(So in this chapter we learn some important news about Chell and see our protagonist being an arse. Oh, and something about Portal I think.)
ITS MY LIFE
Chapter 3 MEETIN WITH CHELL (Three chapters in and the protagonist is introduced. Nice.)
The asterood (A rude asteroid?) was headin right for us an hit us an it hurt my every place. (Just hurt? I think if you got hit with massive flying space debris you'd most likely DIE. Also, every place is fantastic.) Wheetly got alls broken but robot Glados was not close an pushed way into space. (Pushed on what?)"I hope yur bloody powers can help us sodding land!"(And there goes another piece.) Wheetly yelled becos he was scared. (No shit Sherlock.) I tried hard an a magic shield came around me an Wheetly so as we started fallin to Earth no thing bad happened. (HOW CONVIIIIINIIIIEEEEENNTTTTTT)
As well falled fast towards Earth I saw Portal Labs (AKA APERTURE) comin up front (Also, how? If you're high up in space, how can you possibly recognise an underground lab, and know how to steer yourself to it?) so I braced myself round Wheetly. We landed with a huge crush to were Atlas an P-BODY (Thanks CONSTRACTIVE CRITISIM GUYS AN NOT TROLLS)(Sweet jeezus she's spelling it right. I'll bet its misspelled at least once in this chapter.) were smokin more drugs. (Again, with what? No mouths see.)The looks on there feces were classic (Disgusting.) when ethey saw me back with Wheetly. "What are you doin here this is are turf!" (Apparently the Jets own this area.) Altas yelled loud at me an punch but my shield broked his hand. "Imposable!" (No, improbable!)Then I kicked him back an looked to P-Body an glared at him so he pooped robot stuff an ran away. (WHAT IS THIS AUTHORS OBSESSION WITH SHIT?!)
Suddenly without warnin a girl jumped from the whole in the seelin I made when I landed. She was wearin a jumpsuit like me an she looked like me but a little less pretty an hot. (Gotta make sure Marissa stays on top in every situation. NO EXCEPTIONS!) I new immediately it was Chell. Chelllooked at me an smiled an started to dance crazy. (wut)
"SHAKE IT BAKE IT BOOTY QUAKE IT ROLL IT A ROUND!" Chell sung as her danced an shake butt. (…i…I uh…what can I even say to that…) Wheetly got sad lookin an told me "I forgot to mention she got brane damage an cant solve tests no more (HOW AND WHEN?!) that's why Glaods let her go befour." (Oh really? And how did GLaDOS know she was brain damaged if all she did after waking up was stand in a fucking elevator?!)I cried some tears at my retorded sister shakin her butt all crazy an stuff like on the Sym-Bionical Titan show. (I don't know what that is so let's move on.)I got out a magum pistol (Must've hid it up her ass.)an went up to Chell head to shoot an (Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you seriously going to have her kill a character for being brain damaged? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!)pet her out of her MISERY (which is also a movie). ( STARRING CATHY BATES! SEE! I CAN MAKE POINTLESS REFERENCES TOO!)The gun went off like boom boom boom (Don't get dat) an Chell falled down with blood from her headhole. "Im sorry my sister." Wheetly was cryin an I started cryin to becos it was a really sad day. (Then you should've just left her alive you asshole.)
After all the tears came out (Did she count?) I got up an went to find Glados for revenge. (Wasn't she in space?) Wheelty couldn't walk so I put him in my jumpsuit an he got real happy "Marrissa yur chests is so big an squishy!" (Hooray, more porn for Marissa and pointless dialogue.) He happied (He was happy, but not no more.) so I got happy too an we went for Glados. Glados was listinin to her dumb goth emo music (We don't even a description this time? After Avril Lavingne I was expecting Justin Bieber.) when she saw me an Wheetly come in. "WHAT DO YOU WANT YUO ALREADY STOPED ME FROM SEWISIDING AN STOPED MY REVANGE?"
"You put Wheetly in space an made Chell booty quake (Wait what? Since when was GLaDOS responsible for giving Chell brain damange?!) an tried to kill me to so I will kill you." (Killing solves everything!) My body started glowin electric an I used my special new fight ability MEGA PAWNCH (It's super effective.) to punch Glados head off an she died for real this time. (For really reals you guise. Really. Never coming back. Makes me wonder why this fic is over 20 chapters long.) Wheetly turned off all the dumb goth emo music with science powers (Probably inherited those from Cave Johnson.) an we were happy. Then I remembered somethig I needed to tell to Wheetly.
"Wheetly you need to no that Im….. pragenant!" (I don't look it or anything, but I am! Really!) Wheetly looked at me with shock an aww. "Marrissa this is good news we can have robot ball/humon baby an live happily ever after for ever now!" (THE END. Can I go home now?) I was sooooo happy I hugged Wheetly an we almost made a twin baby right then (…what?!) an there when Atlas an P-Body show up. (I'm just gonna call these two Tweedlearse and Tweedlehole from now on.)
"Hey b**** were back!" Atlas yelled an took out a guns. (Portal? Gravity? Machine? Chicken? What kind damnit?!) [-Body (Told you she'd misspell it once.) took one of the gun an aim it at me too. I powered up my sheld but something strange happened an I fell over an started brething hard. "Whats wrong with me?" (I think canon is catching up and disintegrating you…I HOPE anyway.) Wheelty got scarred lookin while Atlas an P-Body lolled an got ready to shoot us up. (Why not just shoot? All you need to do is aim and fire, you're not operating a switchboard!) Things was going down bad (No shit) when some one raised up from behind the two robojerks an hitted them on heads with frying pan! (DEMOPAN TO THE RESCUE) It was… CHELL!
"Chell you saved us!" I congradulated her. "Marrissa you made me Left 4 Dead (AN: LOL) (These references will never get old!) you b**** so now get ready to die!" Lookin closer I saw Chell was right, she was a zombee now! (Uh…how? Pretty sure you need to be bitten by one before death before coming back. Or are we crossing over with The Walking Dead now?) Wheetly made some growls to stop her (Wheatley used growl!) but Chell didn't care (It's not very effective.) an tried to bite me but accidentally bit Atlas instead so he became a robot zomboy! (…I'm not even sure about this one. How do you MISS biting someone two inches from you?!)
TO BE CONTINUED? (NOPE)
IM RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS (Good, maybe this fic will end soon.) FOR WHAT MARRISSA CAN DO IN PORTAL LABS (Say it with me children. A-P-E-R-T-U-R-E.)I THINK NECKS CHAPTER SHELL GO TO OTHER VALVE GAMES MAYBE IF YOU WANT? (Nope. Please leave the other Valve titles out of this shit.)
(So has anyone else noticed we're never given an explanation as to why she felt weird? Just me? Well good, because the answer will come in absoloutely NEVER.)