This is a flashback scene of the last time Nick and Sam saw each other fourteen years ago to set up for further chapters. Hope you enjoy!
Nick quickly wiped the drop of water off the back of his neck as it was streaming down to the neckline of his shirt, effectively tickling him as it picked up speed. His hair was still wet from the shower he had just taken and knew there would be more droplets of water to fight off soon enough. He threw his towel on the hook on the back of his bedroom door and gave up on his search for socks by exiting the room and walking down the hall into the kitchen. His favorite pair of jeans were really starting to show signs of wear and tear, as was his blue t-shirt that he was conveniently wearing at the same time. He smiled at the thought of Sam once again yelling at him for wearing them both at the same time, just to annoy her. He missed those fake little fights they had; they had been replaced by real and heart wrenching fights ever since they had lost the baby.
As he turned and opened the fridge to see what they had to drink, he saw out of the corner of his eye Sam standing in the middle of the living room with her back to him, her head slightly bent forward as she was reading something. Her body was tense and completely still. He looked down at the coffee table in front of her and upon doing so realized the reason for her rigid demeanor. He saw the familiar file of papers and forms and knew exactly what she had found, and this realization made his heart sink and his stomach jump up into his throat at the same time.
Nick silently walked into the living room, stopping a few feet away from his girlfriend of eight years. His brain was screaming at him to run out of the apartment before another fight started, but his feet were rooted to the spot. His heart was beating so fast he thought it was going to beat out of his chest, and years later he still swore that the sound of it was what gave up his presence in the room to Sam, making her turn around to face him.
"You lied?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer. Her voice was barely above a whisper, making it difficult for Nick to hear her.
He felt his hands start to shake at his sides. "What are you talking about?" he tried, playing dumb seemingly his only defense.
"You lied," she said as a statement this time. "You lied to me. Of all the things that you could do at a time like this, you lied to me about what caused it. You took advantage of me being so upset and sick over what happened, that you lied to me. How could you Nick?"
Nick tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it wasn't budging. "I didn't want you to blame yourself."
"Why would I do that?" she asked. "Do you blame me?"
"No honey, of course not," he said, taking a few steps towards her.
She backed away, keeping him at a distance. "Why would you lie about something like this? I never thought you would lie to me about anything, especially not something like this, this is our life."
"I know," Nick said calmly. "I lied to protect you because you were so upset. I didn't want you to think it was your fault, and I knew you wouldn't blame me if I told you the results had said it was because of something wrong with me. I was still so upset over what happened and I didn't know what to do, I'm sorry. I was just trying to protect you."
"By lying," Sam said, her voice level rising with each word. "You lied to me about the reason why we lost our child. Do you even care that we lost it? Were you happy about it?"
Nick shook his head. "Will you listen to yourself? You think I was happy about it? Jesus Sam, of course I wasn't! I was heart broken, I still am. The only thing I want is to have a family with you, and we had it taken away from us. I didn't want that to happen any more than you did."
"How can I believe you? How can I believe anything about you anymore? If you'd lie about this, who knows what else you've lied about."
"I haven't lied about anything else, I swear."
Tears started falling from her tired eyes. "Your word doesn't really mean much now Nick. You have no idea how I feel right now, knowing that you lied to me about this. This is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me, to us, and now I have to relive it and try to get over it all over again because you lied. You looked me straight in the eyes and you lied to me."
"What would you have done?" Nick asked. "If you found out that it was my fault, what would you say to me?"
Sam shook her head. "I wasn't the one who had a choice to lie, you were, and you lied. I wouldn't have lied to you, especially not about this. And if for some reason I did, I would have made damn sure that you would have never found out the truth to avoid causing even more problems in our lives. Why would you do this?"
Nick was at a loss for words. He knew lying to Sam about the results of the test was a bad idea and would crush her if she ever found out, but now, standing there and looking at her, he saw how much he had underestimated the consequences of his actions. She was incredibly pale and looked so weak that Nick was surprised she was even standing. The miscarriage had taken physical and emotional tolls on her, and now they were as apparent as ever. He thought that she would understand that he had lied to protect her. He expected her to be pissed at him, but he could tell this was different from what he had been expecting. She looked completely defeated, and if was because of him.
"How am I supposed to get through this knowing I can't trust you? You just made everything so much worse." Her anger was displaced by overwhelming sadness at the realization of what her boyfriend had done. She had never felt so betrayed or lost in her whole life.
"What do you want me to do?" Nick asked, feeling utterly helpless himself.
"Do you really think it's that easy? That I can just command you to do something and make this magically all okay again? We've been fighting for two weeks straight over the dumbest things. We can't stand to be around each other. Why?" she asked.
Nick sighed heavily. "Because something awful happened to us, and we have no idea how to deal with it. We're both angry, and sad, and only have each other to take it out on. There's not much else we can do about it."
"We can handle it like adults," Sam argued. We should be able to depend on each other to get through this, but apparently we can't do that. Apparently that's not enough."
"No, it's not enough. Talking about it and telling each other it's all going to be okay isn't good enough, it's not going to change what happened."
"Neither is lying about it!" Sam yelled, throwing the papers across the room. "Nothing can change what happened. How are we supposed to handle this the right way if one of us lied to the other about the major part of it? Now every single time I look at you, I'm going to be reminded of the fact that you lied to me about why we lost our unborn child. How you thought trying to protect me from the truth was a better idea than helping me get through the truth."
Nick felt a mix of emotions flooding his mind and he couldn't make sense of them. "These fights are all a result of the fact that you choose to focus on the negative aspects and totally ignore the positives."
"Tell me Nick, what exactly are the positives of having a miscarriage? I have no idea what these could be; enlighten me please."
'She was definitely right on that one,' he thought to himself, but still had to defend his point. "I don't mean about this specifically, but everything in general. All of our fights-"
"Are my fault?" she finished, cutting him off. "Are you really going to try and blame it all on me? So it's my fault that you've been totally detached and distant, spending more time while you're actually at home outside smoking then anywhere near me? I guess it's also my fault when you say completely idiotic and insensitive things just to piss me off because you're scared and numb so you want to fight in order to feel something other than pain."
He hated it when she could peg exactly how he was feeling and the reasons for his behavior that well, but he knew that's just the result of spending eight years with another person. Their fights had been escalating, and he didn't know if things were ever going to get better or just completely blow up.
"So it's all my fault and you're completely innocent in this?" Nick accused.
Sam shook her head. "I didn't say that. You're the one who tried to blame this all on me."
"And you're the one who keeps pointing out every little thing I do wrong. If I'm so awful, then what are you even doing with me in the first place?"
Sam scoffed. "Don't play the pity game Nick, grow up. You're acting completely insane, I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You're a completely different guy."
"Yeah, well, maybe you never really knew me at all," Nick retorted.
Tears were now steadily streaming down Sam's pale cheeks. "I can't do this anymore Nick, this isn't us. We can't function, we can't even talk civilly to one another."
"So what, it's over? Just like that?"
Sam threw her hands in the air in anguish. "You'd love that wouldn't you? Get rid of the problem altogether, be freed of this insanity."
"Why are you doing this?" Nick demanded, involuntarily clenching his fists.
"Because you fucking lied to me!"
It was official. Nick knew this had gone beyond anything he had ever done wrong in his entire life. He was now fully and completely aware of the irreparable damage that had been caused on his behalf with the utterance of that word from Sam. In the eight years that he had known her, she had sworn maybe a dozen times, but the worse she ever said was 'damn' or 'hell.' She hated cursing and never, ever swore, especially not at Nick. Hearing her say what she had said in the way that she had said it highlighted the severity of the situation better than anything else ever could. Before Nick realized what was going on, Sam had quickly moved over to the door, grabbed her keys and opened the door preparing to exit.
"Where are you going?" Nick asked, his voice broken and weak.
Sam looked down at the floor for a long moment before turning slightly and looking up at Nick. "I'm going to stay with Julie for a few days. I can't be around here, I can't be around you."
Nick swallowed hard. "Why?" was the only thing he could muster.
The tears were falling harder from her eyes than they had since she had first found out about the miscarriage. She looked Nick dead in the eyes and said the following; but little did she know, this would be the last time she would look at him and also the last time she would speak to him for fourteen long, hard years.
With tears falling from her eyes, Sam replied, "Because I don't love you anymore."
Thanks for reading, next chapter will be up as soon as possible!