Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter

A/N: The flashback will continue for two more chapters (including this one)... It will say "END FLASHBACK" when we rejoin Hermione in the present.

"run run run away, lost lost lost my mind, I'd like you to stay, want you to be my prize. All alone, not so strong without these open arms, hold on tight." -Yeah Yeah Yeahs

The flowers on the desk were wilting – a good reflection, Hermione thought, of her own heart. It was the last day of summer and Hermione had very mixed emotions about starting her sixth year at Hogwarts. On one hand it had been the hardest summer she had ever had. As hard as she tried, she could not successfully keep her mind off Draco for more than a few hours. She was beside herself with misery, trying to keep both her mind and body occupied with meaningless tasks to hold on to her last shred of sanity. It was harder at night…every time she closed her eyes she could smell him, feel his fingers brush so lightly on her cheek, feel his lips rubbing smoothly against hers…

She would squirm uncomfortably against the heat building between her legs, and finally give up, giving herself the pleasure she could not seek elsewhere. The part of her that was thick with need for Draco's touch could not wait to return to school, catch him in some dark corner, and snog him senseless. On the other hand, she was scared to death of returning to Hogwarts. It was far too dangerous, far too difficult for them to be together. She could very easily get him in trouble with his father, and by extension with the Death Eaters. She had no idea what she would do then. This wasn't like trouble in kindergarten, the punishment would be much more severe than a time out, she thought to herself sarcastically.

But there was another reason why she was afraid of coming back. As long as she stayed away, didn't see him again, she could pretend to herself that he was okay and happy. She could pretend that he hadn't been hurt by his father, that he hadn't been roped into the Death Eater squad, that he hadn't done anything other than be an admirable human being. Of course, she had to remind herself, she did not know for sure whether he'd taken the mark or not. But as long as it was summer she wouldn't have to find out. Ignorance, after all, was bliss.

In the end, Hermione was just as disappointed as she had expected to be. When she arrived at school and tried to speak to Draco alone she found him moody, snappish, and unresponsive. He had lost weight, grown even paler and more drawn. He looked stressed all of the time and wouldn't talk to her about anything. She could tell he was keeping a secret – the fact that he only wore long sleeves did not escape her notice either – but she hoped against all the odds that she was wrong. She hoped and prayed that her suspicions weren't correct – that he hadn't taken the mark after all. Whenever she tried to broach the subject of his secretiveness, he snapped at her or began to yell. He seemed to want nothing to do with her as he sunk deeper and deeper into himself, and there were times that Hermione would barely see him for months. It was more torturous than she could have imagined – all she wanted to do was hold him, comfort him and tell him everything would be alright. She wanted him to confide in her, to trust her. He was her everything, she wanted to be the same to him. But Draco pushed her further and further away as the year flew by in a blur. Finally she couldn't take it anymore, and confronted him in an empty hallway.

"What do you want me to tell you Hermione? What do you expect me to say? You know who my parents are, you know what crowd I run with, I can't tell you anything other than that," he snapped, frustrated.

"Yes, I'm well aware who your parents are Draco, but I don't see why you can't tell me what's going on. You know me. You know I would never tell anybody… just tell me what's happening…please," her last words trailed off. If possible, Draco looked even more helpless. He hated being helpless…so he got angry.

"Damn it Granger, always have to know everything do you? Has it ever occurred to you I don't want you to know? I don't want you poking your nose into my business, get that through your thick skull," he shouted, much harsher than necessary. Her eyes pooled with tears at his cruel words.

"I just want to help you, Draco. I know you're on some sort of mission… you disappear for hours on end, you look stressed all the time… maybe there's some way I can help you," she said, barely above a whisper. She paused. "I care about you…you know that."

Draco swallowed hard. This was not going the way he hoped. He had hoped he could push her away over the course of the year, deny all his feelings for her, save her from any involvement in the dark sinkhole that had become his life. It seemed that would not be happening. But in the end, he knew she'd hate him for everything he'd done, everything he was. He had taken the dark mark early in the summer…but now he was working on a mission. He would kill Dumbledore. He had to kill Dumbledore – and she would hate him. This thought had sent him spiraling into a deep sense of despair…how could he handle it? Become a murderer, tear his soul to shreds, and lose the one woman who had ever meant anything to him. He had to end it…now. Steeling his resolve and gathering all the strength he had in his worthless body, he prepared himself for his most difficult task.

"This isn't working Hermione," he said in a flat, emotionless voice, "we need to stop seeing each other."

She swore her heart stopped beating for a split second. "Wh…what?" she gasped.

"Look…we had a good time. Some good words, some good snogs, but it's about time to end it now. Don't talk to me again, it doesn't look good," he smirked.

Hermione stood still for a moment, trying to wrap her mind around his words and his heartless tone. He hadn't used that tone with her in over a year. Finally she took a deep breath and slowly choked out, "you…don't want me anymore?"

Draco nearly winced at the pain lacing her voice but held his ground. He forced a short, cruel laugh out of himself before drawling, "did you truly believe this would last Granger?"
"Don't do this Draco. I know between us a "we" is impossible. I know we're on different sides of the river…but somehow, we can do it together, we can find a way to be together. I know it'll be hard but we can"

"Are you deaf Granger?" he interrupted. "I just said …I…don't…want…you," he clearly pronounced each word.

Now Hermione was starting to get angry…furious really.

"Well I guess you're pretty happy with yourself then Malfoy. Fooled me good didn't you? Going to go laugh about it in your Slytherin common room now? Laugh about how you lured the stupid little mudblood bint in then threw her out like a pile of garbage?!" she finished bitterly, her volume rising hysterically towards the end.

For a minute Draco was silent. Then, so quietly she almost didn't hear him, he said "don't use that word."

"Well why the hell not Malfoy? You think that word could hurt me more than what you just did?" She noted the tears flowing freely down her cheeks, and she was aware that her last shred of dignity had just flown out the window but couldn't bring herself to care. She turned her face away from him for a moment, gathering her resolve. Then, with a superhuman effort, Hermione forced herself to walk away.

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