Kageyama spread his wings wide, standing on the ice covered park bench.
"These are your flight feathers or primaries," He pointed to the long, flared feathers at the end of his wings. "They're the most important. They give you steering control and lift. Got it?"
Hinata, who was standing in front of him, nodded patiently. Kageyama was lecturing him on the different parts of your wings and how they worked.
I hope he listens. This stuff is important.
Kageyama pointed to the under-feathers that were closer to his back than the primaries. "These are called the secondaries. They're important for even and steady flight."
Natsu stuck her head up from behind Hinata, extending her small swallow wings. "The ones on top are called coverts?"
He nodded, surprised by Natsu's knowledge. "That's correct. The coverts just keep your wings protected from high altitudes and temperature."
"Is that why the Nationals competitors wear the metal braces? To keep them warm?" Hinata asked. Competitors would often fit lightweight braces over their coverts.
"Not really," Kageyama shook his head. "It protects the wings from bending back and breaking at such high speeds. You'll see me wearing mine at the Nationals."
"Yama-kun is in the Nationals, Hinata?" Natsu clapped her hands in delight.
Hinata ruffled his wings, shielding himself from the crisp January air. "Yes, Natsu. Didn't I tell you yesterday?"
"Wow, Hinata," Natsu looked at Kageyama. "Your boyfriend is better than I thought!"
Kageyama felt his face grow warm, and he shifted from foot to foot, wings twitching.
"Alright, Hinata. I assume you understand everything I just told you?"
Hinata nodded eagerly, rubbing his cold hands together. "Can we fly, now?"
"Yup," Kageyama jumped off the bench, holding out his arms. "Grab on."
Hinata blinked. "Grab on? What? What are we doing?"
"Stupid," Kageyama sighed. "You're going to grab onto my arms, then I'll fly, and you can practice flapping your wings so you can feel what it's like to fly."
Hinata grasped Kageyama's wrists tightly. Kageyama looked away, not knowing why. He flared his wings, and jumped, beating his wings fast to make up for Hinata's weight. (Which wasn't much, mind you.)
They gained altitude, soaring over the treetops, and into the sky. Hinata and Kageyama were high enough to see Karasuno High from the park.
Hinata cried out in delight. "This is amazing, Kageyama!"
"Well, get used to it." He tried to sound bored, but really Kageyama was just as excited.
They flew over Karasuno, which looked like a dollhouse from their height. Hinata began to flap his wings, trying out the motions.
"I got it, Kageyama!" He looked up at Kageyama.
"Great," Kageyama praised. "Now, we'll fly to a lower altitude, then I'll drop you, and you'll fly." He folded his wings in a little, pulling into a dive.
Hinata yelled, but most of his words were lost in the howling air. "You... are... not... dropping me! Kageyama! Don't drop me!"
Kageyama slowed their descent, glaring at him. "What do you mean, 'don't drop me'? I have to! You're never going to fly otherwise! Okay?"
Hinata tightened his grip on Kageyama's arms, making him wince in pain. "No! There has to be another way!"
Kageyama bent his wings a bit; they were now falling slowly and they could both "stand" vertically, across from each other.
"Listen to me, Hinata," Kageyama looked into Hinata's scared eyes. "It's going to be scary, but you have to try, okay?"
Hinata shook his head. The ground grew closer.
"Please, Hinata. Try for me. Please?" Kageyama loosened his grip, ever so slightly. Hinata cried out in fear, wings trembling.
Hinata looked at Kageyama. "Fine. I'll try. But only for you."
He let go.
Hinata was falling. He shut his eyes, trying to block everything out. He could hear Kageyama screaming at him to fly, and Natsu squealing excitedly. He could also hear himself screaming. Hinata flared his wings, and a sudden updraft snatched at them, pushing him upwards.
I'm flying!
He opened his eyes. Hinata was, on the updraft, being pushed upwards away from the park, slowly. He flapped his wings, and the updraft vanished. Hinata started to fall, again, and he shrieked, frantically flapping his tiny wings. He gained height, but not that much. Kageyama swooped in beside him, making Hinata sigh with relief.
"Are you okay?" Kageyama shouted over the wind.
Hinata nodded, pushing extra hard with his wings to withstand the bluffs. "Yeah. Can I land?"
"You can if you want to," Kageyama looked down at Natsu, who was waving, her little wings fluttering and flapping in excitement. "But you should fly some more."
Hinata shook his head and tried to do a fancy dive like Kageyama. It didn't really work. He ended up clumsily falling in slow motion towards the park, but at least he didn't face-plant in front of Kageyama. That would have been really embarrassing.
He had never felt so disappointed as his feet touched the cold ground.
Kageyama landed beside him, a little out of breath.
"How was it, Hinata?"
Hinata looked up, eyes shining in delight. "OhmygoditwassofunI'veneverflownanditwasamazingisthathowitfeelstoflyallthetime?"
"Well…Um... Run that by me again?" Kageyama frowned.
"Sorry. Just excited." Hinata laughed. "I said, 'Oh my God it was so fun I've never flown before and it was amazing. Is that how it feels to fly all the time?"
Kageyama nodded slowly. "Yeah, without all the screaming."
Hinata remembered all his screeching when he was trying to fly. Natsu ran over to them.
"Hinata! You flew! Good job! Mommy is going to be so proud!" She grinned.
Hinata ruffled his wings. "Thanks, Natsu."
Natsu turned to Kageyama. "Yama-kun! Thank you for teaching Hinata how to fly! Now I don't have to be carried by Mei-Lee to school every day!" She smiled even wider, if that was possible. Which it probably wasn't, but Natsu broke most laws of physics. That girl could eat half her weight and weigh less the next day.
The trio stood in an awkward silence.
Kageyama cleared his throat. "Alright, Hinata. Let's see you fly, again."
"What?" Hinata whipped around, golden-brown eyes staring into Kageyama's face. "Um…I think I've flown enough for one day."
Natsu nodded. "I don't want Hinata to get tired. Or hurt."
"No, no. You need to practice. Or else the muscles in your wings will get weak and I'll have to drop you from the sky again. And would you really want that?" Kageyama glared at Hinata.
Secretly, he did want to have to be picked up by Kageyama again, for them to fly together. But Hinata was stubborn.
"I don't need to practice! I need to go home before Mom finds out what you've done!" He pouted.
Kageyama shook his head. "Do you know how much I practice for the Nationals, every day? Six hours. Six, long, hard hours of non-stop practice."
"Well, you know what? This isn't the nationals." Hinata shook his wings out. "I don't need to practice!"
They were both getting mad, at each other. Natsu whipped her head back and forth, trying to keep up with the panicked argument.
"Yes, you need to practice!"
"No, I don't! It's just flying!"
"Just flying? If I remember properly, yesterday, you really wanted to fly."
"But I shouldn't have to practice!"
"Just do it again!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO PRACTICE!"
"YES, PRACTICE!"
Hinata snapped his wings open, staring Kageyama down.
"What is your problem, Kageyama?" He whispered hoarsely.
Kageyama bristled his black wings, glaring back at the first-year. "I don't have a problem. I think you, with your too-small wings, and the I don't want to practice thing, you have problems."
Hinata inhaled sharply, feeling his face grow hot at the thought of his small wings.
"Kageyama… no…" He felt tears running down his face, but Hinata didn't care; he was too angry and upset to do anything.
He leapt forward and kicked Kageyama in the shin. It didn't hurt much, but it felt good to kick Kageyama. To hurt him, make him pay for what he said. Hinata grabbed Natsu by the wrist, making her squeal in surprise. Natsu wasn't used to being grabbed so hard.
"Come on, Natsu. Let's go home." He stalked off towards the path that lead home.
Kageyama called after them. "No! Hinata! Wait! I'm sorry…"
Hinata ignored Kageyama's cries, continuing to walk home.
"Just go away, Kageyama."
Kageyama watched Hinata walk away until he was just a small dark spot among the white snow.
"I'm sorry," He whispered to himself. "I really am."
Kageyama stood up, black boots crunching the icy snow.
"I'm sorry, Shōyō!" He yelled, not caring if Hinata heard him or not.
Kageyama picked up one of Hinata's feathers that had been dropped onto the cold ground. He clutched it to his chest. "Please don't hate me. Please."
"Goodbye, Hinata…"
Hinata slammed the door shut behind him, tossing his coat onto the floor.
"Go get ready for dinner, Natsu."
Natsu skittered off, wings flapping behind her, and Hinata buried his hands in his face.
What did I do?
He stared at the ceiling.
I lost a friend. That's what I did. A friend? Maybe... more. Or was he my friend at all?
Hinata picked up the grey jacket off the floor, wiping off a few clumps of ice. He reached into the pocket and pulled out a feather. But not just any feather. Kageyama's feather. Hinata had found it just outside Karasuno yesterday. It was a primary feather, long and black. It was about as long as his forearm and as wide as it, too.
He held the feather close to his chest, feeling it tickle his chin. Hinata sighed, another tear falling down his cheek. The small raven dragged his hand across his face, wiping away one tear, but not the many others that followed.
Hinata heard Natsu coming down the stairs, and he darted quickly into a small room, where he kneeled in the shadows, silent tears falling down his face. He shut the door behind him quietly, leaving him in almost darkness.
The small room he was hiding in had a tiny little window, and Hinata looked out it, seeing the setting sun, which cast an orange glow over everything. He could see Yamaguchi's and Takito's house from here, across the street and three or four houses down. Right now Takito would be at home, cooking dinner. Yamaguchi would be sitting outside the Nationals stadium, watching Mei practice. A knock on the door startled him.
It was Takito.
Shoot! Hinata jumped up. I forgot Takito was supposed to come over for the project.
"Oi, Shoyo, whatcha doing?"
"Oh, hello, Takito," He wiped his eyes, wings drooping with shame. "I'm doing nothing."
Takito folded her wings and stepped into the room, hands on her hips. "Were you... crying?"
"I don't cry, Takito." Hinata narrowed his eyes, hiding Kageyama's feather behind his back.
Takito sighed. "Anyways, what are you hiding behind your back?"
Hinata cursed under his breath. Takito had a knack for sensing objects and emotions. It was almost kind of creepy. She called it her Takito-sense.
"Um…" Hinata held out the feather. "This?"
Takito grabbed the feather from Hinata, but she was careful with it. "This is a raven feather. And not yours."
Hinata nodded slowly. "That's right…"
"Where did you get it? I want one of these!" Takito handed the feather back to Hinata, who held it nervously.
He shifted back and forth on his feet. "You can't just get them, Takito!"
"Well, then, where did you find it?" She twitched her wings impatiently, the blue feathers rippling back and forth.
Hinata narrowed his eyes at the kingfisher-winged girl. "A friend gave it to me."
She tossed her long black hair over her shoulder. "Ok, whatever. Can we get started on this essay, already?"
"Yeah, sure," Hinata swung the door wide open, stepping outside and blinking in the bright light. "The stuff is in my room."
"Well, time to go die in essay heaven," Takito laughed at her own joke. "Let's go."
The duo marched up to Hinata's room after grabbing a bag of tortilla chips. Along with salsa, a plate of meat buns, and two cans of soda. Essential to survival, Takito had said.
"Do you even have any idea of what to do, Takito?" Hinata asked once they sat down at his desk.
Takito frowned at him. "You're asking me. Takito. I have no idea. I'm not smart, like SaltyShima."
Hinata giggled at Tsuki's new, fitting, nickname, but couldn't help himself, and had to point out that Takito was one of the smartest in the class, besides Nodono Chiayi, but no one was as smart as him.
"Anyways, that's what research is for, right?" Hinata opened his laptop, pulling up a research page.
"Oh really," Takito grabbed her computer, too. "I thought research was a waste of time. Just a huge waste of time."
Hinata yawned, tired from the day's events. "Alright, as you said, time to die in essay heaven. What are you waiting for?"
"What?" Takito ignored this question. "Why do you keep yawning? You're supposed to be like the sun, always full of energy! Are you okay, Shōyō?"
His breath hitched in his throat.
Why is Takito so good at sensing emotions?
"Um… No! I'm fine!"
"You sure, now?" Takito glared at him.
"Yeah. Totally. Just great."
Kageyama slammed his bedroom door shut and smashed down onto his bed. No one was home, so he could play his music as loud as he wanted or spike volleyballs against the wall.
He shoved a disc into his CD player and turned the volume up really, really loud, then grabbed the volleyball from his closet and bounced it angrily on the wooden ground.
What did I just do? I'm so stupid!
Kageyama spiked the volleyball at his door, and it shook with a satisfying clunk. He did that over and over; certain the door might break. But he didn't care. He was mad. Eventually Kageyama grew tired and let the ball bounce to the ground, settling finally by his feet.
It was all my fault…
He lay down on his bed, listening to the heavy thump of the music. The track changed, and another song came on. It was Kageyama's favorite song, the one he always would actually get up and dance to, and the one he told Hinata about. But now, he couldn't care less about this song. Everything just sounded like a blur of nothing and blackness to him.
Kageyama took a shuddery breath.
Why do I feel like I'm going to cry? I don't cry!
He took another shaky breath.
I've never felt so much like…
Like a failure!
The last time Kageyama had felt like this, that was like… 5 years ago? The memory was vivid like it happened seconds ago.
He had just done his first dive; not in a competition. For practice, his coach had said. But Kageyama messed it up, obviously. Apparently his wrists weren't in the right position, so he could have broken his wrists, sprained a finger, blah, blah blah. He remembered how his coach had yelled at him.
"Hello? Were you trying to be stupid? That was the stupidest dive I've ever seen! What's wrong with you? Seriously, Kageyama! I have half the mind to let you go!"
Kageyama recalled fleeing the training area, and flying home in tears, locking himself in his room and avoiding his family for weeks after that. He didn't even eat for two days; Kageyama was that ashamed.
A dull pain in his leg broke him out of the memory. Hinata had kicked him in the shin, probably leaving a bruise that his coach would yell about. Kageyama remembered that, too.
Wow. I actually made someone mad enough to hurt me. And Hinata wouldn't hurt anyone, ever. Would he?
Now, he climbed up to the windowsill, watching the sun slip beneath the rows of houses, setting a fiery orange glow over everything. The glow was the same color as Hinata's messy hair, which made Kageyama's heart ache. Soon, it was dark, sun and light completely gone from this part of the world. Kageyama reached into his blue sweatshirt pocket, and pulled out the feather. It was downy and soft, softer than usual feathers. He brought it close to his face, and pressed it to his heart.
I'm sorry, Hinata.
The black feather was about as long as his index finger, and just a bit wider. It held a certain kind of emotion that Kageyama couldn't quite place his finger on. He laid the feather on his desk, next to his notebook with the drawing of Hinata. Hinata's drawing.
Kageyama grabbed his phone, pulling up his text messages with Hinata. He scrolled through all of them, remembering the moments, like when Kageyama told Hinata he was in the Nationals. He could almost imagine Hinata dropping his phone off the bed in surprise, or maybe on his face. Kageyama began to type,
Hinata, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
No response.
Please? I'm really sorry.
Kageyama sat down on his bed, and waited for what seemed like forever for a reply. But Hinata didn't even read his message.
Hinata. Please.
Another eternity went by, and nothing changed. It made Kageyama want to throw his phone across the room. He looked out the window again. The first stars were starting to peek out from the blanket of midnight blue.
He sighed, replaying that scene in his head. All the things he could have said instead. All the things he never should have said. How he had called out, goodbye, to Hinata as a last resort.
We say goodbye all the time, but we never know which one will be our last.