Sorry it took so long for this chapter to come out but hopefully its worth the wait. Enjoy!

Please forgive all mistakes they're mine alone.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.

Chapter 3 - Resignation

Sam opened his eyes slowly, dust was floating in the air above him and pale morning light was shining through a number of small holes, one hole was a little bigger than the rest, in the ceiling of the cave, illuminating his surroundings. He lay there for a few moments blinking, trying to clear his vision.

Remembering what he had read before he had hyperventilated and passed out, Sam took a shuddery breath. His brother had truly hated him for a lot longer than he had thought. His fathers death had been the catalyst and even thought his brother had pretended to care about him in the years since. Sam now knew the truth, his brother blamed him for a mountain of things, including their mother and fathers death, his deal, his time in hell, the demon blood, Ruby, the lies and the deceit, the apocalypse, the loss of Lisa and Ben, being soulless, Bobby, Purgatory, more and more lies and not looking for him. In his mind Sam's own sins could never be atoned, sacrificing himself to the cage, not just for the billions of people on earth but for his big brother was still not enough, tears rushed to his eyes and stung for effect as he lay there and wallowed in his misery and guilt.

He closed his eyes as a sob broke through and he gasped for air. Maybe he should just end all the hurt now and be done with it. He sat up quickly and suddenly a sharp pain shot through his whole body, from his lower back down to his numb legs and up to his chest and out his arms to his fingers. His gasping breaths and sobs turned to a scream of pain that echoed in the cave.

Sam continued to lay under the debris, wallowing in his personal pity party, he heard a noise to his left and looked over to see the ghost that had visited him earlier in his tattered clothes and dirt covered face he watched the youngest Winchester for a few moments then said eerily "Hheeeeeee hassss left youuuuuu! Hheeee willllllll not returnnnnnnn! You can stayyyyy here witttthhhhh meeeee, he will finalllyyy releassssse mmeeee!" Sam listened to the ghosts words through the haze of pain and shook his head slowly while trying to get his head around what the ghost was saying.

"Nnooo. I... I can't get out, I'm trapped. I'm sorry, I can't hhhelp you." Sam said weakly as the pain still ebbed through his body. "My brother will finish the hunt, you'll be able to move on, please, you have to tell me who's holding you here?"

Sam was struggling to keep the nausea from rising up, his pain level had not dissipated since he had started talking to the ghost, he had progressively become weaker as he spoke and his eyes blinked slowly, exhaustion taking the rest of his energy.

"He will not commmme for you... Like meeee you are trapped heeeerrrre" the ghost moved closer to Sam making him lean away. "The creature isssss familyyyy, but he is keeping me locked herrrre, he is twisssted" Sam nodded his head, needing more information but getting an idea of what was happening.

"So, the Wendigo is someone you know, it's your family... And he's... making you stay here?" Sam asked hoping that he could figure out what was happening so he could somehow let Dean know so he could solve the case.

"Yessss, he issss family, he uses me assss a distraction to get his next victimmmmssssss, I never wanted tooooo hurt people" the ghost wanted Sam to know he wasn't evil.

"Ok, can you tell me who you are? Who HE is?" Sam was curious how someone who used to be human had turned to a grotesque, murderous creature.

"Hissss name used tooooo beee Norman Garrett. He was my great, great, great uncle" the ghost had started to speak more normal the more he spoke, it was as if he hadn't spoken in so long time.

"Ok, what about you... What's... What's your name?" Sam was having trouble concentrating, there was an odd smell in the small cave now, he wasn't sure what it was but it made the nausea rise again and it was making his mind fuzzy.

"Myyyy name isssss George Garrett... I died in this cavvvveeee. I was trapped then, like I am now...like you... I fell asleeeeeep and didn't wake up" the ghost looked sad to Sam's blurry eyes, he blinked once and opened his eyes and closed his eyes again and he fell into blissful unconsciousness.

Dean was climbing the walls, he wanted to grab his gear and jump in the Impala and just run into the cave and set up camp on the other side of the collapsed wall, where Sam was trapped and talk to him, dig him out, just be close to him.

Garth had convinced him to not run off half cocked and do something that might endanger himself and Sam. Garth was now on the phone to his friend asking if there was anything else he could do to help Sam while they waited for the excavation gear.

Dean was adamant that he wasn't going to leave his brother in that cave for any longer than was necessary.

"Ok, Dean, we have a plan for you to make contact with Sam while we wait for the calvary" Garth came back into the room talking, as if he had been talking all along.

"Yeah... Ok... What magic spell do you have for me to do that?" Dean asked mockingly, he wasn't in the mood for one of Garth's jokes.

"I'm serious homey, I have a way for you to make contact with Sam, you can talk to him, find out if he's alright, if he has any injuries... You know all that good stuff" Garth says to the older brother who he knew was feeling guilty his little brother was in the situation he was in.

"Ok, so, are you going to share with the class then?" Dean asks mockingly.

"Yeah, keep your knickers on" Garth walked to the small table in the hotel room and took two small devices out of his bag and passed one to Dean. "These are special walkie talkies that we can attach to..." Garth took out an unusual looking helicopter out of the bag. "This drone that can search out GPS signals, through small crevices and areas that we can't get to, so you can talk to your brother" Garth stood there looking smugly at Dean.

"That's... That's pretty cool actually Garth" Dean let the excitement flow through him, the thought of being able to speak to his brother, to make sure he wasn't hurt and to maybe actually repair their relationship made him giddy.

"And... We can dispose of that Wendigo while we're at it too" Garth said half smiling at Dean.

"So when do you want to do this?" Dean asked suddenly needing to reconnect with his little brother.

"Any time you're ready, man. We have to stock up though, if you want to stay in the cave until we can get Sam out, we need food, water, lighting equipment, sleeping gear, satellite phone, camp chairs... Flame thrower"

"Well, we have some of that stuff in the impala, how about you go and get supplies and I'll pack all of this stuff up and when you get back, we can go" Dean said, happy that they at least had a plan. Worry for his brother came over him like a black cloud, he was lost in a cave, possibly hurt, in pain, hungry, thirsty and in the dark. Buried under all that rock, with a Wendigo on the loose, Dean just wanted to get his brother out of there.

Dean watched as Garth walked toward the door and stop, he turned and looked at the older brother for a moment then said "We'll get your brother out Dean, just be patient"

Dean nodded his head and waved Garth out the door. He thought about everything that he and his brother had said to each other, guilt and regret filled his heart. From what he had read of his little brothers thoughts and feelings, he knew he had been wrong for jumping to conclusions. Walking towards Sam's duffle bag Dean dug out his little brothers note pad and held it to his chest, wanting to read it but not have to reveal his brothers private thoughts.

Dean walked to the bed and sat up against the head board, opened the note book and flipped to the back of the book and to the first page of his brothers neat writing, all along the margins, top, bottom and on both sides were his brothers private thoughts, it was as if his brother used his research as his journal, knowing that Dean would rather poke his eye out with a spoon than to read over his research, he knew his privacy was protected.

Dean starts reading. 'The weeks since dad died have been the worst so far, Dean is distant and angry. Not at the car, or at Bobby or at anything else really, it's me that he is angry at... I don't know what to do... I've tried to apologise, to help him, to be there for him, like he was for me after Jess, but no matter what I do, he snaps at me, pushes me away. The anger, resentment and bitterness in his eyes takes my breath away. A million times a day, I think about leaving, making it easier for him to move past this, but then I can hear his voice in my head telling me I'm a coward, that leaving is the easy way out. Most nights I sleep on the couch, I'm not welcome in the room that had always been ours anymore, I don't know what I did wrong, but I know he blames me for dad's death. I just want my big brother back, but I have this hard, cold, brick wall of a man that doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm so sorry... But I don't know what I'm sorry for... Help me. I'm so alone'

'Wow', Dean thinks, when his dad had died he had been so wrapped up in his own grief that his brother was close to giving up and he hadn't seen it. He shakes his head at himself, how could he have pushed his brothers feelings away like they was nothing. He was starting to see a pattern, as an older brother he had failed in more ways than he had realised. Blame, guilt, betrayal and misunderstanding had been wedged between a once unbreakable bond and both brothers had made mistakes and because of the walls Dean had built up and the hesitancy on Sam's part to reveal his weaknesses to his big brother who he had looked up to all his life and even after everything they had lived through, still looked up to.

Dean put his head back against the head board and breathed deeply, his brother had put up with him and his guilt trips and snide comments for years and it was only now after so long, that he was finally understanding his brother.

Dean looked back down at the note book and flipped through the next few pages pages, Sam had drawn symbols all over the following pages, they reminded Dean of enochian. He kept reading 'Dean is gone... My whole world has been destroyed and all I want to do is pick a fight with a demon and hopefully end up with my brother... But I know, uDean wouldn't want that. I have researched all possibilities, tried to make deals with everyone I could find and I found these symbols, translating them has been tough, I don't know what language they are but if I can summon one of these creatures, perhaps I can make a deal to get Dean out of hell. If this doesn't work, I'll try to find Lilith and make her pay for what she did to my brother. I will stop at nothing, now that my eyes have dried of tears, My grief has turned to anger and the need for revenge. So help me god, I will not fail Dean, not again, or I'll die trying'

'Well shit' Dean thinks, his brother never told him about making deals and being suicidal, the self depreciating side of him, always thought his little brother would move on, make a life for himself, but he had been so grief stricken that he had been manipulated into drinking demon blood and trusting a demon. It had never occurred to Dean that perhaps his little brother was more self destructive and reckless than he had originally assumed.

Looking back down at the pages in front of him, Dean started to think about why his little brother had never told him about this, even when they learned about angels and when they both became immersed in the tablet, Sam had never given his previous knowledge on the language, perhaps the summoning didn't go well? This is something he would have to ask his brother. If he ever got him out and to the safety of the Impala. Dean closed the note book and quickly collected all their belongings and shoved them into the empty duffle bag. He would read more later, but now he had a little brother to find.

Sam became aware of a buzzing noise as he rose out of unconsciousness. The buzzing noise was coming from his brothers duffle bag. He tried to move his sluggish body quickly to grab the bag to see what was making the noise that had woken him. His fingers were numb and it took several tries to grab the bag, then his injured body was unable to hold and manoeuvre it as well as he should. This gave him reason to worry, perhaps he was running out of time, lack of oxygen and the odd smell from before could also have been factors of his overall unhealthiness.

Sam finally had the bag in front of him and he rummaged around inside trying to find the object making the now annoying noise. Sam grabbed his torch with his other hand, to shine some light on the bag and was greater with one of his brothers many mobile phones ringing.

Taken aback that he was able to get reception buried under all that rock he grabbed the phone and fumbled opening it, he had to blink a few times to see the display clearly. It was a number he didn't recognise but any contact with the outside world was welcome at this point. He pressed the answer button and moved his shaky hand to his ear.

"He... Hello?" He whispered down the line, his voice having not been used and from breathing in the dusty stale air. He cleared his throat when someone on the other end of the line answered but was unable to hear him. "Hello?" He said again slightly clearer and the person on the other end went silent.

"Hello brother?" A southern accent answered. Sam moved the phone away from his ear and looked at the display, his brother had the number in his contact list under 'B', it could only be one person.

Sam put the phone to his ear and spoke again. "Hello, what do you want with Dean?" Sam's voice was gruff but getting stronger by the minute. Now that he knew who it was, his jealousy and disapproval came out loud and clear.

"Ah, Sam? put Dean on the phone" the voice down the line was someone who he know recognised as the man that had replaced him in his brother heart.

"I wish I could but ah... We got separated... Ah..." Sam cut off what he was saying as a stab of pain shot through his body, his legs were now numb and tingly but his back was now protesting the prolonged uncomfortable position that he was in, with no way to move away or change position, Sam would have to take what ever pain was to come each moment at a time.

"Hey, Sam? What's wrong, are you hurt?" Sam heard Benny say but was unable to answer even though he wanted to yell at him and ask why he cared. Benny could hear harsh breathing and groans of pain as the connection cut out. He looked down at his phone and tried another number for Dean that he had instead, worry for the younger brother that he had heard an awful lot about when they were in purgatory.

Sam collapsed back to the dirty floor beneath him and tried to breath through the pain. His breath shuddered out and tears gathered in his eyes. His brother and the vampire where probably going to meet up and celebrate finally being free of him. He had been replaced and there was nothing he could do to change that. Dean didn't trust him and he had no faith in him and felt betrayed that he hadn't looked for him. There were so many mistakes that he wondered how many more he could he make before his older brother finally left him for good.

–

The phone answered with Deans panicked voice. Benny now knew that something had to be extremely wrong for his friend to sound like that.

"Hey brother, what the hell have you and your little brother gotten yourselves into?" Bobby shook his head, his friend was a great hunter but could also be a complete idiot sometimes.

"What are you talking about Benny?" Dean scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion.

"I just spoke to Sam... He's not doing too good. What have you done man, I thought you guys were together?" Benny was surprised that the man who talked non stop

"Ah... Well, it's... complicated Benny, but... when did you speak to Sam? He and I got separated on a hunt and... Now Sam's trapped in a collapsed cave" Dean said that to his friend, suddenly sad that he could see, hear or touch his brother to know he was alright.

"Well, I just called your other number and he answered... He's hurt bad and in a lot of pain by the sounds of it... All he got to tell me, was that you were separated before the phone went dead... Tell me you didn't do anything stupid" Benny was genuinely worried about the youngest Winchester. After all the stories Dean had told him, the vampire felt like he knew him.

"Dammit... It's a long story Benny but... We've been having a tough time lately and I've been pushing him away... I have to get him out of there..." Dean almost wanted to ask his friend for help but with him being a vampire and both Sam and Garth being hunters, having them all browsing paths was not how he wanted to pass him time.

"If you need my help let me know... And ah brother?... You better get to your brother soon, I don't think he has long" Benny wanted to slap the oldest Winchester in the head for what he had been doing but he was sure the younger brother had done something to unknowingly warrant Deans disappointment. The older Winchester was a walking contraction, always having such high standards for his brother and never allowing him to reach them. And yet the little brother who always looked up to him, still did, but after everything that had happened the older brother couldn't see it.

"Yeah, thanks man... I just... It's been really hard adjusting you know... I knew... I know I shouldn't have taken it out on him" Dean has a lot of regrets and making his brother feel bad for having a life and not knowing the full story but jumping to conclusions anyway was the one he regrets the most right know because there is possibility his little brother could die under all that rock. "I don't think Sam has told me the whole truth about his so called 'normal life'"

"You just have to fix it man, tell the truth and listen to him, that's all you gotta do" Benny says like the big brother Dean has never had.

"Ah okay, thanks... I'll call you" Deans says hanging up then realises five minutes has past and he needs to leave right he heck now.

"Hey Dean, what do you know about what happened to Sam while you were gone?" Garth had been standing behind the oldest Winchester, listening to the conversation, giving him his privacy but when he mentions Sam and abandoning him for a normal life, he felt it was time to tell him something.

"Sam said he found a new life with a girl and a dog... He didn't want to talk about it... At the time I thought... I thought he was just being an ass... But now...?" Dean had finally said what he had been thinking since the brothers had been back together and it felt good to say it out loud. "Why? What do you know?"

Garth looked at Dean and sighed, the younger brother hadn't told him about what had happened to him. He hadn't told him that he had been the one to organise his escape... For a high cost.

"All I know is, that what ever your brother told you... Was a lie... Your brother never stopped looking for you, and... He stayed out of the game" Garth said cryptically.

"What do you mean? That doesn't make sense?" Dean asked more confused than he had started out.

"Look I shouldn't be the one to tell you but... Sam was the one who got you out of purgatory, but you need to ask him the details... It's not my place" Garth cursed to himself. He shouldn't have said that much to he couldn't stand to see the eldest Winchester so in the dark about what his younger brother had done for him. By the sounds of it they weren't in a good place, probably because Dean didn't know the truth and they had allowed it to come between them.

"No... No way, you can't start telling me something like that then stop... If you know what happened you have to tell me" Dean begged the scrawling hunter for more information.

"Dean, I'm sorry, I can't tell you... Just know that your brother didn't abandon you okay... He's the reason you out now, so we have to get him out so you can talk to him, find out the truth and maybe fix things between you " Garth tried to move away from the big brother before he took matters into his own hands.

"Fine, but you have to make sure Sam tells me... I've been blaming him since I came back and if he was the one who go me out... I need to know what he did" Dean was more worried about his little brother... Had he made a deal, had he promised something that was too high a price?

"Trust me, I'll have some words with him... I thought he was going to tell you, he said he would" Garth shook his head, these two brothers tried to protect each other from each other when what they should do is just lay it all out on the table, no lies, no secrets, no regrets.

They stood there lost in their own thoughts when Dean finally came to his senses. "Alright so are we ready? I need to get to my brother?" Dean asked suddenly energetic and excited to get into that cave, to his brother, and to find and destroy that Wendigo once and for all.

They picked up the bags and walked out of the hotel room, locking the door behind them, one step closer to the youngest Winchester.

Sam stared up at the black darkness of the sealing and let the pain ebb away from him, as he felt his heart rate slowing and his breathing coming out in short puffs.

Sam moved his head to look at his brothers duffle bag and lifting his weak arm to reach for it without moving his body too much, he dragged it toward him and with his other hand he grabbed the torch and lit up the bag, pulling out his brothers journal. He wanted to have some sort of connection to his brother before he died of his injuries. Tears gathered in his eyes as he shakily flipped through the pages of his brothers journal and stopped, he then started reading, he recognised what his brother had written about, a time in their lives that Sam had wanted to forget, especially the eighteen months afterwards. The memories of this time were the stuff of nightmares, nightmares that had him waking up in a sweat, heart pounding and eyes glistening.

'Sammy's gone... He jumped into the pit with Lucifer riding his body. He was actually able to gain control and the look in his eyes before he jumped was so sad, so guilty and full of shame that I wanted to grab him and yell at him for thinking I blamed him for anything. I wanted to tell him I was proud of him, that I forgave him and that I loved him. But I didn't do any of those things and he went into that pit thinking I still didn't trust him, that we weren't the brothers he had wanted us to be. Every morning I wake up seeing him jump into the hole, disappearing forever. It breaks my heart to think that he'll never know how much I envy him, his strength, his bravery and his determination to make things right.

Lisa and Ben help a little, especially Ben, who is as smart and as inquisitive as Sammy was at that age, always asking why, asking questions about everything and after having almost 30 years of being a big brother, I knew how to answer Ben each time. As nice as it was doing that again, it made me so sad that my little brother wasn't there with me. I miss him so much, I want to go charging into hell and drag Sammy out of there and just hold onto him for the rest of our days... But I can't do that because he made me promise to stay with Lisa and live my life. I'll keep trying but I can feel my heart turning to dust and I know it's not possible but I think you can literally die from missing someone too much'

Sam's eyes were so full of tears he had trouble reading anymore. He knew his brother had mourned him and had probably even missed him for a while but after a year with Lisa and Ben, he had assumed he had moved on and lived his life once the burden of looking after his little brother was taken away.

A sob tore out of Sam making fiery hot agony shoot through his body, moaning in pain, trying to stop more sobs from making the pain worse. Breathing as deeply as he could, Sam held onto the journal with a tight grip, thinking this was the end he said "Dddean... I'm so sorry... Forgive me" Sam closed his eyes, a tear escaped his eye and ran down his cheek and ran down his neck and splashed on the ground beneath him mixing with the blood and sweat already there.

Suddenly there was a weird buzzing noise making him stop suddenly and lift the torch in his shaking hand to look around the enclosed cave. He looked around him then moved the torch up at the small hole in the cave sealing where the ray of light had been lighting the cave when the sun had been up and then he saw it, a drone helicopter was making its way toward him with small lights shining and blinking all over it, Sam shook his head, trying to clear his vision, thinking he must be going crazy from blood loss or lack of oxygen, if he was seeing a drone flying toward him in the middle of a cave, he must be delirious. The helicopter came down as if it was looking for something making Sam panic slightly that he was unprotected and unarmed.

Watching the drone move closer to him, he started hearing a voice, realising that it he was definitely delirious, he recognised the voice as his brothers "Sam? Sam are you there? If you can hear me, grab the helicopter and unhook the walkie talkie" Sam herd his brothers worried big brother voice coming from the helicopter and spears sprang to his eyes again in relief.

Sam fumbled with the helicopter and took the walkie talkie of the latch and brought it to his mouth, hands shaking like crazy. His fingers were so numb and uncoordinated that he had to look at the button on the side and use both hands to press it down to speak to his brother. "Hhhello? Ddean?" Sam's voice was a husky whisper from dehydration and lack of use.

"SAMMY!" Deans voice came down the line excitedly. "It's so good to hear your voice" he continued, wanting to reassure his little brighter, whatever state he was in. They still had thirty six hours to go before Garth's friend would be there to help with the rescue.

"It's ggood... to hear... you too... How... How'd... you'd find mee" Sam said softly, still feeling extremely weak and the pain was now throbbing throughout his whole body, his back and legs were now numb but pain and pins and needles still echoed occasionally, as if the nerves kept reminding the brain they were still there, which gave him some hope that he wasn't paralysed.

Dean was worried about how out of breath his little brother sounded. "Garth... It was his idea to use the helicopter... Cool huh, I thought you'd like it" Dean was rambling, he know but he just wanted his brother to know he was there. "Are you hurt bad Sammy?" Dean asked gently, listening to his brother staggered breathing as he spoke.

"I'm... Trapped De'n... My legs... My legs are trapped... I can't... I can't get out!" Sam was starting to panic, the pain was rising again so he tried to breath through it.

"Hey, hey, hey... Sam calm down. I'm going to get you out man... But you gotta calm down now okay?" Dean tried desperately to calm his little brother down. Hearing him in such distress brought tears to his eyes. Sam was going through this horrible experience with the horrible things Dean had said the last time they were together.

"I... I don't think... You'll be able to... To get me out De'n... I'm... I...hhhmmm" Sam could feel unconsciousness creeping up on him, he was trying hard to say awake but his head was swimming.

"Hey... Sammy? Sammy listen me okay, Garth and I will get you out, you just... Just listen to my voice alright, just hold onto me and I'll be here on the other end of the line... You just hold on Sammy... Sammy?" Dean couldn't hear anything but wheezy breaths from his brother. He turned to Garth who stood behind him with. Grave look on his face.

"It sounds like he just passed out. Just keep talking to him and I'll go and have a look at the alter you told me about" Garth could see the pained big brothers face was getting no comfort from the fact that his brother was just on the other side of the collapsed wall, but that was also the problem, Sam was just on the other side of the collapsed wall and Dean hadn't felt so far away from him.

Tbc