Don't hate me for this chapter. It's dark and angst after all. Just please; don't give up on this story yet. Ok?

This chapter is called "Feel like shit" and that's exactly how I feel at the moment! Feeling like shit!

Disclaimer: To the lawyers Hush hush, don't say a word. I don't own anything, the story and that's about it.

Chapter three - Feel like shit

(Tyson's point of view)

I don't know when it all started. I don't know. But I can't seem to control it anymore. At first, I thought I would do it moderately, but now? I can't control it, it became an obsession. I almost have to do it after every meal.

I cried, mumbling weird things. This voice inside my head keeps telling me that I'm worthless, I'm useless, I'm ugly. That nobody love me, care for me and they despised me. I really want to die. I don't feel well and happy anymore, like I used to. I feel like exactly what the voice tells me - it's right. I am worthless, I am useless, I am ugly and a fat idiot. I'm stupid and lazy.

I tried everything to make myself feel comfortable again, to fit in again, but nothing ever worked. Nothing. Hell, I was so desperate that I even tried dressing up in different clothes.

Why do I bother putting on acts anymore? Why do I act my happy self when all I'm feeling is like a piece of shit? Why do people around me put acts anyway? Why? If they loathe me, then tell me so. It's not like they really care anyway. Ray, Max and Kenny. Why do they do that? More or so, why doesn't Kai just kill me if he really hates me that much? Why? Just why do I have to fall for the one that hates me the most?

I kneeled beside the toilet seat, sobbing uncontrollably. I put my finger inside my mouth and stuck it right in as I feel the contents starting to choke up. I vomited quietly, like I always do. I feel unwell... Somebody please help me. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I really don't!

Scrunching up the toilet paper to wipe my mouth and the seat, I stifled a sob and dumped it in the toilet bowl and flushed down the evident.

I walked to the mirror. Mirror mirror, on the wall. Tell me who's unworthy, out of all? "You, Tyson. You!" the mirror responded. I smiled and thought; at least the mirror is being honest.

The negative voice stopped putting me down as I looked in the mirror and opened the taps. I rinsed my mouth, feeling guilty again. I pulled out the scale under the basin slowly, trying hard not to make a noise. Stripping myself, I silently hoped that I have lost weight. I stepped onto the scale. Right, I have lost a pound. I placed my hand on my fat belly, gently rubbing it. I slid the scale back to its origin and walked to the door.

Putting on a trademark smile, I took a deep breath, opened the door and walked out.

"So what are we going to do today?" I asked Ray.

Ray, believe it or not, is my best friend. Some people would think my best friend was Kenny or Max, they would never guess it to be Ray. Ray and I grew really close during the past year. I normally tell him everything. What I think, my opinions, how I felt. He would tell me everything too. I couldn't tell him my problem. I could never tell anyone. I have to keep it to myself. No one would find out.

"Tyson, can I speak to you?" Ray said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I flinched at his touch and was slightly taken aback.

"Umm... Yea sure. What?" I answered casually.

"In the room." Ray led the way. I wonder what he's going to talk about. I wonder.

I shut the door behind me and sat on my bed. "Yes?"

"Tyson, what have you been up to lately?" He asked me seriously. The way he said that made me feel uncomfortable.

"Ray... What are you saying? I haven't been up to anything. Just the same old, same old."

"Tyson, please tell me. I'm your best friend, remember? I care for you. Please tell me what you're up to."

"It's nothing. I miss gramps, that's all. You know, feeling nostalgic."

"No, you're lying."

"Ray! Are you calling me a liar?" I screamed. I didn't mean to outburst like that. I can't control my mood sometimes.

"No, Tyson." He came and tried to hold my hand, but I blenched.

"Don't touch me Ray!" With that, I left the room and ran outside.

Without caution, I crossed the road. The car in front was heading full speed at me and I couldn't move. I couldn't move. I screamed and tried to get out of there, but it was futile. I closed my eyes and hoped for the best. Help me. Please, somebody, save me. Kai was the last thing on my mind.

With darkness clouding my thoughts, I dropped onto the lonely road and lay there, not feeling a thing, not even pain.

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Note: Please don't flame! Please don't hate me… I'll make everything better, I promise! I'm begging you guys to give this a chance! I wrote this, feeling all guilty and sad (because I did this to Tyson). I know it is too risky, but I had to do it for the sake of the story! I swear I'll make it better in the next few chapters. Ok, please don't flame, I've warned you enough

Anyway, there are two sides to everything. It all depends on the point of view for this chapter, and the one telling it is Tyson. You'll understand when I post the next chapter, or probably the next.

Ja, take care!

-DNA [23/09/2003