"Barney's Castle"

Chapter 3

The three friends and one purple dinosaur followed the path that the sign had indicated would take them to the castle. Soon they came upon a clearing that had a stream running through it and a large bridge to cross over.

Tina tugged at Barney's hand. "Hey, Barney, before we cross the bridge let's sing a song."

"No."

"Awww, why not, Barney?" Goku, aka Mike said. "We always sing songs."

"Not any more we don't."

"But that's a big part of the show, the singing of songs," Derek said and folded his arms. "After all, that's how we got our spot in the show, being able to sing."

"I don't sing," came the huffed reply.

"Sure you do, Veg... Barney. I've heard you in the shower," Goku stated.

"And what the hell may I ask were you doing in my bathroom?" roared Barney.

"Ummm... I was walking past your bedroom one day when you were in the shower..."

The dinosaur's eyes narrowed, well as best they could for eyes that insisted on sticking pretty much in the same place. Vegeta decided to let it slide for the moment. "I do not sing."

Derek and Tina ignored the statement, deciding to go ahead and start singing anyway. Music sprang up from somewhere and the pair burst into song. The dinosaur looked stunned as Goku joined in. The three singers looked expectantly at Barney as they continued with their song. Barney did his best to stay out of it, but was fighting a losing battle.

The pressure was on.

"You asked for it," Vegeta huffed in his suit and then opened his mouth wide to join in.

"Screech..."

* Crash... Tinkle...*

"Argggghhhhhhh!"

The studio was plunged into darkness as all the lighting exploded. The camera lenses shattered and the producer's glasses broke.

"I told you I couldn't sing."

#

Two hours later the lighting crew had managed to rig up a complete new set of lights, the cameras had been replaced - courtesy of bartering and a large cheque to channel 7, the producer had been cleared from the hospital and returned with his back up set of 'specs and the cleaning ladies had walked off the job in favor of more pay or danger money.

In other words they were ready to try again.

"Tip toe, through the glass shards... through the glass shards... through the..."

"Shut up, Kakarott."

"You weren't kidding when you said you couldn't sing were you, Barney?" Goku stated as he approached the set to shoot the next scene.

"Maybe next time you will listen to me." The purple dinosaur wore a smirk of satisfaction.

"Okay, okay, enough of the chattering. Let's see if we can move on a bit or we will be here till the cows come home," the producer said, addressing the line up of chairs, a coffee table and styrofoam cup.

"Errr... The set is that way sir," a helpful stage hand said as he turned the producer around.

"Oh. Thank you." The producer removed his glasses and made a show of wiping them clean, blaming the dirty glass surface for his lack of vision. Replacing them he spoke again. "See if we can get this scene right, will you?"

The cameraman rolled his eyes as the producer addressed his remarks to the lump of metal, glass and film. He quickly jerked the camera up and down, effectively making it 'nod'

"Good. Now, action..."

"Oh look, there's a stream up ahead," Tina simpered.

"I hope we have to cross it," Derek chimed.

"Well I'm not wading through the damn water in this suit!"

Goku looked at the small stream. "I reckon you could paddle through that okay, Barney."

Seconds later the stream became a raging torrent.

"Okay, who's the wise guy that changed his imagination?"

The sound of innocent whistling could be heard coming from inside the purple suit.

Ignoring the pair, Derek turned around and struck a pose. "Hey, look over there."

Tina quickly turned her head to see where Derek pointed, Barney turned too, the chin of his thick head connecting with the back of Goku's head and sending the Saiya-jin sprawling.

Continuing to ignore the idiots behind him, Derek shifted his pose. "There is a bridge over there, we can cross the river that way."

"Good thinking, ninety nine," Tina bounced on the spot.

"At least we won't get wet that way," Goku added as he picked himself up of the ground.

"Hooo-ray for Einstein," the dinosaur muttered sarcastically.

They trooped off towards the bridge. Derek was about to step onto the wooden planking when a voice stopped him. "Who dares to cross my bridge and why?"

The troop came to an abrupt halt. "Did you say something Barney?" Goku asked.

"Nope."

Derek tried again to step on the bridge.

"Who dares to cross my bridge and why?" the voice sang out again.

"Excuse me voice, it's Barney and his friends here and we need to cross the bridge to get to the castle," Tina offered.

"That's right, blame me," muttered Barney.

There was a puff of green smoke which blinded everyone for a moment and sent Goku into a coughing fit which in turn made him lose his balance and crash into the dinosaur who promptly fell over and landed on top of Tina and Derek.

"Get off me you lump!"

"Watch where you're putting that tail will you!"

The four scrambled around for a moment before managing to right themselves. A green elf stood on the end of the bridge watching in amusement. "Hello there, my name is Twinkle and I'm the guardian of the bridge."

"Hello, Twinkle. You remind me of a friend of mine, his name is Kami and he's the guardian of the earth, he's green too. Any relation?" Goku held his hand out.

The elf looked a little perplexed.

"Of course she isn't a relation to Kami," hissed Vegeta from inside the suit.

"How do you know?" Goku whispered back. "They have the same coloring and pointy ears."

"No antennae," Barney mumbled back smugly.

"Oh."

The elf decided to get on with the show. "So you four want to cross my stream? Then you better believe that I'm no dream."

"Please Twinkle, we need to cross to get to the castle," Tina said, giving her best puppy dog eyes.

"I will let you cross two by two, but first there is something you all must do."

"Does she have to talk in riddles?" Goku hissed.

"Depraved childhood I'm guessing," came Barney's reply.

"Tell us, Twinkle, what it is you want us to do as we really need to get to the castle," Derek stated in a flat voice.

Twinkle put her hands on her hips and cocked her head as if thinking. A sudden smile lit up her face. "The first challenge, and do not linger, try to stand on just one finger."

*Silence*

The four stared at each other totally perplexed, even Barney's face had lost that happy, toothy grin, which in itself was remarkable considering the smile was painted on - but you get the picture.

"Stand on just one finger, hey?" Derek shook his head. "I think I can manage that." Derek made to do a handstand, palms splayed as he hefted his feet off the floor. Once he was perpendicular to the ground he attempted to raise his palms and take his weight on one finger.

He failed.

Derek lost his balance and crashed into Barney. "Just what the hell is this? I'm not a cushion you know!" Barney snarled as he tried to right himself.

"Here, I'll give you a hand." Goku stepped forwards and grabbed Barney's arm... errr claw thing and began to pull. A howl of pain came from Derek as Goku stepped on his finger.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Get off will you!" Derek yelled as his finger was crushed.

The proverbial light bulb went off over Goku's head and he turned back to Twinkle, unfortunately letting go of Barney who crashed back on top of Derek. "We did it, Twinkle."

"Huh?"

"We stood on one finger. Well technically I stood on one finger, only it wasn't my finger it was Derek's, but you didn't say whose finger it had to be..."

Twinkle threw her hands up in the air. "Alright, alright, I concede, the first test you have passed indeed."

"So what's the next test?" Tina asked as Derek managed to drag himself out from under Barney.

Twinkle gave a wide grin. "Here is the next test you must do, I want you all to do the Loopy Loo."

"The what?"

"The Loopy Loo."

"Never heard of it."

"Surely you must be one of the few, to have heard of the Loopy Loo?"

"Nope."

"Maybe it's something to do with a crazy toilet," Goku whispered to Barney.

"Ahhh..." Barney disappeared for a moment and then returned with a white, ceramic toilet bowl and chain. He began to swing it around in circles. "There you go Twinkle. The Loopy Loo."

Twinkle ducked as the porcelain flashed dangerously close. "That wasn't quite what I had in mind, somewhere to sit your large behind."

"You saying I have a large rear end, elf?" Barney growled.

Goku placed his hand on Barney's snout. "I think you should stop swinging the toilet now, Vegeta. You got your message across and we have passed the second test."

"Fine." Barney let go of the chain in mid swing, the porcelain glinted and shot off into the bowels of the studio. The thump echoed back moments later.

"Gives a whole new meaning to the words 'porta potty' doesn't it?" Derek giggled into Tina's ear and the girl snickered in response.

"So what's the third test, elfie?" Goku asked.

"Here is challenge number three, I want you to be friends with me." Twinkle looked a little doubtful and cringed back from the group, but it was in the script and she had no choice but to follow her lines. Maybe after all this was over she could get a guest spot on Jerry Springer or something and talk about her secret life as an elf.

"You want us to be friends with you?" Tina asked.

"Oh yes please, it would be fun, I don't have any friends, so life's pretty glum."

"I'm not surprised. How can you expect to have friends if you won't let them cross your bridge? Talk about selfish. I think you deserve to spend the rest of your day's friendless," Barney huffed.

"That's not very fair, Barney," Goku chastised. "I think we could be friends with Twinkle."

"It's lonely without friends," Tina said and moved towards the elf.

"Fine! We will be friends with the irritating green fairy then, anything as long as we can get to this wretched castle and I can get out of this hot, prickly suit. I have a heat rash coming up and the itching it's causing is getting beyond a joke." Barney tried to scratch himself.

"Just wait until the chafing starts," Goku mumbled under his breath, nodding his head wisely.

"The what?" But Goku didn't hear, he was heading off with Derek, Tina and Twinkle, over the bridge and towards the castle once more. With a sigh Barney began to follow, a warm burning beginning to start on his inner thighs.

"Awww crap!"

~ oOo ~

tbc...