Chapter 3

Precious dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own voyager, but I love the show, so I'm writing about it.

Flashback to new earth

"Chakotay! There's someone in the woods!"

Chakotay grabbed a phaser at her shout along with a flashlight, ready to protect his captain from whatever the unknown threat was. He still didn't know how large the primates were on the planet, and didn't want to risk being unable to protect the captain. Rushing out to the bathtub, he caught a glimpse of Kathryn's legs, as she got out of the tub he'd built. Realizing he was staring, he quickly turned towards the noise, and where Kathryn was now pointing.

"Well hello there," she whispered to the little monkey as it had finally appeared as his light appeared on it. "Looking for a pet?" He said, glancing at her face.

"Yes, perhaps he could be a companion we'll both take care of while we're here. And even he must deal with insect bites."

"We could take care of each other." Chakotay said, leaning forward to brush his lips against Kathryn's. Grasping her hands ever so gently, he opened his eyes to find tears in hers.

"Are we making the right choices here?"

"You can't keep searching for this cure 24/7, even you need to take personal time, take time to relax, the constant strain is always visible on your face." He spoke this as the towel dropped to their feet, she kissed him back gently, softly, almost hesitantly, "you've got to take time to breathe, to feel, to express your own emotions more. Like fear," he rubbed his forehead against hers in a passionate embrace, "anger," he forcefully picked her up and laid her hard into the bath, pressing his hands into her breasts, "and love." His hands finally moved smoothly and swiftly towards her inner thighs, sweeping over her stomach and the back of her knees, and pressing her clitoris, her pussy gushed with her juices as she came hard.

She realized her partner was overly dressed, and pulled him sharply to her to join her in the tub, his slacks not hiding his erection well.

He finished the bath by rinsing her hair, picked her up from the quickly cooling water, and carried her into his room, laying her on the bed, he knelt down, and peeling his own clothes off, he leaned back enough to allow her to see him.

"Oh chakotay, I'm sorry I've not been willing to let my hair down, but I have grown to love you, my angry warrior."

Her hands fell freely to his shaft, making quick, uneven, hesitant strokes against his hard member. "I love you as well, my peace, my beautiful warrior."

She gasped as his hard shaft finally entered her. Her body and clit trembled with passion. Her heat felt tight and wet around him, his hands quickly searched for her clit, he felt he was so close, so close, "oh, spirits, thank you, you're so beautiful.. Oh gods, KATHRYN!"

"Oh Chakotay!" Kathryn came once again with a shout as she felt his sudden ejaculation, hard and fast inside her.

Coming down from the passionate sexual encounter, Kathryn and Chakotay fell asleep slowly in each other's arms, at times, silent, and at others, pointing out constellations.

End flashback

Back on voyager in their quarters for their weekly meetings, it's week after their return from new earth. The bathtub had been installed in Kathryn's bathroom.

Carefully, Chakotay took Kathryn's hand across the table.

"You know, this is the first time we've been able to really talk about our relationship since our return."

"Chakotay, you know about protocols.." Kathryn whispered, tears in her eyes, not only from her desire for more from him, but from regret from being forced to now push him away, even if she didn't want to.

"KATHRYN, is THAT what YOU really want? If I taught you anything on new earth, it's that you need to seek out a personal life too, you need love too." Chakotay stated this with passion for her.

"You know I can't." Kathryn replied with true disappointment and love in her heart.

So a month went by, they both tried to return to life as normal, but Chakotay knew she hadn't been sleeping well, she came to the bridge with constant tears in her eyes. Eventually, he was walking to the mess hall one day, and found her collapsed in the corridor.

Color drained from his face as his blood ran cold. "Chakotay to sick bay, medical emergency, mess hall, beam the captain and I directly to sick bay."

It was only when they rematerialized, he noticed the deep scars on her wrists.

"Spirits.." Nearly fainting at the sight, he sat down hard on one of the sick bay chairs. "Kathryn, what are you thinking?" He asked as the doctor revived her, checking her body for other causes of her recent collapse.

"Aside from the blood loss from her cutting, she does appear to have another medical concern. One I'd like to inform you of in private."

Walking to the sick bay office, having convinced kathryn to eat a decent meal for breakfast or risk being taken off duty, the doctor turned to Chakotay.

"I'm not even sure how to begin... I don't know how I missed this after your recent return after so long on the planet. Chakotay, the Captain is pregnant with twins. If you hadn't found her when you did, we could have lost them both from the blood loss alone. As far as I can tell, she may not be aware of it yet, and this could very well weaken her state of even further. As happy as we'd all be for you, as captain, if she and you pursue a relationship, the two crews are affected, because breach of trust and sometimes love can't win."

Chakotay's breath caught in his throat as the shock bore into his heart, further constricting his breathing. Sinking into the empty chair suddenly beside him he asked "How do I tell her? When, do I tell her, that her actions hurt me, this crew, herself, and her children?"

"For all we know, the despair she feels today could dissipate by next week, or next month, but if this happens again, and if she doesn't follow the treatment diet I've set for her, she will be taken off duty until her children are born, both for medical and psychological reasons. And without a licensed counselor aboard ship, it will be impossible to re-instate her unless we return to the alpha quadrant. And that could be 73 years."

Chakotay's inner voice was screaming that wanted to tell her quickly, but knew the guilt could overwhelm her. He set about taking care of her at her quarters for a few days, trying to come up with a good plan of action.

At first his refusal to leave her side out of concern for her welfare was heartwarming for Kathryn, since waking up in sick bay with him at her side, she'd known she had alarmed him, so allowed him to dote on her to calm his peace of mind once again, but even knowing it would help hadn't helped her from screaming at her the third day, when he tried to help her eat. "Oh chakotay, I CAN feed myself, thank you."

"I know, but I also know your habit of not eating according to the prescribed diet, besides, drinking coffee daily can't be good for the babies..." Chakotay said, then paled as he realized he said it aloud.

"What?" Kathryn asked, her voice and eyes slowly betraying fear, anger, guilt, and a small light of hope in the sapphire orbs.

"Oh I didn't think, I didn't want you to find out til you were ready, I thought you'd feel an enormous amount of guilt for the self-harm and suicide. The doctor said when he examined you. You're two months pregnant with twins."

It was almost in a slow motion relay. Kathryn gasped, and in the same instant, her eyes glazed over, just as she fell to hit the ground, Chakotay was at her side. "Kathryn!... KATHRYN!"

His blood having gone cold along with his morning tea, Chakotay commed the doctor, shouting "Chakotay to sick bay, medical emergency, beam the captain and I directly to sick bay!"