Disclaimer: I don't own anything supernatural but… This is my new motto: I'm gonna continue to play with my pens and see what I can come up with... I'll overthrow the king of the sandbox and write my own stuff...:) (stubborn face)
NOTE#1: I no medical background…just putting in what fits for my story J, please no hair pulling…yours or mine…just go with flow…(No I'm not a hippy…but my older sister was…:))
NOTE#2: Thanks to: CeCe Away for your review of Burning Embers and I also want to thank the people that have added Burning Embers and I'm Done to Favs, Alerts and communities. Hope you enjoy this chapter.:)
NOTE#3: If you get the impression that I hate John… I don't! But there have been times when John has not been available even when Dean or Sam has called him feeling desperate….
NOTE#4: This is the final Chapter.
Chapter 3
Bobby woke to Dean still asleep and Sam mumbling in his sleep. God, Bobby was mad as hell at John Winchester! If he was to walk in the door right now, he'd be inclined to shoot the bastard! He had called John on his way to the first hospital, then again when he got Sam transferred to update John. Then yet again when he got here and even when he went out for coffee earlier. No return calls…nothing. He knew if Dean had heard from him he would have said something. But Bobby wasn't going to bring him up… If John didn't want to be here for his boys, HE damn sure would be! Bobby startled out of his contemplation when Sam threw his arm out.
"Don't leave… please." Sam's head was turned away from Bobby but he heard Sam's sob. "Dean." as his hand fell back to the bed.
Bobby scrambled from the recliner, he got to Sam in time to hear him say, "Fuck it… done too." and then nothing. He put his hand lightly on Sam's arm. "Sammy?" he whispered.
"Sammy?" Dean called out in his sleep only to jerk himself awake a few seconds later. Sitting straight up, hair looking like he'd stuck his finger in a light socket. Dean looked down, "What the hell?" then he flung the covers back as Bobby took a step toward him. Dean held up a hand to hold Bobby off as he flung his legs over the side of the bed. Thank God he still had street clothes on and NOT one of those stupid gowns that left your ass hanging in the… so not important… "Sammy?"
"I think he's dreaming." Bobby said softly, he really wasn't surprised that Dean chose that moment to wake, the boys were linked, always had been.
Dean frowned, making his way over to Sam.
Bobby stepped to one side to make room for Dean.
Dean stood there for an eternity it seemed waiting for Sammy to wake the fuck back up. "Bobby, what did he say?"
Bobby pretended to be asleep, since he'd went back to his recliner.
"Bobby, I know you're awake." Dean didn't even take his eyes off Sam.
Bobby sighed, "Dean he was dreamin'."
Dean felt a cold chill creep over him, "And?"
A nurse knocked lightly on the door and stepped in, "Excuse me, gentlemen, need to check vitals."
"You're new?" Dean asked suspiciously, frowning at her.
"Yeah, one of the girls had a bad experience last night…refused to come back… we switched floors." She looked down at her chart and missed Bobby's snort and Dean's maroon face.
"Shuddup." Dean mumbled, embarrassed, he was going to have to get even with Bobby… later.
"Dean Singer… how about you go first since your awake." She smiled at him.
"Naw, I'm fine. Check Sammy." Dean gave a fake grin as he shook his head.
"Ok, but don't think I'm going to forget about you…" She smiled, then started vitals on Sam. When she took his temperature she frowned.
"What?" Dean asked, worried.
"Temp's up a little more than I would like." She stated writing on her chart.
"But…" Dean bit his lip…
"Mr. Singer, I'm sure he'll be fine…I'll be right back with something for the fever." With that she left the room. When she came back she took Dean's vitals much to his annoyance.
Thru out the night Sam's fever kept rising, by three a.m. Dean was pushing Sam's hair back with a lukewarm washcloth.
Sam opened his fever brightened eyes and looked at Dean.
"Sammy, 'bout time…" Dean said with relief.
"Why here?" Sam asked frowning.
"Where else would I be, Sammy? You're my brother.", Dean stated sincerely, continuing to wipe the rag onto his forehead.
"You… you said done… ca…n't forgi…ve me." A tear rolled down Sam's cheek, "don't ha…ve to come… back…. stay." Sam patted Dean's chest, "Ok." he held his hand there a moment longer, "I done too." and his eyes slid shut.
Dean's hand stilled. "Sam?" Dean couldn't feel Sam's breathe on his hand anymore. Dean's heart thundered in his chest and he couldn't breathe. "Sammy?" Dean whispered, laying his free hand on Sam's chest… nothing…no response… "I didn't leave… I didn't leave you…SAMMY! BOBBY!" Dean cried out in fear.
Bobby jumped up from a sound sleep…"What?"
"He's not breathing!" Dean said frantically.
Bobby ran yelling from the room.
"I didn't leave you little brother…" Dean leaned in close, saying urgently, "Don't you dare leave me!" Dean was shoved to a corner as they worked on Sam. He stared blankly, barely breathing. Unnoticed tears streaking down his face. "Come on, come on, come on… little brother… don't do this, please…" Dean didn't feel Bobby wrap his arm across his shoulders. Dean's knees buckled when Dr. Banks sighed with relief…"We got a pulse… he's back." The only thing that kept Dean upright was Bobby.
Dr. Banks eyes sought out Dean, "You need to be in bed, Mr. Singer. " He told Dean sternly.
Bobby brought him forward to sit on his bed.
"Mr. Singers… we are keeping the iv in for pain and fever reducers. We are going to leave the heart monitor." He held up his hand to silence Dean as Dean opened his mouth, " Just a precaution. I'll be back in a couple of hours… get some rest or I will knock you out myself to make sure you do… if I have to."
After the doctor left, Dean sighed wearily, "God, Bobby what have I done?"
Bobby glared and then smacked him on the back of the head.
"What the hell?" Dean asked as he rubbed his head.
"Idgit." Bobby glared at him some more as he faced Dean. " You were out getting supplies for your brother… FOR HIM. He was out cold! How were you suppose to know he was still having issues from the asylum?"
"I should have, Bobby… it's my job." Dean said miserably.
"Well, Sam would be the first to tell you to not be an idiot. How you can both find a way to blame yourselves for everything that happens to the other one is beyond me! Sam blames himself for the asylum. Can't forgive himself for hurting you, especially when he doesn't feel that way at all… then you…" Bobby threw up his hands. "Coffee, gotta have coffee…" When he got to the door he turned, "I'll bring you some." and he left.
Dean sat with his head bowed. He'd refused to talk to Sammy. Wouldn't let him talk, refused pain pills from him. Kept making remarks about the things said at the asylum. He never gave Sam a chance cause he'd been hurt. He'd given everything to Sam and he'd thrown it back at him, twice. First Stanford, then the asylum. He'd been angry. God, he'd been pissed. The self righteous Winchester wraith… now look what it 'd cost him… pride comeith and all that shit… He should have learned from when dad had used it, look how well that turned… didn't see Sammy for years… Dean hit his forehead a couple with his fist and opened his eyes. Sure, he hadn't told Sam they were done. That he was sick of him and he was gone. But, he might as well have. He had stayed with Sam but, wouldn't let him talk, wouldn't let forgiveness in because the hurt was so strong. Dean decided he was fucked in the head. He stood and went to Sam's side again. "Sammy?" he pushed Sam's hair back. "I'm so sorry…" He smoothed a thumb across Sam's eyebrow. "I was wrong…I." He swallowed. "I let my feelings get hurt. I let the nasty shit from a job affect us…my insecurities of Stanford came back…I was a dumbass. A class "A" bastard! But… I could ne…" He stopped as he opened his eyes and stared into Sam's confused eyes. "Sammy, do you hear me? Are you with me?" He rubbed Sam's cheek. Less warm, YES!
Sam nodded slightly, closing his eyes as he turned into Dean's hand.
"No, Sam…wake up for a minute…"
Sam opened his eyes, looking up at Dean.
"Sammy, I don't know what… happened while I was gone to the store. But I'm telling you…" Dean leaned in a little closer. "I could never be done with you. Ain't gonna happen…EVER."
"Store?" Sam asked, licking his lips, "Don't know…"
"Sammy, tell me what you saw… Can you do that? I need to know." Tears shone in Dean's eyes. Dean didn't care. Pride? Hell, what was that anymore?
"T'rd D…" Sam mumbled, eyes closing.
"Sammy?" It was a thousand things being said, asked, pleaded all in one word.
"De'mm." Sam answered…snuggling into Dean's hand and falling back to sleep. But to Dean's relief he felt cooler.
As the night progressed Sam's fever broke and he woke to Dean holding his hand with one hand and his other resting in Sam's hair. From what it felt like every time Dean's hand would jerk in his sleep, he pulled Sam's hair.
He blinked a couple of times, over Dean's shoulder he could see Bobby asleep in a recliner, "Huh?" he thought., "I'm in a hospital. Why?" and the answering twang of pain came from his temple. He lifted his free hand to the bandage…Oh, God… his breath caught. He'd been asleep… no… drinking in the impala after… Dean wouldn't talk to him or take medicine. Dean said they were getting a room, then Dean woke him up and… His gaze jerked to Dean and he yanked his hand away from Dean.
Dean swiveled his head back and forth looking for a threat. Turning back he looked at Sam. Sam was looking at him as if… damn… "Hey, Sammy."
"Dean." Sam said, suspiciously. "Why are you here?"
Dean closed his eyes, wondering how many more times he would have to explain this to Sam. "Ok, Sammy. Listen closely. I'm only saying this one more time. I NEVER LEFT. Ok…technically I left… but I went shopping and came back to… to… I never left. I've been with you the whole time."
Sammy stared, "But… but you woke me up. And you said… that you tired of waiting for my sorry ass to wake up." He looked at Dean. Dean opened his mouth. Sam continued, " You said that the pathetic little soldier that doesn't have an original thought was done. That I was right, you listened to dad too much and you were done. I could take care of myself… cause you were done and can't forgive me. I tried to follow you but… I woke up on the floor… you were gone…all our stuff."
Dean cried softly, "Awh, Sammy." Dean rested his elbows on the bed and rested his forehead against his clasped hands, he took a couple of breathes trying to get everything back under control before looking up at Sam, " Dr. Banks." at Sam's blank look, "Your Doctor says after you have an electrical shock, especially with your head it can cause electrical surges that can really fuck with your head."
Sammy blinked, "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying… I was so worried about your mixing pain pills and booze I wanted to get food in you to counter act… and I got supplies to fix your cut from the dashboard. But I was in such a rush, I didn't bring anything in. Figured I could unload after I fed you. So I left you out cold in bed. I didn't think to leave a note.. Or about side affects.. You almost died Sammy cause I didn't…"
"No." Sammy said softly.
"What?"
"NO." Sam repeated.
"No, what?" Dean asked, confused.
"Not you… not your fault."
Dean snorted.
"Dean. When I woke up. I looked… around… couldn't find you and thought I'd finally pushed you away. Said fuck it. " He shrugged, "I was done, too… thought it was ironic that I still had my gun. Nothing else… but."
"You had me." Dean said quietly.
"I didn't think so and I couldn't blame you." Sam gave a snort of disgust, "I'd be done with me too,"
"HEY… you just shut that kinda talk… that's my kid brother you're talking about." Dean said with a smirk.
Tiny smile. "I coulda called. I wasn't thinking."
"Damn right you weren't. If there were a time, ever… that you think you can't talk to me." Sam started to interrupt, Dean held up a hand. "If ever… you call Bobby. He'll sort it out. Even if he has to knock our heads together, ok? Promise me, Sammy."
Sam gave him a genuine smile, "I promise."
Bobby lay quietly, it was humbling that his boys felt he could fix things for them if needed. A single tear slipped silently down his cheek as he pretended to sleep.
Sam turned serious, "Dean I'm sorry. I was… I was aggravated that you trust dad so completely," he held up to quiet Dean, "But I'm right here dude… and you trust him more… it just hurts sometimes… I… I guess Ellicott magnified that." Sam bit his lip waiting for Dean's response. After a second he continued, "Cause Dean you're my…" Sam looked down blushing, "You're my hero, man. You've been my brother, mother, teacher, best friend… father. I never missed out on anything because you were there being whatever I needed." He shook his head sadly as he looked up at Dean, "I wanted you to feel that way about me." He sunk back onto the bed, "I was jealous.. And when I went to Stanford… I knew you and dad would do the things you always did together without me anyways, without having to worry about me being there…third wheel and all…"
"Dude, we never felt that way." Dean stood, putting his hand on Sam's arm.
"I didn't think you would miss me." Sam snuck a look at Dean, "like I missed you."
"You freak…" Dean gave him an affectionate look, "I went on a week long bender, when dad found me he nearly killed me." He ruffled Sam's hair. "Don't ever scare me like this again. And you need to remember if you ever try anything like this again you better have two bullets in that gun instead of one…" Dean expression turned serious.
When realization hit Sam, he snapped, "That's stupid Dean."
"And killing yourself ain't?" Dean snarled right back.
"Idjits!" Snapped Bobby, "The both of you… either one of you pull a damn full stunt like that again and I'll pull your asses outa hell just to kill ya myself!" Fumbling with the recliner to pull it in to an upright position. "Now, tell each other what you really want to say and shut up about it."
They looked at each other and then in unison said, "We love you too, Uncle Bobby." and silently, " I love you." to each other with their eyes.
"Ya idjits!" Bobby said softly, message received and I love you too, boys.
THE END