Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli and Isles, Jane and Maura, or the song lyrics. Buuut I do own my ideas...So pleeeeease review And sorry but there is a tad bit plot re-usage from chapter 2... but can I just remind everyone that each chapter is a oneshot, in and of itself, so my reusing of the plot from the previous chapter is my prerogative and I may do so if I want. It was my plot anyways. I do apologise that I didn't come up with something a little more unique to the song, but again, I just thought this would be good.
MPOV:
I slowly walked forward towards the Homicide Unit to drop my autopsy report off to Jane. I couldn't help but smile as the familiar butterflies that resided in my stomach flitted around as I thought of Jane. It hadn't really been all that long since Jane had gotten shot and told me she loved me and so on and so forth. Even though almost losing Jane and Frankie in the same day had changed me to the core; that long treacherous, heart wrenching day had ended so perfectly. Jane and Frankie had made it with no complications -except for Frankie's healing period being sort of extensive- and then Jane had taken a leap I hadn't expected from her.
I shook myself from my reminiscing and silently eased the door open. What I saw made me freeze in pain. There stood Jane holding hands with some girl, and leaving. I knew that I couldn't be rash about understanding what I had just seen so as soon as they left I walked in briskly and tossed my report onto Frost's desk. He looked at me nervously and I knew then that something was up. I turned, ignoring him calling my name behind me, and walked quickly and silently out the door Jane had just gone through. I ran as quietly as possible, and in no time I was about ten feet behind them. I watched in silent horror as the girl leaned over and kissed Jane soundly on the mouth. And that was all I had needed to see. I turned and ran silently back up the stairs as tears began streaming down my face. I passed Frost who stood up in concern, but I ignored him and began to sprint down the hallway and back to the front doors. I heard my name being called with a certain urgency in it, but I didn't care. I couldn't think or feel anything except for the pain of Jane's betrayal consuming me.
Within moments I was in my car on the way back to my house as sobs overtook me. Twice I had to pull over on the side of the road because it was impossible for me to see the road. By the time I got home it was about seven thirty, the time I normally arrive home when I don't leave work early. I knew that some of the delay was from the snow that had thoroughly covered the city, but a lot was from me sitting on the side of the road practically screaming in pain as the sobs shook me. By the time I locked my door and had packed most of my house, about two hours had passed, so I went into the kitchen and set out some food for Bass. While I was gently coaxing him to eat his strawberries, I heard a knock that was all too familiar, and I sighed as I wiped my hands on a towel before walking over to my door.
I had recognised the knock on my door as easily as the soft clicking of my heels on my floor, so I hadn't seen the need in looking through the peephole. But now I wished I had. I opened the door with my stomach clinching; I knew that Jane would be on my porch, but when I opened my door there were two women on my snow covered porch. I looked at Jane and when our eyes met she smiled before speaking.
"Carrina, this is my girlfriend Maura. Maura this is Carrina." she introduced us with a bright smile as she looked at me. I looked at my feet as tears welled back up in my eyes as I put a name with the girl I had watched kiss Jane only hours earlier.
"Dang Janie you got yourself a catch there. She's effing hot." Carrina said giving me the twice over with a wink at the end. I shuddered as I looked at her staring at me appreciatively. Jane shot a condescending glare her way before stepping towards me. I took a cautious step back into my house and my frightened and hurt filled eyes looked up into hers that were furrowed with confusion.
"Maura sweetie...? Sweetie what's wrong?" Jane asks as she starts to take another step towards me but thinks better of it.
"Dang Janie. Looks like you effed up with your girl." Carrina says as she stares straight at me. I flinch slightly at her language and Jane turns shooting her a glare before softening her stare and looking at me again.
"Maura, honey what's wrong?" she asks gently and suddenly I feel a wave of anger sweep over me.
How dare she come to my house and act like nothings wrong! Sh-she cheated on my with this illiterate, cursing, slightly promiscuous woman, and then not only does she bring the girl to my house, but she also expects me to stay with her! The nerve!
"What do you mean what's wrong?" I ask raising my voice slightly. She looks at me with a hurt look and I feel a twinge of guilt, but when she wipes the look off her face it's instantly replaced with anger at the fact that she can hide her feelings so well.
"I...Maura what has gotten into you? I... I thought we were going to go to my parents tonight...?" Jane said a bit hurt and confused.
"What's gotten into me? You're the one who was making out with another girl right outside the homicide unit! And then you have the audacity to show up at my house with this... this girl who is undressing me with her eyes after she made out with my girlfriend. You have a lot of nerve to ask me what my problem is. Apparently you're the one who's been having a problem... If this relationship wasn't what you wanted you should have told me; not let me find you with someone else." I said rather loudly for my normally quiet demeanor, as tears streamed down my face. Jane just stood there and looked at me, and I couldn't take it anymore. The sobs started overtaking my body and I started hyperventilating as I tried to breathe around the sobs. Jane took a step towards me, but I turned and ran in my house; locking the door behind me. I leaned my head back against it and slid down onto my floor bringing my knees to my chest and sobbing into them. I could hear that Carrina and Jane were still on the porch, but I didn't care. After a few moments they left, Carrina practically dragging Jane with her. I composed myself as best I could a few minutes after that and finished packing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX THE NEXT DAY
I walked into the homicide unit silently praying that Jane wouldn't be in. I glanced at my watch to check the time. 12:20. The time Jane normally goes into to the morgue to find me for lunch. So I had about ten minutes before she realized I wasn't there and came back up to talk to Korsak and Frost. I picked up the pace as I entered looking around to make sure Jane was nowhere in sight. When I had cleared the room I walked over to the break room where Frankie, Korsak, and Frost were all congregated around their lunches.
"Maura! Where have you been all day? They said you weren't coming in to work today and sent some weirdo to collect the body, and he almost contaminated evidence twice! What happened Maura?" Frankie said jumping up.
"I... didn't you go to your parents last night?" I asked a bit confused.
"Well of course. I could be unconscious in a hospital and that still wouldn't be a good enough excuse to give my mother for missing dinner. Why? And why weren't you there last night? I thought you were coming over, my mom was upset when Janie came over alone..." he said confused as I flinched at his sister's name. He trailed off at the end as he saw my reaction and started to say something else but I stopped him.
"S... She didn't tell you anything?" I asked stuttering a bit in surprise.
"She said you weren't feeling very well; I thought she was lying until you didn't show for work... But you don't seem like you're sick..." he said squinting his eyes at me accusingly.
"I...I'm not sick Frankie... I... well me and your sister kind of got into a fight last night and I told her to leave... I... feel bad about not telling your mom though... Maybe I'll stop by and see her before I leave..." I said speaking to him at first but then more to myself at the end.
"Leave? Where are you going Maura? And a fight about what? I'm sure if she said something stupid Maura she didn't mean to. She says stupid things all the time without realising it." Frankie said a bit worried as he tries to defend his sister.
"Trust me Frankie she meant this. She didn't say anything it's what she did... And yes I'm going to visit my sister. I was supposed to go next week, and I had invited your sister but... now I'm going alone a little early." I said looking away from his searching eyes.
"Maura what did she do?" Frankie asked getting upset as Frost and Korsak stood, now enthralled in my explanation.
"I... Frankie she just let me know she didn't want to be with me anymore in a very harsh and morally incorrect way..." I replied sighing as a couple tears escape my eyes. Frankie walks forward and puts an arm around my shoulders at the same time Frost's eyes become clear with realization.
"Sh...Oh my god she cheated on you?" Frost yelled rather loudly and I shush him as I flinch at the memory.
"Yes Frost. She cheated on me ok? She cheated on me with some promiscuous girl named Carrina who has no higher education and curses worse than your sister. And then she showed up on my porch last night with the girl wanting me to still come to dinner with her why her new girlfriend was standing there undressing me with her eyes. So I'm leaving because honestly it hurts. It hurts me that she would betray me like that and that all the stuff about the guys I dated being stupid and not realising what they were giving up was just lies; because she doesn't care about me either." I said wiping tears from my face.
"I... will kill her Maura!" Frankie said as he clenched his jaw.
"Nooo... No you won't, you'll hopefully take care of Bass and just let me leave." I said trying to calm him and spare his sister. He looks at me and his face softens and he nods. I slide a key to my new locks into his hand and then give them all my new number. "I... I'm going to Seattle and my sister got me a new cell... I'd appreciate it if you didn't give my number to Jane or tell her where I was going... I... I'm sorry... I'll miss you... and eventually I hope to come back, but not now..." I said as I smiled weakly before turning and almost running straight into Jane.
"Maura..." Jane starts, but I cut her off.
"Don't." I say as I run past her. She calls after me, but thankfully the guys keep her from following me. By the time she has wrestled past them and outside I'm already in my car with the doors locked. I start my car and drive away as she yells after me and when I look in my rear view mirror it looks like she's crying, but I can't bring myself to stop and comfort her. So I just continue to drive to the airport with my stuff packed in the back seat.
2 YEARS LATER
I look around nervously as I try to find my way off my plane. I sigh. I can't believe I'm back in Boston after only two years. I try to remind myself that I'm here for Frankie's wedding and that he's my friend. And so is Melody... and I deserve to be here for my friends... I sigh again as I cringe inwardly at how fake that all sounds. I know I want to be here for their wedding, but I also know that I don't want to be here. Because I know that while I'm here I'm also acting as a liaison between the Seattle Medical Examiners Office and Boston Homicide. Which means that I'll be forced back into work with certain people I've spent the past two years trying to avoid/forget.
I look down at my feet as I walk slowly out into the horde of waiting people. I don't want to see all the happy family reunions and people hugging and kissing, because I won't have that. No one is here waiting for me at the airport, and no one has been here to hold my hand or kiss me in two years. Two years is a long time to not have anyone love you. I keep walking, but soon collide with someone and when I look up to apologise, I can't help but smile. Because the person I ran into is holding a 'Welcome Home Maura' sign, with tears brimming their eyes.
"Mrs. Rizzoli I..." I start but I'm soon shushed.
"Hush now. You look like this girl I know named Maura. But you can't be her because I know that multiple times I've told her not to call me Mrs. Rizzoli. And the Maura I know can't stand to hurt people. The Maura I know didn't have as much sadness hidden in her eyes as you do either." she says joking at first but becoming serious in an instant.
I look down and try not to show the emotions the fight in my head was just causing. But I know when she makes me look at her and her eyes soften it didn't work. Because although she just named a large list of things about me that have changed; I know I still can't lie... or deceive people.
"That whole mess a couple of years ago hurt you more than it hurt her didn't it?" she says. She never said a name, but in a flash I know who she's talking about.
"It shouldn't have hurt her at all... I never wanted that. If she was happy with someone else I just wanted her to stay that way... but I was angry so I had to leave, because if I had stayed I never could've let her move on." I say looking down with tears welling up. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to think about this. And I most certainly do not want to think about Jane... Saying her name in my mind hurt enough, and I definitely didn't want to talk about her relationships with her mother. "Maura... there's some stuff you need to know... some stuff I should tell you, but not here... Anyways I'm taking you to my house to stay and I'm cooking you dinner tonight." she says helping me with my bags and ushering me to her car.
"Look... I don't think tonight is a good night for me to be forced upon the Rizzolis during their dinner... I can just go eat somewhere else and come back when you're all done eating..." I start saying trying to worm my way out of this but she shoots me a stern look letting me know that like it or not; I'm eating dinner with them.
"Well at least let me drop my stuff off at your house and then leave. I have to go pick up a file from the homicide department and the morgue before it gets too late. She contemplates this a moment and right when I think I've won and she's going to cave, she speaks and my hopes fall.
"Fine. But we'll stop there on our way home and I'll come in with you to make sure you don't try to skip dinner. Besides, you're gonna need someone to fight the wolves in that station off you." she says. I think about arguing but honestly if she's with me maybe her daughter won't talk to me. So I allow it and just sit back and enjoy the fifteen minute ride.
When we arrive at the police station I feel nauseous and wish that I wasn't the chief medical examiner in Seattle. But I take a couple deep breaths and get out of the car, waiting on Mrs. Rizzoli to get beside me before continuing into the building. We walk in and I identify myself and get us inside before we find our way to the all too familiar homicide department. As we walk into the 'pen' I scan the room, silently saying crap over and over again as I see Jane. I pretend I don't notice her and walk towards the trio of men who are already running towards me.
"Maura! I thought you weren't going to come by here until later!" Frost says hugging me.
"Well Frankie's mom had a different idea." I say with a chuckle as I hug him back.
"Well I feel loved. I thought your plane was coming in 'till tomorrow!" Korsak says a bit hurt as he too leans in for a hug. I hug him back with a laugh and tell him about the unexpected switch of flight times.
"Well I'm just glad to see you. I'm gonna end up with uh carpal tunnel syndrome from all our letters, and texts, and I'mma end up deaf from the phone convos." Frankie says teasingly as he pulls me into a strong hug.
"Well no one said you had to text me or write me back. And you called me if I remember correctly smarty pants." I say with a full laugh as I embrace him as well.
Mrs. Rizzoli clears her throat and I laugh. "Apparently I need to hurry or your mother's not going to get dinner ready for tonight. Oh and thanks for sucking me into a Rizzoli family dinner without a warning." I say pointedly at Frankie. He gives a slightly apologetic smile with a shrug.
"Sorry. You know how ma gets. Besides, don't you wanna have dinner with me, and ma, and pop, and Melody?" Frankie says changing the subject.
"Well... yes of course but... the four of you aren't the only ones that'll be there Frankie." I say pointedly. He sighs and says that I'm overreacting, and of course I am. Because for everyone else this isn't nearly as painful or life shattering as it is for me. For them me and Jane simply broke up because she cheated, but for me my whole life was torn apart.
I sigh and then me and Mrs. Rizzoli finally slip away. We walk right next to Jane and I actually trip a little as I stare at my feet dejectedly. I can feel her stare on me but I can't bring myself to look into her eyes. I'm afraid of what I might see... like anger or maybe even pain... or even worse hatred. So I don't look up, not even when I trip and have to steady myself on the edge of her desk quickly. I just keep walking straight into the elevator headed towards the morgue. When I get there I quickly find the box with the information on my case and turn to leave with Mrs. Rizzoli.
A few hours later I'm helping her make dinner when the phone rings. She asks me to get it, her arms elbow deep in lettuce and tomatoes. "H... Hello?" I whisper softly.
"Yeah ma I can't make it to dinner. I just got a call on a body and I'm sorry but I have to go. Tell pop I'm sorry." Jane says oblivious to who she's actually speaking to before hanging up. I hang the phone up and a tiny sob escapes me. I suddenly realise that I was looking forward to this whole thing just a tad. I turn to face her mother who looks at me in concern.
"That was... that w-was Jane. She can't make it. She... she uh said to tell her father she's sorry..." I explain turning my back quickly.
"Oh Maura. I told you I'd explain, and I guess there's no better time than the present. Look when you left Frankie came her to tell me that you were gone. I freaked a bit and asked what happened to you, and if Jane had gone; and well when he said she was the reason you left I demanded more. So that night, it was cannoli night, we both ganged up on her. Oh I yelled a storm at her and she just sat there and stared at her plate. She stayed completely silent and that only angered me more. I demanded to know what she had to say for herself. She looked up at me with sad sad eyes and she just... started sobbing. I've never seen her cry so much in all her life. She said that she hadn't cheated on you, that she never could and that the girl there was a friend who used to have a crush on her and she didn't realise the girl still liked her. She said when Carrina kissed her she freaked and went off, and Carrina apologised, said she hadn't meant to make her uncomfortable. So Jane brought her to meet you, but said you snapped. Said she'd never seen you cry so much or talk so loudly in all the time she'd known you. She blames herself for everything and said all she wants is you back. But you were gone. She thinks you hate her." Mrs. Rizzoli said in a sad gentle explanation.
Of course I felt horrible. This was all my fault. I had made Jane cry. And now I hated myself more than anything else on the face of the planet. I started to sob right then and there and Mrs. Rizzoli put her arms around me and tried to soothe me as I sobbed hysterically.
"Maura you should also know... She hasn't dated a single person since you left." she says looking at me. I wipe my eyes and start pretending nothing happened. She sighs before joining me. The rest of the night is filled with fake laughter and fake smiles.
The next day I've done my make up and tamed my loose curls, and I'm walking into the church with Mr. and Mrs. Rizzoli when I freeze.
"Maura...? Maura sweetie are you ok?" Mrs. Rizzoli asks in concern. I take a couple deep breaths before I can respond.
"I... I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can be locked in a church with J-Ja... with your daughter for two hours..." I say beginning to hyperventilate.
"Maura, you're strong. You. Can. Do. This. You'll survive and besides this isn't that big of a deal. It's not like we're going to make you talk to her. Just come on." she says and I sigh as I take her outstretched hand and follow her into the church.
The whole thing is awkward. I start looking for a seat and there's two that I can see: both on either side of Jane. So I stand there and search for a different seat because my spot is no longer next to her. However, her mother has different plans and we go sit next to Jane. Her parents sit in between us and I sit there fidgeting nervously with my clothes trying to look busy, and Jane sits there doing her best to avoid looking at me, or talking to me, or just me. I sit here losing my mind wishing she would just try to explain everything to me, but she holds her pride like I want her to hold me.
I used to think that one day we'd tell the story of us,
And how we met
And how the sparks flew instantly
And people would say they're the lucky ones
I used to know my place was the spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on
Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to a fallout,
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can't break through
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate,
When it all broke down
And the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now
Next chapter
How did we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes
And trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me
After the ceremony it only gets worse. We're at the reception and I'm just standing there against a wall playing with the seam of my dress. Jane sits practically right in front of me with an empty seat, pretending she doesn't see me. The whole thing feels like a contest of who can act like they care less, but I liked it better when she was on my side and still loved me. I stand there and wish I could tell her I missed her but I don't know how and it's so quiet but I've never heard silence quite this loud. So many words unspoken, so many things people say she wishes I knew but the battle's in her hands now... but I'd lay my armor down if she would just say she'd rather love me than do... this.
Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud.
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate,
When it all broke down
And the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now
This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side
I space out as I think about all the things that I want to change and how stupid I was, and I miss Jane standing up. And walking towards me. Before I can process anything she's pulling me towards her and kissing me. We stand there and she wraps her arms around me and before I realise what I'm doing I kiss her back. We stop when the need for oxygen becomes too much and stand there gasping for breath looking at each other. I stare at her in shock as I try to control my breathing.
"I... did not cheat on you. I love you too darn much. I just... I just want you back Maura. I love you so much." she says before grabbing me and pulling me into another oxygen stealing kiss.
"I... I love you too. And I am so so sorry." I say as tears fall down my face before leaning back into the kiss.
"You have nothing to apologise for. I should've told you." she says firmly before kissing me again.
We stand there and kiss for a few moments before we have to breathe again.
"Come on Maura. Let's go home." Jane says taking my hand and leading me to the door.