I'm not. We're equal."
"I know that! That's the whole point!"
"The point of what?"
They both blinked at each other waiting for an answer. When none came, they turned and continued walking. Silence passed between them for a few moments until Tai said, "That was a weird conversation."
Yamato nodded in agreement, and the subject was dropped.
They met the lucky teacher who would be watching them just outside the classroom door.
"You two just made it," she said. "Hurry up. We've got a whole hour of fun ahead of us."
"Oh, woo-hoo," Yamato said in monotone. Tai grinned at her and pulled Yamato inside.
"Could you at least TRY not to piss off the teacher?" Tai asked, still grinning.
"Yes, but I'd rather sit back and look cool, aloof, and disinterested in life in general. The ladies like it. It makes me seem sexy."
Tai laughed before he could help it, then smiled sheepishly at the look he got from the teacher. He punched Yamato gently, knowing that he was being carefully watched by the Power That Was. Namely, the only person in the room who could let them all leave after only ten minutes.
They were lucky that their teacher was fairly nice. She allowed them all to sit wherever they wanted to, as long as they remained completely silent. She told them not to disturb her, and then began to grade papers. Yamato knew from past experience that keeping quiet was the best way to get through detention. If you spoke, the teacher tended to notice that you weren't doing what you were supposed to be doing, and then you got in trouble.
He sat down next to the window, and Tai took the seat next to his. Yamato turned his head and looked outside for the second time that day. This time, he let his thoughts wander freely, hoping that they would occupy him enough to take up an hour.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Beautiful.
...
That was really the only word for describing him.
Completely, truly, utterly, wildly, absolutely, wholly, entirely, totally, thoroughly, perfectly, clearly, flawlessly, crazily, faultlessly, captivatingly, comprehensively, severely, intensely, delightfully, charmingly, appealingly, impeccably, immaculately, unconditionally, painstakingly, exhaustively, painfully, alluringly, sublimely, exquisitely, acutely, deeply, profoundly, genuinely, authentically, legitimately, divinely, wonderfully, astonishingly, superlatively, impeccably, surpassingly, matchlessly, consummately, notably, strangely, preeminently, principally, remarkably, specifically, strikingly, unaccountably, uniquely, ideally, splendidly, actively, frantically, relentlessly, rigorously, urgently, agonizingly, inconveniently, embarrassingly, ludicrously, outrageously, outstandingly, supremely, deliriously, distractedly, irrationally, unreasonably, distinctively, uncontrollably, boldly, passionately, tempestuously, unbearably, heartbreakingly, intoxicatingly, excruciatingly, exceptionally, exceedingly, extremely, entrancingly, exotically, erotically, sensually, seductively, mind-numbingly beautiful.
...
And people said he wouldn't pass English- HA!
But it was Yama, and he couldn't help it.
He glanced over and saw the blonde staring out the window. The light fell on him from the open blinds, and a small breeze drifted in through the barely opened window. Soft, silky smooth strands of hair played gently around his face. Each strand seemed to move of its own accord, rising up and falling back down in slow motion to a mysterious rhythm that it alone knew. They glided around his face as if they had memorized his features, and knew exactly where to go.
A lithe hand came up and pushed several strands behind a perfect pale ear. Each finger pressed lightly against the side of his face, then began a fast descent along the edge of his ear. The pale fingers moved swiftly, dexterous after years of practice. They pulled away too soon, leaving a few blonde locks quaking in their absence.
The hand moved up to rest against the side of a face that would never leave his memory, ever. Even if he couldn't see it now, he knew exactly what it looked like. Head slightly tilted into his hand, the blonde continued staring out the window.
The look of those eyes was burned into his soul. The very eyes that were staring so intently on probably nothing at all. Cold eyes. Ice cold, without any hint of compassion in them. A blue so intense that it scalded. A color so unreal that it had no name. Devastatingly distant often, chokingly emotional almost never, clouded over with thought sometimes, sparkling with sarcasm at least eight times a day. They hazed over with hidden emotion even more, which made his heart ache. They narrowed at almost everything, and widened only when surprised or taken aback. Almost always half-closed, they were only completely open during late afternoon. They hesitantly allowed themselves to show emotion in front of someone else after spending many hours with and trusting that person. They were constantly ready to throw a mask up, and sometimes did so even when trying not to. No matter what, the ice blue could easily frighten and excite others, and did so often. Whether they knew they had this effect or not was still a mystery.
As were most other things about this paragon. Although he knew some things about the blonde, there were still things that mystified him. Such as why he closed himself off to those that he should be trusting. Even now, instead of exchanging stupid looks with his friend, he was staring out the window. If it was any of his other friends, they would both be looking at each other and trying to converse without speaking. It would certainly make the time go faster. But with his best friend, the only person that he was completely fascinated by, things were different.
Things were always different if Yama was involved.
There was never an easy way to do anything with him. He always had to argue, or complain, or mutter angrily. That those lips could utter such harsh and cruel words constantly amazed him. They looked like they should only speak the softest and most carefully thought out words. Defiling them with snide comments and obscenities seemed wrong. Other people could use their mouths for such things, but not him. His lips were too good for that. They were always redder when it got too cold, and paler during the summer heat. He occasionally flicked his tongue over them to keep them wet, and was known to bite his lower lip while he debated some unknown problem. They were constantly chapped during the winter, and thus were daily assaulted with an obscene amount of chapstick- cherry, for the flavor, not color. More than once they had been spilt open by someone's hard fist, someone who had ended up lying on the floor seriously injured less than a minute later. Then those lips would turn a deep, deep red from both blood and anger. He might wipe the blood away with his hand, or just let it slowly run down his chin. Either way, his lips maintained that color for the next few days, until the small imperfection finally healed over. He knew instinctively that there must by tiny lines running along his lips, as there were on everyone else's, but he had never gotten close enough to see this for himself. He had seen them pressed together in frustration or disappointment, parted slightly from shock or a wandering mind, and twisted up in every sort of smirk imaginable. He treasured the rare times he was allowed to see them curved upwards in small smiles. Not the big smiles that sometimes showed up, accenting perfectly aligned and whiter than white teeth, as those were mainly for people who did not know Yama at all. It was the small ones that let him know his friend was pleased, but was too embarrassed to show it. Those pale red, smoothed over lips only seemed good for one thing...
One thing that he couldn't really think about.
But Yama's face, now that he could think about. He could think about when he had seen a blush creep along the curves of that face. It wasn't often, and when it happened it was almost always from anger or an illness. When Yama was sick, his face turned red almost instantaneously, from the heat of the fever. But that was a different sort of blush. Blushing from anger happened another way. When he became angry- truly angry, not just showed the temper that he always had- the reddish tinge would spread upwards from his neck. It traveled along the sides of his face and met in the middle in a sudden collision. It happens so quickly, though, that it appeared to happen all at once. But he knew better. Yama never did anything all at once. Everything happened in stages. The striking boy wasn't a casual sort of person. Even when he blushed from embarrassment, it wasn't that sudden red that most people turn. The tips of his ears became a slight pink at first, which he knew infuriated the blonde. Then the pink would slowly spread down until his ears were completely covered with it. The color would deepen a little, and travel high across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Then it would fade a little until it flared up dramatically in his forehead and the bottom of his cheeks. Of course, it almost never got the chance to go that far. Most people never saw Yama when he was that far gone, but he knew it happened. He had seen it a few times, and each time it had made him smile.
What would it be like, to be the reason that blush occurred? For his friend to glance up at him, a surprised look carefully hidden on his face. A thought that the boy wouldn't want known would make its way into his head, and the dusting of pink would cross over his ears. He would watch as it traveled the well-known route, and as Yama tried to fight it off. His lips would part slightly, surprised at the direction his thoughts were going. Only a small parting, but there nonetheless. His eyes would widen fractionally, and become a blue so intense he wouldn't be able to hold that color for long. A hand would come up, unconsciously fixing the strands of blonde that threatened to revolt against their carefully structured prison. The strands would stay still just long enough for the hand to leave, then they would move again. But Yama would not move, still too intent on his thought that was secret enough to make him act in ways that made his imagination run wild.
Then the blush would lessen, disappearing as all wondrous things must. It would fade from that face slowly, almost regretting its' own departure. The lips would come back together, and curl slightly in recognition of a longtime friend. Those cold eyes would lose that spectacular color much too soon, instead warming to a non-lethal blue at the presence of a familiar face. His hand would rise once more, this time in a slight gesture of greeting. It would completely ignore the blonde wisps that darted around freely, daring to try and escape from the ever-present confines they were held in. Their freedom would be short-lived, but joyously remembered. And then a voice would speak that had invaded his dreams countless times, and he would shiver slightly at the knowledge that it was directed at him.
And all of this would happen because of him. Because the blonde had looked up and seen him standing there. Because the thoughts that ran through his mind when he was alone were suddenly being shared with this beautiful person. Because the blonde thought about his friend in ways that he shouldn't, and yet couldn't stop. Because he felt the same way, yet was too afraid to ever say anything.
And for once in his life, everything would make sense. Their thoughts would merge, and they would come together in ways that he hardly dared to dream of. Eyes staring into eyes, lips crushing against lips, and fingers darting along bare skin.
He instinctively knew it would never happen. He knew that such things were only desperate fantasies and daydreams at best. Often they were the worst and most vivid dark desires which plagued him at night. But he couldn't forget, didn't want to lose such images. Even if they were meant only to torture him, he clung to them like a drowning man clings to a small piece of driftwood. They were available to him now, and he would take them and use them for all he was worth. Soon enough they would be swept away and he would be left to drown.
It was probably wrong of him to think like this. It was probably something that would get him in serious trouble if he ever said anything out loud. Just like his secret nickname. Yama would never agree to it if he heard it. There was just no way. And he would, ironically, never get enough courage to ask. He called him Matt out of habit and affection, but he thought Yama out of love.
He had said it more than once, accidentally. When they had been arguing, and his mouth was working faster than his mind was. But Yama had never caught it, and if he had, he had never said anything. The blonde always threw himself into arguments with more gusto than anything else he did, except for his music.
Oh, music. That was the one thing that Yama was addicted to. The boy could listen for hours on end to anything. He loved all types of music. Classical, folk, country, jazz, R&B, dance, techno, pop, hip-hop, punk, ska- he loved them all. But he especially loved rock and roll. It was his passion, his reason to live another day. He had already mastered the harmonica according to the digidestined, but he said he still needed more practice. Now, however, he was focusing more on rock and roll. He learned how to play the guitar so he could perform more rock songs, and practiced singing whenever he was alone. Whenever he asked if he could listen to Yama sing, he was flatly refused. Yama was still too self-conscious.
But he had overheard, once or twice, when the blonde was singing softly while walking up to his house, or when he was humming while he worked on some project that didn't require his attention. And he always listened when the boy sang along to a song on the radio. The soft voice always captivated him, drawing him into the melody faster than any popular band could. It was low and smooth and bittersweet and everything he could have ever wanted in someone's voice. The high notes leapt off of a cliff and flew for unknown seconds before crashing back down. The low notes shouted at him from caverns that echoed the sound around tenfold, reverberating within his mind. One of his fondest wishes was to hear that voice singing to him, loudly and clearly and beautifully like he knew it would.
It was getting harder and harder to continue being friends with Yama. They would be at the mall, window shopping due to a never-ceasing lack of money. Yama would point out something that he wanted, and the urge to buy it as a surprise swept over him without warning. Disappointment took its place as they both moved on, knowing full well that the desired item would be forgotten by tomorrow. They would be at a restaurant, laughing over some stupid thing. The people next to them would ask for one milkshake, and would share it with two straws in that way that was so corny but he desperately wanted to try. And then their waitress would come up, and they would each order a separate milkshake. They would be in a movie theater, watching some flick that one or the other had wanted to see. He would be able to feel Yama sitting so close to him, their hands brushing against each other as they shared an armrest and an extra-large bag of buttered, salted, and highly fattening popcorn. A couple would be sitting nearby, and suddenly one hand would go around someone's shoulders. That person would lean into the embrace, and both would be content. His own hand itched to cover Yama's shoulders like that, but instead it gripped the armrest tighter. Yama felt the pressure and moved his hand slightly away. Both continued to watch the movie, popcorn long forgotten. They would be sitting in his living room, watching television. Yama would be leaning against the couch that he was lounging on. Some commercials would come on, and the blonde would let his head fall back in frustration. He would feel a slight pressure where Yama's head fell, and stared at the soft hair that was so close. He would reach out and touch it, gently, twisting a few strands around his fingers. The blonde would lean into him a little more, for some reason comforted by the movement. And Hikari would walk in, and his hand would drop. And she would ask what they were doing, and they would say nothing. And she would shrug and wander away innocently, and his hand would stay at his side, and Yama's head would lift up when the commercials ended.
And all of these happened often enough that it was like a physical pain inside of him. Only it wasn't physical, it wasn't and never would be. And he would have to accept that someday.
Maybe not today. But someday soon, he'd have to accept the fact that Yama would never want him the way he wanted to be wanted.
And that would hurt more than all the physical pain in the world ever could.
But it wasn't that day yet.
It was still today, and today he could still dream.
And he did.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Detention seemed to take forever. It was a relief when the teacher finally stood up and said they could all leave.
Yamato turned his head to look at Tai, only to find Tai staring at him. Not just looking, but staring. He immediately ran over his behavior in the last hour. Had he been acting weird? Had he done anything wrong? He couldn't think of anything, but he could never be sure. He always seemed to make people uncomfortable, even when he wasn't trying to.
"Tai?"
No response. Yamato narrowed his eyes at the brunette.
"Tai."
"..."
"Tai!"
Tai's head snapped up, and he blinked. "Huh?"
"It's time to go."
"What?"
"Detention is over, Tai," he replied, enunciating as clearly as possible. "We can leave now. Unless you really feel like hanging around for a few more hours, then sure. Why not?"
"Oh, uh... sorry," Tai said, blushing. "I was just, uh, thinking."
Yamato rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, think somewhere else, okay?" He grabbed his book bag before Tai could and swung it over his shoulders. He caught the look Tai gave him and ignored it. "Let's go already."
"Matt," Tai said, and held out his hand. "Give it to me."
Yamato rolled his eyes and walked towards the door.
"Matt."
"I'm leaving now, Tai."
"And just how, exactly, are you planning on getting into my house?"
"..."
"Because that's where we're going, right? To my house to hang out, right?"
"...Shut up, Tai." A triumphant grin spread across his friend's face, and Yamato sighed. "Well, come on then."
They walked out of the classroom together, stopping briefly at their lockers before leaving the hated learning institution completely. When they were finally outside again, Yamato took a deep breathe of air. The cold air felt great, brushing against his face slightly like that. He was glad that Tai had let him carry his own book bag, but it meant that they were walking even slower than normal. Which might have been a bad thing on any other day, but today he felt that it was quite alright to waste time by walking with Tai. Especially when Tai kept glancing at him and looking away. It was fun to watch him do that. He had absolutely no idea why the boy would be trying to surreptitiously glance at him, but it was amusing nonetheless. He debated whether or not to mention this to Tai. He probably would have, but Tai would have stopped, and the amusement would have ceased as well. That was not an option, so he let Tai think that he was being stealthy. It was very entertaining.
Of course, he was not glancing at Tai. Oh, no, he was staring straight ahead and occasionally checking what his friend was doing out of the corner of his eyes. Tai would never notice. It was a genius plan.
They continued walking in silence next to each other, both content to just spend time in the other's company. Most days they chatted on about something or other, but days that they walked quietly next to each other were rare. Especially this sort of peaceful quiet. Most times they were silent, it was because they had just fought. But this type of relaxing atmosphere soothed Yamato over more than lying in bed all day could have. He enjoyed the change of pace, and convinced himself not to worry about what Tai thought of him for a few moments. Which was another rarity in itself. Worrying about what others thought of him, or rather how little they thought of him, was a constant source of discomfort for the blonde. But then, it seemed that most things could easily worry him.
But he wasn't going to think about that now. He wasn't going to think anything like that for the next day or so. Nope. He wasn't. When he was at Tai's house, he would act normal. He would be able to watch movies and joke around and play a stupid board game and suffer through horrible cooking and sleep in the same room as his friend and not go up to him and not beg to be held and not cry and not look at him and not think about how beautiful he was. Yep, he'd be able to do all of that.
Easily.
He just had to start it now. If he waited until he got to Tai's house, it would be too late. They'd be in Tai's territory, and Yamato knew he didn't have much of a say over what went on while they were at the brunette's house. Tai always went through the trouble of finding stuff for them to do, so he felt bad about throwing a wrench in the plans.
Besides, anything he wanted to do was fine. As long as he could spend time with Tai. That was what really mattered. Even if he tried to ignore that it mattered, he knew it did. And he was happy that Tai hadn't pushed him away yet.
One day soon he would slip. He would say or do something that would disgust his friend, and he'd be left alone. Not that he wasn't alone now, but it was nice to pretend. He could convince himself that Tai really did like him, and it wasn't just some sort of game to screw with his mind. That was the sort of thing he could expect from his mother, but not Tai. His friend would never turn on him like that.
But then, he would have said the same thing years ago. Before everything with his parents happened, he would have sworn that his mother would always love him. Maybe she still did, and he just didn't get it. That was probably it. He was probably just too stupid to understand what was going on. He tried to understand, but he could never figure it out until it was time to make a choice. And he always, always made the wrong one.
It was one of the few things he could count on in life.
Another thing was the fact that no one needed him. At first he had tried to deny this, but after years of evidence he just couldn't keep up the façade any longer. It was obvious that people could make do just fine without him around. His brother seemed to be doing fine, and they only saw each other once a week. He never saw his mother if he could help it, and she seemed happier without him. His father always left whenever possible. He said it was to make more money, but what if that wasn't really it? He knew his father loved him. In a way, he did know that. It was just hard sometimes- to remember.
And his friends were better off without him. He was always the one who caused problems. But he couldn't stop. He needed to let them know what he thought. If they liked him when he wasn't acting at all like himself, well, then they didn't really like him, did they? But if only hid small portions of himself, then that was okay. Because they knew and liked most of him.
But really, they did so much better when he wasn't around. What did he ever do for them? Nothing they couldn't have done on their own. He was needed in the digital world, but here in reality he wasn't. He really, really wasn't.
"Hey, Matt?"
"Hmm?"
"What are you thinking about?"
"... Nothing." And he was, really. He was thinking about nothing. Nothing. He wasn't thinking about anything at all.
"Hmm..."
"..."
"Why is it that whenever you say that I get the feeling you're lying to me?"
"Don't know."
"Well, maybe I should just try and relax more?"
"Yeah... maybe."
"So, are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine, Tai."
"Yeah, but you know how you get when stuff like this happens."
"..."
"... You know, you never tell me when anything's wrong. If you get hurt, you just ignore it until it's either gone or already too far gone to do anything about."
"..."
"It worries me sometimes, that you won't just let me know if you need help."
"..."
"We're friends, right Matt?"
"...Yeah."
"Well, then, you should be able to tell me when something's on your mind or if you're feeling shitty. That's what friends do. They help each other out when stuff gets too much to handle, you know?"
"..."
"And if anything gets too much for you to handle, well, I'm right here."
"..."
"I'll be here forever, Matt. If you ever need me, I'll be here."
"..."
"You don't have to worry about acting cool in front me or anything. I don't care about that sort of thing."
"..."
"I care about making sure you're feeling better."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"You're not feeling better, are you?"
"..."
"I just... I feel so useless when you won't talk to me about the stuff that's bothering you. You know I'll listen, don't you?"
"I know."
"Then why-"
"I just can't sometimes."
"..."
"..."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Can you tell me why?"
He sighed. "Tai, can we drop this subject? Please?"
"Okay, Matt. Sure. Whatever you want."
"I'm not a fucking mental case, you know."
"I know that."
"You don't have to act like a therapist to deal with me."
"You're right."
"I know I am! You can talk to me like a normal person. You don't have to be so fucking nice all the damn time!"
"But I want to be nice."
"Why?!"
"Because I care about you."
"..."
"..."
"Oh."
Tai smiled. "I rented, like, ten movies last night. You wanted to see "Queen of the Damned" and "Memento", right?" Yamato nodded. "Good, I thought that was them. I also picked up the new Kare Kano DVD. Oh, yeah, and I rented that chick flick that was really popular a while ago... um... something about remembering and walking. I'll think of it."
"... "A Walk to Remember"?"
"That's it! Wow, Matt, you're good."
"It wasn't hard to put it together, Tai."
Tai smiled and laughed a little. "See, that's what I love about you."
Yamato felt his heart speed up and forced himself to remain calm. "What?" he asked, trying to sound disinterested.
"You're always there to point out every mistake I make. All the stupid things I do you have been witness to. Well, maybe not all of them, but-"
Yamato looked at Tai incredulously. "You mean there are MORE?!"
Once again Tai flashed his pearly whites. "Yep. There's lots of stupid stuff I do that you don't even know about."
An eyebrow raised. "Really?"
"Oh, yeah, like just the other day I was going down the science hallway in school, and-" Tai stopped short.
"And what, Tai? Please, continue."
"Oh, no, that's okay. It wasn't important, not really."
"Hmm..."
But Tai got off lucky, as far as Yamato was concerned. By then, they were at Tai's house, and he was able to run in front of the blonde as an excuse to open the door. He unlocked it and waited for Yamato. When the blonde didn't come up behind him immediately, he glanced back over his shoulder to see what was keeping the boy. He frowned when he saw Yamato stepping on the steps gingerly.
"Matt?"
"Just... wait."
Yamato ground his teeth together, quickly realizing that Tai's steps were not going to be pleasant to walk up. His feet were already in pain from walking all that time, but he was able to ignore it until he had to cross this hurdle. Mentally preparing himself for the small battle, he began to walk up the stairs.
Until he felt himself being lifted up into the air.
"T-TAI!!" Yamato yelled, trying to keep a blush off of his face. "What are you doing?!"
Tai had one hand under Yamato's knees, and the other holding the blonde's neck and shoulders to his chest. He was smiling, and Yamato desperately hoped he would be put down soon. This made him feel weak, and he hated it.
"I'm carrying you into my house, Matt. Duh."
Yamato snarled and struggled to get out of Tai's arms. "Well, put me down!!"
"Matt, you're only making this more difficult than it has to be."
"More difficult, my ass! I CAN walk, you know!"
"Really? Didn't look that way to me."
"Tai-"
Yamato stopped his protest when he saw a neighbor look out from a window. The old woman smiled at him and called out, "Oh, would you look at that! Little Taichi from across the street is carrying a girl home. Oh, isn't that just the cutest thing." She turned her head inside and screamed louder than he was prepared for, "VINCENT!! VINCENT, COME OVER HERE!! TAICHI'S GOT A CUTE GIRLFRIEND!! COME AND SEE THIS!!"
Yamato knew he was blushing like mad, and he immediately buried his face in Tai's shirt. Tai grinned and whispered, "See, Matt? You made so much commotion that the neighbors heard you." Then he turned around, waving a little before shouting, "Hi Mrs. Minerley! How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine dear. But look at you! You've got quite a cutie there!" She was smiling broadly, and Yamato had never had the urge to harm someone so much in such a short amount of time before.
Much to Yamato's dismay, Tai kept up the conversation. "Yep, she's a real looker!" Yamato stiffened in Tai's arms, but Tai was grinning down at him. "She's definitely too hot for me to handle!"
Mrs. Minerley suddenly frowned. "Are your parents home, dear?"
"No, they're going to be out tonight. But don't worry, they let her stay over before."
"Really? Hmm... I don't know. Maybe I should come over-"
Tai suddenly shouted, "NO! NO, IT'S OKAY! MY MOM'S COMING HOME AT EIGHT TONIGHT!"
"Oh, really?" The old woman looked relieved. "Well, that's nice."
"Yep."
Yamato did the only thing he was capable of doing. He bit Tai in the stomach, hard. He felt Tai wince and tasted a small amount of blood. Well, good. The bastard deserved it.
"Okay," Tai called, still smiling. "We'll be going now."
"Good-bye, dears. Have a good time!"
"Oh, we will," Tai replied. Then he darted up the stairs, apparently not weighed down at all by Yamato, and kicked open the door to his house. Once they were inside, he leaned back on it to close it behind them.
Author's Note (part 2): Guess who found a use for thesaurus.com. Go on, guess. I'll give you a hint- it's the person who wrote this fic.
.....
Give up? It's me!! ^.~* I bet you'll guess where I put all my synonyms, too. Hee hee hee. Are there enough words in the English language to describe Yama's beauty? I don't THINK so. ^__^*
Yeah, I know it's a weird ending, but oh well. -///- Also, Mrs. Minerley is my grandmother, and Vincent's my grandfather. Heehee... ^_^;;;
Yay for reviews!! Thanks go to Yagamigirl, who not only left an awesome squeal-worthy review, but also was the first to review chapter 2. Wow, I feel all sorts of warm and cuddly inside when people start to praise me. ^///^ Yeah, the scene with the dishes was difficult to get across. You can't come out and say 'so he fell on some broken dishes and angsted for a while'. That doesn't really work. -_-;;; Don't worry about the sleepover... too much. Yama's got lots of angst left to go through!! I've got lots of opinions on everything you said!! ^__^* I know that was random. My randomness amazes even me. 0_o;;; Yeah, my love's life sucks, I know. Poor Yama might not even know what 'it' is himself. We'll just have to wait and see. ^.~* Don't worry, it's not ending anytime soon. Tai's reactions to Yama are priceless- at least they are when I imagine them. If you insist on throwing yourself at my feet, then I guess I could post this now instead of later. *sighs* But ONLY because you've thrown yourself at my feet. Or money. If you ever feel like throwing money at me, don't restrain yourself. I'll take it. I have no shame. ^///^*;
Chibi Neko-chan, was this better? I tried making it longer, but I just randomly pick a spot to stop at. As you could probably tell. -_-;;;
Thanks Sillie!! I'm working on this as opposed to my essay. Hee hee- procrastination? Who, me?
peta- yep, I think everyone loves Yamato being angsty. Isn't it so fun?? ^__^* Koushiro is an important character, but he won't appear much. Don't worry- it's all planned out in my mind. MWAHAHAHAHA... ha.
Aloh Dark- okay, I must know this story. I have my own story involving an old guy with a shotgun, a woman who sent two rabid dogs after my friends and me, and me running into a tree. I won't go into details, though. Use your imagination. But that did not involve cut up feet. Nope, I got the chicken pox on the bottom of my feet. THAT sucked. Everytime I walked for, like, a week, I was totally moaning and whining. It was pretty terrible. That was my inspiration. ^_^* Of course Yama's an ass! Isn't that part of his appeal? His bastard-ness? Tai's just concerned, and Yama-koi can't see that. They're both idiots, in my opinion. And, yes, numbing of brains is a school conspiracy!! YAY FOR ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARISM!! I don't really know if that makes sense or not, but I just wanted to use the longest word I know in a sentence. ^__^* Thanks for the long review!! I love them so much!!!!! (squeal worthy reviews, that is)
nEo-cHaN, thanks for the review!! And, I do think it's boring. I mean, it's important, and I like their interaction, but nothing fun is happening. You know, relatively... umm, yeah. But I'm glad YOU like it, since that's what's important!! Not that I don't like it, but... *sighs in confusion* Oh, you know what I mean. Why did I not get a death threat? *pouts* It would serve you right if I didn't put this up until another month from now!! Where is my inspiration to continue if I have no stalkers? *sigh*
I thoroughly enjoy reviews that just tell me what you were thinking as you were reading. And long reviews! I LOVE LONG REVIEWS!!!! Please, keep it coming!! ^.~*
End- note- I just finished writing this and I'm sick. *hack* I'm dying. *wheeze* Don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I'm hacking a lung up over here. *cough* *cough* I just got the Bon Jovi CD "Bounce" and the new Our Lady Peace CD. They both rock, but Bon Jovi rocks more. ^__^* Oh, and all of you should go to . This is a webcomic that features vampire bishounen yaoi goodness. That's all I'm saying. ^.~*
I was going to leave it like that, but decided that someone could sue me for that. *Sighs* So, NO, I don't own Digimon. Okay?!
THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED COMPLETELY TO JULIAN FROM THE COMPUTER CENTER AT MY COLLEGE!! HE SAVED THIS FROM UTTER AND COMPLETE DESTRUCTION AT THE HANDS OF MY ETERNAL ENEMIES- MICROSOFT WORD AND FLOPPY DISCS!! HE SPENT HOURS FIXING MY DISC SO THAT EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN WAS NOT LOST!!! YAY FOR JULIAN!!!!!!!
Author's Note: Okay, I just uploaded the second part five seconds ago, so I have not gotten any reviews yet. Umm.. I should let you all know the wonderful thing I have found. Daniel Johns of silverchair- yeah, he IS Yamato, okay? You all must look at him. I was totally unaware that Yamato had a clone. I went out and bought the CD. It's good. Yep, that's right. He's the lead vocalist and guitarist in a rock band. Also, he's lanky/skinny, and he's SUCH a pretty boy. Bishounen is not the right word, it's more than that. He was depressed, but got out of it due to falling in love. And he's tall. And he's hot! I'm talking, DAMN HOT!!!!! I MEAN, HELLO?!?!?!? How Yamato IS he?
You all might have already known this. Maybe I was the only one left out of the loop, I don't know. But it's information worth passing on. The CD I got, btw, is "The Best of Volume 1", which I'm listening to right now. ^.~* The "Daredevil" CD also rocks my world, the movie's great!! Go spend your money on these frivolities!!
Also, I wanted to say something here before I got any further into this story. I probably should have said this at the beginning, but oh well. You can skip this if you want, seeing as how most of you probably won't care. I'm attempting to make this story as realistic as possible. What this means is the following: I have no idea how long it'll be until there's some actual action. I know what has to happen BEFORE there's any taito, but I'm trying to make this realistic. Yamato's dad is away all the time, busy with work, which leads Yama-koi to being very lonely and depressed. I think there's enough evidence of that being true to the series in both seasons. Taichi's parents are around and care about him. I mean, they never showed signs of abusing him or anything. Same with Yamato. Yes, I think I might probably be including season 2 digidestined. No, I don't know when. That all equals out to be a big maybe. Also, I honestly believe that Yamato and Taichi being together is not the end-all, be-all of Digimon. I mean, they're going to always be together. If you can accept them as being either homosexuals or bisexuals, then they'll be together romantically. If they're both straight, then they'll be best friends. I think fics that separate them or belittle their relationship are completely inaccurate. Even though they are rivals, and fight, they still have a connection that neither can or wants to get rid of.
What does this mean for my fic? I have no idea. ^.^;; I'm playing it by ear. I know that everyone reading this fic must like Taito, since that's what it's under. But I just figured I'd let you guys know my opinion on the whole thing. I don't know if any of that made sense or not, but ah well... ^__^* I just had to say it. I'm tired of reading fics that don't work with the actual anime. Like, making Yama completely girly. Hello? His Japanese voice is so damn sexy and completely NOT girly. But I might fall into this stigma too, so I can't really complain. Or is it just that anyone who shows weakness is thought of as being girly? I might be unintentionally discriminating against myself. *contemplates the complications which would arise from such a situation* ... ahh!! True, my fic isn't in Japanese schools or anything. That's entirely my fault. But, I'm trying to make the rest of it accurate. Let me know if you read something that you think doesn't fit!! It's really important to me!!!!!
Umm, again, there's American school in here, and cursing. And taito. So- yeah. And- a request- does anyone know their birthdays? I've looked around, but I can't find them. Argh- do they not exist, should I make them up??
PLEASE R&R!! *begs* ^.~*
Enjoy!!
Chapter 3
Superfluous
Yamato stood outside the door and glared at everyone he passed. The guys looked insulted and ready to fight, the girls looked ready to cry. Not that he really cared. What did it matter what all those people thought of him? It didn't matter at all. The only people he really cared about knew him well enough to be able to deal with the shit he pulled. Not that he cared. If they couldn't deal with him the way he was, there was no way he was going to change. Not for people who wouldn't even try to understand him. Hell, no. Now, if Takeru asked him to do something, that was a whole different story. He would do anything for his little brother.
He knew the same was true with Taichi. Even though they constantly fought or even attacked each other, he knew he would do anything to protect Tai. Even when he was pissed off at him, like now. He didn't know why he felt this way. It seemed to him that he had plenty of reason to hate the stupid, goggle-wearing, dinosaur-loving, big-haired, loud-mouthed, short soccer player. He was given more and more reasons everyday why he shouldn't like the older boy. It always seemed that he was trying to irritate him. There was no reason at all why Yamato should even consider him a friend.
But he did consider Tai a friend. The best friend he had ever had. The best friend he would ever have. It was corny to think about it, but still true. That was the only reason he put up with Tai. It was the only reason he needed. If someone knew him as much as Tai did, and still wanted to hang out with him it was a miracle. Taichi knew almost every bad thing that had ever happened in Yamato's life. Even though he tried to keep it secret, Tai could still somehow wrench the truth out from him.
It was strange that they could fight so much and still be such good friends. Then again, he couldn't imagine being friends with Tai without all the fighting that went along with it. It was nice to be able to tell Tai exactly how he felt, even if it would make him upset. In fact, it was great to be able to just say whatever was on his mind. In many ways, Tai knew more about him than he knew himself. Tai could almost read his mind sometimes, just because Yamato had given away how he was feeling with a simple headshake or hand movement. It had freaked him out at first, but lately he had begun to rely on that ability to communicate with the brunette faster and easier.
Of course, Tai still didn't know everything that went on in Yamato's mind. Which was a good thing. A very good thing. Since a good portion of Yamato's thoughts on Tai were not of the platonic friend sort, he thought it was for the best. After all, how would he feel if Tai came up to him and told him he loved him?
...
Okay, bad example. Not only was it a nonexistent possibility, but also he would flip out. Yamato had no clue how he would react to Tai saying something along those lines. He didn't even want to think about it. He'd probably embarrass himself in some awful unimaginable way. Like squealing. Oh, God, he was sure he would do something like that. One minute, he'd be fine. The next he'd be squealing and acting completely idiotic. That would kill his reputation around school. "The guy who squeals over other guys". It just didn't have the right effect on people.
Not that he would squeal. More likely than not, he would punch Tai. Oh, that was even better. He says 'I love you', and Yamato decks him. That would really get his point across beautifully, wouldn't it? Nothing says 'I love you' like a bloody nose.
But all his thinking on this subject was fruitless. Taichi would never tell Yamato that he loved him. Yamato would never be given the chance to decide how he would react. And Taichi would never have to learn that his best friend was in love with him. Yamato would never have to see the look of disgust and revulsion that would undoubtedly cross his friend's face. He would never have to be rejected by the one person that mattered. He wouldn't be able to recover from it. The only other person that he wouldn't be able to handle rejection from was Takeru, but Yamato knew that it was coming. Sooner or later, Takeru would get a clue and ditch his older brother. With Taichi, that never had to happen. Tai wasn't smart enough to figure out that he shouldn't hang out with Yamato. The idiot actually wanted to hang out with him. As long as he never figured it out, Yamato was safe.
If he ever realized that Yamato wasn't worth the effort, Tai would ignore him. And, for some reason, that would hurt more than Takeru's rejection. Takeru was related to him by blood, after all. They could never really get away from each other, even if they wanted to. Taichi, on the other hand, could easily lose contact with Yamato. True, they were bound together by being digi-destined. But that didn't mean they always had to stay together. Or even like each other. There was no rule that said all the Chosen Children had to get along. It worked out better for the group if they did, but that didn't mean they couldn't function if there were arguments going on.
Then again, Sora had told him that when he was fighting with Tai, he was the weak link in their group. So maybe they needed to be friends in order to fight evil digimon? His crest was Friendship, after all. It sort of made sense that he had to be friends with everyone. Whether they wanted to or not.
Yamato sighed and ran a hand through his hair, unconsciously fixing it. He was certainly in a depressing mood today. It wasn't intentional, but his thoughts always seemed to drift this way. He could never let his mind wander and end up thinking happy thoughts. Oh, no- no flowers and bunnies for him. All he got was depression and anxiety. It seemed like a pretty raw deal.
His hand got caught in a small knot. He closed his eyes and let his sense of touch guide him. His fingers worked out the thin blonde strands until they were smooth. The ends of them tickled against his fingers, making a soft airy feeling run along all the small cuts on his hand. A small smile came to his lips as he concentrated on this feeling.
He blinked his eyes open to find Tai staring at him, openmouthed. Yamato was instantly annoyed. Smile vanishing, he asked, "What?"
Taichi shook his head quickly, replying, "N-Nothing." Yamato could have sworn Tai was blushing, but he turned his head to the side before he could get a really good look. "Sorry," he said, still looking away.
It was amazing. Yamato could actually feel his anger draining out of him. This was better than any stupid anger management course his father had tried dumping on him. He shrugged in response, but both boys knew the matter was settled between them.
So gym class got off to a rough start. The teacher was waiting for them, and they were forced to run an extra lap around the track during warm-up. Tai had tried arguing with the teacher about this, but to no avail. Yamato had the distinct impression that Tai didn't want him to be on his feet any more than he had to. So, thanks to their teacher, they ran an extra lap. This was torture for Yamato, whose feet were killing him by the end. He was absolutely certain that he had reopened a few of the cuts on his feet.
The never-ending dodge ball tournament continued as expected. Yamato and Taichi remained separated throughout the game. The only surprising event of the day was when a boy on Tai's team hit Yamato. He had been running slower than usual, and knew he was going to get hit. He had not been surprised when it happened. The boy was ecstatic, as he was the only person that had tagged Yamato in their entire class. Taichi glared at the boy while everyone else on their team was congratulating him. Yamato caught Tai's attention and rolled his eyes. Tai grinned in response. They both knew it never would have happened if he was as fast as usual. But as Yamato walked over to stand in 'prison', Tai shot another glare at the boy who had hit his best friend. Yamato was freed shortly thereafter, and the game went on without any other major events.
So, when the whistle blew and Yamato turned to begin walking back to the lockers, he was not surprised to find Tai hovering over him.
"Matt, are you alright?"
He rolled his eyes and frowned. "Tai, you think a little thing like that was gonna do me in? I've survived worse, as you may recall."
Tai grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, well, you know... making sure you're alright is part of my job."
Yamato raised an eyebrow to that, but didn't respond. He was somehow not surprised to find out that Taichi considered it his job to look after him. Annoyed, maybe, but not really surprised. Hey, Tai had done a good job of keeping everyone alive in the Digiworld, so he wasn't as annoyed as he might have been if someone else had made the same statement.
It took him a great deal of effort to maintain these peace-keeping thoughts. Flowers and bunnies, flowers and bunnies. If he tried, he could think positively.
"You sure you're okay?"
Although he had to wonder if it was really worth the effort.
"I'm fine, Tai," Yamato said in a tone of voice that clearly said 'shut up or die'.
Yamato pushed through the door to the locker room and heard Tai's footsteps following his own. He wanted to be mad at him for being so nosy and overprotective, but he also thought it was sweet that Tai worried about him. He was confused about why he was so confused, and all these emotions jumbled together to form one huge headache.
He rubbed his forehead with one hand and opened his locker with the other. Tai wisely stayed silent, although Yamato knew he was staring. Maybe not staring, but surreptitiously glancing in his direction every second or so. Yamato tried to ignore this, since Tai was trying to be covert. He pulled off his shirt and threw it in his locker, only to have his arm suddenly grabbed.
"What?!" Yamato asked.
Tai pulled him over to a nearby mirror and said, "Look!"
Yamato tried pulling his arm away, but Tai was too intent. "At what?!"
"Your arm!"
Yamato looked at his reflection and saw that there was a bruise forming where he had been hit. Oh, that was just fantastic. But, as there was nothing he could do about it, he pulled his arm away from Tai roughly. "Yeah, so?"
"So?!" Tai repeated, incredulous. "So that kid bruised you!"
"Yeah, well, it's called dodge ball for a reason, Tai. There's a ball. You dodge it." Yamato rolled his eyes and walked back to his locker. "It's not that complicated."
Yamato expected to hear Tai following him. When he didn't, he turned around to see what was taking him so long. Tai, however, was not there.
"Wha-" Yamato muttered to himself until he heard a loud shouting match on the other side of the room. He ran over there, already knowing what was going on.
He reached the fight just in time to see Tai punch the other kid in his stomach. The kid doubled over in pain, grasping his midsection and gasping for air. Yamato stood in shock for half of a second, then walked over and punched Tai in the arm.
"Matt!" Tai yelped, clutching his arm. "What the hell was that for?!"
"Being a complete moron," he said, glaring at Tai.
"But-"
"What did you think you were doing?!"
"Matt, I-"
The gym teacher ran over then, and began asking what had happened. Surprisingly, no one said a word about the fight. There was normally a tattletale in a group somewhere, but everyone kept their mouths shut. The teacher eventually left, just in time so that everyone would be late for the last period of the day.
Yamato walked back over to his locker once more, and finished changing quickly. Tai stood there watching him for a minute, looking hurt. Then he began to change, avoiding Yamato's eyes.
Oh, no. Tai was going through the whole 'I did something wrong, what did I do, I'm a horrible person, my best friend hates me now' thought process that Yamato knew too well. Guilt swamped over him. But Tai had acted irrationally. He had to know that.
"Tai."
No response.
"Tai, don't be like this."
"Like what?" Tai asked, monotone.
"Upset over some stupid thing. Just stop it."
"Okay."
"Tai, I mean it."
"What do you want from me, Matt?" Tai asked, turning to face him. "Someone hurt you, and I hurt him. I had to, okay? It's not something I have a choice about."
"Tai, it was just a game. This isn't the Digiworld. I'm not in any danger. You don't have to protect me."
Tai looked at him for a long moment. It was the most uncomfortable look they had ever shared. "Don't I?"
Tai closed his locker and walked away. Yamato stood there for a minute, trying to grasp what had just happened. He would have stood there longer except that he heard Tai's voice calling him.
"We'll be late if you don't hurry up."
Yamato ran to catch up to Tai, who had ruined his dramatic exit by holding the door open and waiting for him. As soon as he passed through the door, Tai slammed it shut behind him. The shorter boy stomped down the hall towards English class, glancing back once or twice to make sure his friend was following.
"Come on, Tai." He didn't respond, and Yamato sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for punching you, okay?"
Tai shook his head. "Doesn't matter."
Yamato felt small pains on his feet, and mentally cursed all dishes. He walked faster in spite of this, trying to catch up to Tai.
"It does matter."
"No, it doesn't."
"It matters to you."
"I don't care."
"Yes, you do. You wouldn't be acting this way if you didn't."
"No, I don't. Not about that."
"Then about what?"
"...Nothing."
"Tai, what is it?"
Tai didn't answer, and Yamato finally whispered what had been on his mind for the past minute. "Why are you walking so damn fast?" He hadn't expected an answer, since he assumed Tai couldn't hear him. He was pleased, but surprised, when Tai stopped and waited for him to catch up.
"Sorry," Tai mumbled quietly before continuing towards class at a slower pace than before.
Yamato shook his head. "No, it's alright. I didn't realize you heard me."
Tai shrugged. "Should've thought of it before you had to tell me."
Yamato ran a hand through his hair, pleading with himself to remain calm. "No, you shouldn't have had to slow down. It's me who's screwing up here. Not you."
"Matt, we're never gonna agree on this."
"I agree with you completely."
They walked in silence for another few seconds. "You okay?" Yamato asked once the silence became too uncomfortable.
Tai nodded. "Yeah. Just angry."
"About what?" Silence. "Come on, Tai. You can tell me."
"I know, but-"
"But what?"
"... I don't know."
Guilt ran over him once again, and Yamato touched Tai lightly on the arm. "Tai, I really am sorry about punching you."
Tai relaxed a little, and replied, "It really doesn't matter. We've hit each other before. If you want to beat me to a bloody pulp, you can. If it's you, I don't care."
"Then why are you so upset?"
"Because!" Tai shouted, turning to face his best friend. "That kid hit you, Matt."
Yamato waited for more, but it didn't come. "And?" he prompted.
"Isn't that enough?!" Tai responded. "You're already hurt from that damn dish breaking. Now your arm's bruised up."
"Tai, it was just a game."
"But you HATE dodge ball!"
"Well, it's gym. Everyone's got to play."
"Well, you shouldn't have to."
"I don't have a choice."
"It's not right!"
Yamato rolled his eyes. "Tai, it's fine. This is the first and, believe me, last time I'll be hit during this stupid game."
"But it wouldn't have happened at all if you didn't have to play."
"So is that what this is? You're mad because I had to play dodge ball?" Yamato asked incredulously.
"No!" Tai replied. "I'm mad 'cause you got hurt!"
"EVERYBODY gets hurt playing dodge ball, Tai. It's part of the game."
"I didn't get hurt."
"Well, you're not everybody. Besides, I punched you, remember?"
"That doesn't count."
"It so does."
"No, it doesn't."
"Dude, it counts."
"That doesn't even matter. I don't care if I get hit."
"But you get all upset if I get hit?"
Tai shrugged. They both began walking again, neither one wanting to be any later for English than they absolutely had to be.
"Look Tai, I'm going to tell you this once. That's all. If you don't understand the first time, I won't repeat it, so pay attention." At Tai's nod, Yamato continued. "I don't care if you don't care. I care if you get hit. Just like you care if I get hit. So, we both got hit, and we both feel like shit because of it. That's what's going on. I refuse to feel like shit tonight, so you'd better get over this before then."
"... You care if I get hit?"
"YES! Idiot."
"Even though you're the one who hit me?"
"Not my fault. Your idiocy forced it upon me."
Tai might have replied, but they were standing just outside their classroom. Yamato pulled open the door and apologized to the teacher for the both of them. They got to their seats as their teacher started a new scene in Romeo & Juliet. Yamato followed along for the first few minutes, but eventually found himself spacing out. He just wasn't interested in it at all. He had already read the whole play, and he knew it well enough to be bored when they discussed it in class.
He put his head on his hands and looked out the window. The wind was blowing the tree branches around wildly. It was the time of year when half of the trees were completely bare, and the other half were full of colorful leaves. Browning grass filled the entire school yard. Spots of red and yellow were randomly scattered around on the ground, due to leaves that were holding onto the grass despite the strong current that was ready and waiting to sweep them away. Maybe they were trying to hold on to whatever was left of everything had ever known.
After all, they had lived all their lives in this one tree, looking and feeling exactly the same. Suddenly, they begin to change colors. It was probably exciting at first, especially since all of their friends were changing too. But then one of their friends fell down to the ground that was so far below the rest of them. And, one by one, each of the remaining leaves were forced from everything they had ever known. Each of the leaves knew it would be their turn soon. It was stressful, waiting for the inevitable. He could understand that. And once he realized that he was sympathizing with leaves, he immediately turned his head the opposite way.
To find Taichi staring straight at him. Tai grinned. Yamato rolled his eyes. Why, oh why, did he have to have an idiot like Tai for his best friend? Not only that, but he had to go and fall in love with the moron? Or at least, a horribly strong, completely unreasonable crush that threatened to overwhelm him at any given moment. And he felt like that over some stupid boy who never paid attention in class, always put himself in danger, never thought about the consequences of his actions, and thought a soccer ball was more important than oxygen. There were times he really doubted the sanity of his hormones.
But, looking at Tai, he couldn't help but smile a little in response. The boy was just so damn friendly. How could someone possibly be that friendly? It just didn't make any sense. No one was ever as good to him as Tai was. Even when they fought, he always knew they would get over it later.
His mind was going in circles today. He couldn't think straight. Oh, boy, he hoped to God that he didn't start acting all mushy and sentimental suddenly. That would be just perfect.
Tai looked at him, and Yamato knew instantly that the other boy wanted to know what was wrong with him. Not that anything was wrong. Oh, no, nothing was wrong. Wanting to pull your best friend down on top of you and scream 'Fuck me now!!' was perfectly normal. He was sure everyone felt the same as he did. Oh, yes, uh huh, he was absolutely SURE that everyone had the same sort of platonic best friend thoughts that he did.
Which was, of course, why he kept them locked inside as far away from the light of day as possible.
Yamato just shrugged in response to Tai and scribbled a quick note.
'You're gonna fail the test.'
He handed it over to Tai, who read it and scribbled something else.
'What test?'
Yamato slapped a hand on his forehead to keep from hitting the other boy.
'Romeo and Juliet'
'Who cares? U ok?'
When Yamato saw that in Tai's scribble that almost might have passed for handwriting in some foreign culture, he didn't know how to respond. Was he okay? No, hell no. No, he was not okay. But he couldn't tell Taichi that. Oh no, if it was Yamato's choice Tai would never find out what the hell was wrong with him. Tai didn't have to know his father was always gone when it mattered the most for him to be there, conversation between his little brother and him was frequently strained and uncomfortable, he would never be able to see his Digimon partner ever again, he had no idea why he was alive, he had no idea what he would be doing in the future, and, oh yeah, he was in love with his best friend, who also happened to carry the Y chromosome. Yep, all things Tai definitely didn't need to know.
But he had never lied to his best friend before, and he wasn't about to start now. Well, okay, maybe he had lied once or twice, but only when it was absolutely necessary. His usual responses to questions he couldn't answer wouldn't work with a note. He couldn't write 'whatever' or shrug. So, he wrote back the only thing he could think of.
'Don't be an idiot!'
Tai read it and smiled broadly. Yes, Yamato thought happily. The boy was easily distracted today. Another day of Taichi's ignorance in certain areas of his life that needed to remain hidden.
It was a good day.
'Can't help it.'
Yamato rolled his eyes at Tai's usual response, and crinkled the paper in his hand, signaling the end of the conversation. He returned to staring blankly into space, hoping that the teacher wasn't going over anything urgent.
Tai was also staring into space, although that space seemed to be very close to Yamato's face. Another day he would have been irritated, but he had enough of being upset at his friend today. Besides, Yamato was used to spacing out in class and passing. Taichi was used to spacing out in class and failing. That should have told Tai something, but it didn't. He had to wonder how much his friend wanted to graduate.
Tai was still ignoring the lesson when class ended. Yamato knew that the teacher had noticed their inattention, but for some reason wasn't saying anything. Maybe he wanted to cut them some slack? Not likely. Tai was always goofing off in class. Always had, always will. Most teachers didn't really appreciate that.
"Matt?"
Yamato's head jerked up, and he noticed the classroom was empty. When had that happened? Damn it, and he had called Tai spacey?
Tai just looked at him. "What are you doing?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. We'll be late for detention." He reached down to grab his book bag, only to find it missing. "Where'd I-"
Tai grabbed his arm and gently pulled him up. "Matt, come on!"
"Wait, I need to find my- Tai."
"Huh?"
"What are you doing with that?" He pointed to his book bag, which he had just noticed was slung over his best friend's shoulder.
"Carrying it."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "'Cause you limp when you walk."
Yamato narrowed his eyes. "I do not!"
"You do too."
Yamato opened his mouth to complain more, but sighed instead. Tai was absolutely hopeless today. He insisted on being helpful, even when Yamato didn't want or need the help.
Tai kept the light grip on Yamato's arm and pulled him out of the classroom. He just let the shorter boy drag him around, knowing that Tai would throw a fit if he didn't get his way. Plus, it really wasn't all that bad to feel Tai's hand on his arm. Not bad at all. Maybe even a little good.
Which was a problem he would worry about later. No need to focus on his freakishness now, right?
Yamato followed Taichi down the hall, glancing around to make sure nobody was watching. If anyone saw him like this, he'd flip out. No one had ever seen him act weak in his entire life, and he certainly wasn't going to let it happen now. Tai was the only exception to this, which he himself hated but his friend seemed to enjoy endlessly. For some reason, Tai liked being able to be with Yamato when he was at his worst. Why would anybody want to be around someone who was weak? He was just a liability. It didn't make any sense.
The hand on his arm tightened, and Yamato looked up. Tai was looking at him. Immediately self-conscious, he glared at Tai and said, "What?!"
"What's with you today?"
"Nothing. Nothing's with me." God, he hated it when Tai asked him how he was. Why should anyone care how he was feeling anyway? Especially him... Ugh, it all just didn't make any sense.
Tai sighed. "Again with the 'I'm big and bad and tough and cool'. It really pisses me off sometimes, you know?"
"Well, excuse me for being such a burden on you," Yamato replied, trying not to feel a small sting from the words.
Tai groaned. "Do you always have to take everything the wrong way?"
Yamato remained silent. Tai was looking at him, and he glared back. Now this was something he was used to- glaring at Tai. Yamato was proud of his ability to glare for extended periods of time. He could glare at anyone for hours on end, but with Tai he could go for days. The boy just inspired all the wrong sorts of feelings in him, and it made it all the easier to glare.
"Well?"
Yamato rolled his eyes. "Yes, Taichi, I do manipulate everything you say. You're absolutely right."
Ah, sarcasm. Another art he had perfected. With that and glaring, he was set for life.
Taichi just shook his head. "I hope you get over this when we're in detention. I don't think I'll be able to deal with you being bitchy all night."
Yamato blinked, then growled. "I'm not being bitchy!"
"Sure, Matt."
"Tai, don't patronize me."
"Umm... okay."
Yamato rolled his eyes. "You have no idea what I just said, do you?"
"Nope."
"It means don't act like I'm lower than you, or that you're better than me."
"Well, I'm not. We're equal."
"I know that! That's the whole point!"
"The point of what?"
They both blinked at each other waiting for an answer. When none came, they turned and continued walking. Silence passed between them for a few moments until Tai said, "That was a weird conversation."
Yamato nodded in agreement, and the subject was dropped.
They met the lucky teacher who would be watching them just outside the classroom door.
"You two just made it," she said. "Hurry up. We've got a whole hour of fun ahead of us."
"Oh, woo-hoo," Yamato said in monotone. Tai grinned at her and pulled Yamato inside.
"Could you at least TRY not to piss off the teacher?" Tai asked, still grinning.
"Yes, but I'd rather sit back and look cool, aloof, and disinterested in life in general. The ladies like it. It makes me seem sexy."
Tai laughed before he could help it, then smiled sheepishly at the look he got from the teacher. He punched Yamato gently, knowing that he was being carefully watched by the Power That Was. Namely, the only person in the room who could let them all leave after only ten minutes.
They were lucky that their teacher was fairly nice. She allowed them all to sit wherever they wanted to, as long as they remained completely silent. She told them not to disturb her, and then began to grade papers. Yamato knew from past experience that keeping quiet was the best way to get through detention. If you spoke, the teacher tended to notice that you weren't doing what you were supposed to be doing, and then you got in trouble.
He sat down next to the window, and Tai took the seat next to his. Yamato turned his head and looked outside for the second time that day. This time, he let his thoughts wander freely, hoping that they would occupy him enough to take up an hour.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Beautiful.
...
That was really the only word for describing him.
Completely, truly, utterly, wildly, absolutely, wholly, entirely, totally, thoroughly, perfectly, clearly, flawlessly, crazily, faultlessly, captivatingly, comprehensively, severely, intensely, delightfully, charmingly, appealingly, impeccably, immaculately, unconditionally, painstakingly, exhaustively, painfully, alluringly, sublimely, exquisitely, acutely, deeply, profoundly, genuinely, authentically, legitimately, divinely, wonderfully, astonishingly, superlatively, impeccably, surpassingly, matchlessly, consummately, notably, strangely, preeminently, principally, remarkably, specifically, strikingly, unaccountably, uniquely, ideally, splendidly, actively, frantically, relentlessly, rigorously, urgently, agonizingly, inconveniently, embarrassingly, ludicrously, outrageously, outstandingly, supremely, deliriously, distractedly, irrationally, unreasonably, distinctively, uncontrollably, boldly, passionately, tempestuously, unbearably, heartbreakingly, intoxicatingly, excruciatingly, exceptionally, exceedingly, extremely, entrancingly, exotically, erotically, sensually, seductively, mind-numbingly beautiful.
...
And people said he wouldn't pass English- HA!
But it was Yama, and he couldn't help it.
He glanced over and saw the blonde staring out the window. The light fell on him from the open blinds, and a small breeze drifted in through the barely opened window. Soft, silky smooth strands of hair played gently around his face. Each strand seemed to move of its own accord, rising up and falling back down in slow motion to a mysterious rhythm that it alone knew. They glided around his face as if they had memorized his features, and knew exactly where to go.
A lithe hand came up and pushed several strands behind a perfect pale ear. Each finger pressed lightly against the side of his face, then began a fast descent along the edge of his ear. The pale fingers moved swiftly, dexterous after years of practice. They pulled away too soon, leaving a few blonde locks quaking in their absence.
The hand moved up to rest against the side of a face that would never leave his memory, ever. Even if he couldn't see it now, he knew exactly what it looked like. Head slightly tilted into his hand, the blonde continued staring out the window.
The look of those eyes was burned into his soul. The very eyes that were staring so intently on probably nothing at all. Cold eyes. Ice cold, without any hint of compassion in them. A blue so intense that it scalded. A color so unreal that it had no name. Devastatingly distant often, chokingly emotional almost never, clouded over with thought sometimes, sparkling with sarcasm at least eight times a day. They hazed over with hidden emotion even more, which made his heart ache. They narrowed at almost everything, and widened only when surprised or taken aback. Almost always half-closed, they were only completely open during late afternoon. They hesitantly allowed themselves to show emotion in front of someone else after spending many hours with and trusting that person. They were constantly ready to throw a mask up, and sometimes did so even when trying not to. No matter what, the ice blue could easily frighten and excite others, and did so often. Whether they knew they had this effect or not was still a mystery.
As were most other things about this paragon. Although he knew some things about the blonde, there were still things that mystified him. Such as why he closed himself off to those that he should be trusting. Even now, instead of exchanging stupid looks with his friend, he was staring out the window. If it was any of his other friends, they would both be looking at each other and trying to converse without speaking. It would certainly make the time go faster. But with his best friend, the only person that he was completely fascinated by, things were different.
Things were always different if Yama was involved.
There was never an easy way to do anything with him. He always had to argue, or complain, or mutter angrily. That those lips could utter such harsh and cruel words constantly amazed him. They looked like they should only speak the softest and most carefully thought out words. Defiling them with snide comments and obscenities seemed wrong. Other people could use their mouths for such things, but not him. His lips were too good for that. They were always redder when it got too cold, and paler during the summer heat. He occasionally flicked his tongue over them to keep them wet, and was known to bite his lower lip while he debated some unknown problem. They were constantly chapped during the winter, and thus were daily assaulted with an obscene amount of chapstick- cherry, for the flavor, not color. More than once they had been spilt open by someone's hard fist, someone who had ended up lying on the floor seriously injured less than a minute later. Then those lips would turn a deep, deep red from both blood and anger. He might wipe the blood away with his hand, or just let it slowly run down his chin. Either way, his lips maintained that color for the next few days, until the small imperfection finally healed over. He knew instinctively that there must by tiny lines running along his lips, as there were on everyone else's, but he had never gotten close enough to see this for himself. He had seen them pressed together in frustration or disappointment, parted slightly from shock or a wandering mind, and twisted up in every sort of smirk imaginable. He treasured the rare times he was allowed to see them curved upwards in small smiles. Not the big smiles that sometimes showed up, accenting perfectly aligned and whiter than white teeth, as those were mainly for people who did not know Yama at all. It was the small ones that let him know his friend was pleased, but was too embarrassed to show it. Those pale red, smoothed over lips only seemed good for one thing...
One thing that he couldn't really think about.
But Yama's face, now that he could think about. He could think about when he had seen a blush creep along the curves of that face. It wasn't often, and when it happened it was almost always from anger or an illness. When Yama was sick, his face turned red almost instantaneously, from the heat of the fever. But that was a different sort of blush. Blushing from anger happened another way. When he became angry- truly angry, not just showed the temper that he always had- the reddish tinge would spread upwards from his neck. It traveled along the sides of his face and met in the middle in a sudden collision. It happens so quickly, though, that it appeared to happen all at once. But he knew better. Yama never did anything all at once. Everything happened in stages. The striking boy wasn't a casual sort of person. Even when he blushed from embarrassment, it wasn't that sudden red that most people turn. The tips of his ears became a slight pink at first, which he knew infuriated the blonde. Then the pink would slowly spread down until his ears were completely covered with it. The color would deepen a little, and travel high across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Then it would fade a little until it flared up dramatically in his forehead and the bottom of his cheeks. Of course, it almost never got the chance to go that far. Most people never saw Yama when he was that far gone, but he knew it happened. He had seen it a few times, and each time it had made him smile.
What would it be like, to be the reason that blush occurred? For his friend to glance up at him, a surprised look carefully hidden on his face. A thought that the boy wouldn't want known would make its way into his head, and the dusting of pink would cross over his ears. He would watch as it traveled the well-known route, and as Yama tried to fight it off. His lips would part slightly, surprised at the direction his thoughts were going. Only a small parting, but there nonetheless. His eyes would widen fractionally, and become a blue so intense he wouldn't be able to hold that color for long. A hand would come up, unconsciously fixing the strands of blonde that threatened to revolt against their carefully structured prison. The strands would stay still just long enough for the hand to leave, then they would move again. But Yama would not move, still too intent on his thought that was secret enough to make him act in ways that made his imagination run wild.
Then the blush would lessen, disappearing as all wondrous things must. It would fade from that face slowly, almost regretting its' own departure. The lips would come back together, and curl slightly in recognition of a longtime friend. Those cold eyes would lose that spectacular color much too soon, instead warming to a non-lethal blue at the presence of a familiar face. His hand would rise once more, this time in a slight gesture of greeting. It would completely ignore the blonde wisps that darted around freely, daring to try and escape from the ever-present confines they were held in. Their freedom would be short-lived, but joyously remembered. And then a voice would speak that had invaded his dreams countless times, and he would shiver slightly at the knowledge that it was directed at him.
And all of this would happen because of him. Because the blonde had looked up and seen him standing there. Because the thoughts that ran through his mind when he was alone were suddenly being shared with this beautiful person. Because the blonde thought about his friend in ways that he shouldn't, and yet couldn't stop. Because he felt the same way, yet was too afraid to ever say anything.
And for once in his life, everything would make sense. Their thoughts would merge, and they would come together in ways that he hardly dared to dream of. Eyes staring into eyes, lips crushing against lips, and fingers darting along bare skin.
He instinctively knew it would never happen. He knew that such things were only desperate fantasies and daydreams at best. Often they were the worst and most vivid dark desires which plagued him at night. But he couldn't forget, didn't want to lose such images. Even if they were meant only to torture him, he clung to them like a drowning man clings to a small piece of driftwood. They were available to him now, and he would take them and use them for all he was worth. Soon enough they would be swept away and he would be left to drown.
It was probably wrong of him to think like this. It was probably something that would get him in serious trouble if he ever said anything out loud. Just like his secret nickname. Yama would never agree to it if he heard it. There was just no way. And he would, ironically, never get enough courage to ask. He called him Matt out of habit and affection, but he thought Yama out of love.
He had said it more than once, accidentally. When they had been arguing, and his mouth was working faster than his mind was. But Yama had never caught it, and if he had, he had never said anything. The blonde always threw himself into arguments with more gusto than anything else he did, except for his music.
Oh, music. That was the one thing that Yama was addicted to. The boy could listen for hours on end to anything. He loved all types of music. Classical, folk, country, jazz, R&B, dance, techno, pop, hip-hop, punk, ska- he loved them all. But he especially loved rock and roll. It was his passion, his reason to live another day. He had already mastered the harmonica according to the digidestined, but he said he still needed more practice. Now, however, he was focusing more on rock and roll. He learned how to play the guitar so he could perform more rock songs, and practiced singing whenever he was alone. Whenever he asked if he could listen to Yama sing, he was flatly refused. Yama was still too self-conscious.
But he had overheard, once or twice, when the blonde was singing softly while walking up to his house, or when he was humming while he worked on some project that didn't require his attention. And he always listened when the boy sang along to a song on the radio. The soft voice always captivated him, drawing him into the melody faster than any popular band could. It was low and smooth and bittersweet and everything he could have ever wanted in someone's voice. The high notes leapt off of a cliff and flew for unknown seconds before crashing back down. The low notes shouted at him from caverns that echoed the sound around tenfold, reverberating within his mind. One of his fondest wishes was to hear that voice singing to him, loudly and clearly and beautifully like he knew it would.
It was getting harder and harder to continue being friends with Yama. They would be at the mall, window shopping due to a never-ceasing lack of money. Yama would point out something that he wanted, and the urge to buy it as a surprise swept over him without warning. Disappointment took its place as they both moved on, knowing full well that the desired item would be forgotten by tomorrow. They would be at a restaurant, laughing over some stupid thing. The people next to them would ask for one milkshake, and would share it with two straws in that way that was so corny but he desperately wanted to try. And then their waitress would come up, and they would each order a separate milkshake. They would be in a movie theater, watching some flick that one or the other had wanted to see. He would be able to feel Yama sitting so close to him, their hands brushing against each other as they shared an armrest and an extra-large bag of buttered, salted, and highly fattening popcorn. A couple would be sitting nearby, and suddenly one hand would go around someone's shoulders. That person would lean into the embrace, and both would be content. His own hand itched to cover Yama's shoulders like that, but instead it gripped the armrest tighter. Yama felt the pressure and moved his hand slightly away. Both continued to watch the movie, popcorn long forgotten. They would be sitting in his living room, watching television. Yama would be leaning against the couch that he was lounging on. Some commercials would come on, and the blonde would let his head fall back in frustration. He would feel a slight pressure where Yama's head fell, and stared at the soft hair that was so close. He would reach out and touch it, gently, twisting a few strands around his fingers. The blonde would lean into him a little more, for some reason comforted by the movement. And Hikari would walk in, and his hand would drop. And she would ask what they were doing, and they would say nothing. And she would shrug and wander away innocently, and his hand would stay at his side, and Yama's head would lift up when the commercials ended.
And all of these happened often enough that it was like a physical pain inside of him. Only it wasn't physical, it wasn't and never would be. And he would have to accept that someday.
Maybe not today. But someday soon, he'd have to accept the fact that Yama would never want him the way he wanted to be wanted.
And that would hurt more than all the physical pain in the world ever could.
But it wasn't that day yet.
It was still today, and today he could still dream.
And he did.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Detention seemed to take forever. It was a relief when the teacher finally stood up and said they could all leave.
Yamato turned his head to look at Tai, only to find Tai staring at him. Not just looking, but staring. He immediately ran over his behavior in the last hour. Had he been acting weird? Had he done anything wrong? He couldn't think of anything, but he could never be sure. He always seemed to make people uncomfortable, even when he wasn't trying to.
"Tai?"
No response. Yamato narrowed his eyes at the brunette.
"Tai."
"..."
"Tai!"
Tai's head snapped up, and he blinked. "Huh?"
"It's time to go."
"What?"
"Detention is over, Tai," he replied, enunciating as clearly as possible. "We can leave now. Unless you really feel like hanging around for a few more hours, then sure. Why not?"
"Oh, uh... sorry," Tai said, blushing. "I was just, uh, thinking."
Yamato rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, think somewhere else, okay?" He grabbed his book bag before Tai could and swung it over his shoulders. He caught the look Tai gave him and ignored it. "Let's go already."
"Matt," Tai said, and held out his hand. "Give it to me."
Yamato rolled his eyes and walked towards the door.
"Matt."
"I'm leaving now, Tai."
"And just how, exactly, are you planning on getting into my house?"
"..."
"Because that's where we're going, right? To my house to hang out, right?"
"...Shut up, Tai." A triumphant grin spread across his friend's face, and Yamato sighed. "Well, come on then."
They walked out of the classroom together, stopping briefly at their lockers before leaving the hated learning institution completely. When they were finally outside again, Yamato took a deep breathe of air. The cold air felt great, brushing against his face slightly like that. He was glad that Tai had let him carry his own book bag, but it meant that they were walking even slower than normal. Which might have been a bad thing on any other day, but today he felt that it was quite alright to waste time by walking with Tai. Especially when Tai kept glancing at him and looking away. It was fun to watch him do that. He had absolutely no idea why the boy would be trying to surreptitiously glance at him, but it was amusing nonetheless. He debated whether or not to mention this to Tai. He probably would have, but Tai would have stopped, and the amusement would have ceased as well. That was not an option, so he let Tai think that he was being stealthy. It was very entertaining.
Of course, he was not glancing at Tai. Oh, no, he was staring straight ahead and occasionally checking what his friend was doing out of the corner of his eyes. Tai would never notice. It was a genius plan.
They continued walking in silence next to each other, both content to just spend time in the other's company. Most days they chatted on about something or other, but days that they walked quietly next to each other were rare. Especially this sort of peaceful quiet. Most times they were silent, it was because they had just fought. But this type of relaxing atmosphere soothed Yamato over more than lying in bed all day could have. He enjoyed the change of pace, and convinced himself not to worry about what Tai thought of him for a few moments. Which was another rarity in itself. Worrying about what others thought of him, or rather how little they thought of him, was a constant source of discomfort for the blonde. But then, it seemed that most things could easily worry him.
But he wasn't going to think about that now. He wasn't going to think anything like that for the next day or so. Nope. He wasn't. When he was at Tai's house, he would act normal. He would be able to watch movies and joke around and play a stupid board game and suffer through horrible cooking and sleep in the same room as his friend and not go up to him and not beg to be held and not cry and not look at him and not think about how beautiful he was. Yep, he'd be able to do all of that.
Easily.
He just had to start it now. If he waited until he got to Tai's house, it would be too late. They'd be in Tai's territory, and Yamato knew he didn't have much of a say over what went on while they were at the brunette's house. Tai always went through the trouble of finding stuff for them to do, so he felt bad about throwing a wrench in the plans.
Besides, anything he wanted to do was fine. As long as he could spend time with Tai. That was what really mattered. Even if he tried to ignore that it mattered, he knew it did. And he was happy that Tai hadn't pushed him away yet.
One day soon he would slip. He would say or do something that would disgust his friend, and he'd be left alone. Not that he wasn't alone now, but it was nice to pretend. He could convince himself that Tai really did like him, and it wasn't just some sort of game to screw with his mind. That was the sort of thing he could expect from his mother, but not Tai. His friend would never turn on him like that.
But then, he would have said the same thing years ago. Before everything with his parents happened, he would have sworn that his mother would always love him. Maybe she still did, and he just didn't get it. That was probably it. He was probably just too stupid to understand what was going on. He tried to understand, but he could never figure it out until it was time to make a choice. And he always, always made the wrong one.
It was one of the few things he could count on in life.
Another thing was the fact that no one needed him. At first he had tried to deny this, but after years of evidence he just couldn't keep up the façade any longer. It was obvious that people could make do just fine without him around. His brother seemed to be doing fine, and they only saw each other once a week. He never saw his mother if he could help it, and she seemed happier without him. His father always left whenever possible. He said it was to make more money, but what if that wasn't really it? He knew his father loved him. In a way, he did know that. It was just hard sometimes- to remember.
And his friends were better off without him. He was always the one who caused problems. But he couldn't stop. He needed to let them know what he thought. If they liked him when he wasn't acting at all like himself, well, then they didn't really like him, did they? But if only hid small portions of himself, then that was okay. Because they knew and liked most of him.
But really, they did so much better when he wasn't around. What did he ever do for them? Nothing they couldn't have done on their own. He was needed in the digital world, but here in reality he wasn't. He really, really wasn't.
"Hey, Matt?"
"Hmm?"
"What are you thinking about?"
"... Nothing." And he was, really. He was thinking about nothing. Nothing. He wasn't thinking about anything at all.
"Hmm..."
"..."
"Why is it that whenever you say that I get the feeling you're lying to me?"
"Don't know."
"Well, maybe I should just try and relax more?"
"Yeah... maybe."
"So, are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine, Tai."
"Yeah, but you know how you get when stuff like this happens."
"..."
"... You know, you never tell me when anything's wrong. If you get hurt, you just ignore it until it's either gone or already too far gone to do anything about."
"..."
"It worries me sometimes, that you won't just let me know if you need help."
"..."
"We're friends, right Matt?"
"...Yeah."
"Well, then, you should be able to tell me when something's on your mind or if you're feeling shitty. That's what friends do. They help each other out when stuff gets too much to handle, you know?"
"..."
"And if anything gets too much for you to handle, well, I'm right here."
"..."
"I'll be here forever, Matt. If you ever need me, I'll be here."
"..."
"You don't have to worry about acting cool in front me or anything. I don't care about that sort of thing."
"..."
"I care about making sure you're feeling better."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"You're not feeling better, are you?"
"..."
"I just... I feel so useless when you won't talk to me about the stuff that's bothering you. You know I'll listen, don't you?"
"I know."
"Then why-"
"I just can't sometimes."
"..."
"..."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Can you tell me why?"
He sighed. "Tai, can we drop this subject? Please?"
"Okay, Matt. Sure. Whatever you want."
"I'm not a fucking mental case, you know."
"I know that."
"You don't have to act like a therapist to deal with me."
"You're right."
"I know I am! You can talk to me like a normal person. You don't have to be so fucking nice all the damn time!"
"But I want to be nice."
"Why?!"
"Because I care about you."
"..."
"..."
"Oh."
Tai smiled. "I rented, like, ten movies last night. You wanted to see "Queen of the Damned" and "Memento", right?" Yamato nodded. "Good, I thought that was them. I also picked up the new Kare Kano DVD. Oh, yeah, and I rented that chick flick that was really popular a while ago... um... something about remembering and walking. I'll think of it."
"... "A Walk to Remember"?"
"That's it! Wow, Matt, you're good."
"It wasn't hard to put it together, Tai."
Tai smiled and laughed a little. "See, that's what I love about you."
Yamato felt his heart speed up and forced himself to remain calm. "What?" he asked, trying to sound disinterested.
"You're always there to point out every mistake I make. All the stupid things I do you have been witness to. Well, maybe not all of them, but-"
Yamato looked at Tai incredulously. "You mean there are MORE?!"
Once again Tai flashed his pearly whites. "Yep. There's lots of stupid stuff I do that you don't even know about."
An eyebrow raised. "Really?"
"Oh, yeah, like just the other day I was going down the science hallway in school, and-" Tai stopped short.
"And what, Tai? Please, continue."
"Oh, no, that's okay. It wasn't important, not really."
"Hmm..."
But Tai got off lucky, as far as Yamato was concerned. By then, they were at Tai's house, and he was able to run in front of the blonde as an excuse to open the door. He unlocked it and waited for Yamato. When the blonde didn't come up behind him immediately, he glanced back over his shoulder to see what was keeping the boy. He frowned when he saw Yamato stepping on the steps gingerly.
"Matt?"
"Just... wait."
Yamato ground his teeth together, quickly realizing that Tai's steps were not going to be pleasant to walk up. His feet were already in pain from walking all that time, but he was able to ignore it until he had to cross this hurdle. Mentally preparing himself for the small battle, he began to walk up the stairs.
Until he felt himself being lifted up into the air.
"T-TAI!!" Yamato yelled, trying to keep a blush off of his face. "What are you doing?!"
Tai had one hand under Yamato's knees, and the other holding the blonde's neck and shoulders to his chest. He was smiling, and Yamato desperately hoped he would be put down soon. This made him feel weak, and he hated it.
"I'm carrying you into my house, Matt. Duh."
Yamato snarled and struggled to get out of Tai's arms. "Well, put me down!!"
"Matt, you're only making this more difficult than it has to be."
"More difficult, my ass! I CAN walk, you know!"
"Really? Didn't look that way to me."
"Tai-"
Yamato stopped his protest when he saw a neighbor look out from a window. The old woman smiled at him and called out, "Oh, would you look at that! Little Taichi from across the street is carrying a girl home. Oh, isn't that just the cutest thing." She turned her head inside and screamed louder than he was prepared for, "VINCENT!! VINCENT, COME OVER HERE!! TAICHI'S GOT A CUTE GIRLFRIEND!! COME AND SEE THIS!!"
Yamato knew he was blushing like mad, and he immediately buried his face in Tai's shirt. Tai grinned and whispered, "See, Matt? You made so much commotion that the neighbors heard you." Then he turned around, waving a little before shouting, "Hi Mrs. Minerley! How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine dear. But look at you! You've got quite a cutie there!" She was smiling broadly, and Yamato had never had the urge to harm someone so much in such a short amount of time before.
Much to Yamato's dismay, Tai kept up the conversation. "Yep, she's a real looker!" Yamato stiffened in Tai's arms, but Tai was grinning down at him. "She's definitely too hot for me to handle!"
Mrs. Minerley suddenly frowned. "Are your parents home, dear?"
"No, they're going to be out tonight. But don't worry, they let her stay over before."
"Really? Hmm... I don't know. Maybe I should come over-"
Tai suddenly shouted, "NO! NO, IT'S OKAY! MY MOM'S COMING HOME AT EIGHT TONIGHT!"
"Oh, really?" The old woman looked relieved. "Well, that's nice."
"Yep."
Yamato did the only thing he was capable of doing. He bit Tai in the stomach, hard. He felt Tai wince and tasted a small amount of blood. Well, good. The bastard deserved it.
"Okay," Tai called, still smiling. "We'll be going now."
"Good-bye, dears. Have a good time!"
"Oh, we will," Tai replied. Then he darted up the stairs, apparently not weighed down at all by Yamato, and kicked open the door to his house. Once they were inside, he leaned back on it to close it behind them.
Author's Note (part 2): Guess who found a use for thesaurus.com. Go on, guess. I'll give you a hint- it's the person who wrote this fic.
.....
Give up? It's me!! ^.~* I bet you'll guess where I put all my synonyms, too. Hee hee hee. Are there enough words in the English language to describe Yama's beauty? I don't THINK so. ^__^*
Yeah, I know it's a weird ending, but oh well. -///- Also, Mrs. Minerley is my grandmother, and Vincent's my grandfather. Heehee... ^_^;;;
Yay for reviews!! Thanks go to Yagamigirl, who not only left an awesome squeal-worthy review, but also was the first to review chapter 2. Wow, I feel all sorts of warm and cuddly inside when people start to praise me. ^///^ Yeah, the scene with the dishes was difficult to get across. You can't come out and say 'so he fell on some broken dishes and angsted for a while'. That doesn't really work. -_-;;; Don't worry about the sleepover... too much. Yama's got lots of angst left to go through!! I've got lots of opinions on everything you said!! ^__^* I know that was random. My randomness amazes even me. 0_o;;; Yeah, my love's life sucks, I know. Poor Yama might not even know what 'it' is himself. We'll just have to wait and see. ^.~* Don't worry, it's not ending anytime soon. Tai's reactions to Yama are priceless- at least they are when I imagine them. If you insist on throwing yourself at my feet, then I guess I could post this now instead of later. *sighs* But ONLY because you've thrown yourself at my feet. Or money. If you ever feel like throwing money at me, don't restrain yourself. I'll take it. I have no shame. ^///^*;
Chibi Neko-chan, was this better? I tried making it longer, but I just randomly pick a spot to stop at. As you could probably tell. -_-;;;
Thanks Sillie!! I'm working on this as opposed to my essay. Hee hee- procrastination? Who, me?
peta- yep, I think everyone loves Yamato being angsty. Isn't it so fun?? ^__^* Koushiro is an important character, but he won't appear much. Don't worry- it's all planned out in my mind. MWAHAHAHAHA... ha.
Aloh Dark- okay, I must know this story. I have my own story involving an old guy with a shotgun, a woman who sent two rabid dogs after my friends and me, and me running into a tree. I won't go into details, though. Use your imagination. But that did not involve cut up feet. Nope, I got the chicken pox on the bottom of my feet. THAT sucked. Everytime I walked for, like, a week, I was totally moaning and whining. It was pretty terrible. That was my inspiration. ^_^* Of course Yama's an ass! Isn't that part of his appeal? His bastard-ness? Tai's just concerned, and Yama-koi can't see that. They're both idiots, in my opinion. And, yes, numbing of brains is a school conspiracy!! YAY FOR ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARISM!! I don't really know if that makes sense or not, but I just wanted to use the longest word I know in a sentence. ^__^* Thanks for the long review!! I love them so much!!!!! (squeal worthy reviews, that is)
nEo-cHaN, thanks for the review!! And, I do think it's boring. I mean, it's important, and I like their interaction, but nothing fun is happening. You know, relatively... umm, yeah. But I'm glad YOU like it, since that's what's important!! Not that I don't like it, but... *sighs in confusion* Oh, you know what I mean. Why did I not get a death threat? *pouts* It would serve you right if I didn't put this up until another month from now!! Where is my inspiration to continue if I have no stalkers? *sigh*
I thoroughly enjoy reviews that just tell me what you were thinking as you were reading. And long reviews! I LOVE LONG REVIEWS!!!! Please, keep it coming!! ^.~*
End- note- I just finished writing this and I'm sick. *hack* I'm dying. *wheeze* Don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I'm hacking a lung up over here. *cough* *cough* I just got the Bon Jovi CD "Bounce" and the new Our Lady Peace CD. They both rock, but Bon Jovi rocks more. ^__^* Oh, and all of you should go to . This is a webcomic that features vampire bishounen yaoi goodness. That's all I'm saying. ^.~*