I felt myself cry out, again. Another night. Another dream. More pain, more pleasure. More confusion!
Stop being confused, find yourself, Yuki. She was back again too.
Find what?! I couldn't believe I was practically growling with frustration. Even if this was just a dream, I really wouldn't act this way.
There was that smile that I was begining to recognize as pity. Yourself. Your desires. Your memories, Yuki. What do you feel?
Feel? Feel about what?
She shook her head, Luka. and the darkness took me.
Luka's silver eyes gazed into mine, I wasn't sure if this was still a dream or not. It was. Otherwise, if it were real, I'd be able to stop myself from throwing myself into his arms. And I'd not be melting so foolishly against him like he was truly mine.
Mine. The word ripped through me. Was that what I-? I gasped, probably even gasping in real life. How could I?! I wanted to actually...monopolize...Luka... I wanted to have him in every way, wanted to selfishly hold him to me and me alone. Oh gosh.
Very good. She smiled brightly at me, for once there was no sadness. You finally realized it, Yuki. I buried my face into dream Luka's shoulder, avoiding looking at her, she knew too much about what I was feeling.
What was I going to do? There was no way I could hold Luka selfishly, but...No. No buts. Luka was not mine to have.
Tears streamed down my face, hitting the dream Luka's jacket. "What's wrong, my love?" He took my chin with the utmost gentliness, making me look up at him, meet those silver eyes that made my heart pound unbearly. It was just a dream, I wasn't truly his love. "Yuki, wake up. Its time to wake, my love." ...wake up? "Yuki." I was slowly coming to consciousness. What of what I had just heard was real? And what was just the dream?
"Ah?" I asked blankly, opening my blurry eyes.
"You're crying again...I hate to see you this way." Luka answered softly, brushing his fingers against my cheek.
"I'm okay." The lie came out easily, it was shocking how good I was getting at that.
"No, Yuki, its not okay when you cry." He responded. My heart whipped into a frenzy, telling me to wrap my arms around him, accept his comforts. But I couldn't, I just couldn't, and that made me cry more. "Yuki." The alarm was evident in his voice.
"I'm okay. It's just the dream..." I whimpered between sobs, "I can't stop." Geeze, and right when I said that I didn't want to burden Luka more.
Luka scooped me up into his lap, resting his chin atop my head, "Ssh, it'll be okay Yuki."
I never wanted to be the pessimist, but no, it wasn't okay. It wasn't okay when all I wanted was to claim Luka as mine, but I wasn't allowed to have him. It was like being punished. Punished for some unknown crime.