If she had thought that things were bad before then, she couldn't have been more wrong. Things only got worse. He was disrespectful, he avoided her and he treated her like she didn't matter to him. She started to believe it until she was stood on the other side of the glass, listening to him confess his feelings to a suspect. I couldn't do it. She swore that those words would haunt her for the rest of her life. That was the straw that finally broke Sara Sidle. She found company in the bottom of a bottle. Her downward spiral was happening and no one around her could stop it. After she got turned down for the promotion, she swore she had hit rock bottom. Then she was pulled over for a DUI and that was it.
But then he had turned up, and without judgement, had taken her hand and guided her home. Did he not realise he was responsible for her downfall? He had refused to leave her alone that night, sleeping on her couch and promising to try to repair their friendship. It was a start. With his help, she could surely find herself again.
Their camaraderie returned after that. She found herself on a much more even keel. She even started to open up to him again. You've always been a little more than a boss to me. Things were looking up. That was until she found herself being suspended for insubordination. She was sure that she was going to be fired this time. But he was there again, when she needed him the most. He listened to her, held her hand and told her that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. He had saved her more times than she cared to admit.
She began to hope again that maybe there could be something more between them. Maybe the last 5 years had been worth the pain and struggle. And then he had asked Sofia out to dinner, and she hated herself for letting him in again. She had no right to be jealous, he wasn't hers to claim, but yet she was. Trust only ever ended in pain.
She began to wonder what she had done in her life to deserve so much torment. Yet he was there again, giving her the strength she needed. He pleaded to her with his eyes to fight against the mad man who held her hostage. She could see his struggle. She could see the walls crumbling down around him. And then Nick was taken and the final brick came down.
There was a knock at her door after Nick had been rescued and there he was. She couldn't remember a time anyone had looked more broken. His eyes which she loved displayed the depth of his sorrow.
He had kissed her then. It wasn't a gentle kiss, but the desperate kiss of someone who was trying to feel alive. She didn't know how to respond. On the one hand, this is what she had wanted since he had charmed her in San Francisco. But she didn't want to ruin what they had now; she didn't want to be something that he regretted. But she kissed him back. They tumbled into the bedroom, and at that moment, she didn't care if he regretted it, she needed him. They needed each other and when they became one, nothing else mattered.
She thought she must have been dreaming when he didn't run away. He brought her breakfast the next day after work. He opened up to her. This was their new ritual. She didn't push him, she was happy to go at his pace. She started staying at his townhouse and she found that she very rarely stayed on her own anymore. He told her stories about his childhood, about his mother being deaf and his own hearing difficulties. She hadn't thought it was possible to love someone this much. They never said the words to each other. They didn't need to. She had her own little ways of letting him know how she felt. I'm not ready to say goodbye.
She knew he was burning out. His migraines were more frequent and he was becoming isolated from everyone. He assured her that it didn't have anything to do with her; it was just the miniature killer getting to him. She believed him. And when he left for Massachusetts, she missed him. She stayed at his townhouse while he was gone, clinging to what they had. He called her every day. She listened to him describe the snow and one of his students who reminded him of her. Maybe we could move here one day, he had said.
When he returned, she could tell he was better. They reconnected again; their relationship was stronger than ever. She finally said those three words. She told him she didn't need to hear them back, she knew how he felt. He'd told her in his own ways. Intimately. And then there was the letter. She had no doubt about his feelings anymore.
But then she nearly lost everything. When the miniature killer took her, she only thought of the last times. The last time she would kiss him, the last time they would make love, the last time she would hear his voice. She had been certain she was going to die but she couldn't just give up. After everything she had been through, she wouldn't let this defeat her. When she could physically go no further, she prayed to a deity that she didn't believe in to take her home. When she regained consciousness, she knew it had worked. Looking into his eyes, she was home.