StylishDescent (SD): Hello guys, and welcome to-
?: NO!
SD: What the?
?: Your time is up, MY turn now! *appears behind Stylish*
SD: *whips head back to see a cloaked figure standing behind him* ...Who are you?
?: I'll give you a quick introduction. *gibberish*
SD: What.
OmegaRebirth (OR): I'm BATMAN! *crickets chirping* Sigh, I'm OmegaRebirth. AKA y-
SD: TMI! Do you want anyone to stalk us?!
OR: Good point.
SD: What are you here for, Omega? Can't you see that I'm busy?
OR: You signed me up for this side project, remember?
SD: What side project?
+/- (x number of times) represents increasing or decreasing sins respectively.
+ (x number of times)* represents an Ash Own Count.
1. "Oh, I'm spoiling it? Whoops," he laughed nervously, "How should I go about it then?" More radio chatter was his answer. "Are you sure? It's a little, you know, overused." Chatter again. "Alright, alright. Let's get to the point where it all began..."
First paragraph and the fourth wall has already been broken. +1
2. A place where most can only dream of seeing, let alone entering, the Champion League houses the current Elite Four.
Yet the character with the most stupid hat always enter. +1
3. ...almost constantly cooped up inside a library of famous works of literature.
Funny how we never see what's inside those books, is there evidence those are for literature and not picture ones? +1
4. ...he was feeling the pains of being the Unova Champion
Should've thought about that before deciding to overthrow the Champion. +1
5. Time is never kind to anyone, even to Legendary Pokemon.
Firstly, Volcarona is not a Legendary Pokemon. Second Stylish spelled Volcarona wrongly. You had all the time in the world to spell it, seriously don't be sloppy. +2
6. ...extremely convienent crack of the Relic Castle.
Convienent crack is convienent. Especially when in dire times. +1
7. ...former kings and queens of the Unova Region without the prize.
Wow a waste of time. Why are you doing this instead of TRAINING YOUR POKEMON. +1
8. Then the paparazzi came, seemingly attracted to the heap of a mess that he was in.
Stalker Alert! +1
9. Trip later had Conkeldurr, Chandelure and Unfezant to destroy the camera...
You better pay for that. +1
10. ...while Jellicent, Serperior and Vanilluxe were tasked to scare the paparazzi into submission once every equipment was damaged beyond repair.
Because being a Champion gives you such a privilage. +1
11. Ever since, he'd been on his guard outside of the League, making special arrangements to hide his identity with surprising success, considering the twisted tenacity of the bunch of maniacs.
No matter how secretive you are, there is always up to date information on someone as important and famous as you. Sorry Trip, fat chance. +1
12. ...when the paperwork made their debut in the fourth and subsequent months, he had little time for leisure.
Why on Pokearth (Stylish told me to call that) will they let a 15 year old do politics? Bloody hell if anything this should be a part-time job and he should be studying! I'm giving two sins for that! +2
Then again, this is the Pokemon World, where education is a lost cause. Taking one off now. -1
13. ...wondered if Alder had intentionally lost to avoid the mountains of paperwork and equally bothersome conferences he and the other Champions must attend.
Come on Trip, be more polite, just because he is old doesn't mean he is lazy. +1
14. ...a law was passed one month after Team Plasma's defeat. For a Champion to apply for a leave, he or she needs to warn the League at least a month ahead of time unless it's an official invitation or anything serious in general.
Shouldn't this law have been applied long before the attack of Team Plasma? +1
15. Even if he could, being a relatively distant person, it was less than likely that he would socialise with the crowd. The other rivals perhaps, but that was about it.
That is actually in character. -1
16. He wished he did not decline though, he had to get a break one of these days or he would be driven insane.
Should've thought about... Oh wait, I'd said that before. +1
17. A cool green serpentine body coiled around him...
I don't know about you readers, but the action gives me the creeps. +1
18. Before his ascension
Is that how Trip sees himself as? Then again this could be Stylish's fault, he is the writer afterall. Still a sin though. +1
19. ...Battle Clubs to test his strength against others of similar caliber
Funny you mention that, exactly how many times are the badges shown on the machine in the Battle Club. HOW MANY? Stylish probably never thought about that, but still a sin. +1
20. ...last seen with the Legendary Deep Black Pokemon
The way Stylish phrased that makes it seem like a racist comment... +1
21. The sister started her journey a little more than a day after he started, but by some miracle, she managed to keep up with him, even defeating him at the semi-finals of the League and taking the throne.
Non-canon. +1
Even if it is a fanfiction, unless Trip walks like a Slugma, there is no way the sister could've kept up with him. Seriously you had a whole 24 hours ahead! +1
22. Miss Wannabe Dragon Master in the social level.
Come on Trip, be more polite. Iris is still a top tier trainer. +1
23. The normally optimistic greenette had worry written all over his face, and his voice carried panic and urgency. "Trip, have you seen Ash?"
Unless he went off to another region Cilan should know where is better than Trip, Cilan follows Ash around the Unova Region. +1
And if he left Unova, why should it matter and unless Cilan had a private message there is no reason to panic. +1
24. ...forced him to prioritise important matters over trivial stuff.
First, that is non-canon. +1
Second, "trivial stuff" ouch. +1
Third, insulting Ash. +1*
25. Hell, he wanted nothing to do with the kid with the Pikachu, having defeated, no... crushed
Ouch again for Ash. +1*
26. ...the 12-year-old...
Ash ages, I am removing a sin for that, but Stylish wants me to find a way to replace that one. -1
27. ...random stranger who had overheard the dweeb telling his 'mon that they were going to the Unova region to prove something.
Would a waiter/gym leader really believe what a background character is saying? I probably won't. +1
Also calling Ash a dweeb. +1* and since I promised +1
28. Trip barely managed to restrain himself from face-palming for knowing Ash in the first place.
The reason is never explained. +1
Why would Trip face-palm himself if he knew Ash's hyperactive/stupid nature? +1
29. "Because only unprofessionals do face-palms, it's basic stuff," the reason for his restraint in his own words.
That is in character, taking one off. -1
Then again, does anyone else cringe every time you here Trip say, "basic stuff" in the anime? I do. Stylish doesn't, still... +1
30. ...loser...
Ash is a loser. Didn't Gary point that out on the sign that one time? LOL! No sin for that because I find it amusing, and one Ash Own Count. +1*
31. The Narrator in bold. (Stylish told me this) +1
32. elemental powers at their fingertips (or is it paw-tips or fin-tips?)
A nice touch. -1
33. Pokemon coexist with humans-
"I cannot believe I'd brought the wrong ticket!"
Oh I wish we do. +1
Ash interrupts the Narrator. +1
34. ...I'll be broke...
Silly Ash, in the World of Pokemon, you either win money and pay money in shops like in the games or everything is free-of-charge like in the anime. +1
35. ...mysterious, one and only (and currently missing-in-action)...
Even if it is true, -1
Red is STILL alive and a Pokemon Master, show some respect. +1
36. ...Master-
"Did someone say there's already a-"
Interruptions, again. +1
37. A half-scream and the sound of a fist connecting with a face was heard, and finally the 'thud' sound of someone's body collapsing followed not long after.
This fanfiction shows that the solution to all problems is violence. Without Pokemon that is. +1
Also Ash gets beaten up. +1*
38. ...the narrator let out a sigh of satisfaction...
The narrator is a little sadistic, isn't he? +1
39. Man, maybe I should do it for a hobby!
More confirmation that the narrator is a sadist. +1
40. "...trainer-hood..."
That's not a real word. I don't care what Stylish says, it's still a sin. +1
41. He grinned, opening the packet and popping one of the lozenges inside into his mouth, enjoying the minty taste.
We don't know what he placed in his mouth until a later time. When I first read it, I assumed it was a type of drug. +1
42. He could feel the weight of the haversack's contents against his shoulders, but he had to get used to it. When he adds more Pokemon into the team, there was no telling how much he would be carrying.
Unless Reggie puts his Pokeballs in his bag there wouldn't be an increase in mass. +1
Also capturing Pokemon does not show any increase in the Pokeballs' mass. +1
Shouldn't a Pokemon Trainer clip his/her Pokeballs on their belt? +1
43. ...(how did a 15-year-old even become a teacher in the first place?)...
So a 15-year-old teacher is a problem but a 10-year-old Champion is a-okay? +1
44. ...his younger sister by a year was by far more important.
You cannot declare someone's value in life just because you are related to him/her. +1
Also if Hilda is younger, why did she start her Pokemon journey before you? +1
45. ...from having to bomb his pockets to get each of them a Xtransceiver for ease of communication...
There is no way a 15-year-old could earn enough money to buy TWO watches that has the same function as a touch screen phone. A sin for each Xtransceiver. +2
46. "I swear, if I ever see my dear sister again, I'm going to..." Reggie began...
Harm a girl? Are you even a gentleman? I know he did not finish his sentence but the fact he considered to do something which is most likely bad earns this chapter another sin unless Stylish tells me off. +1
47. "...her Pokemon would kick my ass before I can do anything."
Confirmation that Reggie wanted to hurt Hilda. +1
48. However, as a man of priorities, Reggie knew better than to waste time enjoying the morn. There are other days for the opportunity, he thought.
"There is not a day to enjoy the sun as time is too important, so I will do it next time." I basically followed Reggie's logic. +1
49. A tan-skinned boy with unkempt spiky blond hair...
The Legendary Super Saiyan! Yeah, I couldn't resist. Sorry ExDraco, no sorry for Stylish though. Since its ExDraco's OC and I like the DBZ franchise, no sin.
50. Wait, did this guy just hear that last part?
Don't be so worried Reggie, there is nothing wrong in revealing that information... Is there? +1
51. ...there was always this slight chance he might not be able to get the partner he wanted for his journey.
That's quite selfish Reggie. +1
Besides there are always extra starter Pokemon. +1
52. Moving ahead of the older male, the native barely managed to make a move when he walked into someone and falling back onto his ass, again.
Jeez Reggie, falling down twice in a row in less than a minute, don't be sloppy. +1
53. Still twitching after the surge of at least 100000 volts stopped flowing through his body
There is no way Reggie could tell 100000 volts was the amount he was shocked by. +1
Also, I'm pretty sure nobody can survive 100000 volts of electricity. +1
54. Admist the emptiness of the void, Reggie could only associate the darkness with one word: death.
"Death"? Don't be silly Reggie, this is Pokemon. You can't die. +1
'Admist' is not a word. Stylish admits he made an error, so two sins to compensate for that. +2
Total sins: 58
Ash Own Count: 5
SD: Hey guys, Stylish here. As you can see, Omega (who is related to me, that's all you need to know) and I are doing a Sin Count series, inspired by CinemaSins. It is basically about Omega finding faults in this story and making it a very humourous side project.
OR: It might not be humourous though, but I'll try! As you can see, at the end of each Sin episode, there will be the total number of mistakes or sins made by Stylish himself. Both of us will work together to find plot-holes and what-not.
SD: The Ash Own Count is a rip-off from the Krillin Own Count by TeamFourStar. It represents the number of times Ash gets owned or fails. Like the Sin Count, it is added for humour aspect.
OR: The Ash Own Count is for Stylish's more... less-than-normal side. I do not mind Ash's behaviour but since Stylish is funding this project, I'm obligated to do so.I'll be posting Sin Chapters after the next chapter has been posted. For example, Chapters 1 and 2 are out, so I'll be making Sin Chapters 1 and 2. If you see any sins that I missed or there are any ways I can improve on, you can put it in the reviews. Constructive criticisms will be appreciated.
SD: Last but not least...
Both: Thanks for reading this!
[StylishDescent logging out]
Hope to hear from ya'll soon. -OmegaRebirth.