Boris Yeltsin - Thank you. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

LovingWolf93 - Thank you, for being my beta - and for supporting my coming back to fanfiction and my comma-phobia.

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Chapter 3 - Confessing Darkness

Willow spent the next week meditating for six to eight hours per day. Sometimes she would meditate with Sister Morrigan, sometimes she did it alone. All but a few times Willow meditated at the waterfall. The peace and comfort the sound of the rushing water gave her was something she never knew existed.

Willow walked with the High Priestess out to the waterfall. They never spoke as they walked out there. Never until they were seated behind the waterfall.

"Willow, do you feel like you could tell me about the darkness? About how you came to learn and use dark magic?"

"I'm scared to," said Willow, with a quiver in her voice.

"I want to help you. I need to know the truth in order to do so. Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do. I just don't want you to think less of me."

"I have seen how hard you are working, Willow. I promise I won't think less of you."

"It started after Buffy died. Xander, Anya, Dawn, and I tried so hard to keep up with the demon slaying. We aren't slayers. We could only do so much. Spike tried to help us, but it was still more than we could handle. Giles had left, so Anya gave me free run of the Magic Box. I was trying to find a spell to help us kill the demons or to give us an advantage. When I couldn't find that, I knew our best hope was to bring Buffy back. Anya warned me that the only way to get her back was to use dark magic," Willow started. As she spoke her head dropped so that she was looking at the ground and not the High Priestess sitting across from her.

"It's okay, Willow. I promise you are safe here," said Morrigan.

"I found the spell to bring Buffy back. Spike, Anya, and Xander helped me get the ingredients and conduct the spell. Dawn wanted to help, but I couldn't let her. She's too young. After we brought Buffy back, I continued studying the dark magic books. Then, Glory, the Hell God, came looking for a magical key. She, she took Dawn's mind. She hurt little Dawnie. I had to figure out how to stop her. How to get Dawn back. I snuck into the really dark area where Anya kept the dangerous books. I read them, I learned the spells, the incantations. I taught myself how to be dark."

"You, taught yourself?"

"Yes. I taught myself. I practiced nightly. I would go to the cemeteries and demon haunts that Buffy wasn't going to hit so that we wouldn't cross paths. Then, the day came when I was ready to get Dawnie back. I got everything together and I headed over to Glory's place. What I didn't know is that Buffy had taken Dawn out with her that night and they saw me and followed me. By the time I got to Glory's I was so worked up I literally floated into her apartment. Buffy said that was the first time she had ever seen my eyes go black."

"So, when you use dark magic your eyes turn black?" asked Morrigan.

"My eyes and my hair turn black and then my skin turns extra pale. Glory and I went head to head. I attacked her, she attacked me. Then Buffy and Dawn came in and Glory, being a cocky Hell God, thought she had the upper hand. I knew otherwise," said Willow, the ends of her hair starting to turn black as she continued her story. "I drew Glory close, then I moved Dawnie close. I recited the incantation and put my fingers into their heads and I forced Glory to give up Dawn's mind and return it to her. I used myself as the conduit. After we got Dawn back Glory was weakened. Buffy was able to defeat her weakened body, I closed the gateway to hell. After that, I thought and felt like I was invincible."

Willow paused as shame overtook her. She couldn't breathe. Her heart was in pieces remembering what had gone on. What she had done.

"Do you want to stop or keep going?" asked Morrigan, placing a comforting hand on Willow's shoulder.

"I have to finish. I can't relive this again another day. After Glory was gone, the power that I had felt fighting her, it was as addicting as they say dark magic is. I was hooked. I felt like a goddess when I was using it. I started using magic for everything. I got dressed, undressed, dried my hair, made breakfast, I even used it to get me places. I didn't see a problem. Buffy, Anya, Xander, and Giles did. They each tried to get me to stop. I distanced myself from them, I started going to a magic dealer. I didn't take magic from him or others, but I did accept it. Things got really bad, and then Dawn got hurt because of me and my magic. That was when I saw that everyone was right, I had a problem and I needed to get it fixed. I started by going cold turkey. I totally stopped using magic. The withdrawal was...well, I wished I were dead on a minute by minute basis. Buffy and Dawn took turns watching me. On the 5th day of withdrawal Rack, the magic dealer sent me a dark magic mickey. He sent me pure, untouched, from the darkest regions of hell, dark magic. It overtook me. I went to his place, I told him to take it back, leave Sunnydale and I would let him live. He told me I was his and I needed to understand my place. The darkness of the magic overtook me and I sent him to the bowels of hell and then I left him to die there. I felt him die. I wanted to die, but I knew if I did I would end up in his control again. Then Giles came back and with his help and more help from Buffy and Dawn I was able to get through withdrawal. Then Giles brought me here."

By the time Willow was done, both women had tear streaks running down their face.

"That is an incredible story, Willow. I know how hard it was for you to tell and relive it. What I took from the story is that you started using dark magic to help your friends and yourself survive on the Hellmouth. You didn't do it with malice intent. You are a good person, Willow. I am going to see you through this if you let me."

"Please, help me," cried Willow, allowing herself to be wrapped in the arms of the older woman.

"Giles is going to have to leave in two days so that we can start your lessons. Are you okay with this? Are you ready?"

"I have your word that you will be here with me?" The older woman nodded. "Then I can do it."

The two women meditated for several hours before heading back to the cottage. The High Priestess talked with Giles and he understood that he would have to leave. He made sure that Willow was okay with his leaving.

After two days Giles said his goodbyes and Willow promised to keep in touch. As she watched the car pull away Willow started to feel overwhelmed. She had promised Giles that she would try and believe in herself. She didn't realize that after he left this would get harder.

tbc...