Chapter 3

Restless

Things sort of blurred out after that… I was going through so much emotion at the same time, that I could only remember fragments of what happened that night.

I remember being overwhelmed by a strange feeling of satisfaction; I remember his hands sliding across my skin, but beyond that, nothing…

I'm not exactly sure what I was trying accomplish by sleeping with him; but it made so much sense back then. And yet, as the cold hard reality finally caught up with us; our most immediate concern became to cover our own ass; which was, unfortunately, NOT a figure of speech.

And when we finished cleaning up our mess, I… I choked. I eventually ended up hating myself for what I had done; I should have said something, anything; but it soon became clear to me that Kira was more concerned about not getting caught by his girlfriend, rather than addressing what had just happened.

So we parted way, returning to our respective lives; completely unaware, that things would never be the same between us again.

Haunted by those memories, I sort of spent the reminder of the night in foam; unknowingly wondering, just what he was thinking right now…

It was only during the next day that I finally realized the error of my ways… We had completely forgotten about using a rubber… … … and with all that had been going on recently; I could not, for the life of me, remember when was the last time I had my periods. I looked for him, everywhere; tried to get a hold of him through whatever means possible, but unknown to me, Zaft Forces were already hot on our trail; and before I knew it, we were already under attack by a division of their marine mobile suits.

Unfortunately, this time, I could not take part in the battle; needless to say, Kira managed to fend them off with the Strike; but then again, I could not manage to have a real conversation with him before that redhead snatched him away.

Recently, she seemed to have gotten really territorial; especially when I was the one involved; though I sometimes wonder if Kira might not have been avoiding me on purpose. So I just… gave up I guess.

The clock was tickling and I still had no idea what I was supposed to do; so I did the one thing I could do in a situation like that… I panicked…

That was just the story of my life then; nothing ever gets done unless you do it yourself; and so, I freaked out… I went to the doctor that was assigned to the Archangel and told him about my mistake.

He tried to be understanding; of course, I mustn't have been the only one to whom it had happened while he was in the military; but somehow, I knew fully well that this was nobody else's fault but my own. He gave me a couple of pills, told me what I was supposed to do with them; and that was all there was it…

That was when I came to realize that I was still just a kid; I wasn't ready to make that kind of decisions; let alone deal with it on my own. But then again, that's exactly what kids do… they do stupid things; and as much as I tried to deny it, I didn't have a clue of what I was doing.

That's exactly why, kids, shouldn't have kids… … …

I was sixteen then, but even now, I'm not entirely sure I know what I'm doing…

THE MANSION, AT NIGHT…

Somehow, I managed to get over the creep factor of having Kira and Lacus around all day; don't ask me how, but I did…

As usual, I was the only one still awake in there; with my fiancé fast asleep by my side, I figured that I was in for another late night.

That's something that I have always envied about Athrun; though I assumed it probably had something to do with the time he spent in the military, my fiancé could fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow; something that almost cost him his life when I reached for his gun, the first night we met.

I, for one, could never do that; no matter how hard I tried, it always took me up to two or three hours to finally drift on to dreamlands; which led me to believe that maybe I spent way too much time thinking about that kind of things, while I was laying in bed.

Hopefully, we would be out of this place soon enough, and I could finally get back home… away from my brother…

But unfortunately, sleep would not find me. And so, with the melody of my fiancé's breath accompanying me, I finally resolved to take a stroll to the bathroom; if only to clear up my mind before going back to bed.

The softness of the tissue sliding across my legs, I slowly lifted up my sheets; trying not to wake him up, as I blindly fetched my clothes from the floor.

After getting dressed, I went to the bathroom and stopped by the sink before leaving. "I so wish we could escape this place and get back home." I told myself, as I washed my face and looked up to my reflection in the mirror. "What the hell is your problem?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

Things didn't use to be so complicated; when I first found out, I was literally out of my mind with grief. I had just found out through my father's last words that I would not be alone, that I would be with my brother. And I watched, in horror; as they blew up Morgenraete, with him, still inside…

It was hard, but in time, I learned to deal with it; it was easy enough, Athrun was making his way into my life, and Kira had moved on with Lacus; for what it was worth, maybe we could still be family… "Father is already gone, why do you have to go and mess it up?" I wondered as I made my way back to the hallway.

I've always been a night person, I suppose; I wasn't bothered in the least, by the darkness that was filling up the mansion. I have never quite understood what some people found so appealing about waking up just as the sun rise; it seems like such a waste to me… All of those hours wasted… And yet, its not like we have any choice in the matter; a women's gotta sleep, that's the reality of things there. "A shame, truly a shame…" I thought, as I looked through one of the windows.

Alas, that kind of reveries just aren't meant to last; it was getting late, I had to get back to my room; but sadly, I heard a bizarre set of noises, that soon caught my attention.

At first, I wasn't really listening, but truth is, I wasn't looking forward to spending yet another hour lying in bed, moving from side to side; so instead, as my feet quietly threaded the cold floor, I investigated it; and somehow managed to pinpoint its location to one of the nearby room.

The sound I was hearing from there, was really alien at first; but, as I was getting closer to the door, I couldn't help but notice that there was a hint of familiarity about it, that I just couldn't quite place my finger on; almost as if someone was sobbing…

"Hu… Hmph… a…" I had heard, as my hand reached for the handle; only to realize that it was already ajar. Hesitating, I looked through the opening and was shocked to hear my brother's name amidst those sobs… Was that… Lacus… … …?

I don't know what kind of sick compulsion made me do it, it would have been better for everyone if I had just walked away; yet, as I peeked inside that room, my eyes were greeting by a vision that still haunts me to this day.

A woman with long pink hairs was sitting on the corner of the bed, completely naked, just as the day she was born. And before I could fully grasp what was going on, Lacus spread her legs all the way to the sides of the bed, which is when I realized, that not only she didn't have any scrap of clothes on, but she wasn't alone… "…it tickles… Aw… stop it… teehee…" She had said, her head fully extended to the left, as a messy head of brown hairs worked its way down the spot between her neck and shoulder.

My heart skipped a few heartbeats; Lacus' pussy, in all of its glory, and as if that wasn't disturbing enough; I finally came to the realization, that the person, on whose laps she was sitting, was my brother…

"Kira…" She had moaned, as my eyes widened in shock.

I should have just walked away… … … Things would have been so much simpler; yet, as her hand finally reached for Kira's cheek, I did nothing…

I was frozen in place, my body wouldn't do what I was telling him; and as they kissed, I was forced to watch, every second of it.

I'm not that kind of person… usually… I'm not some kind of pervert who gets her kicks out of watching other peoples having sex; I took no pleasure out of what they were doing; in fact, I was scared to death…

But whether I wanted it or not, it WAS going to happen. And as I looked through the opening, I could see… evertything.

The pink princess was breathing heavily. While him, on the other hand, seemed to have his hands quite full at the moment; I hated to admit it, but Kira just wasn't the same guy he used to be, back when we were on the Archangel. Her reaction at the sight of his sex throbbing beneath her, was proof enough of that. But he wouldn't go right at it, like some, cherry hungry, teenager; no, instead, he slid his arms beneath her own and started teasing her breasts with his fingers, as her face flushed with anticipations.

"Hehe… Hmph… Hmmph… Stop teasing me, Kira…" She told him, visibly embarrassed. "or else…"

"Or else, what?" My brother replied, softly, rubbing his head against her hairs.

"Or else…" She began, a shiver coursing through her as he reached the front end of her nipple. "… I'm gonna tease you too…"

"Really?" He answered, smiling warmly back at her. "I'd LOVE to see that."

But obviously, Kira had no intention of taking her up to her word; for that, as she bended over, he abruptly pinched her right extremity; which was when Lacus' voice finally came to bear. "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!… … … huff… huff…"

She had a powerful voice, I had to give her that; but she was panting so heavily, that it soon became obvious that she just couldn't pull herself together anymore. But, much to her displeasure, my brother didn't quite stop there… Instead, he moved way down there, where Lacus' special place was hungrily awaiting for some relief. "Ahn! Stop it, Kira! Ah… I mean it!"

And so, at her demand, he executed itself. "What's wrong…? Don't you like it when I..."

"It's not that…" She immediately answered, a hint of seriousness tainting her voice. "This is so embarrassing… … …"

"What do you mean? There's only the two of us…"

"No, I mean…" Lacus began, the intensity of her gaze betraying the soft-spoken person she usually was. "I want it now… … …"

"Are you sure this is what you really want…?"

The pink princess shyly nodded her head; to which he responded. "OK, there'll be times for more games later…"

"You mind if I…?" She asked, sweating.

"Whatever you want…" Benevolently responded Kira, as she got hold of his member.

I tried to close my eyes, but it was no use; I couldn't stand looking at this any longer; the sight of her bouncing up and down from my brother's sex, it was just... … …

Through sheer force of will, I tore myself out of the opening, through which I was looking. My back leaning on the wall, I wasn't breathing anymore, and yet I was too scared out of my mind to even care about something important like that. Lacus' voice, coming from beyond that door, was driving me insane; for that, I knew fully well what was going on in there.

Lacus and my brother, were making love…

LATER ON, THE VERY SAME NIGHT…

Shortly after, I finally pulled myself together; tripping several times, in my haste, as I stumbled back to my room.

I couldn't believe how naïve I had been. Walking in on them having sex, and worst of all, spying on them while they were doing it…

I was too freaked out to sleep. I just couldn't get those images out of my head. As if having slept with my brother and being forced to spend a couple of days under the same roof as them wasn't enough; this just HAD to happen.

I so wished that my father was still alive, right now… That I had someone to talk about all that kind of stuff; someone who would tell me that everything will be alright, even if he knows fully well that its not. But I can never tell anyone… "I can never tell…"

I'll have to keep this to myself, and hope that this memory will just fade away on its own.

At least Athrun was there, I told myself, as I acknowledged the silent breathing of my fiancé. Burying myself within my sheets, I cuddled up against him and whispered, softly. "I only want to forget…"

Author's Rambling:

The idea for this chapter was inspired by the very… ambiguous ending of Gundam SEED Destiny; which is something I came up with, way back, when I somehow ended up asking myself what the hell really happened between Athrun and Cagalli when the series was over. The non-extended ending sort of implied that he would be going back to the Plants and that Meyrin, would be the one accompanying him there; but the current state of his current relationship with Cagalli was sort of left hanging some times after her own wedding with Yuna was foiled.

And, as I got my answer, I ended making yet another huge leap of logic, and asked myself; have Kira and Lacus really slept together at some point?

To me, that was a very valid question, but you wouldn't believe the sheer amount of denial I found, when I actually made some serious research on the subject; I mean, the global sentiment about this, sort of felt like maybe they did, but Lacus would probably wait until they were married; opinion, which is completely out of touch with reality, says this observer.

As I have tried to establish very early on, Kira was essentially just a regular guy, who just happened to be having super powers; fact, which SEED seems to agree wholeheartedly with; I mean, he's had some bad experiences, but he's not entirely as innocent as we would like to believe. The creep factor of Kira and Lacus being in the same room, which I mentioned in the last chapter, leads me to believe that perhaps SHE is the one to blame…

I mean, it IS sort of counter-intuitive to imagine Lacus in a sexualized fashion; in that, she is very chaste in her relationship with Kira. Fact, which is particularly exemplified by the blank stares of the peoples around them, when she embraces Kira in the extended version; and when her father speaks of the denatality experienced by Coordinators, even with their push toward regulated marriage. Which then leads us to a shot where she and Athrun, seems completely indifferent to one another, as they are taking a walk through her garden…

We can clearly see that the poor fellow has never really gotten anywhere with Lacus; which leads me to believe that perhaps our pink princess… might actually be scared of intimacy…

I mean, her image as an idol was still very safe back when she was in the Plants; which soon came into contrast, when the bolder and more outgoing Meer finally came into the picture… Still, as much as we may try to portray her as some sort of eternal virgin, Lacus is still a regular person too; she certainly has had some episodes of masturbation throughout her teenage years; probably more so, when she realized that she was actually falling for Kira. However, that innate fear of intimacy, which I believe, characterizes her; leads me to think that perhaps this chapter faithfully relates just how it would happen if they did decide to make love… They would probably try to hide their desire for one another, by making some sort of game out of it, before eventually taking matters into their own hands… They would try to make it fun; which makes Lacus reaction all the more realistic, when she finally tells Kira, that she essentially wants him to skip a station.

Which makes it all that hard to believe, that she could be in love with Kira without harboring any sort of sexual attraction toward him.

But then again, story-wise, its often better to have a character do something, rather than have him trying not to do something. For instance, it is much better to have Cagalli walk in on them having sex, rather than having her keep trying not to address what happened between her and her brother. It makes sense, you know; at some point, she's gonna have to confront Kira about what they did; and that is exactly what I'm going for with this chapter.