I'm on cloud 9. My friends bought me Hyourinmaru for my birthday. Yes, you heard me right. No, there's no ice dragon, but it's a katana with a four pointed star shaped guard, blue hilt, and green sash with that round gold thing or whatever on it that Hitsugaya wears. I think I'm in love. Just thought I'd share my excitement with people who might actually care, since most of the people I know just think it's strange.

Deciding that maybe it was actually time to buckle down and do some paperwork before her taicho froze her to death, Matsumoto headed back to the office. It was almost lunch time anyway, so she had a good excuse to leave soon. She came into the office and saw the box of chocolate on Hitsugaya's desk.

"My my, you're certainly getting a lot of gifts today," she noted. "What's with the chocolate?"

"It's from Hinamori," Hitsugaya said grudgingly. "I have no idea why, so don't even ask. Do you want one?"

"Taicho!" Matsumoto said in mock surprise. "What did I tell you about giving other women tokens?" Hitsugaya scowled. Matsumoto chuckled, then swept over to his desk and took a chocolate.

"Wow, this is delicious!" she marveled, chewing with gusto.

"I'm glad you like it," Hitsugaya said absently, his focus back on the report he was reading. Matsumoto, on the other hand, found her attention diverted away from the chocolate and towards the boy sitting in front of her. Why had she never realized how sexy and attractive he was? She felt a rush of passion, stronger than she had ever felt for anyone, flow through her like hot lava and she had a sudden uncontrollable urge to hold him close to her and smother him with kisses. Willpower was beyond her. Her need for Hitsugaya was too great. She sat on the desk and leaned forward, shifting herself so that her bulging "assets," which were normally threatening to spill out of her shirt, were dangerously close to actually doing so.

"Taicho," she said seductively to get his attention. He looked up at her.

"What now Matsumoto?" he asked impatiently, completely unperturbed by her current position. Clearly she was just trying to mess with him. But unfortunately for him, "what now," for Matsumoto was giving into these insatiable urges she was feeling. Which she did without hesitation. She leaned forward and before Hitsugaya even understood the situation he was in, planted a warm kiss on his lips.

"What the hell!" Hitsugaya screamed, swearing for the first time in a long time as he ripped away from her, his face burning with anger and embarrassment. To say that he was confused would be an understatement, but to say that he was furious would be the understatement of the century.

"Taicho, you just look so sexy," she cooed, leaning in for another kiss. But Hitsugaya was ready this time, and pushed himself out of the way before her lips could meet their target.

"Matsumoto, what the heck's gotten into you?" he shouted wrathfully. Matsumoto responded by giving him bedroom eyes.

"Taicho," she said softly. "We work together every day and we know each other so well. I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it, but now I know the truth. I love you taicho!" she gushed, leaning even farther forward in anticipation. "Please tell me you love me too!" Hitsugaya was seething.

"Get out of here!" he yelled darkly. But for once in her life, Matsumoto had no desire whatsoever to leave the office.

"Come on taicho," she pleaded. "I promise to show you a good time!" She slid off the desk and came towards him, arms outstretched. Now, Hitsugaya had never really enjoyed Matsumoto's hugs, but never before had he fought so hard to avoid one. Pulling away from her before she could smother him, he raced out of the office, shunpoing away from Matsumoto as fast as he could, wondering what on earth was going on.

"Taicho!" she called playfully after him. "I'm coming to get you!" And she followed him out of the office, determined to chase him to the ends of the earth.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

Haruka was hungry. As it was around lunch time, she decided to go force her brother to leave the office and come eat with her.

"Onii-chan!" she said merrily as she entered the 10th squad office. But it was surprisingly empty. Haruka pouted.

"Karin must have gotten to him first," she thought. "Those lovebirds." It was then that she noticed the box of chocolates sitting on Hitsugaya's desk.

"I didn't think Onii-chan liked chocolate," Haruka wondered. But the box was clearly open. A piece was even missing. "Well, I'm sure Onii-chan won't mind if I take one," she assured herself. She ate a piece and thought that she had never eaten anything so delicious. She picked up the box to study it, wanting to know where it came from so that she could drop hints that she liked it (Haruka didn't need to buy her own chocolate, she had more than her fair share of admirers to buy it for her.) Haruka was in the middle of her analysis when she heard a voice in the hallway.

"Rangiku-san!" Ichigo boomed. "It's the last day of the month which means the Soul Society newsletter is coming out tomorrow and I still need your article!" As 9th squad taicho, Ichigo was now in charge of the newsletter, something he didn't really enjoy. Particularly since no one got their articles to him until the last minute. Technically, it was the fukutaicho's job to provide said articles, but Matsumoto was so lazy that she usually forgot, so Ichigo had taken it upon himself to remind her. He slid the door open.

"Rangiku-san!" Ichigo said again, opening the door. Haruka looked at him and blinked several times. For some reason, she found herself more attracted to Ichigo than any of the men she had ever dated. She flew to him and wrapped her arm around his.

"Matsumoto-san's not here right now," she said sweetly, batting her eyelashes at him. "But will I do?"

"Huh?" Ichigo asked confused, still too focused on finding Matsumoto to notice anything unusual about Haruka's behavior. "Well, I guess I'll find her later then." He turned to leave and realized, seemingly for the first time, that Haruka was glued to him.

"Do you want something?" he asked. She flashed him her patented seductive smile.

"Just to be with you," she sang. Ichigo shrugged and headed back to his office, Haruka swinging on his arm with her right hand, while still holding the chocolates, which she had forgotten to put back on the desk, in her left. Ichigo didn't find anything particularly unusual about this. Haruka had been his foster sister for the past two years and she was always physically attached to someone or other. This wasn't the first time she had linked arms with him. But what he didn't notice was the looks she was attempting to give him and the way she squeezed his arm more tightly than usual.

They reached the 9th squad office. Rukia had apparently already gone to lunch as she wasn't there. Haruka placed the chocolates on Rukia's desk then struck a sexy pose, attempting to grab Ichigo's attention, but he was mumbling to himself.

"Stupid Rukia, not even waiting for me to eat. Hey Haruka, want to grab lunch?" Haruka's face lit up.

"Do I ever!" she cried happily, reattaching herself to his arm. In her excitement over being supposedly asked out by her foster brother, she forgot all about the chocolates.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

"Damn it Ichigo, where the heck did you go?" Rukia complained, returning to the office only to find it deserted. "Why couldn't you wait for me to have lunch? Some husband you are!" She plopped herself down into her chair, still grumbling. It was then that she saw the chocolates. She eyed them suspiciously.

"From Ichigo?" she guessed. "No way, since when has he been that sweet?" She looked into the box and smirked.

"Definitely Ichigo," she said amused. "Only he would give me a box of chocolates with two pieces missing. Well, maybe this kind of makes up for ditching me." She took a piece and barely had time to register how savory it was before the door slid open.

"Kurosaki fukutaicho," Kira said triumphantly. "I have my article! On time this month, no thanks to my taicho." Kira placed the article on Rukia's desk. But she didn't look at it. Instead, she was staring at Kira like she had never seen him before.

"Ano, Kurosaki fukutaicho," Kira said with concern over the look she was giving him. "Are you alright?" Rukia's face broke into an enormous grin.

"Never been better," she said happily.

"Are you sure…?" he started to ask, but was cut off due to the fact that Rukia had launched herself out of her chair and into his arms. Kira turned beet red.

"Kurosaki fukutaicho," he gasped. "What are you…?"

"Come on Kira," she said seductively, tracing a line on his face with her finger. "Let's go have some fun together."

"But," Kira stuttered, not exactly sure what was going on. "Kurosaki taicho…"

"Forget about him," Rukia said dismissively. "He's an idiot. It's you I love Kira." Kira gulped. What on earth was he supposed to do? He had another man's wife clinging desperately to his neck. And he was rather afraid of this particular woman's husband. But before he could decide exactly how to pry her off, the door flew open.

"No!" Ichigo shouted angrily. "That's just all kinds of wrong!" Kira jumped a foot in the air, but Ichigo wasn't speaking to him. He wasn't even looking at him. He was speaking to the girl who had her arms wrapped around his waist from behind.

"Aw, come on Ichigo!" Haruka cooed. "Just one kiss!"

"Ew, that's gross!" Ichigo spat. "First of all, you're practically my sister, and second of all, I'M MARRIED!" Haruka shifted her position so that she could look directly at him and gave him her best puppy dog face.

"So," she said slyly. "I'm sure Rukia wouldn't mind, would you Rukia?" she asked. Rukia laughed.

"He's all yours Haruka," she said, not looking away from Kira. "Enjoy him." Ichigo seemed to realize for the first time that Rukia was in the room.

"Rukia!" he cried in shock. "How can you be ok with this…wait, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" he screamed, looking at the position Rukia and Kira were currently in. Kira could see his life flashing before his eyes.

"Wait, Kurosaki taicho," he pleaded, "it's not what you think. I promise!"

"Rukia get the hell away from him!" Ichigo demanded, trying and failing to push Haruka off. Rukia did in fact let go of Kira, but only long enough to land a well aimed punch at Ichigo's face.

"You're not the boss of me!" she insisted, before grabbing Kira's hand and kissing him on the cheek. Both men turned red, one from embarrassment and one from fury.

"Let's go Kira!" Rukia stated, pulling him out of the room. Kira really didn't want to follow her, but getting as far away from Ichigo as possible was undeniably appealing at the moment.

"Wait! Rukia!" Ichigo called after her. He ran from the room, ignoring Haruka, who was still trailing along behind him, bound to his arm.

So, I started off light with the crack pairings. I know some people don't really consider HitsuMatsu crack, but come on, how many people really come into the 10th squad office? I have a good chunk of the story planned out, but there is definitely room for more couples, so if you have suggestions, I'm open to them. If I like them enough, I may add them. Also, I'm still taking guesses. If you guess one of my pre-planned pairs, I'll write you a oneshot. So where do you think my mind is headed…?