This is a longer chapter, it contains all of the dramatic bits that kind of make the story so it was pretty much necessary. I do apologise for any long paragraphs too, I know how boring it can be and you end up skipping a lot but I've tried my best to split it up into smaller chunks. Again, any helpful, or even nice comments are much appreciated. Also, take into account that I do most of my writing after 9pm so my mind doesn't always pay attention to errors I make, comment if it bothers you.

Day Two

John was awoken the next morning by the knocking on his door; he rubbed his eyes as he climbed out of bed and made his way towards the door, opening it. Carson was stood there chipper as anything "Morning!" He stood there in dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt and zip-up hoody and black socks. John had never seen the man in such an informal manner, even whilst working he wore a shirt, tie and waistcoat.

"Morning Carson." John slurred in reply. Carson just laughed, "I'll give you time to change and then you can have some breakfast, Jo made pancakes before she left." John became livelier at the mention of pancakes. "I'll be down in five." John spat out eagerly.

John almost ran down the stairs down to the kitchen as the smell intruded his nasal passages. John hadn't had pancakes for longer than he cared to remember and his mouth drooled at the thought. "Aye, you're still predictable." Carson laughed as he balanced two plates on one arm and a carton of orange in the other.

John took one of the plates from Carson and set it before himself. "Well some things are worth being predictable for." John attempted to defend his pride, in which Carson responded by rolling his eyes and taking his own seat at the table.

"I'm not working today so is there anything I can do for you?" Carson asked politely, obliging to service his guest. "I'm not sure actually, but I'm open to suggestions." John mumbled over his mouthfuls of food, Carson barely understood.

"Well, if you want to be a tourist I can show you around, there's not a whole lot to see that isn't just old though; or you can continue settling into the house, there's all sorts of hidden passages and rooms if you look hard." John was intrigued as the thought of Narnia came to mind and he chuckled silently.

"I'm okay with staying in, is it okay if I make a call though?" John knew that the note left by Joanna had said it was but he wanted to make sure. "Aye, that's fine. I think Radek will be dropping by later too." John was happy at the thought as it was another man he had missed terribly who had not stayed in contact.

John was anxious about the meeting though as he and Radek had not left each other on the best of terms. "He wants to see you" Carson broke John's chain of thought. "He knows that what happened was for the best, and now he just wants to see his friend."

The emotions flooding into John were almost too much to bear and his eyes welled up at the thought of finally being forgiven.

It was the worst day John had lived through; he'd put the whole galaxy at risk to try and destroy the wraith, the attempt had been successful but everyone questioned his humanity and no longer put their trust in him. John was the first to retire.

John snuffed trying to replace his game face. "It was drastic, and the people of Atlantis weren't willing to sacrifice what lives they had. You lead them forward in a time of darkness; you were the best thing that happened to Earth." Carson's gentle words hit home.

The two men sat with their empty plates, John staring downward with Carson glaring at him with worry before gently lifting his chin "You're a good man, John." John couldn't withhold anymore and his back jerked as silent sobs broke out.

The soldier was broke and Carson's heart broke. This man had saved two galaxies in a day, to be accused of having a death wish for all. Up until today he had stayed strong, always knowing he did the right thing, despite losing everything. Forgiveness was something he'd only dreamed of.

Carson moved around as grasped John's shoulders, pulling him into a hug. He held the weeping man tight to his chest until he became less tense and relaxed into Carson. John slowly raised his head to see Carson just smiling at him, the doctors smile was worth everything to him it was as if the sun was rising on a new day and a new breath of fresh air came to him.

"Thanks, and I'm sorry for breaking down on you." Carson stepped gently away from the man and John felt the cool air hit him once more instead of the heat radiating from Carson. "You can't be a soldier all the time, John, and you know you don't have to be around me you can trust me with anything." Relief emanated from John as he felt ever better.

"How about I show you around the village, then you can relax. At least then you'll know where you can go if you need anything. You'll need a jumper, it may be sunny but it can be quite cold." Carson gestured at the white skin-tight t-shirt John was wearing.

John collected the plates and put them on the side, Carson stood beside him but reached over to the wall where there was a small black stylus hanging from a small metal chain. He picked it up and began writing on the wall, John was confused until Carson explained "It's another gadget, it's a screen. I'm just writing a note for Jo for later."

Carson and John then strolled out and went to their respective bedrooms: John collecting a black turtle neck military standard jumper with an embroidered golden eagle on the front, the symbol of a pilot; both of the men had also retrieved casual trainer shoes.

The two men met in the hallway before making their way back to the grand front door. Once again Carson revealed a hidden keypad and entered the six digit code, mumbling under his breath "Need to get a card from Jo." Carson stepped out with John right behind him; the sun was shining brightly and the fresh clean air bombarding John.

They took the reverse of the route they had walked yesterday, this time finding a pathway on the other side of the car park leading down a small, quaint high street occasionally dotted with houses. They walked roughly half way down the narrow street until they reached a small shop front painted in a vibrant shade of red.

"I need to pop in here a minute, if you like you can come with me or you can have a wander and I'll catch up with you." John chose to stay with Carson as it was unfamiliar land and his instincts told him to stick with what he knows.

They both stepped in the shop as a small brass bell rang over their heads, the woman sitting at the high desk at the far end sat up to attend to them "Doctor Beckett, Good morning!" She too had a thick Scottish brogue but seemed cheerful enough, "Hello my darling, how are you this morning?" It almost sounded as if Carson was trying to give her a medical, it must be what it's like to live in a small village, you get to know everybody.

"Aye, I'm well lad thank you for asking, what can I do for you sweet?" Obviously Carson was both well-known and well loved by this particular woman. She must have been in her sixties, greying hair evident and her glasses hanging from a string fastened around her neck, and laugh line protruding her eyes. "The usual if you don't mind."

John took to observing all of the stationery lining the walls, he still wasn't sure of the purpose of the shop "Post office." Carson hinted at John, who had a light bulb switch on. "Ah who's the lovely gentleman Carson?"

Carson rolled his eyes as the women looked suggestively at John, who smiled brightly back at her. Carson cleared this throat, " , this is Colonel John Shepphard, an old friend of mine."

John made his way over to the counter to shake the elder woman's hand, "Please, it's just John ma'am, pleased to meet you." The lady raised an eyebrow "Ah, an American Carson; so...John, what do you do for a living?"

John obliged to answer her question "I'm a fighter jet pilot with the air force ma'am." She seemed impressed and Carson tittered. "Remember you're married, will you?" Mrs. Shaw flapped off Carson's comment and John laughed. "A pilot, mmm." she turned back to Carson "I'm sure Frank would flirt too if a gorgeous girl spoke to him. Then again I don't think any girl in their right mind would talk to him so it's tough luck. Here you go dear."

She handed several sheets of paper to Carson after she had stamped them; Carson began to walk out "Thanks, Irene, I'll see you tomorrow morning?" She nodded in confirmation before tapping John's arm "If you ever need anything dear, just come and see me but I think Carson will have you all sorted out, he's a good lad."

Carson rolled his eyes as he overheard. "Stop talking about me!" He joked "Come on John, before she makes you stay for afternoon tea" The two men left as the woman shouted towards Carson. The two men continued walking down the path laughing at the lady.

"Over there is the corner shop, or as you know it a 'convenience store' it's ran by George Lambert, lovely chap, keeps to himself a lot though." Carson pointed to a shop front painted in a deep green. "On the other side is the bakery with Mrs Chapel who's just as flirty as Mrs Shaw so be aware." Carson chuckled, and I suppose you'll probably figure everything else out as you go."

They continued walking. "This is Patrick's sweet shop, a childhood past time of mine. Patrick's been running it forever so as you can imagine he's ancient but is still fighting fit and appreciates some company from time to time."

Carson opened the door and let John in; again a brass bell rang over the door. "Ah, good morning Carson," A man appeared from under the desk. All three walls of the room were lined from floor to ceiling with glass jars filled with sweets of every variety. "How are you Patrick?" Carson asked happily. "I'm good thank you. Who's your friend?" Everyone seemed to be curious as to who the mysterious man was "Patrick, this is Colonel John Shepphard, John, this is Patrick."

Carson gestured for John to shake the man's hand, which he did freely "Nice to meet you sir." Yet another eyebrow rose. "I didn't know you knew anybody from America Carson." Patrick almost questioned. "You remember when I went to do research? Well John was part of the crew." John nodded in agreement.

Patrick smiled at him, "So, what can I do for you son?" Carson's eyebrows furrowed in thought which John thought was…cute. "You chose Patrick, you always know best." The man chuckled and began assembling a bag.

Carson turned back to John and spoke quietly, "So, we'll go back to the house and start on dinner for when Radek and Stuart arrive. You can explore or you can give me a hand, I don't mind either way, I do warn you I am a messy chef though." John laughed as he knew Carson to be a man of tidiness, it was essential in his field, but this was an admission to not being perfect.

John had butterflies in his stomach as his heart warmed to his old friend, knowing him all over again. John still wasn't ready to reveal his reasons for coming here though; it was something that took time. "I suppose I'll help you out, it sounds like it could be quite amusing." Carson gave him a bright smile, and their eyes connected in knowing.

Patrick cleared his throat. "Here you go Carson, and it was nice to meet you Colonel." John reached over and shook his hand one again "Please, it's John, and it was my pleasure. You have an amazing store here." Patrick blushed slightly under the heavy compliment. "Come on you, otherwise you'll have even Patrick wanting to 'woo' you" Carson once again tugged on John's arm to walk out of the shop.

"You're so jealous, they lurrrv me." John joked, "Nah, they adore you far too much, you seem to be the heart of the village. I'm not surprised really; you wear yours on your sleeve." It was Carson's turn to blush. They walked back to the house, back up the high street; across the car park and through the alleyway.

As soon as they got in the door they shucked off their jackets laying them on a nearby bench. "Right, I'll go give Stuart a quick ring, you can either go in the kitchen or sit down and relax, or you can do both."

John walked through to the kitchen, taking a stool that was a part of a small breakfast bar but was close to the cooking area. Carson quietly stepped into the living room, lifting the phone from its cradle and dialling.

"Hi Stuart, its Carson. Just to let you know dinner is going to be at three this time, for a couple of obvious reasons."

"Yeah, I can understand that, Radek's quite anxious…"

"Yeah, so is John, I hope this goes well…I know John's going through some stuff- it's the only reason he'd run. I just hope Radek can give him a head start on dealing with it."

"Poor guy, I know he messed up but I can't imagine how he felt. I'll talk to Radek; I know he'll get it. So how are you coping?"

"Well, it was odd to have him just turn up, not that it isn't a good thing. I've missed the team ever since I left, John the most. I just hope I can help him, he's just a lost little boy at the moment that could crack at any moment, not that he's not strong enough to handle it."

"Well, he's not porcelain that's for sure…Just don't exhaust yourself, you can't save everybody Carson, you can just be there for them. I'll see you just before three then, we'll bring a bottle."

"Much appreciated Stu, see you then, bye." Carson replaced the phone and strolled back to where John was sat.

"So, Radek and Stuart are going to arrive about ten-to-three, which gives us about two and half hours." John nodded in acknowledgement. "You know what? I can't be arsed cooking, how about we order in? We'll get pizza, Chinese and Italian all in one go." John snorted, "Okay." He smiled at the lack of effort by the Scotsman.

"Want to talk?" Carson asked John in a slightly more serious manner whilst pouring him a glass of wine. "I don't know where to start Carson" it was a surprise how quickly John let his mask down, or rather how shallow it had risen.

"Anywhere, I know you didn't just turn up here. You're running, and I want to know what from. I'll wait as long as you need, but I need you to give me something."

"There isn't anything, there's nothing left. My Dad ordered me to go on leave, I was so screwed up and he knew I needed to run."

"O'Neill? He's a good man and he were right, even though you've only been here a day I've seen you smile at least twice, which is rare."

"Yeah, I forget that I can be happy. Sometimes just not being anything is easier…" John stared down at his glass.

"Come on, I want to show you something." Carson took the glass out of John's hands and grabbed his forearm. They went upstairs, along the corridor, down another until they came to the end where there was a locked door.

"This is what I did when I came back. I didn't talk for months, it was Stuart who brought me back to reality, and for that I am forever grateful but I did this." He unlocked the door with a rusty key that was on a chain around his neck.

John stood in shock as the door was opened. The walls were littered with paper. Everywhere. Some were letters to the people he loved, some were intoxicated with medical research. Some were just his thoughts, it all looked so angry.

The room was dark and just had a bed in the corner, the sheets ruined with ink stains and tears. The man had fallen apart and John wouldn't have ever known about it. "I don't need to tell you what I went through, it's here. I just want you to realise that you aren't alone, your burden may be a hell of a lot larger but it's all the same."

A flood of emotion hit John and a single tear rolled down his cheek. Carson heard the slight sniffle and took the man out of the room, locking it once more. They went to a spare bedroom next door.

Carson led John to sit down, John tried to breathe so he could talk but he knew his voice would crack no matter what. "Atlantis was crap, I knew what happened was unimaginable to everybody but it happened. I took the blame, I always knew I would have to…Maybe losing all of my friends was an afterthought." John's body betrayed it and tears streamed down his face.

"Dad and Daniel were always there for me, no matter what. If they weren't I probably wouldn't be here; which is silly because I'm not that sort of person." Carson rubbed John's back reassuringly and John appreciated the warm and kind touch.

"Life caught up with me, Dom grounded me but now he's gone. I just don't know what the hell I'm meant to do now." Was John gay? The only people that were able to be a saviour were the ones who meant the most to you. Stuart was an example of that- He and Carson had grown up together, best friends.

"That's something you have to sort out on your own, but I'm here John. You've just got a little lost, and you came here to get back on track. I'm glad you came John." The soldier was human, finally.

He'd lost the ability to feel anything and now he felt it all, he felt the joy at Carson's flirting with the women in the village; the pain of Dom; the shattering of his whole life; the comfort of Carson the calm he cast upon him.

Carson dragged John in for a hug, not macho at all but John really couldn't care less. "You great big teddy bear, you're anything but nothing. Come on, wines getting warm and there's food to be ordered." John chuckled gently through his drying tears.

The comfort of Carson's arm was enough to make his whole body feel alive and he loved every moment of it. They sat there for a couple of minutes before John spoke up "Thank you Carson, I don't know what I'd do." Carson released his grip of John and smiled, "Come on, let's go drink wine." They both laughed gently and slowly made their way back to the kitchen.

Dingdong!

"Good evening Carson!" Carson opened the door to a tall blonde male, average build with bright blue eyes that were enchanting. "Stuart, good to see you, come in please" Carson gestured through to the kitchen as he greeted Radek. John was still sat on the stool in the kitchen, serving the meals they ordered onto the dining table.

1) "Radek, how are you?" Carson asked cautiously. "You know what? I'm anxious but I'm also excited. Despite…everything. I want to see my friend again, and eat some good food!" Carson chuckled as Radek handed him a bottle of wine and followed him through to the kitchen.

2) "You must be Colonel Shepphard" Stuart spoke politely, offering his hand, John freely accepted it "John please, and you must be Stuart." Stuart nodded, "Well we have all sorts of food so take a seat I suppose." The two men took seats at the table as Carson came through. John stood to greet the second guest.

"Colonel Shepphard, it is good to see you again." The silence was slightly awkward "Zalenka, I'm really happy to see you, you look well." He really did. "And you know it's John, I'm not Air Force anymore." Radek nodded as everyone took their seats.

They ate their chosen meals, and drank several glasses of wine before deciding it was time to leave. John and Radek had been able to talk properly and mend their bridges, at least a little. Carson was proud of how well the night had gone.

Carson and John followed the couple to the front door where they said their goodbyes. "It was really good to see you, Radek. I'm just sorry it took me ten years to get here." Radek smiled softly "I think this was how it always was going to go."

John agreed, "You and Stuart are awesome together, I mean you're completely different but it's amazing and I'm glad you're happy finally." John had to at least get that out before they left. Carson closed the door behind them.

"See, you've just done a leap into sorting your head out. You should be proud." Carson patted him on the back. "Right, Jo can wash up as I really can't be bothered. We will go into the living room and finish that bottle." John agreed strongly and made himself comfortable on the couch.

Finishing off the bottle turned into drinking their fourth of the night, by now they were feeling nauseas and open. The conversation they had was cheerful but took a depressing turn when Atlantis came up. "You know, I haven't heard from Teyla. I promised I would see her again but I can't seem to go back."

Carson nodded drowsily. "Aye, but the poor girl was in love with you even when she did give birth, and you didn't even look at her twice." John looked down at his glass and blushed a shade of deep scarlet. "What's up with you?" Carson asked lightly, "I knew she was. I wasn't."

Carson tittered "Well obviously, otherwise you would have got together" Carson was avoiding the truth as much as possible so John would take the next step and tell him his little secret. "No, I wasn't because I'm gay Carson, always have been." John took a deep breath and turned his head away awkwardly.

"Aye, I know John. I just needed to see how much you could trust me, it's a big thing you just told me no matter how public that information may be." Carson was worried as John still hadn't looked at him, he gently stroked his arm "John I've always known, it takes one to know one." John's eyes shot open 'was Carson really saying what he thought he was saying?'

"You can be really blind sometimes, John." Carson forced John to look at him. Carson's eyes were soft as the light from the fire flickered across them. "Yeah, I am. Sorry, I guess I just wasn't expecting this." John readjusted to a more comfortable position taking a small sip of wine.

"You don't have to keep apologising, John, you haven't done anything wrong." John chewed his bottom lip feebly "Habit, I suppose." Carson smiled sweetly as he sensed some of the pent up energy in John be released making him more relaxed. The evening went quietly after that with the topics being spoken of getting lighter and lighter until they both decided it was getting late and made their way to their bedrooms.

So, I don't know how good a move this chapter was but it plays out quite nicely with the story. There's a 'POV' Seperation towards the end of this chapter and I wanted to explain; it's two conversations happening simultaneously. I wasn't too sure how to write it out so I just did what I thought was best, any suggestion for improvement are very much welcomed.

Oh, and the whole 'spare bedroom' thing, I don't think I quite did it justice but I find it hard to write really dark scenes without thinking I've gone about it all wrong ... Again, suggestions?