Title: My deadly Sin
Pairing: Atobe & Oshitari
Genre: Angst/Romance
Disclaimer: Prince of tennis does not belong to me
Warning: A close examine on a mental disorder that is rapidly plaguing the world
A.N. EDIT: I made a huge mistake and thanks to Riku for pointing it out. Gakuto wasn't supposed to appear till later chapter so I re-edit this chapter. Don't laugh but I meant to type Ootori instead of Gakuto in this chapter so I just replace the name.
Ugh and yeah I have no idea I made that mistake and again thank you so much for pointing it out.
My deadly Sin
Chapter 3: The Intruder
Craving is only a feeling
The only freedom left is the freedom to starve
It is beginning of another month, December 1, 2005. Today I will start my fasting ritual. Few years ago, I had discovered a marvelous tool called fasting.
Fasting
The act of willingly abstaining from all food
I was immediately intrigue by this process called fasting. From some old history books I found out that very early on, fasting was a ritual that was highly recommended by religious leaders as atonement for sin. Human beings can only gain absolute focus when they started to deny their body the pleasure of eating. Further evidences can be found in the Bible, the Bible stated that fasting can be seen as a way to add emphasis to personal prayers. In my mind, I viewed the basic principle of fasting as a test of whether a person could deny himself in his physical being of what he desires the most.
Whenever I completed a fast I felt like I can conquer all obstacles. It is a mental high that I had grown to enjoy greatly.
For me, fasting was a very private matter because it is a ritual that I believed I will continue for the rest of my life. Beginning of each month, I would start my weekly fast which essentially means I will live on water for a whole week as way of purifying my body of its filth. In a way, I cherish the process so much because it felt like rebirth to me. By the end of each month, I would felt so weight down from stress, school and the food that I had consume. However, I can felt a sense of peace by fasting because it assured me that I can undo all the damage that I put upon my body.
The start of each month had slowly become my favorite times of year. For seven days I would not take a bite of any food and would live purely on water.
Clean, crisp and purify water
During those seven days I would think about food constantly. I would be a liar if I say that I am not hungry and do not crave food. The fact of the matter is that I do crave food. Often the craving would get so bad that I would even dream about food. I would dream about eating food and I would wake up feeling guilty because I felt like I had sin. Even thought, it was just a dream I would force myself to run on my treadmill for hours as a punishment for giving in.
On the treadmill I would run till I want to pass out and yet I continue to run. I would run and think about the end result. I would run and think about the fasting ritual. I would run and think about the true meaning of fasting and what exactly it is that I am doing.
Starvation
Yes, that is exactly what I am doing
I am starving myself
When I starve, I noticed that colors become brighter, sounds sharper and odors became so much more intense than normally. The smell would penetrate and fills every fiber and pore of the body whenever I inhaled during that time. Right then and there I had come to the conclusion that the greatest enjoyment of food is actually found when never a morsel passes the lip.
I know I shouldn't push my body very far during such crucial time but I can't help it. As the buchou of Hyotei team I cannot afford to slack off during practice. The dizzy spell will pass like it had in the past.
For now, I need to go to tennis practice and trained my body to fight despite lack of nutrients. It is time for practice, the time for me to burn more calories and not eat. I was walking into the locker room when I heard Coach Sakaki calling me to his office.
…
"Atobe, I want to introduce you to someone." Said Coach Sakaki.
"Yes, Coach." I replied.
"This is Oshitari Yuushi, the new transfer student. He seemed to think he has the ability to be one of the regulars. I trusted that you can take care of the rest." Stated Coach Sakaki.
I decided to take a good look at the new guy before saying, "Follow me to the court Oshitari."
Oshitari Yuushi looked like your regular rich and spoiled guy from an upper level Japanese family. He was blessed with a perfect face, perfect body and perfect posture. I envy people like him. I envy people like him who didn't have to suffer or endure the training that I force upon myself on a daily base so I can look like I belong in his group, the group of elites.
"So who do I need to crush in order to prove to the great Ore-sama that I am indeed qualified for a regular spot?" Asked Oshitari in an arrogant tone.
I can't help but laugh at the irony, another conceited player is exactly what we needed on this tennis team. A team where everyone is always plotting to take down another player for the much desired position of a regular.
I stood in front of the bench and announced, "All the regulars please gathered around me, there will be a slight change in plan for today's practice."
"What are you trying to do Atobe?" Asked Shishido.
"We should let Atobe buchou finished talking first Shishido-senpai before we started questioning." Said Ootori respectfully.
"Thanks Ootori, getting back to the point, we have a new arriver today and he would like to take one of the regular spot. As buchou of Hyotei tennis team, I believe that everyone deserve a fair shot so Oshitari may challenge any of the regulars and if he prevail then he will take the loser's spot." I stated.
I can hear everyone agree in union and decided to just sit back down and observe.
I watch as Oshitari walk in front of Taki Haginosuke and said, "Oshitari would like to challenge you to a match."
Taki look offended before replying, "You will regret your foolish decision."
The other members started to cheer Taki on and told him to wipe that smile off Oshitari's face but my insight told me that Taki will lose.
…
Match end with 6-3 in Oshitari's favor.
I watch as the some players congratulated Oshitari for a great match.
"Welcome to the Hyotei team Oshitari." I said as I ordered everyone to run laps.
…
At the end of the practiced, Ootori run up to me and said, "Atobe, we have decided to all go out for ice cream to celebrate Oshitari's victory today and welcome him to the team."
I smiled and said,"Ore-sama have something very important schedule later this afternoon."
"Ootori, it is pointless to ask Atobe because he would never eat in public with commoners like us and plus the foods that we eat are probably too low class for him anyway." Said Shishido with a snort.
…
I started to walk away and wave my farewell to the team. My teammates will never know the true reason behind my lack of participation. At that time if I had turned around I would noticed Oshitari staring at me but I didn't.
If I had turned around or if I had look closer at Oshitari, I would have noticed a pair of familiar eyes staring at me.
Eyes that want to reach out to me
Eyes that had haunted me for years
Eyes that I haven't seen since I was a mere child
…
TBC
Title of chapter 4: Solitude