A/N - As soon as I wrote this rule I thought 'it's gotta be an embarrassing Dad moment' so it was just fun to write. Good old Wyatt. Enjoy! :)
Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.
"Third date," Penny's father said as he opened the door to Leonard. "I know what that means. Come inside."
"Uh, okay." Leonard took his usual seat on the edge of the couch. "I'm not sure I follow you sir."
Wyatt rolled his eyes, sitting down in his armchair. "None of that cockamamie crap, everybody knows what the third date means."
"Uh... third... third time lucky?" Leonard stuttered, completely lost.
"You really don't know?"
"No, sir."
Leaning forwards, Penny's father lowered his voice sternly. "Three dates usually means sex, Leonard." He paused as Leonard's eyes widened. "Now I don't want you fooling around with my little girl, you hear me? I don't need you two being stupid when you're so young. My wife already spoke to Penny and set things straight with her. But, that being said, I know what it's like, I was young once too, and if you have to, if you really have to..." He reached beneath the armchair he was sat in, pulling out a brown paper bag and held it out to Leonard, who just stared at it as though his girlfriends father had just handed him a live bomb. "I wasn't sure about size, so-"
"Dad!" Penny exclaimed, standing in the doorway, her face as red as her dress.
"There's my little princess," her father grinned. "I just wanted you to be prepared if you kids decide it's necessary-"
"Please do not finish that sentence." Penny begged, glaring at her father. "Leonard, sweetie, lets go."
Nervously looking between the two, Leonard backed out of the room to leave with Penny. Penny glared at her father a second longer, before stomping into the room and snatching the bag from his hands. She grabbed Leonard's hand on the way back out and led him down the hallway, out of the house and into his car, which as always was waiting down the stone path on the road, rather than in the drive.
"Why did you bring them?" Leonard asked stupidly, pulling his seatbelt on.
Penny simply smiled sweetly at him and shrugged, placing the brown paper bag on the back seat. "A girl can hope, right?"
"W-what?" Leonard stuttered.
"Oh God, I mean, if you don't want to, we don't have to, I-" Penny panicked, blushing. "It's just, well, I was thinking about it, and-"
"No, no, of course I want to, I just - I mean, if you want to, too, that is... I mean, I didn't even know about the third date rule, your dad just told me, and - and I had thought about... it, but, you know. I didn't know if you wanted to do that with me."
"Leonard... of course I want to do this with you." Penny sighed, before leaning over to kiss him gently. "I... maybe this isn't the best place to be having this conversation."
"You're right." Leonard nodded. "Okay. We'll just go to dinner and... take things from there."
"Okay." Penny bit her lip. "That sounds good to me." She turned to smile at him, and he smiled back, before starting the car. They drove in silence for a while, Penny keeping her eyes on him, before she sighed and was overcome with a worried expression. "Leonard, I've never done this before."
"I know, you told me. Well, you didn't say it, but, you were really upset about your Cheerleading friends teasing you be-"
"Oh, yeah, I remember." Penny blushed. "Sorry. It's just my sister told me stuff and it made me really nervous. And there was always a rule - if I go to a party, either she picks me up or she meets me at the bottom of the drive. It used to really make me mad because, well, these things should happen, right? But... now I'm kinda glad. Plus, when she wasn't scaring the crap out of me with all sorts of… weird stories, she was all, 'oh, Penny, come on, you need a proper boyfriend' - so, maybe she'll actually be happy about it. Ugh, and my mom gave me this talk, and I think Dad meant for it to be all strict and stuff, but-" Biting her lip, Penny stopped and tilted her head. "I'm doing it again, I'm sorry. I just… yeah."
"Your sister sounds kinda scary." Leonard frowned.
"Hmm, she's not really. She was really careless, like, with guys and stuff, and I think that's why she's so overprotective of me, because she knows the consequences. And then there's Dad, who just refuses for me to turn out like she did. But it's okay. My sister isn't back for a while and I'm sure she'll like you. She'll be all 'oh my God you're Penny's boyfriend that's so cute!' and ask a lot of questions… I don't really wanna focus on my sister right now. But I'm sure that'll be fine."
"Yeah. Okay. Good." Leonard breathed a small sigh of relief, glancing quickly over at Penny before turning his attention back to the road ahead. "I've never done this before either, so..."
"Yeah, you told me too. It was a sarcastic comment, it made me laugh. What was it? 'Everyone wants some of this nerd action, all day every day'." She giggled at the memory. "But I guess this is just one of those things you can't teach me or learn from a text book, huh?"