The nursery was held in soft shades of purple and blue, reminding Wendy of the sky on a summer night. The curtains had been pulled close and for some reason, there was no sound from the bar below. In the middle of the room, in a small bed and carefully tucked in slept a child. The only thing visible was a ridiculous amount of pink curls that were all over the pillow.
"Cornelia," Cana said in attempt to explain everything which was impossible because there were too many open questions. "You can tell me how ridiculous I am, just go ahead."
But Wendy had no accusations to utter. She had known Cana for a very long time and she had learned to listen to the softer, unspoken words of the ever so often bold and brash brunette. While it had been only a year they had worked together, living in different apartments of the same complex and walking home together, the sky sorceress knew things no one else knew and thus had a certain insider knowledge that sometimes surpassed even what Gray – Cana's oldest friend – knew about the card mage. Cana had been Wendy's sister, it was a bond even time and distance had failed to erase, a bond that still made Wendy want to grab Cana's hand and drag her back home and go back to a time when this had been possible.
She had nothing she had to forgive. She knew Cana's fear, unvoiced but ever-present all the time, and so she could not blame everything that had happened on the older mage. Cana had been dealt a bad hand a the very beginning and so many years had passed struggling and fighting to get at least a small chance to live a happier live. Cana was no one who gave up, she was someone who always returned after she had been already forgotten. Picking up the pieces was something she was just too used to and maybe, or so Wendy thought, she had grown tired of this.
"Cornelia … was your mother's name right?" she asked nonetheless even though she knew that this was a topic that had haunted Cana for a very long time, some sort of guilt she had never been able to shake of completely.
"Yes," Cana said as she approached the cradle and gently brushed her daughter's hair out of the girl's closed eyes. "It may be a little unfair to burden her with this name … but it is a nice name and … she does not have to know the story attached to it, you see? We all got our demons after all … and I don't want my demons to become hers as well."
She had grown up in the three years she had spent away from the guild, away from her home – not like she had ever had a chance to avoid this. Since the morning she had realised what had happened, she had been in her focused modus – in the same modus the others had once dubbed her S-class modus because up to that day, the exam had been the only event she had truly been working for quite hard as it had been her only true ambition. She had judged the situation quickly before she had turned away and left everything she had known and loved behind.
Opening a bar from the money she had left as this had been the only thing she could earn money with because this was the only thing she really knew about, she had let the space in between of her family and her new life grow – partly to stop hurting this badly. Changing name and hair colour had been other steps to avoid being recognised. She had not used much effort if she was completely honest but this had been part of it all. Hiding in plain sight was the right thing to do when an entire guild was looking for a missing member.
And as time had passed, the identity she had built for herself had become more and more a comfortable coat she pulled on to hide from something that would only hurt. She had often been a coward but this had not been cowardice – this had been a decision she had made to protect. She had had to protect herself from an ugly confrontation with Laxus and probably her father – and from a life of bitterness and pain. She had had to protect Makarov from getting the heart attack that would kill him after everything he had survived. It had not been an easy choice but she had had gotten herself to go through with it.
Wendy seemed to understand but this was no miracle. The young girl had seen her fair share of pain after all and she had made her way as well – just like she had been supposed to. In the end, only time had the power to show which effort had been wasted and what would gain them a better future, what would ease the burden on their shoulders a little.
"Did … did you miss the guild?" Wendy asked after a moment.
Cana nodded slowly. "It has been on my mind a lot," she said. "I didn't like the idea of leaving like a thief at night – but if I had said goodbye, I don't think that I would have really gone through with it. The guild and everything I learned there, it's a part of me, a part of who I am. Letting go is very hard after twelve, well, nineteen years. But … missing everyone – it's part of the price I have to pay for my decision to leave." She absentmindedly lifted her shirt and stared at the black sign that still burned on her skin. "I heard that … that a guild is more than we all think – it's also a collection of the thoughts of everyone who ever was part of it, who ever wore the sign. That's why sometimes, stamps fade out after a while," she mused aloud. "Or why it is possible to leave a guild to join another. In that case, the stamp can be removed, too. But … since the stamp is the embodiment of the very idea that makes the guild stand out, it sometimes doesn't fade."
"Because the guild itself still considers you a member of Fairy Tail?" Wendy asked.
"Probably, yes," Cana nodded. "And … until I am excommunicated, I will stay in the guild."
"But you aren't coming home yet?"
"I can't. I have left because I couldn't face them, because I couldn't do this to Makarov … I was old and mature enough to consider the consequences to having unprotected sex … and really, I made my bed and now I have to lie in it – that's something I can hardly add to the burden he already carries," Cana said. "If things were differently…"
"But what about Laxus-san … when he is the father, he cannot abandon you like this!"
"I cannot expect him to take responsibility for something I did to myself, you see?" Cana shook her head. "Also, he is important to the guild. The guild is his life, his dream. A story like this would ruin this dream forever – and I … I can't destroy another dream like that. Some burdens, you see, can be shared and some, well, some have to be carried in silence."
"He is just as responsible for Cornelia-chan as you are," Wendy whispered. "It takes two to make a child, I know that."
"Even if he knew, it would not change much and it would improve nothing at all. He is too much like Gildarts … always on the run and never settling down," she said as she brushed back a strand of her hair. "He wouldn't be a good father – and I can do this alone anyway. If things had been differently, I would have stayed. Hell, I miss everyone so much it hurts. But … I wouldn't be strong enough to look at him and speak with him like nothing ever happened. That's the thing."
"Because you loved him?"
Cana nodded. "Strictly hypothetically, if Cornelia had been Gray's child, I could have stayed. I would have dealt with Juvia and I would have been able to ensure everyone that this was not the proof that there ever was something between Gray and me. But … Laxus…" she groaned as she smiled sadly. "He always makes everything so complicated."
"So, uh, you don't want everyone to know that you are here?" Wendy asked. "But … I can come and visit you – not often but … at least every once in a while? I have missed you. A lot."
The card mage nodded as the black dye left her hair. "I missed you as well, Wendy," she said as she rested her forehead against the girl's. "I seriously, absolutely miss everyone. And yes, you can come and visit. But … don't tell them. It would only put me back at the spot I gave so much for to leave. I don't want to have to answer their questions."
Laxus awoke to the sound of footsteps on the stairs and rolled to the side before he checked to alarm clock – only to realise that he had overslept. This should not have bee a surprise because he had worked until late into the night for weeks now, keeping track of everything his grandfather had not been able to do lately. For a moment, however, he was disoriented before he slowly remembered how he had not gone home last night because it had been his duty to stay at Cana's abandoned place – just in case that she would come back.
Erza and Juvia had started this tradition shortly after Cana had first gone missing and they had realised that she had left a part of her things behind. To keep her from returning like a thief at night to get what she had forgotten, they had camped in the apartment for months before Makarov who had also been clinging to this thin thread of hope had suggested that every night, someone else could sleep in the abandoned apartment. And so, Fairy Tail had covered the rent for the first few months.
By now, only a few people still slept there – mostly people who had been close friends of Cana. Gray usually stayed there for a few nights before Erza took over. Juvia and Lisanna sometimes had sleepovers in the apartment, often with Lucy and Levy. Even Gajeel slept there for a few nights each month even though he would never admit it. There was no official schedule but once someone could no longer bear the feeling of Cana everywhere – and she was extremely present in her abandoned apartment – they nodded at someone in the morning and quietly, the duty was passed on. An extremely frustrated Romeo had nodded at Laxus in the morning and for those who had not lost hope yet, this was a duty they could not refuse.
Hearing the footsteps, Laxus rose from the bed and headed over to the door, opening it just in time to see Wendy's braid disappear. "Oi, Wendy," he said. "Already back?"
The sky sorceress reappeared and smiled thinly, hazel eyes red from tears she had shed. "Uh, yes," she said. "Did you spend the night at the apartment?"
He nodded as he mentioned at the door behind him. "I just considered making coffee – you could have a cup. You look like you need it to be honest," he said with a wry smile. Along with Gray, Wendy had taken Cana's disappearance the hardest – with himself not far behind. The three of them shared the sentiment like going to the guildhall was rather pointless without Cana there to tell jokes and laugh like there was no tomorrow.
When he had woken up this very morning, for a second, it had felt like something was different and he could not help but wonder whether he had seriously thought that maybe, maybe, she would bee in the kitchen, cursing under her breath and making breakfast. He wondered whether this was the final proof needed that he had finally snapped after the sudden disappearance of his girlfriend/friend whatever or whether this was normal.
"It's not easy for you to be here, right?" Wendy asked as she slumped down in a chair.
"No," he admitted. "But not as hard as it is for you," he added. "I just wonder … why didn't she say anything to anyone? Gray … he would have kept her secret – if he was not the one looking for her whenever he is not on a job, I would really guess that he knows more than he lets on. She could have told me – first saying that I was a friend and then leaving be in the cold - typical."
"She never said you were special or anything?" Wendy asked, hazel eyes wide and full of wonder. If he would not know better, he would have guessed that she knew more than she said but this was impossible. Wendy was the only one worse at gambling than him because her poker face sucked – or at least that was what Romeo had once yelled through the guild.
"Never," he said with a shrug. "And before you can follow Gajeel's example and accuse me of kidnapping her and hiding her somewhere – though I guess he was rather drunk at that time – no, I did not and if it would help finding her, I would burn this world to the ground."
"She really never said anything about where she would go if she was hiding from the guild?"
"Twelve years and she never said anything like that – I never pegged her to be the type to hide either," he said thoughtfully. "But I guess that no matter what is going on, it will end soon. The last thing I heard was that Erza got Jellal and Meredy to look for her everywhere … and if Crime Sorciere looks for someone, they always find them."
"But you have to have an idea, Laxus-san," Wendy muttered under her breath.
"I never won a game of hide and seek against her when we were kids - actually, Lisanna and Natsu are the only ones who ever did because of their enhanced senses. I seriously don't think that she would let me start winning now."
"You do care, don't you?" the blue-haired girl asked quietly.
"I am worried," he said slowly. "That's … that's not Cana. To run, I mean. She solves her problems and doesn't try to outrun them. She may be a trickster but she is no coward. If she is running then something really, really bad happened … something she cannot control or something." He frowned deeply. "Seriously, if I could turn back time and help her somehow, I would."
"I can't remember that you and Cana ever hung out together though."
"Because we didn't, to be honest. We did a few requests together, spend a little time in inns and sometimes, she invited me over. We were once accused by a surprisingly rather drunken Gray of being friends with benefits … but that wasn't it. We were friends, first and foremost because we could relate to each other."
Suddenly, Wendy's lower lip started to quiver before she started crying again. She had not cried much since the day her sister figure had left but whenever she had, it had been connected to Cana somehow – probably because Fairy Tail was not like it used to be since she was gone.
"Don't cry, okay?" Laxus said hastily. "I … I will go and help Juvia look for her, alright?"
"I … I just was thinking … usually, if someone leaves without a goodbye, it's because he doesn't have someone to say goodbye to … but Cana, she … she had us. She could have said goodbye to you, Laxus-san, or to me," Wendy sobbed. "I wonder … whether she felt like she couldn't trust us or something like that. I mean, it's not like the friendship was gone, right? It's still there."
Laxus had not cried at all but right now, he felt like joining Wendy.
He had been the first to notice that Cana was gone even though Gray had first announced it. He had known that something was amiss when the corner in the guildhall had been empty and then, he had hurried to her apartment to check whether she was there, without success. For Cana, things might have been over the moment she had stepped out of Magnolia but this had been when it had started for everyone else. Laxus remembered how he had been forced to deal with angry men, frustrated women and crying mages of both genders. He remembered how Evergreen and Erza had sat next to each other, old rivalry forgotten and forgiven. He remembered how Natsu had awkwardly tried to comfort Gray while Lyon Vastia of Lamia Scale who had been there to visit for some reason had stood there in silence.
Wendy felt rather guilty as she walked through town after leaving Laxus to himself. Playing dumb to gather more information was something she had never done before but after all, she was rather pleased with the outcome. She had now gained enough information to be sure that there was hope to get Cana home one day soon – and this was necessary because everything seemed to grey and empty without the usual spirit.
"Wendy-chan – you okay?"
She looked up to see Romeo who had obviously returned from a short mission as he was carrying his backpack. "Romeo-kun," she greeted as she approached him. "How was your mission?"
He shrugged as they started walking next to each other. "Short … a welcome break from the … you know, the business with Cana-nee," he said as he frowned. "She was my babysitter, years back, when dad was out on jobs. So yeah, I really wonder what made her leave."
This only served to make Wendy feel even worse. Having to lie to her best friends was starting to become another burden on her shoulders, another weight she had to carry – but this time, she had no longer the nerve to lie. The knowledge she carried would rip her apart otherwise.
"Romeo-kun," she said. "I … I found Cana."
The young mage stopped and turned to the side. "I knew it would be you," he said, maybe a little disappointed and frustrated because he had been searching for Cana as well. "How … how is she … and did she say why … why she went away?"
"She seemed to be fine but … I cannot tell anyone why she left," Wendy said. "I made a promise."