Hello, marvelous reader people, I have updated! (finally, you say - but alas, this is possibly one of the quickest times i've updated something). I did take a while because i got a review from perstephanie7713, who wished their had been more of an emmett backstory in the previous chapter. I was at first baffled about what I could have emmett do, while my version of Bay gallivanted around Europe. So i came up with something that i hope is acceptable to all my lovely readers. (genuine thanks to perstephanie7713 for inspiring me, to tap into something i hadn't originally thought of)
(also on the "blah blah blah, excuses" part - i'm a junior in college with five classes. and also, I became obsessed with The Millennium Trilogy - i just finished The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. So good!)
Hope you all enjoy!
"And she leaves with someone you don't know, but she makes sure you saw her. She looks right at you and bolts."
Bay left. That tended to be her thing. She flitted in and out of friendships for the rest of high school, and the couple of years we were in the community college. Not unlike her artistic tendencies, she bounced around with portraiture, abstract, surrealism and the consistent dabbling with 'Axe Girl' or 'the Girl in the Pink Dress' were her proudest accomplishments.
However, she always said that she had enough. That 'we' were enough. All that changed, after the pregnancy. We both changed. I closed off, but I tried to pretend that everything was ok. Bay put herself on lockdown and refused to let anyone in. She originally had taken a leave of absence from school after the surgery, but then eventually just dropped out entirely.
Well, after she dropped out, I just felt foolish. I had gone to a hearing college because of Bay and then she dropped out and we broke up. And when she left for Europe immediately after.
That was why we broke up. She was running away from her problems, and she was pretending that she was fine and that it wasn't the reason. Bay said that she had 'lost herself' and how Europe would help her find herself. Or some other bullshit like that.
I rashly told her that if she left she left for Europe, we were done, that I was done.
She looked surprised, and hesitant for a moment. And then she said 'ok' said that she'd come back for her stuff later. And then Bay left with a sad expression, she almost looked like she wanted to take back her angry speech and stay instead.
As she left I thought of a moment around when we first started dating, we had broken up (sort of). That was because of Daphne thinking she had genuine feelings for me (because her entire world was coming apart, and she latched onto the most reliable person. Which happened to be me). Anyway, Daphne confessed to me and I can't lie, I was tempted. Everyone always told me that deaf and hearing don't work. That it just doesn't. Sure, Bay and I were getting along fine, I really liked her, but then when Daphne had the 'epiphany' I was confused. And felt even more so when we kissed. Should I be with somebody who knew me? (Who I'd 'loved' for ages), who knew my language. Or should I be with Bay; who was trying so hard and getting better everyday. The struggle in my mind came to a head, at the carwash fundraiser for Carlton. Bay had been joking around with Toby and Wilke, and she tried to sign what had happened, but since she was still learning Bay had forgotten the sign for 'bet' and a second later, she finger-spelled 'b-e-t' that sent me over the edge and I was saying some rough stuff and a second later, she looks at me and says "Daphne told you that she likes you, didn't she?" I always thought that was amazing. That she just saw through everything I had just said. But I never told her. I didn't try to deny it, I just left. A few days later, after the oddest confrontation, with Toby, it would have been hilarious if it hadn't been a confrontion, but only because Toby's signing was a disaster, he mistook the sign for 'sister' with 'gun.' this was followed by a lot of reflection. After that, I went to Buckner to talk to her and Bay interrupted me "just because I always have some snappy comeback, doesn't mean that I don't break easily." It was sort of like that. I knew that Bay put up a rough, uncaring exterior, but underneath lurked a sad, and somewhat insecure person. I had learned that sometimes the people that try their to act like they were untouchable, that they didn't care, often cared the most.
After she left for Europe, I did try to email her. To say that I was sorry and that maybe it was a little rash the way we left it. But she didn't get back to me, or return from Europe for almost two years. There was my answer. A few months passed by and I convinced myself to try and move on. Since the reason I'd attended a hearing college was my hearing girlfriend. No longer having the second part, I transferred out. I moved to DC and went to Gallaudet University. An exclusively deaf college. I worked on a photojournalism major and teaching. Hell, I thought maybe I would do a graduate program.
The exclusively deaf and hard of hearing community was a nice change from the community college, and the ignorance and idiocy that accompanied many hearing people.
While at Gallaudet, I met a lot of girls. For the most part I wasn't interested in a relationship with them. There were a couple that were significant in the terms that I did date them. There was Zoey who was in some of my classes at Gallaudet, and Sarah, the hearing sister of my friend Michael. She attended American University nearby. She was fluent in ASL because of her brother.
I was still trying to get over Bay, when I started dating Zoey, which wasn't the best thing to do, I'll admit. But pretty soon, I was working through it, I did like Zoey after all. She realized that she was a rebound girlfriend (and I found out later that she had hacked my email, and read a sent letter to Bay in Europe. In which I discussed that I had met somebody - Zoey, and was seriously considering moving on) it didn't help that we had already been dating when I'd sent the email.
I met Sarah after that. Sarah Randall was the opposite of Bay in all respects. Appearance-wise, she was petite, tan, and had light brown hair that was stubbornly straight all the time. She had a hoop in her nose, a ring in her tongue and a stud through her eyebrow. In her personality, she was vibrant, and even though I couldn't actually hear her, I knew she was loud. She was a political science major, with a concentration of statistics. She often liked to joke that if I wasn't already deaf, I would be after I heard her singing voice. I wasn't quite a fan of that. But she was brash about everything else, so it was to be expected.
Sarah and I amicably broke up after a few months. I did really like her, but in a non-romantic way. I knew that I was trying to repress my feelings for Bay, I was still in love with her. And Sarah was interested in some hearing guy in her class. So we agreed to break up, and then we became best friends after that.
My mother likes to point out that I seem to collect female best friends, Daphne, Bay, Sarah. Although, Bay was much more to me than my best friend. She was my lover, confidante, partner in crime, and she almost had my baby. Daphne was my first best friend, and I had a huge crush on her for eight years. I now refuse to acknowledge it as love, since how I felt about Bay was much deeper and more intense than anything I'd harbored for Daphne.
When Daphne and Regina had first moved to the Kennishes. I remember seeing Bay leaning on the hood of a car. I was drawn to her dark curly hair and alabaster skin. When I asked Daphne who she was, she replied "me, in another life." And for the first time since we learned about the switch (but it wouldn't be the last) I wished for the alternate universe in which Bay and Daphne would have never been switched. Wherein the girl I knew as Bay, would be Daphne, and deaf.
From the very beginning, I had no illusions she would be interested in me. She was beautiful. And of course she was hearing. Which by default, I assumed, wouldn't work on the basis that she was hearing, and I was deaf. Plus, I was hopelessly stuck on Daphne, and my irritation of the string of idiotic hearing guys she dated, shortly after moving into the Kennish house.
By pure coincidence, and waiting for Daphne to get out of cooking at Buckner, I began to get to know Bay. And I became involved in her search for her biological father. Her co-conspirator. Although her sign language was choppy at first, we never had any big problems communicating.
But Bay was teaching herself, she was learning quickly. I taught her, and I suspect that she had enlisted Daphne as well, but kept the true intent to herself.
I fell in love with her, and she reciprocated. After we graduated from Carlton and Buckner, respectively, we moved into an apartment and commuted the short distance to the community college.
So, Bay had made it her personal mission to learn everything about the deaf culture. She threw herself into it, and once went so far as to bet Daphne that she could go a week without speaking orally. Bay improved exponentially over the week, I was impressed. Although, when she had won the bet, she confessed that at one point she was yelling and because she had dropped something on her foot. I hadn't been home, but she said that was the only time she broke the rules.
My mother eventually warmed up to her, begrudgingly so, because I think she realized that Bay and I weren't just a fling, but that we were serious. The apartment definitely solidified that. She even bought us some stuff to modify the apartment. Like the flashing doorbell attachment, specialized telephones, and the flashing timers.
Kathryn insisted on helping by buying all sorts of furniture, a couch, a loveseat, a few tables, and she and Bay went shopping for the silverware and plates and all sorts of things. Bay came home with bags and bags from Crate & Barrel and grumbling about Kathryn 'going overboard, this was totally not necessary' etc.
We were going strong and enjoying taking classes together, when Bay got pregnant, and Bay had been unsure of what to do. She still felt too young, she wasn't ready. What if the baby was born deaf? Although, that wouldn't be a problem for us, what if we wanted adoption, would somebody adopt a deaf baby? Should we get rid of it? Should we keep it? For a few weeks, she vacillated between having an abortion, putting the baby up for adoption or keeping it. And we had a lot of conversations about each option. I desperately wanted to keep the baby and raise it, but I would support in her in whatever decision she made. Eventually she made the choice, she was going to keep our baby and we would be an official family.
I was overjoyed when she told me so, and we made love. Well, we tried. Bay said that it felt funny. It didn't feel good. She insisted that she would be fine tomorrow and then we would try again. And in trying again over the next couple of days. She said it hurt. I told her that maybe she should get checked out by a doctor. And she assured me that she was fine, that this was her getting used to the pregnancy and stuff. She would schedule an appointment soon.
At the doctor's office, she said that we were indeed pregnant and everything seemed fine. And then she sent us on our way. Although, I should point out that this was a family doctor and not one of those ob-gyns. So there was no reason for her to suspect anything wrong.
Four weeks later, we were in the emergency room.
Fast forward two years and I was back from Gallaudet on summer vacation, and I knew that Bay had come back. Toby had let it slip.
Wilke's party. We talked, it was nice, but both of us were awkward with each other. Unsure of what would work and wouldn't now that we were no longer together. We were standing close together. At least on my end, I was hoping that she would break the barrier first, since she was the one who had thrown it up, when we broke up. I didn't want to push her limits, and have this be an awkward moment for us.
We talk about Europe, the places she saw. Bay says she plotted to put axe girl in a multitude of places, but none panned out.
"Have you been to the billboard yet?" I ask her.
"Yes, I can't believe birthday girl is still there! I was so excited. Do you know why nobody covered it up?" Bay is smiling widely. "Do you think anybody suspects me?" she signs with a conspiratorial smile on her face.
"I'm not sure, I always checked to make sure she was still there. I'm pretty sure nobody suspects you." I tell her.
I tell her that I transferred to Gallaudet University in DC, and was currently on summer vacation, that I was going to be a graduating next year, and that I was a photojournalism/education major. She looks awed.
"Emmett, that's so exciting. I'm really happy for you." She smiles, did I just get a hint of sadness in her eyes. But its gone before I can confirm.
"I've got to talk to somebody before I head out, I've got an early day tomorrow. It was good to see you." Bay says, getting up on her tip-toes and kissed my cheek.
"Good to see you too." I reply. I sign "I missed you" to her retreating back.
I need to take a walk, I'm outside when I run into Toby.
"Man, what happened to you?" he asks.
"I just talked to Bay."
"How'd it go?" Toby asks, nosily.
"It went, ok. But, I'm still in love with her."
"Did you tell her?"
"No, I didn't want to scare her off. I don't know if she feels the same anymore."
"Dude, I saw you guys talking, she definitely feels the same way. You were in your own little universe." Toby reveals, he grins. "You should tell her!"
"I don't want to." Mostly, because I don't really believe what Toby is saying.
"Come on. We'll get a little more alcohol in you, and then you'll tell her!" He says and he pulls me back inside the bar.
"Bartender! Can I have some shots of jack for me and my buddy?"
The bartender obliges and presents us with the shots. We toast, and then take the shots.
A few shots later, I'm feeling kind of awesome, a warmth is spreading through my limbs and I have decided that I'm going to tell Bay I'm still in love with her. That I want her back, and hopefully she'll feel the same.
God, seeing Emmett again. Painful and yet so wonderful at the same time. I was feeling so dumb about the breakup. I think that I missed my chance with him. There's no way he would want me back after all that shit, and after all the men in Europe… Would he be ok with all the men? I think back over the past few years of our relationship. I consistently saw Emmett being admired from several ladies. Shit, he's probably in a relationship now.
If that's true, I look around to find him in order to ask. But he's gone. I missed my chance. I felt physically sick (although a large part of it was probably just the alcohol.) A friend of mine from the community college comes over.
"Hi Bay." he says.
"Hello," I reply. Now that I had officially fucked up my life two years ago, and the person who could fix it was nowhere to be found. I had missed my chance. I asked if the boy could get me another drink. He agrees. While he's gone, I scope the room for either Wilke (to say goodbye, because I think I'm going to leave soon) or Emmett, (I don't honestly know what would happen if I saw Emmett right now). Neither of them were around.
The friend returns with my drink, I toss it back. "Hey, you want to get out of here?"
"Sure" he says. He takes my hand and begins to lead me out of the bar. I scan the room once more. Emmett and I locked eyes, we held contact and then I turn my head. Subtly, I look again. Oh, god, the look on his face. I'm trying not to lose it, as my friend is opening the door to the bar and we step outside. The friend explains that he has a roommate, and his place is out. I refuse to take him to my apartment. I suggest the car. We get in, and we drive to a quieter parking lot. Where we both climb into the backseat, and I am trying not to think, about this, about Emmett, or about anything at all.
"Your blood boiling, your stomach in ropes, and then your friends say 'what is it? You look like you've seen a ghost.'"
Bay left, with another man. Fuck that. I couldn't believe that I let Toby talk me into almost making a gigantic fool of myself. She didn't love me anymore. I order another drink from the bartender and once I'm finished that one, I order another.
I walk outside to the parking lot, a woozy feeling in my limbs. My stomach in knots over Bay. I make it to my motorcycle.
And then, I wake up in a hospital bed.
hi! I know, you all are not a fan of me right now. I'll try and get the new part up as soon as possible. It may be in the next few days, or in the next week or so, I have a gigantic lab report due for my science class soon, so depending on my mood. (if i'm procrastinating or not!) reviews will help me move the process along.
hope you all liked the update!
Brooke-ella