Chapter 3: Numb-skulled Suspicions

Dib briefly popped out of the bush he was hiding in and coughed.

"Leaf -- *cough* -- stuck -- *cough* -- in -- *cough* -- throat!!"

This was why he hated the "hiding in a bush" technique of sneaking. But it was currently the best solution, since his heat-sensor-machine (currently in his backpack) detected Zim was on the second floor.

Dib jumped into another bush. Then another. And another, until he was directly under the window of what was most likely Zim's bedroom. He pulled out a pair of special binoculars that were almost like a retractable periscope, turned the crank to make them go all the way up to the second-story window, and looked through them.

Normally it would be a stupid thing to do, and it was, but he wasn't caught because, as we currently know, Zim was sleeping.

All Dib was able to see through the periscope was Zim sleeping in his bed. Absolutely nothing unusual. But this didn't shake Dib off the case – as he'd learned many times in the past, you could never assume Zim was up to nothing just because he looked like he was doing "completely innocent" deeds.

That one time, he was making pancakes? They were robot pancakes.

The new shoes? Zim only wore boots. The shoes were really keenly disguised lasers.

Dib retracted the periscope, stepped out of the bush and dusted himself off. Then he started to walk confidently around the house to Zim's front walk.

Just as he was about to place his foot on the walk, he had second thoughts.

The gnomes.

There was no way they'd let him pass. Unless he'd forgotten to turn them on. But the chances of that were incredibly slim, and Dib knew it. If there was one thing Zim was serious about (and Zim was serious about many things), it was his base's security.

Then he had third thoughts. He'd dealt with laser burns before. What the hey?

Dib cautiously put one foot on the walk and flinched.

No lasers.

The incredibly slim chances seemed to be in his favor today.

Zim was just about to fall asleep when he thought he heard the front door close. At first, he dismissed it as the wind or something, but then he remembered:

I didn't turn on the security system yet today!!

Zim hopped out of bed and almost tipped right over onto his humongous head, which is easier than you think. (YOU try getting out of bed that quickly with a head the size of a watermelon.)

He grabbed the blanket, wrapped it around himself, and began to walk cautiously downstairs.

When he arrived at the bottom of the stairs, Dib was just about to squeeze himself through Zim's trash can elevator. Zim glared at him. Dib offered a guilty smile.

"Hi." Dib began. "I suppose this probably looks like I'm about to infiltrate your lab and figure out what you're up to."

Zim raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah... ehehe... I was."

"I'm not doing anything today, Dib."

"You can't fool me with that."

"Seeing as you are the smartest of the Earthmonkeys, I can see why you would assume that." Zim contemplated. "But seriously... I'm not doing anything today.

Zim noted that his nose was no longer stuffed up, and assumed it a good sign. But he also realized it would make it harder to convince Dib he was actually taking a sick day from his... "job".

Dib gave Zim a suspicious look. "How can I be so sure you're not going to bring out a giant robot as soon as I've left? Huh? Huh? HUH?"

"Dib," Zim tried to explain, "I'm sick today. I'm not doing anything. I swear by all Irk!!"

"All what...?" Dib inquired.

Zim's only response was a sneeze. At this point, he was getting tired of trying to explain himself. Although he knew it may jeopardize his base, and, thus, his mission, he acted on an impulse to just turn around and go back upstairs and back to bed.

Dib just stood there, staring at the spot Zim had been standing a second ago. What was there left to do? He had realized by now that his lab probably had some kind of security system installed, and it wouldn't actually be smart to go in there. So... he made for the door. Leaving was the only thing he could think of.

He opened the door and found Jes standing there, fist raised, about to knock.

"Oh –" She began, "Hi, Dib. Why are you here?"

"Spying on Zim... Didn't work out too well." Dib replied. "This doesn't mean I'm not still on to whatever YOU'RE doing... which is...?"

"Oh, I'm just here to check up on Zim. He's got a cold... apparently his first."

"Oh..." Dib realized. So it was true. Which meant he could somehow take advantage of it... he only had to think of a plan.

Dib stifled a giggle of pleasure. "I gotta go," he said quickly, already halfway out the door, and he kept going.

Jes stood looking after him, confused. "Interesting... weirdo." She mumbled.