Through My Eyes
By: Voice4TheMute
Disclaimer: I do not own the Scott Pilgrim series or any of the characters mentioned in this story. All original characters and lines belong to Bryan Lee O'Malley and other respectable parties. This story is purely for entertainment purposes and not to be sold anywhere.
A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. Your reviews are definitively a motivator for me to get the next chapter out ASAP. Especially this chapter since a lot of things happens to Kim that I'm sure most, if not, all of you are excited to see how she would react in a personal level. This chapter has been broken up into parts because I want to get as much detail in this book that if I keep it one story, it'll just be a wall of text and no one will read. Thank you again for reading, please review, and if you have any questions please put it in the review. I'll be more than happy to answer them. (No spoilers though.)
Updates on the story can be found on my profile page and I will update regularly.
"Come on Kim!" A voice called as I felt a tug on my arm, forcing me to walk forward faster than my normal pace. The girl pulling on me was about my height with brown shoulder-length hair. She was wearing a purple plaid skirt that went down to her knees, black stockings, and a white blouse with a black long sleeve sweater over it. On the left side of her sweater was an iron-on patch that had a purple J with a matching purple boarder surrounding it. It looks silly, but I guess I can't complain. Afterall, it was the uniform for St. Joel's Catholic High School in Northern Ontario…and we're all forced to wear it.
"Why? The sooner we get there the sooner we're force to age away at our seats…" I said, taking off my sweater. The weather was actually nice enough to walk around with just the school uniform blouse and skirt.
"Oh come on…of all the people to say that I didn't expect it to come from you. You're one of the smartest out of our class!" The girl said as she came back and walked right beside me. I couldn't help but feel good about myself after receiving a complement like that.
"Well, I am the smart one aren't I?" I said, trying to be as smug as I can but then the girl pushed me playfully.
"It's one to be proud, but you don't have to gloat about it."
"Excuse me?"
Just then, a gust of cold wind blew across the street. I felt the fabric if my sweater slip through my fingers as I braced myself to keep warm. I watched as my sweater fall out of my hand and roll a couple of feet away from where that girl and I were standing.
"Hold on Lauren, let me get my sweater…" I said, remembering the girl's name but not receiving the thought that I ever forgot it in the first place. As I walked over to where my sweater was, I noticed a pool of water next to it. Curiosity took over as I looked at my own reflection.
It's me…it's me 7 years ago. This is my old uniform…
I reached up and felt my hair. Ponytail…
My ponytail…I haven't had a ponytail this longs since… I'm back in high school….is this a dream!
Pilgrim 002a:
"Kim!"
"What?" I said suddenly as I found myself looking at my reflection in the mirror. We were in the girl's bathroom at school. Lauren was already halfway out the door, holding it open for me to go through. I didn't know how or what was going on, but I felt a strong inclination to follow Lauren around. As if my free will was gone and I was mounted on a rail system forced to follow a specific, predestined path.
"So…what do you think?" Lauren asked obliviously but somehow I understood what she meant. I walked out of the girl's room and walked by her side, heading to class.
"I don't know…" I said, almost responding from a predetermined script. It felt like this has happened before. All of it. Almost like déjà vu. Why couldn't I say anything else? Why can't I control MY own thoughts? It feels like I'm a prisoner…a prisoner in my own head by this dream Kim.
"Come on! You should do it!" Lauren said, nudging me on the side of my body. "It's one of those things you have to have do before you graduate from high school."
"What? Lose my virginity?"
"NO! Get a boyfriend! This is the time where you should be interested in boys and this guy…this guy is the smartest guy in our class!"
"Hey! I thought you said I was the smartest in the class!" I said, now playfully pushing Lauren off to the side.
"You are but…he's just super smart you know? Not like academic…but worldly. He could survive if he was lost in a forest." Lauren said as we approach the classroom where we had history together.
"You know, the more I talk to you the more you act and sound like my parents. And I really don't like my parents…" I warned her as she held the doorknob to the classroom, preparing to open the door at any minute.
"Come on Kim…you know I'm right…" She said to me as I walked over and moved her hand aside from the doorknob. I gripped it myself and turned it, pushing it open and walking through.
"Yeah, but with Simon Lee?" I asked, keeping eye contact with her as I walked. I turned my head forward to realize that I was not in a classroom. In fact I wasn't on the school grounds anymore. I was at the park near my home, standing in the middle of the grass. I turned around to see that the door behind me has disappeared as well as Lauren. But that was not the reason I turned around. At least it did not feel like that was the reason. It felt like I was actually looking for someone…and making sure no one I knew was around.
"Kim?"
I turned my head to see a Chinese boy with think black frame glasses. He looked at me through those windows, looking shocked to see me. He was wearing the St. Joel's Catholic High School uniform for guys; white collared shirt, long sleeve sweater and black khaki pants. I clenched my fist, crumpling the letter that was suddenly in my hand, as I walked towards Simon.
"I can't believe it. You're actually here…you…!"
"Shhh." I said, look down at my feet.
"Well, does that mean you…that you…"
I said nothing. I raised my hand and looked at the letter that was almost a ball of paper now. I unwrinkled it, trying to get it back to its normal condition but I knew it was impossible. We both stood there. I felt Simon's gaze on my head, expecting that I would look up at him to make eye contact. But my sight was fixed on the letter that I found in my locker three days ago, addressed to me, written about me, wanting me.
"Did you mean it?"
"What?"
"Did you mean what you wrote?" I asked him, finally making eye contact with him.
"Y-yes. But you know…I don't know what I was thinking. I mean a girl like you…a girl like you wouldn't want to be with a guy…a guy like me." I heard him reply as he turned his body away from me. I sensed his hesitance as he started to turn around. I made my move. I reach over and grab hold of his sweater. He stopped suddenly, turning his head towards me as I kept eye contact with him.
"…No one has ever paid that much attention to me. Did you mean what you wrote?" I repeated myself.
"Every word." He whispered in my ear. I felt weak. Like something was sucking away my strength.
"Soooooo?"
I turned around to see Lauren sitting at our usual lunch table. I wasn't at the park anymore. The letter in my hand had vanished. In its place, a tray with a plate of mash potatoes, peas, and the mystery meat that the lunch lady served today. Everyone at St. Joel's was trying to find a place to eat their lunch as talking with their friends about the latest gossip or the last test they took. Lauren and I had our own lunch table to sit at. Well, it wasn't officially ours but no one else sat at it, except for Simon.
"Soooooo?" Lauren repeated as she stared at me. "Are you going to sit or are you going to eat standing up?"
"Come on Kim, sit. We have much to talk about the project in history." Simon said, already sitting down and working on the mystery meat. I mindlessly sat down next to him, leaning on him slightly for the warmth of his body and for the closeness.
"Here's what I'm thinking. I think we should do a report on….where the battle of…and then there is…" Simon said to me, but I couldn't understand pieces of the conversation. Like I couldn't remember what he said. "Besides, we need this A. Anything else would be a travesty. And besides, I will be on top of the class with my perfect 4.0." He gloated as I felt my eye form a glare.
"Please…I'm going to be on top this year. I specifically remember someone getting an A- on their last test and someone else getting a perfect score."
"That's because you fed me lies! Having a study session with you only made me dumber!"
"All's fair in love and grades Simon." I said to him, taking a spoonful of mash potatoes and putting it in my mouth. I closed my eyes, happily chewing on my food.
"I swear, you two are the only couple in the world that would fight over the better grade. It's kinda nauseating."
She could say whatever she wanted. For once in my life I felt complete, whole, …happy… and it was all thanks to…
"SIMON!" I yelled, opening my eyes to find myself standing outside his house, facing the street. My vision was fixed on the car that drove faster and faster away from the house. In the back of the car was Simon Lee. In the trunk? Boxes. Lots and lots of boxes.
"It's not the end you know…" I voice said over my shoulder. I didn't turn around. I didn't want to turn around. I didn't want her to see me like this. "So he's moving away to another district and different school. You guys agreed to long distance. I mean, it's not like you guys broke up. You have to cheer up Kim." Lauren's voice said as I felt a hand on my shoulder. "You'll be able to see each other every weekend at the Dufferin Mall. That was the agreement."
I still didn't turn around. I felt the presence of that hand get warmer and more comforting as I felt tears fall from my eyes. Sniffling, I looked up to see that I was now sitting in the food court of Dufferin Mall. He didn't come that week…
…or the week after that…
…or the week after that…
I looked at the seat beside me. Empty as usual. It remained empty for many days.
"Kimberly Pine?" the voice of the teacher called. I looked forward to see that I was back in my geography class. The teacher was now calling roll. I raised my hand to indicate I was present and I saw him mark me down on his roll sheet. I lowered my hand and stared blankly at my notebook. I opened the cover to reveal letters from Simon, mostly apologizing for not being able to make it to the mall. Instead, he's decided to just write to me. It didn't feel right though. This wasn't enough. This wasn't him actually being here for me.
"New kid…Uhh, you're with Kimberly, okay?" The teacher said as I looked up instinctively as I heard my name get called. My vision of the teacher got blocked by a guy with light brown hair. He moved to the empty seat and placed his backpack on the shared table.
"Hi." I said as I watched him sit where Simon use to sit.
"Hi. What are we doing?" He asked as I looked at all the books opened on my side of the table. I picked up my pencil and gave it a twirl before responding.
"It's some retarded partner thing, and you'll probably slack right off and I'll end up doing all the work." I said, basically calling him out on what he'll ultimately do. They've done it in the past. Team up with the bookworm to score an easy A.
"Uhh…nice to meet you. I'm Scott" He said, looking at me with calm eyes.
"The pleasure's all mine." I said as I took my pencil and tossed it into the air. I caught my pencil and looked down at the desk to see a hand drawn map of Russia in front of me. I rubbed my eyes as I looked over at Scott's work on the project. To much of my horror, the side of Russia that Scott was drawing was horribly inaccurate and very ugly. I rubbed my temples as I had to put up with this for almost a month.
"You suck at drawing, don't you?" I asked him, pulling the map of Russia towards me so I can try to fix his side.
"Maps are hard! I could draw it really good if it was a sheep." Scott argued. I glared at him.
"A sheep? Are you serious? Draw me a sheep!" Scott pulled out a clean sheet of paper and proceeded to draw his sheep. Halfway through his drawing he stopped, pondered for a second, and then turned to me.
"I forget, do sheep have curly tails, or is that pigs?"
"That's the worst sheep I've ever seen!" I said, but not angrily, laughingly. It was the ugliest sheep I've ever seen, but I can't help but smile as his stupid drawing.
"What are you talking about? This is such a good sheep!" He said as I continued to fix the drawing of Russia. There was a pause between us. Neither of us said anything. Maybe he was working on another map, I didn't know. What I did know was the battle that was raging inside me. I don't despise the guy…which says a lot. I haven't felt this way towards another guy since…
Since…
"You hang out with that girl Lisa all the time, eh?" I asked him, holding my pencil getting ready to throw it in the air again.
"I guess."
"Are you guys, like, going out?" I asked, tossing my pencil in the air.
Without looking, I caught it back in my hand. But it wasn't a pencil anymore. It was a drum stick. I wasn't in geography anymore. I was sitting behind the school drum set, almost ready to perform to the student body. With me was the pride and joy of St. Joel's Catholic High School, the school band. Consisting of all sorts of stringed, wind, and brass instruments, this was by far the largest collection of random people you'll ever see. And I was a part of it…why?
"Kim? I didn't know you were in the school band!" Lauren said, somehow backstage where no one but faculty and band mates can be.
"Lauren!" I whispered, "You're not supposed to be back here!"
"Why are you in the band?"
"…you know how you said that I should find a way to beat out my frustration?"
"So you picked beating it out on the school drum set? You know half of these people are…bad." She whispered as I looked over at the rest of the band. Within the first ten seconds I saw people disassembling their flutes, removing strings from their violins, and using their clarinets to scratch their backs.
"…I like playing the drums ok? It kinda grew on me. Now go away before you get us both in trouble!"
"Fine fine. Just do your best. That cute guy over there is checking you out."
I looked at where Lauren's finger was pointed to see Scott Pilgrim staring rather intently at me. "If you think he's cute I'll introduce him to you. Just get lost!" I said as I saw her duck down. The instructor walked to the podium and faced towards the crowd.
"Thank you for coming to see us…" He started, expecting to receive a warm welcome to the student body. Instead, he got silence. "I er…it is my honor to conduct St. Joel's Catholic High School's pride and joy, the St. Joel's school band!"
Again…silence.
"Uh…Kimberly? Will you please?" He pleaded.
"We are St. Joel's Catholic High School band. One. Two. Three. Four…"
But instead of hearing a crash of random notes being played, I got startled by what sounded like a locker being closes really hard. I blinked a few times and found myself walking alongside with Laruen down the hallways of the school, taking a path that would soon be engraved in my brain forever. At the end of the path, I saw Scott just finish putting his books away in his locket.
"Hey Scott." I said as he turned to see me.
"Oh, hi. Um, yeah, so, presentation on Monday, right?"
"Yeah. Don't worry, it'll be fine." I said, trying to get him to relax a little. Ever since we met and after the sheep incident, it's always been about the project. We've never really talked like friends…I'm not even sure if he sees me as a friend.
"Oh, this is Lauren. Lauren, Scott. We have geography together." I said, pointing to my friend.
"Hello."
There was a moment of silence. The way she was looking at him…the way he was looking at her. It didn't feel right to me. But why would I care who he looks at. I mean, I'm not his keeper or anything. And I definitely don't care who he looks at. Besides…I have a boyfriend…right?
"So I'll see you on Monday, okay? First period!" I said as I dragged my drooling friend away from him and lead her down the hall.
"Yeah for sure!" He called back, waving.
"What's that about Kim? Are you jealous?" Lauren asked me as I tugged her along.
"I'm not jealous…"
"Well you shouldn't be. You have Simon."
"…about that…"
I continued to walk down the hallways when I realized that the title pattern changed on me. I looked up to see that I was no longer at St. Joel's but at Benvie Tech High School, long rivals of our school. Still wearing my school uniform, everyone was giving me dirty looks. If I wanted answers, I knew this is where they are…because he was here. He's the only one that can help me now…
"Let's see…up these stairs and…" I said to myself as I climbed several flights of stairs to get to the rooftop of the school. I opened the door and there, stood Simon, in his new school uniform. I didn't know how I should feel. Overjoyed because this is our first time meeting in a long time? Hatred for him because all he would do is send me letters about how school is over here and how much he wishes he we back in my school? Confusion of why he isn't making sacrifices to see me while I'm here, sacrificing my project grade, just to see him. I wasn't sure what I felt when I saw him. But he walked towards me, wrapped his arms around me, and smiled.
"Oh Kim…I've missed you so much…"
I didn't hug him back.
"You have no idea how much it means to me that you're here now…"
I didn't even say anything to him yet.
"It's been terrible here…the food is terrible, the classes are terrible, the students are terrible, everything is just…terrible without you."
"…Simon…I…" I started, suddenly knowing what I wanted after all these months. I came here looking for answers, and finally I got them. It only took a visit from the past to realize what I wanted. "Simon, I want to break up."
His embrace became light.
"It's not going to work out…"
"…what?"
"There's another guy…" I started, feeling his presence move away from me. "…he's a good guy. He's a hard worker. Not the smartest or the best drawer but there's something about him. I can't put my finger on it."
"You're breaking up with me?"
I couldn't bear to look up at his face.
"It's not like we've had any contact ever since you moved…"
"…the letters."
"Spiritual support, but that's not what I want now."
"What do you want?"
I took a deep breath.
"I want someone to be there for me!"
Just as I said it, the door leading to the staircase got kicked down. There stood Scott Pilgrim, uniform torn and fist clenched. He stared viciously at Simon as Simon began to walk backwards away from Scott and me.
"Kim!" Scott yelled as he walked right beside me.
"Let her go, Simon. I've defeated all your evil bosses. You're finished!"
"Took you long enough…" Simon said, looking up at us. His eyes were empty. He was the hollow shell of the man. His expression of sorrow, lost of hope, the will to live…it would forever be burned into my memory. It was if he was looking at the grim reaper and he was expecting his arrival.
"Scott…" I said as I saw him approach Simon, fist still clenched. "…this sucks."
Simon stared blankly at the man that will soon destroy him and made a wicked smile at him.
"This is the best St. Joel's could muster?" He taunted, knowing that there was no escape from the pain he was already suffering. The pain he was about to feel was nothing compared to what he was feeling before Scott came.
"That's not what you're mom said last night!" He yelled as he cocked back a punch. "You're going down Simon!" In that instant, Simon threw up his arms in self defense, hoping that it would absorb the blow. It was if in that instant he realize he was in real danger and the pain that was about to come was WAY worse that what I did to him.
"Mercy! Please! I've been a fool!"
But it was too late. Scott hit him square in the face that his glasses broke in half and his nose bent the other direction. I couldn't watch. I couldn't take it. I closed my eyes and wait for the sound of punching to stop. After what seemed like five minutes, I felt someone get close to me. I uncovered my face to see Scott next to me, dripping wet. I've been zoning out everything around me that I failed to realize that it was raining outside. The way Scott looked at me. I couldn't help but to feel embarrassed. But I couldn't shake this feeling that the reason he came for me was because of the presentation.
"You only came because of the presentation…" I said as I turn around and walked away from him.
"I came because of you." He yelled out loud. It stopped me in my tracks. "I came because you didn't show up to school. Your friend Lauren told me that you were going coming here. She filled me in about Simon." I just stood there, slowly getting drenched from the rain. Taking a deep breath, I turned around to see him.
"I didn't know who'd rescue me from that maniac," I said sarcastically, knowing that Scott had no trouble with him "But I secretly hope it would be you, Scott." Scott walked closer to me, reaching for my hand. I raise my hand to meet his and laced my fingers with his. Suddenly the cold rain didn't feel so cold anymore.
"I like you, Kim." He said, giving my hand a squeeze. "We should be dating."
I felt my heart skip a beat.
"Also, do you want to play drums in my band?"
My heart skipped another beat.
"Yes, Scott! Oh, yes!"
We shared our first kiss that day, in the pouring rain. I felt that wonderful feeling again. The feeling of being wanted, being whole, being happy. I closed my eyes as I continued to kiss Scott, every kiss filling my soul with the thing it's been craving for all these years. That there is someone else in this world that want to be with you. I opened my eyes to see me, Scott, Lisa, and Kimberly heading back to my place for band practice and video games. As I turned my head, I saw the teacher approach Scott and me at our table in school. He handed us back our project and Scott and I high fived each other for getting an A on our report. I turned again and found myself staring at a movie screen, leaning up against Scott as we both got needed leisure time from all the band practice and school projects. I closed my eyes once more, tapping my feet. Soon the tapped didn't sound like a foot tapping the ground, but a pair of drum sticks hitting each other. I opened my eyes to see the entire student body crowding around the stage we were on. Scott was on bass guitar, Lisa was on guitar, and I was on drums. We were at Lunchapalooza, a school held talent show in which Lisa wanted to us to perform. I didn't mind…I was doing what I always wanted to do…with the guy that understands me the most and one of my most trusted friends. I raised my sticks in the air, closed my eyes, and shouted at the top of my lungs…
"WE ARE SONIC AND KNUCKLES! ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"
And in that second, I expected to hear a loud echoing note that would blow everyone away. But it never came. Instead the soft sound of a harmonica echoed in my head. I opened my eyes but closed them right away after feeling the soft kisses on my neck from Scott. I let out a soft moan as I peered around to figure out where I am. We were in the back of a borrowed car, most likely one of Lisa's friends, with a blanket over us. The song "By Your Side" was playing from the radio and I could feel Scott's naked body press up against mine. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him tight, running my hands through his hair and down his back. The music was so perfect…
"Listen to this song." I whispered to him. "It's a really good song…" I said, eyes still closed as I felt his body. "Oh Scott….Scott…"
…
"Scott?"
I opened my eyes to see Scott and me standing outside. It was the dead middle of the night and I was feeling uneasy all of a sudden. Scott wouldn't look me in the eyes when I called his name. We both stood there in silence.
"Lisa said you were moving away…" I said, breaking the silence. Scott didn't say anything. He stood there, looking at the ground.
"Is it true?"
Still nothing.
"Scott…please talk to me. Tell me." I said, starting to feel annoyed by Scott's silence.
"Scott Pilgrim! Tell me you're not moving away! Tell me that I wasn't going to be the LAST to know about this! TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME!" I yelled angrily at him. He said nothing. Instead he turned around started walking home. I fell on my knees.
"No…no. Please…no. Scott. Scott!"
He kept walking.
"SCOTT!"
When you're awake…I'm your prisoner inside your head.
I felt someone behind me at that moment. But I dared not turn around.
But when you're asleep…the tables turn. In your dreams, you're MY prisoner. This is the world I live in. This is what I have to see every day. What I feel every day. What I have to put up with every day.
Suddenly I felt like I was in control of my actions again. I could hear my own thoughts, felt like I had my own voice. I was in control of my dream self. I shut my eyes and thought hard.
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up…
You can pray that this never happened…you pushed these thoughts way back in your head hoping they would just…disappear.
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up…
But the more you deny it, the more the past will come back to haunt you…
WAKE UP!
Why can't you just accept it?
"NOOOOOO!" I shot up from my bed, panting hard. I looked around and saw that I was back in my own room, in my own bed. My body was covered in sweat as I felt my heart. It was beating so fast and my breathing was so rapid it felt like I was going to pass out at any second. I reached for my bottle of water I kept beside my bed and took a sip to calm down my nerves.
What the hell was that? What kind of dreaming was that? No control of my dream self. Force to watch my past and make the same mistakes…that was no ordinary dream. That was…
"KIM! SHUT THE HELL UP! IF YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH SOME GUY NAME 'SCOTT' IN THERE TELL HIM TO SHUT THE HELL UP TOO!" Sara yelled from the behind the wall.
I hate my roommates….but still. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and just sat there for a minute. I turned to look at my night stand. Framed in a black frame was a picture of a poorly drawn sheep. It was never dated or signed, because the artist never finished it.
Why would I dream about that?
To Be Continued…