Reflect My Heart: The Next Chapter
~Part 2: Honor~
By: Ruby Moon AKA Sammie
((A/N: *grinz* As I said, CLIFFHANGERS ABOUND! AND SHORT PARTS! Personally I like fanfics better like this. Easier to read. N E wayz, a little heart-to-heart between Li and Adien Avalon, NOT MEANT FOR YAOI!!!!!!!!!! Just wanted to clarify that. Thankee thankee, CardCaptors AKA CardCaptor Sakura doesn't belong to me.
BTW, for those of U who are wondering WTF happened to the MeiLi stuff...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *grins* Only pally knows! So :P you'll just have to read to find out.
PLEASE REVIEW!
I want to know what EVERYONE thinks! N E way, ON WITH THE FANFIC!!!!!!!
Li wanted to scream in anger as his mind was brought forth from the comforting sub-conscious of sleep.
Morning.
Actually, it was so early morning it was still dark.
Well, then? What had awakened him?
He stared at the ceiling...
It was a motive he had been contemplating for quite some time now.
He took out a pen and pencil from his backpack and started writing.
His fingers shook so much his handwriting looked like nothing but scribbles.
Frustrated, he threw the notebook down and got up.
Silent as a shadow, he walked down the hall into the kitchen, hard cold floor chilling his bare feet.
It was dark.
And...lonely.
Li shuddered as tears started coming. He stifled his sobs, making a special effort not to wake anyone.
Not like their opinions of him would matter before long.
He couldn't take it anymore.
Day after day after day of those, those memories.
Memories that haunted his soul, like little demons that spoke into his heart's ear, constantly taunting him, constantly accusing him, making him regret every moment of his pathetic life.
He felt stuck.
Stuck, trapped in a cage formed by his memories and regrets and his constant self-pity.
Was it really self pity?
Maybe part of it was...but most of it was anger and depression.
Deep knives that always poked and prodded at his thoughts.
But, of course, they wouldn't hurt him much longer either...
He ran his shaking finger over the knife's blade, drawing blood.
He didn't want to do this to Sakura or her father or even her brother.
He knew how disturbing it is to be around a body without a soul.
Much worse if it was the first thing you saw in the morning.
But he couldn't take it any longer.
He never thought it would come to this.
His training spoke of great things for him.
Just be self-controlled, be determined, be strong, be focused, and you'll get anywhere you want!
Yeah right.
Here he was, Li Showron, descendent of Clow Reed...
Weeping like a baby while holding a knife in his palms, taking the easy way out.
Li had never faced his own death before.
His own death by his own hands.
He wondered a lot of things.
He wondered if he would see Meilin again...
He wondered if he would just...disappear, or be reborn.
He hoped with a vengeance that he wouldn't be reborn.
Would it take long? Would it hurt?
He kept thinking, frozen in place, in time...
In the most important decision of his life.
His mind spun, his eyesight blurring until the only thing he could focus on was the sharp point of the knife as it edged slowly to his heart, edged slowly to the shackles that held him prisoner to his memories and pain...
Li gasped as the light flickered on. Instinctively, he put his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sudden brightness.
"Who's there!?"
Adien.
Li whirled around, knife in hand, tears staining his face yet again.
Adien quickly took in what was happening.
Both stood frozen for a what seemed to be forever.
Li wanted to thank Mr. Avalon and at the same time accuse Adien of denying him his right to freedom.
Adien was shocked...but, at the same time, it seemed extremely familiar.
Li kept his head bowed, eyes staring at the deep carpet of the living room floor.
Adien tried to look him in the eye. Not succeeding, he lifted Li's chin so he could stare into his hauntingly dull and pained brown eyes.
"Li...why?"
Li leaned back and ran his hands through his hair, sighing wearily. "I can't take it anymore."
His voice was harsh, quiet and pain rang with every soft note.
Aiden cast a look at a picture hanging on the wall.
It was a piece of beauty frozen in time, shielded by glass and framed by elegantly carved mahogany.
A young woman sat in a field of flowers, sporting a classy night dress and coyly toying with a pink flower, silvery hair blowing behind her, her deep eyes seemingly gazing down at Adien and Adien alone.
"I know how you feel."
"You...do?"
Adien slowly got up and unhooked the picture frame from the wall.
He sat back down, staring almost dreamlike at the picture, stroking the young woman's cheek.
His eyes grew misty with the happy memories of her and a fondness that never left his heart.
"This beautiful lady, was Sakura's mother."
Li gazed at the image...then realized something. "Was?"
"She died when Tory was 10 and Sakura was 3."
"I'm...I'm sorry, I never knew."
"look, Li. I know how it feels. When you love someone so much that it almost hurts...and then they leave...and it feels like...like you died, you're body is alive but inside you're dead."
Li nodded.
"I remember when she left me...it was like hell. I was angry, resentful, bitter...three years passed."
Li nodded, listening to the wise words spoken seemingly for his very heart.
"And, everything deteriorated. My life, my career, my family...then I realized...is this what Natasha would have wanted? I could almost hear her, scolding me. But then, I knew what she wanted."
Li let his mind linger on the words for a second...each of them flowing over the deep wounds of his soul, like a healing salve, cooling the burning of his anger and pain.
"She wanted me to go on." He continued. "She wanted me to live happily, she wanted me to succeed, she wanted me to raise Tory and Sakura the best way possible, she wanted me to be the best father I could be, she wanted me to keep her memory alive. But not in a bitter, resentful way. She wanted me to remember her when we were all together, laughing and happy. I was doing her a dishonor when I acted like that." Adien took on a faraway tone and look. "And, sometimes I feel as if she is here, right here, with us...maybe she is. Maybe she was the one who woke me up this morning, maybe she's here right now...and I'm sure she hurts for you, Li." Aiden put his hand over Li's in a fatherly way. "Meilin loved you. It's obvious. Even though I never met the girl, the way Sakura speaks of her, the way you're taking her passing, she loved you dearly. And I want you to know, that she will always be with you, in heart and soul. When you love someone strong enough, they never really leave."
Li nodded, tears of relief and redemption welling in his eyes.
Finally, the chains were broken. Clarity had established itself once again in his mind...he could go on. The pain would always be there, but he would do his best to honor Meilin, in his final declaration of love.
"And, Sakura and I will be right beside you, we'll help in whatever way we can...and I'm sure Meilin is with you right now too, cheering you on."