BAM! Third chapter in three days, I am on a ROLL! Hopefully I get chapter four out tomorrow, but no promises.

Burt's POV, Monday Night

I held the thick white envelope tenderly and read the words on the front again.

'To Dad, love Kurt'

Love. Kurt loved me, but he loved me too much. Too much to come to me when he was in pain, too much that he didn't want to trouble me.

"Oh Kurt, why didn't you just tell me? I would have done anything to keep you…" A few tears fell and spotted the envelope. I tore it open and pulled out several pieces of folded paper. I cried harder when I saw that it had been written on the stationary his mother had bought him so many years ago. It was light yellow with tiny pink butterflies along the border. Of course it was a girls stationary kit but it was the one he had wanted so she indulged him.

I wiped my eyes with the end of my flannel shirt and began to read my son's final words to me.

'Dear Dad,
I've thought about this a lot, writing this letter to you. I have so much to tell you, so much I want you to know, but I'll try to make this as short and painless as possible for you.'

That was just like him; even in his the grave he was worried about my pain.

'First of all, this was not your fault. Nothing you ever did drove me to this choice. I know you'll probably always feel some small amount of guilt but just know that I never blamed you. If anything, you are the reason I held on so long. You've always been my strong pillar of support, a constant in my life. You have always been there when I needed you Dad, so you're most likely asking yourself 'Where was I when this happened?' I don't know if this answer will comfort you or hurt you more, but you were there the whole time. Every step of the way you were with me and even as I sit here writing this you walked in, kissed me on the head and said you had to go to work for a while. I know that you're probably blaming yourself, thinking that if you just looked closer everything would be fine right now, but it wouldn't have. No matter how hard you might have looked I always would have managed to hide it from you because I wanted to spare you the pain until the last possible moment and I'm terribly sorry.

Your biggest question is probably 'why?' It's probably the first one you asked. It's the one everyone is asking. But the answer isn't simple and it wasn't just one thing. It wasn't just a quick decision either. In fact, I've been planning this for almost six months now, but I think I've always known that it was going to end like this. But that isn't important. What's important right now is answering your 'why?'

The first reason is a big one and to everyone else, a seemingly easy one to have fixed. The bullying. Like I said, it seems like such an easy thing to fix, doesn't it? I could have switched schools or been home schooled. I could have "ignored it" or told an adult right? But I didn't want to make a fuss, and be switched schools. I would have just been running away from the problem. That's ironic isn't it, because I guess that what I'm doing now is running away too. As for ignoring it, it's hard to ignore someone forcing themselves on you. It's not easy to pretend there aren't so many bruises covering your chest and arms that are so painful you can't even lie of them to go to sleep at night. The faculty never intervened either, even when I made repeated complaints. But it wasn't just the bullying in high school. If I thought it would only be two more years I would have endured it, but this thing would have followed me everywhere. My whole life people will be putting me down and abusing me for who I am. It seems like such a silly thing to be hated for, does it not? Because of who I love I deserve to be beaten and have foul words thrown my way? Sometimes I wonder if my gayness is really even the reason for what they do. Maybe it's just because I'm confident in who I am and they wish they could be too.

My other reason may also not make very much sense to you but to me it was an even more depressing one. This was my way of escaping Lima. I've never wanted to be here, not with all these stupid narrow minded people. But after mom died I knew that I was never going to be able to leave. If I left I would never been able to come back. I would have been too afraid. This place holds so many sad memories, that if I left and found some sort of happiness, I would never have been able to face them again. I would have been living a lie and still running from all that's happened. So I had to stay so I would never forget about you or mom or all that's been done here. Lima is my home, the home I could never have left. The place that I could only escape in death, to have it be my tomb.

So these are my final requests of you, Dad. My will. I'd like to have my body cremated and have my ashes spread by mom's grave. That sounds nice, resting beside her again. Who knows, maybe there is a heaven and I'll see her there. Dad, I want you to have my hope chest, that's the box that the letters are in. It has my old baby blanket in it, a CD of my favorite songs, and a few other things in it that meant a lot to me. I would like to leave my collection of scarves to Mercedes, so that whenever it's cold she'll have me there to keep her warm. To Britney, I would like her to have "Mr. Bitey", the stuffed crocodile under my bed. To Tina, all of my romance novels so that she can always have a good love story. And last, I would like Finn to have my mirror, so that when he sees himself he always sees me too.

All my other things can go in the attic or to Good Will or you can keep them to remember me, whatever you think is best. Finally, my last request is that you please get all of the letters to the designated people.

I love you Dad, with all my heart. You were the best father I could have ever asked for and so much more. Please take care of yourself and try to be happy knowing that I wanted this and I'm much better off. I love you.

Your son,
Kurt'

The pages were covered with fresh tears as I reread it several times. I looked at the medium sized, cherry trunk that he had left for me. With a swallow and a deep breath, I pulled it in front of me and flicked up the dingy gold clasps that held it shut. I lifted the lid slowly and looked inside. On top was the bundle of letters that I had taken mine from. Underneath the letters were the things that truly made me sob. A ratty pink blanket, the one Kurt had slept with every night since he was a baby and until he was at least fourteen, maybe longer. A necklace that had been his mothers; he had worn it for weeks after she died, refusing to take it off. A grey scarf he had knitted himself… So many damn memories were in that box. So many things to remind me of my precious Kurt.

I sat there for over an hour pulling out every item, to cry over it and reminisce of all the times that had come with it. There was a box of photos in there of Kurt and his mom, Kurt and I, the three of us together. I looked through every one, read the captions on the backs. Finally the last thing left was CD case. I lifted it out with a shaking hand and popped the cover open. It was the CD with all of Kurt's very favorite songs on it. I got up and listened to my old bones crack as I walked over to the stereo across the room. Once the disk was in I hesitated a moment with my finger stuck on the play button before pressing it… Then Kurt's voice sang out and I broke down completely.

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game…