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I loved the reviews on Chapter 2, and I'm loving the idea's you all have- including the Love/Hate you all sorta have for Andy & Nick right now, let's just say its not what you think...
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Special thanks to Kelly2727! Hope you'll look up her work too!
Chapter 3
As Andy stepped outside, her lungs filled with fresh air as the crisp breeze chilled her wet, tear streaked cheeks, shuffling her ponytail's loose strands to caress her face as she felt her knees wobble and shake before strong hands grabbed her to steady her. Her breaths coming out harshly and labored as her lungs refused to fill with the air they needed so desperately to breath.
Her entire body was trembling, her knees felt like jelly, and her mind was a blank void of uncertainty.
Just flashes of images and repeating words bombarded her attention, as the rest of the world fell away.
Andy felt herself being pushed down and didn't bother to fight it, as she felt her backside make contact with the curb of the pavement, before she felt a hand pull her head down to in between her knees.
"Just breath Andy". Oliver's voice droned in her eardrums as he whispered in her ear.
This was just so wrong.
How was this even happening?
"I...I...he..." Andy couldn't find the words she needed to say as she felt Traci's familiar hug envelope her.
"I know, its gonna be okay". Traci whispered into her ear.
"No Traci, it...I lied...and if...".
"Andy don't think like that okay! ETF made it through the traffic jam, they're like less than three minutes out, so they'll be here in time". Traci's tone was comforting, as was her embrace as she gave Andy a gentle squeeze. Andy didn't know how she'd react right now if Traci wasn't here.
Andy let out a sob as she turned into Traci's shoulder to cry harder. She had told the most heart wrenching lie for nothing?
How would she even explain that to Sam? And how would she explain her and Nick...aaarrg! Everything was such a mess!
Andy heard the shrill of sirens in the distance and felt the worst of the fear lift as she knew ETF were seconds away.
"Andy, let's take you home". Oliver whispered as he rubbed up and down her back.
"No". Andy all but yelled as she lifted her head up off her arms crossed over her knees.
"Okay, but when he comes out you're going home". Oliver stated before standing up to watch the ETF truck back up to the front door of the building.
Andy stood up and turned to face the building, Traci still holding on to her as they watched and waited.
Twenty minutes later Sam walked out the front door of the building to a round of applause from all emergency personal on scene, but he ignored it, his eyes coming straight to find Andy's as he stopped the minute they found her. His head tilted slightly to the side as if he was expecting some outrageous response from her, but all Andy could manage was a small smile before allowing herself to be led away by Traci and bundled into the back of her cruiser with Chris before they drove away, leaving Sam staring the back of the cruiser long after it disappeared from sight.
Hours later Andy found herself pouring another glass of wine, sitting in her dimly lit lounge thinking over the days events.
When she got home, she refused Traci's attempt to stay over or get her over to her house. After telling them she would be fine, she grabbed a shower in the hopes of washing away the bad memories of the day.
Washing away the taint she felt crawling over her skin.
The first glass of wine helped settle the shakes, the second returned her breathing to normal. The third made her sad as she replayed the memories of Sam's words in her mind. The fourth was attempted to numb the pain, but just led her to open the second bottle before drinking three quarters of that too.
By now she was feeling more relaxed but hating herself. Hating the fact that she so easily let the lie slip out. For making him so easily believe it.
But only when she had heard where her own words had cut off, did they become a lie. Only because they were incomplete. She just couldn't say what she really wanted too, so she made the mistake of cutting them off and letting them hang, thus resulting in a lie she didn't correct, or a sentance she didn't complete.
And him wanting one last promise, while facing death. What was that anyway? He never got the chance to say. And what did he know? Putting the wine glass down harder than she intended, Andy watched as the stem broke off and the goblet toppled over before smashing when it hit the table, the dark red wine seeping out over the light wood.
The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to know. No needed to know.
She also needed to know if Sam was telling the truth when he said those three little words. Watching the wine as it pooled around the shattered glass Andy felt like she was watching her own heart shatter and bleed.
Without overthinking it she grabbed her phone and called a cab company to pick her up, no way she was walking over there this inebriated.
Sam sipped on his whiskey staring blankly at the images playing across the tv screen. Never had he been more in love with Andy Mcnally than he had been today. Seeing her so willing to save the life of a child by sacrificing her own was in a sick way one of the proudest moments he had. But it was just who she was, and she did the right thing. In that respect she was as selfless as Jerry had been when he ulimatly saved Gail's life by trading his own. He paid no mind to the fact that he had then traded places with her, he would never have allowed her to stay standing there, holding a bomb, no matter what was said and done before she was taken out. She could have screamed at him, told him how much she hated him, he would have still done the same thing.
He had also never been more scared than in the moment he saw her holding onto that bomb, its deadly green so strinking in contrast to the pale shade of her hand. He liked green, but that was before today, now he despised the color, simply because of the death it had represented in mere seconds. He was never more terrified than in those few minutes. He was relieved when he knew she was safe, and more than a little heartbroken by her admission that she no longer had the same feelings. But even though she said it straight to his face, the way she was when she left had him a little confused. It was probably the guilt that he was now taking her place in a life and death situation that caused her to falter and crumble.
Not that he blamed her for any of it, he really didn't, knowing he kinda deserved it actually.
Having had more than his fair share of whiskey, Sam felt the alcohol level course through his veins as it began to numb the pain. His usual way of finding sleep these days since he let her go. He couldn't sleep without her next to him. Couldn't close his eyes and not wonder where she was, if she was okay, or replay bitter-sweet memories of her in his mind. When night fell, his mind moved to 'Andy Autopilot', whether he was in the mood for it or not, she just seemed to take over, his thoughts, his dreams, his nightmares probably following todays situation.
It had become his routine, half to a full bottle of whiskey every night to just fall asleep. Tonight was no different.
The soft knock on his door pulled him from his self wallowing miserable thoughts as the sound reverberated off the hallway walls.
Dragging himself up and opening the door expecting to find Oliver standing on the other side, Sam's breath was stolen away by the sight of a rather disheveled looking Andy standing on his doorstep.
"Um...you wanted one promise, but you didn't say...". Andy shifted around from foot to foot as she let her words be swallowed by her teeth clamping down on her lip.
Sam leaned back to look at the time on the wall clock, making it to be around midnight, or so it looked in his blurry vision.
"Andy you don't need to know any of that, I said what I meant to say...".
"No you didn't. You were gonna say something when they came for me, I just wanna know what it was Sam".
Sam moved to the side letting Andy walk into his house before he moved over to grab his glass and swallow the rest of the light hued liquid in the glass.
Andy raised an eyebrow as she rolled her eyes. Sam moved to the kitchen pulling out a glass for her and filling both half way before sliding hers over the counter towards her.
"Sam...".
"Look Andy, I get it. I screwed up and there is no going back on that. The thought of you dying today scared the crap out of me okay, but actually seeing you standing there holding that bomb, that kinda just made my heart stop. I don't want forgiveness, or...or...look I know you're working some sort of notice and the one thing I wanted you to promise me was that you wouldn't turn in your badge, give up what you love doing. I wanted you to promise me that you would keep doing it, and stay so passionate about it, and just stay alive doing it long enough to retire someday".
Sam had moved around the counter to stand in front of Andy, his eyes drilling holes through hers, into her very soul as he spoke. Andy watched as Sam swallowed, his words fading to a soft breeze across her face as he spoke the last words.
"Ho...how'd you know?". Andy whispered, her eyes darting to look between his as her vision swayed with the amount of wine she had consumed.
"Are you working notice? Did you turn in your badge, or something?". Sam huffed out the question, disbelief filling his face as his eyebrows knitted together.
Andy remained silent, her gaze dropping to watch her feet as she wiggled her toes inside her shoes.
"Why'd you do it Andy?". Sam bent down enough to recapture her gaze as he spoke, drawing her attention back to his eyes.
"Sam you said you couldn't be a cop and be with me, well you know what? I can't not be with you and be a cop. I don't know how to do it okay! Its just not the same, it...". Andy knew she shouldn't have come. Her lies flowing so freely, well her words were the truth, she just let him believe what he wanted to. When it came to her badge, it was more of a something, rather than her turning it in. But he didn't need to know that, couldn't know that.
"I don't know how to do that Sam, I really don't...".
Andy's words died off as Sam's mouth stole them away when he closed the minuscule distance between their lips.
Andy didn't fight the effects his lips had on her as they grazed gently over hers before his hand found its way to her chin on the unbruised side of her face, the other wrapping itself tightly tangling in her loose hair. When Sam pulled her forwards, she leaned in, not wanting to back away from the warm safeness his embrace wrapped around her.
She could taste the stronger tang of the whiskey on his breath and lips, its more potent taste outweighing the sweetness of the wine she had.
Maybe this was the way it was meant to be, maybe this is how they were meant to be, together.
Maybe tomorrow they could wake up, wrapped in the familiarity of the others embrace, and talk.
Maybe this would fix them, fix things between them.
She still had a few days before she had to leave, so maybe she could back out, maybe she could find a way to tell him, ask him to wait for her a little longer, although he had waited for her for over two years.
As Andy's mind set alight with the thoughts running rampant, she heard Sam let out a groan, which sounded more like a growl as he moved back just a fraction, before Andy reached out and pulled him back into her.
Andy hadn't been asleep long when she felt her body jerk itself awake. Images of Sam holding the grenade and watching them both explode jolted her awake as she heard herself let out a strangled sob from somewhere in the pit of her stomach.
She let her eyes run over Sam's sleeping face, seeing an almost smile playing out on his lips. Watching his chest rise and fall with each deep breath he took Andy let out a sigh of contentment to be here with him now.
He looked at peace, content even. His face wearing a far softer expression than the ones she had seen over recent weeks, whenever she would sneek glances his way.
Hearing a distant beeping, Andy slipped out from under Sam's arm going in search of her phone to stop the incessant bleep indicating a new text message.
Finding her jacket in the hallway on the floor, where it was so deliciously tossed Andy pulled the phone out to see the time a just after four am.
Opening the text, she let her hand drift up to her lips to hold in the sob that threatened to break free as she read it.
'Schedule moved to tomorrow lunch time. Be ready'
Andy had requested a place on a task force Luke was running, her way of running away from reality. It was supposed to be weeks at least before they left, after last night that was supposed to give her time to work things out with Sam, find a way to either back out, or let him know she was taking a UC for a couple weeks with Nick.
Now it was moved to tomorrow.
Or later.
Walking softly back to Sam's bedroom, Andy stood in the doorway watching him sleep.
How was she supposed to do this now? She wasn't allowed to tell him, and how was she gonna ask him to wait for her?
Needing time to think, Andy moved silently through the house collecting her scattered clothes, pulling them on as she retrieved them.
Standing in the lounge she pulled out her phone and called a cab, before walking back to stand in Sam's bedroom doorway and whisper a soft 'I'm sorry' before leaving his house, a fresh wave of tears cascading down her cheeks.
Andy spent the rest of the morning packing light, cleaning out the fridge and writing her landlord a letter that she was going on a long vacation, after she got home and had a shower.
Before she knew it, time had drifted to the time to leave for work, where she would see Sam, and have to face him with a reason for running off in the middle of the night, leaving him like she didn't care.
When she did, she still really loved him, even after all that was said and done. There was no-one that ever came close to making her feel the way he did. No-one had ever made her feel this much, or this much fear at losing them. And now she was gonna leave it all behind without an explanation.
Maybe that was the answer, making him think she didn't care. They still hadn't really talked, hadn't said where they go from here. He still believed her lie, maybe she should just reinforce it a little.
Her mind had decided what her heart didn't want to do, as she pulled her condo door closed and made her way to work.
It was unfair of her to expect him to wait for her again, he'd done it for almost two years, she wasn't even sure if he would want to wait, or be willing to wait. The time that she would be gone was undefined, undetermined.
Would he wait indefinatly?
No, it was wrong to make him wait, to ask him to wait. It wasn't fair to either of them, especially him, when he was home living his life.
It would be better to let him go.
So that's what she would do, let Sam go when she walked out of his life.
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Jelly Bean Jenna©