Chapter three

"Et voilà..."

In a theatrical gesture, Jane put down both plates on the coffee table – grabbed her glass of wine - and sat on the couch next to Maura. She rarely said it out loud but she loved these evenings when none of them worked and nobody showed up uninvited. It was just the two of them; in the immensity of a quiet, peaceful world.

"It looks delicious."

Smiling brightly, the honey blonde planted a light kiss on Jane's cheek before focusing back on the dish she was about to eat. A week had passed by since she had learned that she would never be able to have a child; or at least carry one. Little by little, the tears had stopped falling – the latent pain on her heart turning more bearable.

The world had kept on turning, almost cruelly.

Without saying a word, the brunette pressed Maura's knee in a tender gesture; a comforting one. If an ordeal could ruin a couple, it could also strengthen it incredibly and it was exactly what had happened to them. Jane had been present – supportive – without being suffocating either. She had been perfect.

"Thank you..."

The words brushed Maura's lips before embracing the air softly, delicately. They hadn't really alluded to the medical results – the scientist didn't feel ready to do so – but for the very first time, she had felt the urge to express her feelings to her partner. If only through half words.

Obvious before the fact the honey blonde wasn't referring to the dinner, Jane turned her head around – plunged her dark eyes in Maura's hazel ones – and smiled shyly. The rush of feelings that had hit her during the past few days had turned out to be exhausting; even more since she hadn't dared to confess anything to anyone else. She was still feeling awkward before the news – disarmed before the distress which echo she felt herself – and sad. Mad. She knew though that it was a matter of time.

"I'll never let you down."

She was being sincere. Since the beginning of their relationship, the detective had simply followed the scheme of sincerity and trust. She couldn't imagine it another way and truth to be told, she was rather satisfied of the result so far. At the same time, it wasn't hard. Everything was different with Maura. It belonged to an old logic she fully lived yet could barely understand.

"I know."

Putting down her fork, the medical examiner opened her arms to the brunette before hugging her tight. Eyes closed, Maura focused on Jane's smell, the softness of the olive skin against hers. The heat of the body she now knew by heart and loved more than anything.

"How come you're drinking wine, by the way?"

End of the allusion to the past week – a vulnerable attempt to turn the page and go on – that Jane had to welcome with a laugh. Shrugging, she sighed then rolled her eyes.

"I forgot to buy beers at the deli."

When they had come back from Greece, Jane had wondered how it would go; if things would come up naturally. As much as they had been close friends, being involved in a romantic relationship was surely different and for a while, she had had doubts before her capacity to live it with Maura.

She had never dated a woman and her lack of experience had begun to weigh on her shoulders. Ridiculously enough now that she thought about it retrospectively.

They weren't different from the others. They argued, smiled, cried, laughed. Made love. They were the most random couple one could find on Earth but the sweetest she had ever been part of.

Cuddled against the medical examiner, Jane got lost in the movie they were watching. This week, she had had to choose one and for a reason she couldn't explain, she had picked up The Bridges of Madison County. At least with Maura, she didn't need to pretend she only liked action movies. Little by little, the brunette was building enough confidence to show a softer side of her personality; the one she tried to hide way too many times – mostly at work – because of the context she evolved in.

It was relaxing to let it go one evening a week.

As the screen turned dark – at the end of the movie – Jane didn't move. Instead, she kept on staring at the television; pounding the words, Meryl Streep's characters' decisions. What kind of person could go and make such sacrifice about her life? How could one renounce to love for the sake of others?

"What..."

Maura's question died halfway as she turned around – took some distance with Jane's arms – and came to face the unexpected scene of the detective crying in silence, still focused on the television screen. A few seconds passed by before the honey blonde to react; make a move. Slowly, her fingertips brushed her partner's face to sweep away the tears.

The delicate touch finally got the brunette out of her trance and as she turned her head, Maura smiled brightly; letting her fingers trace a path down Jane's face before coming to a rest on her nape.

Quietly, the medical examiner captured her partner's lips in a kiss.

She had missed it. As she closed her eyes and focused on the sensations stirred up by the embrace, the honey blonde realized how she had missed their intimacy. They hadn't kissed during the previous week or at least not like that; not with this typical – bewitching – mix of tenderness and desire. It all had been put on pause, all this part of their couple.

Soon, she deepened the kiss and let her hands travel down Jane's body. It tasted of the first times when apprehension melts into excitement. A shy, beautiful awkwardness over the least gesture. With logic – the reminiscence of old habits – she straddled the brunette and put more eagerness into the embrace.

It was all there – sleeping in silence inside of her – all these sensations of lust and desire that were now boiling again with an untold pleasure.

She felt Jane's hands on her thighs, making her shiver in anticipation. Subconsciously, Maura pushed against the brunette's lap; silently asking for more. But when the caresses reached her lower stomach, she jumped backwards and put an abrupt end to everything. Within a second, her desire had died in an old panic she had hoped forgotten. Breathing loud – her mouth dry – and shaking, she bit her lower lip before frowning, swallowing back her tears.

"I'm sorry."

She wasn't ready. Her body obviously was but her mind kept on telling another story. Her eyes found Jane's and she felt incredibly selfish. Atrociously guilty. There was no fairness whatsoever in what she made her partner go through.

"It's okay, Maur'. It's all fine, don't be worried."

The detective's words didn't seem to find that much of an echo in the honey blonde, though. Slowly, a frank panic as well as a veil of guilt were spreading on Maura's face. Jane shook her head vehemently.

Her voice resounding as soothing as possible.

"Having my way with you isn't the only purpose of my life, you know... This isn't why I'm here right now. With you."

Protection. It was all she could actually bring to Maura for the moment. It didn't satisfy her but deep inside, Jane knew that she couldn't do much more either. So she held her tight – caressing her back softly – until the honey blonde's breath became regular and serene.

One step at a time. They would get through it.