"I just wanted to make sure he was okay," Clare mumbled. "I don't really know why I wanted to talk to him… and there was so much I didn't say."
Alli patted her shoulder sympathetically. "We all go through hard breakups, Clare."
"I love him," Clare admitted. "I mean, I still do."
Alli hesitated before replying, "I know. And I'm sorry that it didn't end the way you wanted it to."
"Do you… do you think we'll ever get back together?"
Clare sounded so fragile, so broken, that Alli couldn't help but try to make her feel better. "Maybe," she sighed. "But Eli needs help, Clare. You were right to end things with him. Your relationship was so… unhealthy."
"I love him," Clare repeated. "And I never told him."
"It'll be okay, Clare. He'll be fine. You both just need time."
"I don't want to move on. I don't want him to move on."
Alli wanted to tell Clare to stay away from Eli; she knew that he would never purposefully hurt her, but he hadn't had to comfort Clare after she'd returned from the hospital. He hadn't had to listen to her cry over the phone nearly every night since then. He'd hurt her, even if he hadn't meant to.
But against her better judgment, she said, "Maybe one day you two will get back together. I mean, if you're really meant for each other… or maybe you'll find someone else, and you'll be happy. And maybe he will, too." Oh, shit. That was the wrong thing to say. "I mean, just because you ended things with Eli doesn't mean that you can't be happy."
"I can't see myself with anyone but him."
Damn. Clare could be incredibly stubborn when she wanted to, and Alli knew that nothing she would say could convince her otherwise. Alli had fallen in love once, and that hadn't really ended well; none of her romantic relationships had. She'd, very stupidly, fallen for Drew, when it was obvious that he didn't feel the same for her. Sure, he liked her, but he hadn't loved her. And she'd loved him, which had driven her to the conclusion that love was highly overrated.
"Maybe it'll work out," she replied.
"What if he's already moved on? What if he's over me?"
Alli rolled her eyes. She didn't want to remind Clare of the breakup, but they were talking about the guy who crashed his car for Clare. He couldn't be over her already.
"Clare? Why did you break up with him, if you love him so much?" All snapped, and the immediately regretted her words.
"Because… he was manipulating me."
"Besides that."
"It was all about her. Julia. Everything was about her. He… he wasn't really over her, I don't think. He never was because every damned thing was about her!"
Alli's eyes widened at her friend's outburst. "Clare-"
"I don't think he every loved me!" Clare practically screamed, leaping to her feet. "He was never over her!"
000
"You can talk to me, Clare. You can trust me."
Clare closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip to hold back the tears. She was sitting on the steps in front of the Martins' house with Jake; she didn't remember how or why she had come here, but now she was spilling her guts to him. She told him everything; her relationship with Eli, the hoarding, the difficult breakup, and the awkward conversation at the Dot.
"And the thing is, I don't know why I'm even talking to you- no offense, of course. I mean, I know we're old friends and everything, but the thing is, you're nothing like I remember. You don't even look like you used to."
"Well, it's been six years," Jake pointed out, but there was a strange edge to his voice that Clare couldn't place.
"I know, but… oh, God, please don't repeat anything I told you."
He gave her a cocky half grin that made her miss Eli's crooked smirk even more. "Don't worry. My lips are sealed."
"Thanks."
"I'm really nothing like you remember?"
"Nope." Clare shook her head to emphasize her point and stared out onto the street, remembering all the times she and Eli placed bets on the color of the car that would drive by next. Everything reminded her of him, even random songs on the radio.
"That's weird. Well, you're kind of different, too."
I should hope so.
"And this Eli guy sounds like a manipulative, controlling ass."
"Hey," Clare protested.
Jake laughed. "I'm sorry. Too soon?"
"Um, yeah?"
"Move on, Clare. You said yourself that he was suffocating you. You said that you felt so pressured, so scared. You shouldn't be scared of your boyfriend."
"I wasn't scared of Eli…"
"It was an unhealthy relationship," he echoed Alli's words. "Just move on already."
"I don't want to move on."
"Well, when you do… I'm here."
Clare narrowed her eyes slightly in confusion, turning to stare at Jake. "Thanks… I guess?"
He winked, and Clare felt the familiar unease creeping up inside of her. "Just consider your options."
Clare hurriedly stood, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. "I really have to go, see you at school tomorrow? Or something." The words blended together as they rushed from her mouth, and she gave Jake an awkward half wave before nearly running away.
000
"There's just something about him that's… different."
"Six years, Clare. He's gonna be a little different," Adam pointed out.
Clare rolled her eyes. "You know, everyone's been telling me that. But there are parts of me that are the same after six years, and I don't recognize anything about him. Or his father, for that matter. You'd think that there would be something, you know?"
"Well, what about his mom? Did his parents get divorced in the last few years or something?"
"No, his mom died when he was two. Car crash," Clare explained. "So it can't be that."
"Maybe he met a girl or something. Believe me, Clare; you can change a lot in six years. You can become unrecognizable in six years." Adam sighed. "Six years ago, I was Gracie. My personality was completely different- which was hell, by the way. Maybe something happened with Jake. People change."
"Not this much."
"Did you not hear my heartwarming confession of pain?" Adam feigned hurt, his eyes widening dramatically, and it had the intended effect. Clare smiled; an occurrence that had become increasingly rare since spring break.
"I'm serious, though," Clare insisted. "He's flirting with me, and it's really weird."
"Well, if he's making you uncomfortable, tell him. He probably thinks that you're playing hard to get or something."
Clare flinched, and then rolled her eyes. "Why do guys always think that? Why can't a girl just not be into them?"
"It's called pride."
"It's called idiocy," Clare countered. "Self-absorbed idiocy at that."
"Ouch. You're insulting my gender."
"Well, you're different. You're a nice guy."
"And that's so rare?"
"That's almost impossible."
There was a slight pause in their conversation, and then for reasons unknown even to him, Adam blurted out, "Eli misses you, you know."
"I… I miss him too," Clare mumbled.
He loves you. But, for some reason, Adam couldn't let himself tell her that. She needed to hear it from Eli.
And now I've gone from third wheel to awkward go-between. Again.
000
A/N: Okay, so… I do not own Degrassi or any of the characters. I don't own any songs/bands that I use/mention in this story. And… I think that covers it, right?
Review please!