2. Open Book
I sat on the icy outcropping staring up at the starry sky. I had hardly been away for six days and I was missing my family. I was resting my arms on my knees thinking about things at Forks.
Was the girl concerned about my sudden disappearance? Would she think it was connected to her? No, humans weren't that smart. She would think I was away for other reasons, personal. Not connected to her at all.
Tanya ran through the forest to me. I frowned slightly. As she came over the brow of the hill her hair bounced back into place, and she slowed to a walk behind me.
You will be leaving us soon? She guessed.
"Yes, you've been very hospitable, but I miss Carlisle, Esme and my siblings." Not even that demon can keep me away. I thought silently.
If only he had changed his mind, he could have been happy here. She thought as she stared off into the distance. My frown deepened as I heard this, I should not have come here, to reawaken these fantasies. I owed her more than this but in the blind panic that followed that evening I went to the one place that seemed safe; Alaska.
I ran back to the house with Tanya, and said goodbye to the others, hugging them all before I left. Tanya kissed my cheek and I felt only a little uncomfortable. I felt less than a gentleman coming here and doing this to her, when I had rejected her and she was not used to such things, but I was in a hurry, and I had nowhere else to go.
They wished me good luck and said I would do the right thing. Was everyone as convinced as Alice that I was good? Was I the only one who had any vague idea of the monstrous act I was capable of? I stepped into the soft leather of Carlisle's car and drove off. Purposefully deciding to go home in case Alice didn't see me coming, I would be faster if I could run but I couldn't leave the car here.
In any rate the drive back gave me a chance to think about things, prepare for the eventuality of meeting Bella Swan again. I would need to take precautions of course, hunt more often. I could not afford to reach the state of thirst I had last time. I was like Jasper now, weak; weaker than the rest.
I took a round-a-bout route so I didn't have to drive the doctor's car through Forks; it was almost as conspicuous as the police car. I did have to be careful though that I didn't cross the line on the other side of town, even in the confines of the car.
I turned down the driveway and Alice slipped into the passenger seat.
"You're going back to school." She said, accepting and trying to see what would happen by my choice. I nodded, my mouth set was determined.
"I need to hunt." I replied, looking briefly over to her as she saw an upcoming argument with our siblings. She nodded briefly; Of course you should, it would be insane not to take extra precautions.
I nodded again, and then pulled up in front of the house. Esme had my door open and me in her arms before I had even turned off the engine.
You stupid, irresponsible, naughty boy. She chided in a loving manner as she squeezed me tighter.
Carlisle, and the rest of the family came out and walked down the steps.
"You didn't tell them I was coming?" I asked Alice quietly. She shook her head.
I thought it would be a nice surprise. She thought smugly, bouncing on her tiptoes slightly.
"I'm glad you're home." Carlisle murmured, though we could all hear his sentiment.
I nodded once, to show I too was glad. Then turned to Jasper, who was frowning;
"Why are you back?" he asked, all his doubt and conviction strung into one question.
I knew this was dangerous ground. Jasper wouldn't agree with me risking everything, not even when he did so every couple of weeks to try and strengthen his resistance.
Emmett would think I was stupid and irresponsible true, but mainly it would be a big game to him. One huge gamble which he would bet on the more sinister outcome, just to get on my nerves. Then Rosalie would hate me for even bringing up the subject, risking her life here. As perfect as her horrible life could get. So I was already setting myself up against three of my family. Yet Alice was on my side, and she knew how to get around them, and so did I. I knew how to wind myself into every little hole they have and expand it until they can't find a proper argument anymore.
Esme should be simple, she won't want me to go away again. She hates her family separated, and I hated going away. She would be neutral land; Switzerland. Swayed either way, whichever way kept her family alive and together unnoticed.
Carlisle was almost too easy, the killing of an innocent girl, just so I could get a few moments of bliss. No, he wouldn't allow it. Carlisle would side with us. Our father figure, the one who always led us in times of need, would be with Alice and I in our bid to be normal, and keep everyone alive.
Three against three, one in the middle; a fair argument.
"I'm going back to school." I said, bracing myself for the argument that would follow.
"You can't be serious?" Rosalie laughed, speaking for the first time. "Edward, you went halfway across the country to get away from that girl!" she shouted, tossing her hair back.
Jasper's eyes widened, and Emmett placed his hands on Rosalie's hips.
Shit Edward, you trying to get Rose to kill you?
I slowly shook my head, "No. Rosalie I didn't run from her."
Everyone turned to me, shocked. "Let me explain." I put my hands up before they could bombard me again, and Alice was already 'seeing' my explanation, and her posture became relaxed as she wasn't in the dark anymore.
"Like I said, I wasn't running from her. When I smelt her blood it was like something never before for me, and a monster rose up from the depths within me and I saw that within the reflection of her eyes, and I hated it. I hated what she had done to me, I hated myself. I needed to get away."
I looked down, ashamedly.
"You think going back is really going to be ok Edward? You looked really quite… crazy." Jasper said.
It's probably best to just involve her in an accident or something.
"NO!" I roared, and everyone flinched.
You have feelings towards her don't you? Jasper asked the only reasonable explanation for my outburst.
"Of course not." I replied through my teeth, "Jasper thought it might be an idea to involve Bella in an accident."
"Of course we can't do that." Carlisle instantly replied, revulsion threaded the sentence in his tone and his mind.
"What else are we meant to do?" Rosalie asked, "Wait until Edward slips? Wait for the Volturi?"
"Of course not." Esme trilled, slightly hysterical.
"No, of course not." Alice repeated, she had been silent, throwing me to the sharks so to speak. "Edward is too determined now, it doesn't matter what we say, he's going to school and he won't hurt her."
Alice was concentrating very much on what she was saying, was she trying to make it convincing? Had she seen me perhaps slip? Reveal something too much? I didn't know but I didn't suppose I would either.
"Oh well that settles it then." Rosalie argued sarcastically flinging her arms up.
"Of course it does." Esme tried to finalize the argument, to let it end.
Are you sure you can hold your thirst? Carlisle asked me suddenly. I was so suddenly surprised by his question, but I didn't doubt myself, and I nodded, I would not kill her. Bella Swan. The girl's face swam before my eyes again, the way her lips curved, her eyes shone;
"It's settled." Carlisle stated, ignoring the protests, "We do not do anything unless Edward is unable to contain himself. He is sure of his abilities, and we must respect his decision as he knows that it is one that risks our family."
I grimaced slightly but held my ground, and Alice became overjoyed.
"This does not mean she will be your friend." I murmured, confused by how well it had gone.
"Oh no, she will be my sister, she'll choose it."
I froze, as did everyone who was walking inside. My eyes flickered to Rosalie.
You insatiable bastard!
She suddenly moved away from Emmett and struck me. I took the blow, I deserved it. She would choose this life? Instead of what? For what? Me? I was shocked, but as Rosalie was hurling her thoughts at me my mind would have to wait.
How could you do this? Selfish creature taking everything and leaving her with NOTHING! She will have nothing! She will feel ok for the first few years oh yes! But then? A great big empty void that no amount of money or even sex can fill. You are condemning her to a life of hell!
That broke me, it was as though I didn't know this; as though I didn't see what she saw every eternal day; each eternal night.
"I know! You think I don't know this? I have the most disadvantaging 'extra sense' in the history of our kind. It may sound good, but to know the deepest secrets and darkest fears of those you love and be unable to ease them, to be unable to do anything! It's torture! And then… then you find someone who you can't hear, someone who is silent to you, a normal person. Then when you get close you lose yourself to a monster you've suppressed for nearly a century. You are so close to murdering 20 innocent children for what? For the satisfaction of a mere few seconds." I breathed heavily, ignoring everyone as I took Rosalie apart bit by bit. She was shocked by my outburst, but I wasn't finished yet, I hadn't hurt her enough.
"The first time I saw her, when she first entered Alice's vision and I saw that someday I would love her and then she would be turned, I refused to be a part of her. I didn't even mention her in my mind by name. Then when in school she visited the receptionist I saw her again, a plain ordinary girl I thought; nothing exceptional.
Four-hundred and twenty-seven times I saw that girl through the minds of others that day, and not once did I see the attraction. Not until I saw her for myself. The way her hair fell over her perfectly rounded shoulders, and the way her chocolate-brown eyes held the all the depths of the ocean and all the emotion she had, her beautifully curved lips, her soft pale skin, a perfect snowy scene. The way her hips curved, I wanted so very much in the middle of the cafeteria to walk over to her, to look deep into her eyes, place my hands on her hips, feel her waist, see how she reacted to me, if she was scared of me or not. I wanted to know if she stumbled over her words when she introduced herself to me, I wanted to know how I affected her, all I knew that moment when I saw her Rosalie was that she was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
Rosalie hissed, and then walked off; the others too slinked away, only Jasper remained.
"If you feel so strongly how will you stay away?" He asked, and I knew he wasn't sorry about threatening Bella, if it was to keep Alice safe he would do anything. I sighed.
"I don't know." I whispered miserably. "It's the best thing for her though."
"Yes." He allowed slowly. "But love usually goes two ways."
I laughed loudly and harshly. "How could a human love someone like us?"
"I don't know." He countered. "How does love actually work? Figure that out and you'll be closer to your answer."
He walked to the house and Alice jumped down the steps, pecking Jasper on the cheek as she came.
"Would you like to join me hunting?" she asked, cocking her head to one side and waiting with very large onyx eyes. I sighed, knowing I would have to get it over and done with, and it would probably be the easiest with Alice. I nodded and she turned and started running.
I sprinted after her, springing over the river and rolling when I landed on the other side so I didn't cause too much damage. When I jumped up Alice was besides me going at a more leisurely pace. I matched hers and hoped things would move on from Bella Swan.
"That wasn't very nice, what you did to Rosalie."
"Alice, please don't. I hate explaining what people have thought to me, and besides everyone needs to know how I felt and that I can't hear her."
She nodded and continued on the subject despite my reluctance.
"It's odd that you can't read her yet I can see her and Jazz can affect her." She chimed as she changed direction and started heading west.
"You used Jasper?" I asked sharply.
She shrugged unrepentant, "It was a favor."
I shook my head and broke into a sprint, breaking away from her, and heading toward a small grass clearing, we hadn't gone far and there was a small herd of deer. Crashing into the neck of a large looking doe I broke its neck instantly. Then feeding I took in the blood until it had gone dry. Easing the initial burn of my throat, I felt the blood slosh down my throat and into my stomach. I left the carcass for a scavenger to find, and left to find another herd animal that had scattered. Some small part of my mind was aware that Alice was following in the distance, but right now… I was the hunter.
Running home was calm, we spoke of trivial things, and I went for a hot shower before school.
I was nervous but was trying to keep the nerves in my brain so that Jasper couldn't sense them. If he did he would spout them to everyone in the town. Edward Cullen; nervous about going to school.
I dressed comfortably and walked to see Alice sitting on the stairs outside my room.
"Yes?" I asked as I continued past her and she followed.
I was going to come and drag you out if you decided not to come.
I nodded, not at all concerned about my behavior. I had hunted, my eyes a light bright gold. I was not as thirsty as I was last time, surely she wasn't that bad?
I went down the stairs with Alice and met the others in the car. They had left the driver's seat for me and I smiled. There was a new steering wheel attached and Rosalie stared at me with maddened eyes.
Break that wheel, and after that speech last night I will gouge your eyes out and hide them somewhere so you don't know what is beautiful or not.
I was hardly surprised by her violence, but I still didn't want her to even attempt such a feat.
I listened to Bella through other people throughout the day, surprised when she had never seen snow before. But she had lived in Phoenix, so it wasn't surprising that it had never snowed there. I wondered why she had come to live here, and was again frustrated that I couldn't see any of her thoughts.
Coming into the cafeteria she only got a soda, claiming to feel a little ill. It was hard to tell if she was pale or whether she was simply her normal self.
I watched as she carefully walked to the table. She seemed to exert more conscious effort than most humans to stay upright. Though I could only guess at how much and it infuriated me; I hated guessing.
Mike Newton asked her two times if she was feeling ok, and twice she reassured him she was fine, would she say the same if I were the one to ask? If I tried to persuade the truth from her? I frowned, jealousy radiating from me. Jasper rolled his eyes.
"Bella's going to look over in about 12 seconds, shall we at least try to act a little normal?" Alice asked us in a small hum. I nodded once and a big wave of enthusiasm came over us and Jasper winked to Alice as he and Emmett shook their hair. The snow from outside hadn't melted in it, and so they were now showering the girls in them. In a very humanly gesture Alice and Rosalie were both laughing leaning away from the wet.
Laugh Edward! Alice reminded me. I coughed in a few laughs, trying to be as convincing as I could. It seemed wrong to lie to Bella, suddenly a more forced wave of happiness embedded itself into my system and I forgot what I was thinking about.
Why is she staring at the Cullens?
The wayward thought drifted so prominently into my forethoughts that I twisted in my seat slightly to meet Bella's gaze. No wonder I hadn't been allowed to stop laughing.
Now I had her eye contact I could try and delve into her secrets, but to no avail, because at that precise moment her head dropped letting her lush locks fall to hide her eyes. I would have to try again, but from a distance.
Why is he staring at her? The Stanley girl thought viciously.
"Edward Cullen is staring at you," she giggled. Again with a giggle. I internally rolled my eyes, waiting for Bella's response.
"He doesn't look angry, does he?" she seemed to blurt it out without stopping to think. Maybe I made more of an impression last time than I thought. Remorse and guilt flooded through me for scaring her.
"No," the Stanley girl replied, but I wasn't paying attention to her now, "Should he be?"
"I don't think he likes me," She whispered as though uttering the darkest secret. So she had noticed my aversion to her last time, the way I thought she was set out to destroy me. I would have to right this wrong. It could lead to things that couldn't happen.
"The Cullens don't like anybody… well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring at you."
The Stanley girl was wrong yet again, we noticed far too many people, we were just good actors. That's what kept us unnoticeable, as part of the façade. What had to be had to be.
"Stop looking at him." Bella hissed, as though I could really take notice of another person when I was looking at her. It was wrong.
For the rest of lunch Bella kept her eyes down carefully, from her body language she seemed to be concentrating on keeping it that way.
When she stood she seemed to walk with a new determination, she left with Mike Newton, and I felt a strange feeling rising up inside of me. Like a lion ready to roar and pounce on Mike, sweeping him aside and standing beside Bella, protecting her from these pitiful beings.
Everyone seemed to be waiting for me now. Was I going to follow and sit next to her for a full hour? Could I manage it?
"I think it will be ok." Alice murmured, though she was unsure.
"Of course it will be." I said, rolling my eyes a little, though Jasper knew of my arguments with myself; my nerve wrecking indecision that wrapped around me and he raised his eyebrows.
"It better had be." Rosalie threatened, no doubt thinking of the brand new steering wheel she had just put in the car.
I tried to swallow and nodded, they were all depending on me, my family. They didn't want to be uprooted, they needed me to be strong. I wasn't going to run and hide from one little girl.
"It's getting stronger." Alice said, and I froze.
"What is?" Surely her scent, Bella's sweet; mouthwatering immobilizing scent couldn't get any stronger? The monster inside me answered, no… it couldn't… it didn't need to, I was already broken, and my confidence knocked my family fluttering around me like the stronger creatures that they were; pitying me.
"The future, you're not going to hurt her." She said, opening her eyes and smiling to me, I tried to get my old confidence back, the old Edward.
"Of course I won't, I keep saying that." I rolled my eyes again for their benefit, everyone's except Jasper.
He trusted Alice with his life, and yet my uncontrolled feelings were confusing him. What would happen between now and then that would change my mind? I would see Bella again I thought. That could happen, her beautiful face, her eyes, her hair.
"Yes," Alice continued, as though I hadn't spoken, "I'm almost one-hundred-percent sure that Edward won't hurt Bella."
Rosalie didn't seem to like the 'almost' but it was as much as she was going to get, as I stood and walked out of the cafeteria. Either way it would begin or end in that room today.
As I walked I did so slowly, slowly drinking in the scent Bella had left behind.
There was a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing was that Bella wasn't here and the bad thing was that when she will be sitting next to me in a few short minutes I would be smelling something stronger than this as it hit the back of my throat and I tried hard to swallow. I was grateful that I had hunted.
I entered the room and saw her sitting there, looking at her notebook as she doodled. There were little tiny circles around her name, and I dragged my stool along the floor to announce my arrival. I didn't want to scare her again. She didn't look up; not a good sign.
"Hello," I murmured quietly.
She looked up from her book, shocked. Was it my voice? The way I'd said it? That I was speaking to her? That I was being nice? What on earth was she thinking?
"My name is Edward Cullen," I continued "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."
That was it for my air. I gripped one side of my seat, and I kept her innocent face in my mind, and Carlisle's. 'I'm so proud of you son'
I drew in a breath for talking, it was like breathing in fire, her blood pounded against her neck, her heart beating loudly. A human being. I reminded myself. It was ever so much harder that I couldn't hear her, I couldn't try to emphasize with her.
"H-how did you know my name?" she seemed to stumble over the beginning of her sentence, like trying to find her place, I tried not to let my chest swell too much. I laughed a little, let her familiarize herself with the sound.
"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive."
I drew in another blazing breath turning slightly to make it look like I was looking out of the window.
"No," she persisted, and I was confused why was she arguing? "I meant, why did you call me Bella?"
Bella was her name, that's what everyone called her. Then I realized it wasn't.
"Do you prefer Isabella?"
"No, I like Bella." She countered, and I was slowly realizing my mistake. "But I think Charlie – I mean my Dad – must call me Isabella behind my back – that's what everyone here seems to know me as."
She had noticed my mistake, and yet she looked like she was uncomfortable explaining it; as though it was something she had done wrong. Everyone who had first seen this girl had called her 'Isabella' had I not been what I am with the extra 'advantages' that I have I too would have called her Isabella. Instead I called her Bella, as though we had already met, as though we had been friends for years.
"Oh." I said in the way that finished the conversation, and slowly dragged in a long breath to fill the silence but she looked away at that time, her hair filling the air with her concentrated form. I almost gagged and gripped tighter.
Mr. Banner came in that moment and we were doing a practical lesson. More time for talking, breathing and moving. I frowned, did I really need a bigger test than this? I couldn't just ignore her, it would seem odd to ignore her one lesson, disappear for a week and then return to have a short conversation only to continue with ignoring her.
We were working with a microscope, trying to identify the phases of mitosis; without the use of books. As much as I would have preferred taking 'notes' today I was curious to how Bella would do in this. Would she rely on me? Would she want to sneak peeks at the book? How would my intellect make her feel? Should I play myself down for her? I frowned slightly, unsure how to proceed. I decided to let her go first and see how she did, if she needed help I could perhaps offer some, or depending on what the situation called for do something else.
"Get started." Came the command.
I placed a smile on my face, carefully hiding my teeth because humans can find them strange and scary, and said "Ladies first, partner?"
She stared at me, maybe she was shocked that I even contemplated her going first. She was still staring.
"Or I could start, if you wish." I started to frown, she blushed, her skin tone setting a radiant blaze to the rest of the classroom.
"No, I'll go ahead."
She studied the slide that she set in place for a short time, and said quickly;
"Prophase."
She was removing the slide when I put my hand out to stop her, it was a stupid motion, as though I belonged here, as though I had in fact been friends with her for years, I should have known better.
"Do you mind if I look?" when I touched her I had been expecting her warm skin against my icy temperature, but the electric current that passed between us was strange, overwhelming. Almost like Kate's extra power up in Alaska. I withdrew my hand quickly, as she did hers. I had scared her.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, and I reached for the microscope unsure of what else to do, a little bit of my pride was on the line here as I hadn't ever got an answer wrong, and I wasn't going to start now. She watched me intently, and I tried to act normally. She was right, and I don't know if I was surprised or not. Brains and beauty? No wonder I was taken to her.
"Prophase,"
I wrote the answer in the worksheet we had been given. I switched slides and gave it a cursory glance.
"Anaphase."
Her voice was indifferent, "May I?"
I smiled slightly as I pushed the microscope towards her, though it may have appeared more like a smirk as I had another lungful of air. Bella seemed eager to look through the eyepiece for this slide for some reason, and then only to be disappointed. Why? Was I wrong? I frowned, what had I done?
"Slide three?" she asked, holding out her perfectly sculpted hand, and it took me a second to move again. However when I did I was careful not to touch her again, I couldn't risk scaring her. She seemed to be the type to easily scare. I watched as she scarcely looked at the slide.
"Interphase." She didn't wait for me to ask, passing it to me for checking was the assumption she'd made. I took a small look and agreed. While I wrote it down I noticed that she hadn't written anything. This confused me; did she not feel the need to? But as she looked at my page I felt like it was more to do with me than anything else. I frowned, why would what I've written make her not want to write anything down? I looked down at my sheet, and then realized that my writing must intimidate her, that's why.
So we were finished, quicker than anyone else in the room and with nothing to distract me from her smell I had could concentrate on nothing else but the conundrum of her mind.
I was watching her intently, concentrating, I had never had to specifically concentrate, but I couldn't think of anything else to do.
She glanced up at me, and she saw that I was staring at her.
"Did you get contacts?" she blurted out again, with the same tone she used earlier in the cafeteria.
I was confused, why would she ask this? "No."
"Oh," she grumbled. "I thought there was something different about your eyes."
I shrugged, this was the second time in one lesson she had noticed a small mistake about us. I dismissed it, like anyone else would. I looked out of the corner of my eye and she was looking down, seemingly concentrating. I took in another breath so she didn't see me tense my muscles.
Either she thought I was lying about the contacts or that she was mistaken, because last time she had seen me my eyes had been black, I was thirsty, and now I had hunted last night and I was still feeling the effect of it sloshing in my stomach.
… probably already finished, don't know why I bother.
Mr. Banner was walking over, we weren't working and we weren't talking, he wasn't surprised but he thought it was his teacherly duty to see why.
When we first arrived here the teachers were astonished when we got even answer right when called upon, some stopped asking, others started asking more and more outlandish questions, and because their decisions became more and more distinct Alice was able to see them more and more easily, and of course I was able to pick the answers right out of the teacher's mind. In the end they gave up, and just didn't call on us again. We found we liked it this way anyway.
Right as usual, though Isabella didn't write anything down. Probably didn't understand it, quite a few of them don't.
"So, Edward, didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?" he asked.
"Bella," I corrected automatically, having thought so much about her, "Actually, she identified three of the five."
Oh really now?
"Have you done this lab before?" he asked her. She smiled a little, what would she say?
"Not with onion root."
Ah her sweet voice. So she had done this lab before, no wonder she hadn't written anything down.
"Whitefish blastula?"
"Yeah." She replied, dipping her head slightly as though embarrassed by her intelligence, was she? She shouldn't be.
"Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?"
"Yes." She mumbled. Definitely embarrassed, though I couldn't fathom why, the ability to retain information for later use isn't something to be shy about. I frowned.
This is just what I need. Another one.
"Well" Mr Banner said after a few moments, "I guess it's good that you two are lab partners." As he walked away he muttered, "Gives everyone else a chance."
Bella was doodling again. I tried to talk about something else, I couldn't let her leave with the same impression as last time. I had already slipped twice this lesson and I couldn't afford it again. Not knowing what she was thinking wasn't a good start and so I went with a safe topic, something that a lot of students had been talking about. Weather;
"It's too bad about the snow isn't it."
"Not really." She answered, and her answer seemed to surprise herself, and that confused me. But I continued, maybe I could unravel the secret of her mind this way instead.
"You don't like the cold."
"Or the wet." She replied, and I thought about this. She wasn't tanned much, and yet she claimed not to wet or cold places, leaving only sunny places. I frowned.
"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live," I pointed out, wondering if she'd ever thought about this before she'd moved. Then I wondered whether this was why she walked with her shoulders hunched, or whether she frequently looked up to the sky when she thought no one was looking, or even if she realized she was doing it.
"You have no idea." She muttered in a low voice. Maybe I didn't I thought suddenly, and the idea of me not knowing frustrated me. I wanted to know. I wanted her to tell me everything she was thinking right now, and I wanted her to tell me everything she had ever thought. Why was her mind hidden?
"Why did you come here then?" I tried to say as normally as I could, only I noticed the shaking of my voice.
She frowned for a second, as though my question confused her, it wasn't immensely difficult.
"It's… complicated."
Of course, I thought, it's always complicated, but I was desperate to find out as I took in another mind shattering breath.
"I think I can keep up," I pressed, trying to make her a human being, make her have a past and a present, Alice had given… well I didn't want to think about the future Alice had given her. As long as I behaved nothing like that should happen.
"My mother got remarried." She said, and I was confused yet again. This girl seemed to always have me confused and I didn't like it.
"That doesn't sound so complex," I disagreed, but then I wasn't being very gentlemanly and remembered this must be hard for her. "When did that happen?" I asked softly.
"Last September" her voice was sad, her eyes narrowed and she tried to smile as though contradicting herself.
"And you don't like him." I guessed, it was the normal teenage thing, Mum remarries and teenage girl doesn't like him so goes to live with Dad. Typical kind of thing.
"No, Phil is fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough."
So not typical.
"Why didn't you stay with them?"
She looked at me as though I was crazy, and I just waited patiently for her to answer. I wasn't very good at patient, but I exerted a special effort.
"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living." She half smiled, as though the idea was slightly comical.
"Have I heard of him?" Her smile was so beautiful; I couldn't help but smile in return.
"Probably not. He doesn't play well. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot."
Oh… I understood…
"So your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him."
She seemed stung by the assumption, and I tried not to frown. Was I wrong?
"No, she did not send me here. I sent myself."
Ok so I was wrong. I didn't like it, and I couldn't help but frown yet again as I got confused.
"I don't understand."
She sighed. She was sighing? Was it that obvious? I wanted to tell her that I normally wasn't this slow at reading people, that normally I was very good at knowing how people think, but I couldn't, because at that moment she started to explain to me exactly what it was that I didn't understand.
"She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy… so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie." Her voice was sad again by the time she was finished her short explanation and I was intrigued as to why she called her father, 'Charlie'.
"But now you're unhappy." I said, pointing out the obvious, but I didn't want to assume anything else with her, I had assumed too much already.
"And?" she challenged, and finally I thought I was seeing the picture, she was a self-sacrificing person. Wanting everyone else to be happy before herself. This hardly seemed fair to her, the beautiful girl who had sad eyes right now. I wanted to make her smile, but I couldn't think of how to do it. Maybe if I helped solve her problem.
"That doesn't seem fair." I shrugged and she glanced at my eyes quickly, laughing hollowly.
"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair."
I looked down taking in another raging breath, feeling the impulse to kill the girl I knew I had begun to love. Sadness washed through me, this wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that we had been born over a century apart and it wasn't fair that she was looking away, hiding her eyes from me now.
"I believe I have heard that somewhere before." I agreed somberly. That was my life, a never-ending, never-changing monotone of unfairness.
"So that's all." She insisted, gazing at me with wondering eyes, I tried to break down her defenses now, but there was nothing, just a blank space. She did well I decided, to do all this for others.
"You put on a good show," I said slowly seeing what it was like to talk and breathe at the same time, it was hard, and I had to concentrate twice as hard, "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."
She had to be, the way she sacrificed herself, plus the way she had specifically insisted. It was the only thing that had made sense. Now as she grimaced at me my theory became all the more cemented solid.
"Am I wrong?" I asked, trying to keep the smile out of my voice?
She blanked me, her eyes flickered ever so slightly towards me though, and then away.
I smiled; "I didn't think so."
"Why does it matter to you?" she asked me, her voice irritated, and she was watching the teacher making his rounds around the class, pupils weren't doing so well at this lab and I wondered if Bella was aware of her intelligence.
"That's a very good question." I muttered, normally, I wouldn't have needed to given a human the background history and the future, but Bella was different, she was unique. I needed to keep her alive, to see her skin flush that beautiful red and to feel her warmth next to me. Inside I felt the protective lion rearing itself again, and I looked over to see her scowling at the blackboard.
"Am I annoying you?" I questioned, amused at her scowl, she was quite…cute. Wait… I was calling her cute now? This was not good, the word 'cute' wasn't even in my vocabulary before five seconds ago.
She glanced over to me and her face softened, "Not exactly, I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read – my mother always calls me her open book."
Bella frowned as though this annoyed her. I could see why, if other humans could read Bella so easily why couldn't I? What was wrong with me?
"On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read." I tried to sound sincere, but still light. Humans found it uncomfortable if we went too deep, yet I wanted her to know that I was telling the truth.
"You must be a good reader then." She replied, and I almost laughed, she was spot on, more than she would ever know.
"Usually." I smiled widely, accidently flashing my teeth, she didn't react like I thought she would. She gave a small smile back and then turned around as the teacher called the class to order, unknowingly immobilizing me as she swished her hair.
I leaned away from her, gripping the table, trying not to squeeze too tightly because if I did I could snap it right off, and that would definitely cause a panic. Her scent had once again caught me off guard; and here I sat just as I had in the first lesson leaning as far away as physically possible, tensing all my muscles into position and trying to concentrate on what Bella and I had both seen without difficulty what was being displayed on the board. There was one difference though. This time, I was sure I was not going to kill anyone in this room. This time we were all walking out of here because I knew I could not harm Bella Swan.
The bell rang and I rose swiftly from my seat and left the room, leaving Bella still sitting at our lab table where I had survived this lesson, and more importantly, where she had survived this lesson.
Alice and Jasper 'happened' to be walking past as I came out of the classroom, and I took in deep breaths of fresh air, a huge grin on my face.
Congratulations. Alice chimed, skipping up next to me, looping arms.
Well done. Jasper was impressed, and yet saddened, this could mean the end of everyone worrying whether I would expose us, everyone would go back to pestering him now. I nodded to him, acknowledging his praise, and never would never again doubt how hard it is to restrain himself.
I walked to English, leaving Alice and Jasper behind, and I saw Emmett in his seat, leaving the only empty one for me. I was late, but once again I wasn't picked up on it, I didn't even register in the teacher's mind. He was so used to our erratic behavior that by now he simply just found it easier to pretend we didn't exist.
I sat in my seat and placed my books down, getting myself visibly comfortable for pretenses I pretended to watch the board.
I was waiting for Alice to come pull me out, I thought with you being late and all the bet had gone my way.
I rolled my eyes for Emmett's benefit and he silently laughed, I shook my head slightly, showing him that I didn't think that this was a laughing matter and he started to silently vibrate with the laughter. With a normal teenager in a classroom of twenty this can normally go unnoticed, however with Emmett his size is not something you easily ignore, not even if you're used to blanking someone out of this existence. We both received a glare, though I had a perfectly innocent look upon my face and had done nothing wrong, I was guilty through association; naturally.
So how bad was it? He asked when he calmed down.
I grimaced at the memory of the smell, I tensed in my seat when I remembered the delicious scent that had surrounded me, she was so tempting, especially when she blushed and her skin came into a beautiful looking color. I half got out of my seat and Emmett grabbed my arm, yanking me back into my seat. I looked to him, and he looked at me, his eyes wide with shock at my reaction.
Bloody hell, Edward if it's that bad wouldn't it just be best to…
I hissed at him then, forbidding him to go any further, no one could hear our conversation but I didn't want to hear the words, I didn't even want them thought, not him, not me, no one. If they weren't thought then they weren't an option.
Ok he thought, and then drifted his mind off into other things, Rosalie being the main component. I tried to block him out.
The end of the lesson came and, still being furious with Emmett I stormed from the room without a backwards glance.
Fine, be like that. He internally muttered, walking at a more leisurely pace, a more humanly pace.
I stalked to the car and being the first one there I got into the front alone. I placed a CD into the player when I noticed Bella Swan walking onto the lot, throwing the clouds a general look of disgust as she put her hood up. This made me smile slightly, and before I knew what I was doing I was out of the car and leaning against the front door. Would she see me? Would she come and talk to me? I could go and talk to her; no… that was dangerous and stupid. Why would I want to? I asked myself, I knew the answer, it burnt deep inside me, unlike the burn in my throat this was different, this quenched the monster, battered it down, and yet I refused to admit it existed; because I didn't know which was better for this girl.
As she walked over to her truck she stumbled twice, and then she climbed into the seat, putting her hood down. I tried not to imagine how the cab would smell. She fluffed out her hair, though I couldn't imagine Bella was doing it the way other female teenagers do it… to look good; to impress the male species.
She checked in her mirrors to see for oncoming traffic, and then as she looked forward one last time she met my gaze. Blood pooled her cheeks, and she immediately dropped her gaze, putting her old truck into reverse and almost immediately slamming on the brakes. She had been so close to sending it into a rusty old Toyota behind her. Her lips made a small 'O' shape and I smiled at that, she slowly went back into her space and then, checking all her blind spots twice she reversed with such caution it was as though she was driving a tank instead of a Chevy. I started laughing, the thought that she was dangerous to anyone here, or anywhere actually was downright hilarious.
As she drove past she kept her eyes straight ahead, determination blazed in her eyes, and I was still shaking with laughter, though I knew from the way her face was set that she had seen me laughing.