Whipping up a batch
"Wheee!"
THUD
Harry awoke with a start and stared at the blond girl laying face down on his bedroom floor. "Luna, are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine Harry, why do you ask," she replied, before climbing to her feet and dusting herself off.
"Well, you… It's not important." If she said she was fine, then who was he to argue?
"Help me move your bed," the blond girl commanded and drug Harry out of bed by his arm.
"Ohhh, nice boxers." Luna smiled brightly, as she took in Harry's state of undress.
Normally, Harry was much too shy to respond to a girl in this situation, but considering she'd gotten into those boxers the day before, he just shrugged it off and helped her drag his bed to the middle of the room.
"OK, lay back down."
"Here," Harry asked, wondering what was going on, but between just waking up and Luna's warm smile he was pretty much putty in her hands.
"Perfect," Luna muttered, before touching one of her radish earrings and vanishing.
Harry looked over at where Luna had been standing and wondered if he had actually woken up yet or if he was still dreaming.
"Wheee!"
THUD
Luna was once more face down on the floor, but now she was face down where his bed had been just moments ago.
With a bright smile the young witch climbed back to her feet and said, "Third time's a charm. Although Professor Flitwick insists it isn't, except in some very old rituals involving crops. Now Harry, look straight up and be ready to catch me."
"OK…" Harry trailed off as Luna touched her earring and vanished once more. Staring at the ceiling above his bed, he once again wondered what made Luna tick or was that made a lunatic and was being one as much fun as she made it seem?
Harry's thoughts were shortly disrupted by a very, very naked blond girl, wearing radish earrings, landing on top of him. Rational thought fled quite quickly, as it often did around anyone of the Lovegood clan, clothed or not. It wouldn't at all be out of line to suggest that it may have been frightened away, Harry thought cheerfully.
42 minutes later….
Luna and Harry lay on his bed, sweaty, panting, and spent.
"So, what gave you the idea to do all of this," Harry asked, once he'd caught his breath and realized he was awake, although maybe not alive, because he'd apparently reached, The Good Place.
"Well, have you ever heard the saying, The opposite of the truth is a lie and the opposite of a great truth is another great truth?"
"I don't think so."
Luna shrugged, doing delightful things to her topography. "Well, since that bit of wisdom seems to have stood the test of time, I decided that doing the exact opposite of Dumbledore's wishes would be the perfect thing to do."
"How do you figure," Harry asked, thankful that Luna's training last night allowed him to follow two separate trains of thought at once, else he wouldn't have been able to keep track of what she'd been saying as he studied her… geography.
"I've decided that since everyone agrees that, following the commands of a great wizard is a wise thing to do, than the corollary is, naturally, that doing the opposite of what a great wizard tells you to do, is also wise."
"Can't argue with the results," Harry said agreeably, thinking of people doing the opposite of what Dumbledore requested, like dropping Harry off in a loving home as a child or upon finding out that Snape was a Death Eater, who passed information onto Dumbledore, (who apparently felt the need to collect but not use it,) had him given the Dementor's Kiss.
Luna smiled. "Dumbledore told everyone that you needed to be alone to grieve, so they weren't to write you. Obviously the best thing to do than was to visit and have lots of sex with you. It accomplishes the opposite of Dumbledore's suggestion and meshes quite nicely with my goals, though I don't pretend to be a great wizard."
"Your goals," Harry asked.
"Yes. My goals are to have lots of sex with you and make you so happy that Snape spontaneously combusts."
"Snape will spontaneously combust if I'm happy?" Strangely enough, Harry didn't find the idea all that farfetched. The man had certainly done his best to make Harry miserable for reasons that no rational adult would believe.
Luna shrugged, causing Harry to thank the gods for being able to split his focus once again.
"It's all theory at this point, but I think it's an experiment worth exploring, don't you?"
Harry nodded so quickly that he almost hurt himself.
Luna smiled and began to scoot down the bed. "But first I think we need to work on your Occlumency skills some more."
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In Dumbledore's office three of his whirling silver doodads exploded, knocking him out of his chair and singing his beard.
Clambering to his feet, the old wizard quickly took stock of the situation. "Damn, someone must be after Harry again. Those gauges monitored the strength of the ward, but who would be powerful enough to cause that sort of feedback?"
Sending a message with one of the elves, to summon Professor Snape, he quickly checked the watch schedule and almost groaned. He had Dung on watch, which meant that there'd be no help there. 'Well, it'll do Severus some good to get some fresh air.'
He waved his wand, reassembling all the damaged items on his desk, which promptly exploded, knocking him on his ass once more.
Staring at the ceiling he couldn't help but wonder if karma was paying him back for something.
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"There we go," Luna chirped, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand. "Have you managed to clear your mind now?"
Silence was his only response.
Luna looked over at Harry and saw the blank stare and wide grin that denoted a completely blank mind state.
"Ohh, Poo! I must have overdone it." She briefly considered programming him as a sleeper agent to take care of the Rotfang conspiracy, but decided it'd probably upset him later in life and that would lead to less sex, so she'd simply have to program Ron as she'd planned. 'He's practically a blank slate already, all I'll need is something shiny and, boom, one readymade sleeper agent.'
Sighing, a bit annoyed that her fun time was being interrupted by waiting for Harry's mind to put itself back together again, she looked around for something else to do and found Dudley's collection of sci-fi books. 'This looks interesting.'
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Snape grumbled irritably. He'd been right in the middle of some important research when Dumbledore had summoned him. 'I swear I'll figure out how to unscramble those muggle broadcasts if it's the last thing I do!' He'd set aside the remains of the mirror of Erised, which he'd been attempting to use to unscramble muggle porn channels, and answered the call.
His black robe flared out behind him rather dramatically as Snape strode down the sidewalks of Surrey like he owned the place and was thinking of having it torn down. He was being followed by two dementors, who'd assumed he was one of them because of all the negative emotions he was putting out.
The two dementors had been sent by a toad like woman in the minister's office. The wards on Privet Drive would keep them out, but little things like reality and intelligence had never stopped anyone in the minister's office from hasty and ill conceived actions.
Snape stopped in front of #4 Privet Drive and stepped forward… only to have the wards fry him like a fly on a bug zapper.
The two dementors froze as the dark and greasy wizard was lit up with enough juice to power the ministry of magic for about a week. Both of them decided to take a little vacation and try again next year. It wasn't like the-toad-that-walked-like-a-woman was smart enough to put a time limitation on them, besides a week or two on the beach would do them both some good. They'd get some sun, maybe try swimming, if they could find a way to get the water to stop freezing around them and it was always entertaining to trick lifeguards into giving them mouth to mouth.
Grabbing the charred and smoking figure by its foot, they carefully drug it out of range of the wards and carried it off for some sun and soul sucking on the beach.
It'd be the best vacation Snape ever had.