Chapter 3: Denali

I had myself on autopilot for the hospital, while I formed a plan to explain to Carlisle. Could I tell him about Bella? Would he understand? Would he make me stay? I couldn't decide what he would say. I guess I would just have to find out…just like Alice said with Bella. Ugh, I wished I could have run faster, but I was already going my limit. If I went any faster, my legs might have gave way and I would have collapse. And going at that phenomenal speed, and collapsing, I would seriously hurt myself, though it was hard to injure a vampire. I would only be hurt minimally, but our kind rarely ever had scars or hurt our selves.

Finally, the hospital came into view, faster than I expected it to. I slowed down and tried to speedily and nonchalantly drift into the main lobby, and inconspicuously make my way to Carlisle's office. I easily found it and looked in. He wasn't there. Great. Now I would have search the facility for him.

Knowing him, he would want to do as much help as possible. Which would mean he was in the operating room. It was just down the hall. He was slowing me down; I needed to get out of Forks fast, before I changed my mind. For my mind was still full of her scent, just thinking about her, and leaving cause of her.

Whoops. I passed the window of the operating room. Thankfully, this was only for doctors and nurse who worked here, otherwise, loved ones would be horrified, if they saw the work being done. I glanced in and sure enough, Carlisle was in there working. I had always admired how he was able to resist the temptation over many years to just pounce on the table and suck up all that warm, recently spread blood. And that is the exact reason why I couldn't enter the room; I would probably do just that. It was irritating waiting for Carlisle while he worked. I would have just thought to him to come out, or even tell him where I was going, but I couldn't distract him from saving lives. He probably would have ignored me anyway.

Soon after, all the doctors started cleaning up, and one was wheeling the saved patient back to their room. Carlisle saw me promptly and hurried over to me, while he stepped outside the operating room.

"I saw you before, but—" Carlisle started calmly, but I had no time for chitchat. I had to leave. Very soon.

I know. I didn't want to stop the miracle vampire," I joked lightly; possibly easing him up to let me depart quietly. "But look, uhm, I have to go up to visit Tanya, its urgent." I hoped he wouldn't bother asking for a story. I didn't have one on my mind, and I couldn't tell him the truth.

"Why so quickly? Does Esme—" So many questions, so little time. I would probably just end up storming off soon, if he wouldn't just let me go.

"No. No one knows I'm leaving yet. Just you. I've got to go. Bye." I just turned to leave, but he stopped me.

"How long?" He asked. I was surprised. He didn't ask why. Which left me free of guilt and shame from him. But the tricky part of this lucky situation was I didn't know how long I would need to be gone for. Bella would still be here if I came back in a month, or even a year. But would a long absence tip off Carlisle, and have him ask for a reason? I gave him a reasonable answer.

"A week." That way, it was long enough to clam myself and remember my principles, and not enough to worry Carlisle. If I stayed longer than a week, what would happen? Carlisle would come up and ask why I haven't come home yet? I could simply answer that my reasons to be here are keeping me here a tad longer than I intended. Granted, I didn't know how long I could hold that up. I would have to try to control my body, and hastily. And when I returned home? Well, I would only be able to see that when I got home, or if Alice was nice enough to tell me. But she would be more curious on why I left in the first place, cause she unquestionably already saw me in Alaska.

Carlisle eyes me suspiciously but "Okay. Please, be safe," was all he said. So, I was off the hook. I could leave. I could free Bella from my mind, right?

Wrong. The whole run up to Denali, Alaska (where Tanya's family was) was filled with thoughts of Bella. Not my gruesome, violent filled ones, but unusual ones, for me. I had…human daydreams. And that just made me think. This girl was bringing out the human in me, while I feared to be a monster. Maybe, I could deal with her, but before I could ever try, I would have to be in charge of my instincts.

My daydreams, though, were…amazing…and lovely…and sweet…everything she was….

We were in a meadow, full of bright, warm sunlight. I felt as if I had Bella wrapped all around me, her skin warming my endlessly cold body. I felt ecstatic, and the warmth felt…right. My skin was sparkling, and I radiated luminosity. I knew it would attract Bella, and I knew she was here.

I was spinning around looking for her, and across the field, surrounded by flowers, she was posed. Her beauty was astonishing. For a second, my daydream wondered off and thought about, if she was changed to a vampire how much more stunning she would become. But I wanted this human thing to last, and be pleasant.

She spotted me and danced over with such grace. It was as if she was already a vampire, but when she embraced me, I knew she wasn't. She was warm, unlike my own body. But my corpse just heated up, and began to meld against her body. I couldn't believe she would appear to love a monster. Sweet music filled my senses as I caressed and cherished this fantasy. If only I could sleep, and just dream of this…

Though I felt the need to stop. Somehow, I was getting this…attraction towards her. And I couldn't figure out why. She was bringing up human impulses, and it surprised me…I liked it. But I lusted for her blood. Did I not remember yesterday in the classroom, where my thoughts were consumed with killing her? Thinking about that now, it seemed so…unlike me…and so impossible. I wanted—

But I didn't even know.

I stopped somewhere in upper Canada, for a break. I had been running all afternoon and night, and now it about daybreak. I was almost to Denali, and here it was cold, colder than Forks. But I couldn't feel it. I had been running with such speed that this felt like nothing. When I got up to Tanya's place I would be kept warm, with fires that reminded me of Bella.

I was just about to start up again, when Bella's immaculate fragrance filled my whole body this time. I was more than dazed. I was unconscious, well as unconscious as a vampire can be. I was just blinded by Bella, and now…I urged for her blood. More than in the classroom. I was pulling my lips back to show my fangs, and I impulsively turned back around and was about to run off. Back to Bella. Back to the blood that called for me to drink.

But then…I remembered that daydream I had had on the way up here. I remember how euphoric I felt, and how I just…longed for her. I pulled myself back to normal and glanced down in shame and bewilderment at my own behavior. Then it was decided, again, that I needed to see Tanya. I needed to control myself. Because, if I was right…I'm pretty sure that I wanted to make my daydream become true. But I would need strength to do it.

I started back up again towards Denali, determined on not stopping till I got there. So to keep that promise, I had to promise not to think of mainly Bella. But then while thinking of other things, my thoughts would mold back to her, so I had to stop thinking entirely. And it's not as easy as it sounds.

Surprisingly, I reached Tanya's place by early morning. And she was outside, as if waiting for me, but more likely other vampires to come across this haven.

"Edward Cullen." She said quietly. She sounded unsurprised, but I knew she couldn't have seen me coming, Alice is the only one that I know of who can see things.

"Hello Tanya. I…need to stay here for a little while. Is that okay?" Though I knew it was more than okay. This whole shelter she had was for vampires trying and struggling to live as the Cullens and Tanya's family. Vampire vegetarians we call ourselves. I gave a low chuckle at the thought.

"Of course, Edward. You and your family are always welcome." She said with a smile. She turned around, her long, dark brown hair whirling in the air. Tanya to me, greatly resembled Esme, for both loved and cared with such ease.

I found my way to a small shed; I had used this one before, and when I peaked in, no one else seemed to inhabit it. So I found my way to the bed and sat indian-style on it. Why Tanya kept bed was if somehow anyone of us got injured, we would need to lie down, and rest. Though, I would have never thought we would one, get hurt in any way and two, we would heal quickly. But I wouldn't know.

So as I sat on the bed I calmed myself into a tranquil phase, and just thought about power over my senses, and mostly, about Bella. Now, finally at Tanya's, she seemed so insignificant. Like I couldn't believe that she would drive me from where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with my family. Then I though of Esme, and how I had probably disappointed her, though I trusted Carlisle to give a reasonable fabricated story on why I left abruptly. Esme, I knew if she found out why I felt would be so saddened at me, for he thought of all blood inducement, I was the strongest. And to know how weak I became so unexpectedly would break her heart. And I knew Carlisle trusted Esme with everything, so sadly, I would only assume that he told her why I—

Crap. Alice. Her power was to see things yes, but because her and I were so attuned to each other, our own powers were slightly mixed. Like she could hear what I was thinking, because I was so naturally doing it, all the time. But I could hear her thoughts with what she saw, but I could not see with her. But still, that meant that Alice would, possibly, know why I left. I was breathing rapidly for some reason, but I trusted Alice to keep it to Esme and Carlisle.

"Alice?" She was so far away, so I was sure it wouldn't work, but I needed to know if she knew why I left. I concentrated so hard on her face and her sound, and on its own my mind picked up memories and pictures of her, and I could feel she heard me. Now, she had to answer, and I knew she was in school.

A couple of seconds passed then, "What, Edward?" She heard me. Relief washed over me.

"Do you know why I left?" I bluntly.

"…Yes. Would you care telling me about it?" She could hear what I was thinking, but she didn't know the reason behind it.

"She…seemed to be…controlling me. Her smell, overpowering me…do you understand?"

"Yes. But what is going to Tanya's going to do? You'll become stronger or…?"

"I can think clearly, without her. And at home…I would feel too ashamed if the others found out my reasoning—you won't tell, will you?"

"No, of course not Edward. But…you will come home soon, right?"

"I'm going to try, yes. Why do you worry?"

"…Cause Bella misses your presence." And with that, she tuned out. Ugh. That was so like Alice, to leave me with the puzzle pieces and not helping to put it together. Deep down, I knew she was right. I would have to know Bella, to even begin to imagine what Alice saw. But I couldn't even go near her, not like what I was now.

Again, like before, I just drooled, thinking of Bella's blood. I needed to find her, to end this madness she was causing me. I was here first, and I could crush her. My fanged appeared again, and my eyes turned to slits, and I jumped up from the bed. One little snatch at her body, and twist of her neck, and she'd be unconscious. And I could drink till my desire…

But then, I thought. What if…what if, I left the venom spread? And she would be a vampire? I remembered that daydream, but dark clouds came over my mind and pushed the dream away. I wanted her blood; I would not rest till I got her. End of story.

Luckily, Tanya pretty much lived with raging, blood-lusting vampires, so she enforced her sheds, though not very visible, with strong material. So it would take a week to claw through. And how ironic, I was planning on staying here a week. I pounded against the door, to let me out, but Tanya wouldn't listen, which I am grateful for. There were no windows to break, so I could do was tear till my frustration and temptation leaked over.

I was a monster. I was letting blood get to me. Carlisle didn't grow me that way; I didn't want to be that way. I would be here a while, I felt. I got back on the bed, and calmed myself. And attempted to train my body, and Bella-blood-proof it. I used my memory of her smell to tempt me, then my own control to keep me relaxed. And so it continued, all afternoon, and night, and the next morning. I was getting tired of it, but I knew it was working, because every time I let the smell enter my body, I grew increasingly resistant. I was so appreciative.

Then, I realized, I hadn't hunted in over two weeks. Then, all clicked. My thirst was what was driving me up the walls. Yes, my practice could be useful, but if I just fed more than usual, I could be around her. And soon, Alice could tell all. I grinned, for the first time in days. I felt proud, and accomplished, and now, for some reason, the door was unlocked for me to leave. I guess someone saw my diligent worked, and thought me under control.

I rushed around to find Tanya, to thank her greatly. I found her talking to an older vampire than myself. He looked concerned, but I wanted to leave soon, so I didn't worry about him. Soon, she finished up, weary eyes she looked at me, and then they turned to surprise.

"Trust in yourself, and everything will fall into place." She simply stated. Did she know…what was going on? Or about Bella? (And just the thought of Bella made me smile. Out of what I don't know, but it felt good)

I stared at her intriguingly, and just said, "Thank you." We both smiled, and I turned to leave. I felt so high, though I knew that wasn't it. I felt so in control, and so peaceful. And I ran off to hunt, so when I got to a forest I amazingly caught game very quickly. And I felt elated. Could Bella forget all of my behavior from the first day? Did she even notice it? I would bet she did. I appeared to be human to her, and she herself was human, and I was pretty sure that she could recognize that and non-human conduct.

I sent word to Alice, hoping she would feel proud of me. Though I felt childish, looking for approval from almost anyone. Smirking I thought to Alice, "I'm coming home."

It took a few seconds for a response, but I knew she would answer, because she would be hoping for progress. Though I still didn't know why; she refused to tell me.

"You are? That's great! Are you—?"

"I'm strong…and…I want to know everything you see about Bella. Now."

I could hear her small singing laughter. "When you get home, you'll see." And again, she turned off her frequency to me. She was so irritating; she made everything difficult. She could have at least rewarded me. I sighed and rolled my eyes, though with a smile, and hurried back home, to Forks.