Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.
Author's note: We are starting out slow and ramping up. I'm a crescendo kind of girl. Heh he he heh he he heh heh heh he. She said crescendo. And fear not, I thought up the final chapter today and I laughed out loud. It's going to be good. All of you who want Grandma, hold your horses. I'm sure she'll show up.
Today's chapter is for MyDarkAliasIsHPScully17, who sent me this idea.
Chicken?
Part three
Wednesday Morning
Ranger was going down. At first I just wanted to see him embarrassed because, hey, who wouldn't? But now it was personal. Now he insulted my hoochie.
I went home after the Wal-Mart incident and planned. Okay, first I went to the bathroom and examined myself to make sure nothing was amiss. Not that I actually thought there was anything wrong with my girl but it was best to be cautious since Ranger put the thought in the universe.
Next I went to see Vinnie. I needed his help. Actually I needed one of his little bugs he plants to listen to Connie and Lula. I explained what I was doing and he handed it over and gave me the receiver. Next stop was for the gift certificate. I went to sleep happy.
Now Ranger and I were sitting in our diner having breakfast. I had waffles with strawberry topping and whipped cream. Who the Hell cared what Ranger had. I had whipped topping.
"So you didn't wake me up this morning to go running. And you are letting me eat fatty food right now. What is it, Ranger? Yoga? Gun range?"
Ranger speared a piece of melon. "Nope."
"Pilates?"
"Nope."
"Then what?"
Ranger picked up a bag I hadn't noticed before and handed it over. I held it but couldn't quite bring myself to look.
"What is this, Ranger?"
"Your uniform for the day."
"My….uh oh."
Ranger just smiled.
I opened the bag and peered in. I instantly regretted it. I should have left in closed. It was my 'Bounty Huntress' costume from the Scrog incident.
"Where did you get this?"
"I saved it. I have dreams about it."
I sighed and glanced at my plate. I thought about the amount of fat I had eaten the last few days and my eyes widened.
"Babe, you'll look hot no matter what you've eaten. Go put it on. I want to see you in it so I can fantasize about you later."
"Sonofabitch." I muttered as I trudged towards the bathroom. The leather pants were as tight and as low as I remembered. Maybe a little tighter. The vest didn't even come close to the tops of the pants and my boobs bulged out the top.
"Damn I need a tan." I said to my reflection. The one shred of silver lining was that at least it was cold and I could wear a jacket.
I walked back out and sat down, ignoring the stares of the other guests. Ranger was sporting his almost smile and his eyes burned dark as they lingered on my breasts.
"Seriously? This?"
"Scrog did have a point."
"He's in jail for your attempted murder!"
Ranger leaned forward and I felt one hand run up my leather clad thigh under the table.
"Yeah, but his legacy lives on."
I stopped his finger two inches from ground zero, my breath a little shaky and Ranger tossed me his beautiful smile.
"Laugh it up, Ranger, but we need to hurry so you won't be late for your appointment." I slid the gift certificate towards him.
Ranger's smile cut off abruptly as he looked at the paper. "Eclipse Salon?"
"Manicure and pedicure. 11:00. You have an hour. Mai is waiting for you."
Ranger stared at me with his blank face on. It was all I could do not to bounce in my seat. He was going DOWN and I was the iceberg.
"Babe."
"Chicken?"
He stood up and put his usual 25 on the table.
"Come on, Attila. I have a few ends to wrap up and I wouldn't want to keep Mai waiting."
oooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooo
10:45 am
"Yo."
"Hi Tank? It's Steph."
"Ms. Plum? What can I do for you?"
"I was hoping you could help me with a skip. Ranger told me to give you a call. Do you think you can help me?"
I heard paper rustling. "That shouldn't be a problem. When and where?"
"Eclipse Salon at 11:30. I'll meet you inside. You might want to bring backup."
"Will do, Bombshell."
"Thanks, Tank."
ooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11:00
I had planted the bug near the chairs when I went to get the gift certificate. That fact was the reason that I was currently staked out in the alley across from Eclipse in between the Deli and Starbucks. Damn I wanted some coffee.
I had hunkered down in the wind, pulling my coat around my slut outfit and turned on the sound when I saw Ranger's Porsche pull up. He parked around the corner and walked into the salon, glancing around. I tucked myself up against the wall out of sight.
He walked up to the desk and handed his certificate. The woman stared at him with the deer caught in Ranger light look until he snapped his fingers in front of her face and she turned to go get Mai.
Mai was a large Vietnamese woman. Not tall, she was only 5'1" but weighed close to 200 pounds. And she was loud and mean. You didn't mess with Mai. She walked right up to Ranger and didn't bat an eye.
"You get nail done?" Mai was also a lesbian. She was immune to Ranger. I had asked for her specifically.
She grabbed his hand and looked at his nails. "You have long cuticle. I let you soak in jasmine bath." This came out sounding like 'yahmeen bah'.
"Excuse me?"
"Yahmeen bah. YAHMEEN BAH!" she yelled at him. I could only see the back of his head through the window but I bet anything he was blank facing her because she took a step back.
She turned to the owner, Phong, and began firing off rapid Vietnamese. He shook his head and argued back with her. Ranger was just standing there with his arms crossed. He was eyeing the door. I almost peed myself for joy.
Phong shook his head and looked at Ranger. "You insult her by not understanding. She thinks you do not speak English."
Mai pulled herself up in front of him. "You idiot?" I burst out laughing and had to throw myself against the wall but I don't think he heard me. When I peeked back out again Ranger had his hands on his hips.
"I do speak English and I'm sorry for not understanding you. Being of a different culture, I know how hard it is when people confuse your accent."
She stared at him hard for a minute before smiling up at him.
"You want tea?"
Son of a BITCH!
ooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Things had been quiet in the salon for the last 15 minutes. Ranger had Mai working on his feet and another girl working on his hands. Mai had gotten him tea, a pillow for his back and managed to find the latest edition of Guns 'N' Ammo for him to read. I was feeling a little pissy until I saw Tank's Bronco pull up several doors down. Here it comes. D-Day.
Tank and Lester angled out of the Bronco and walked down to the salon. Even though I told them to meet me inside they were still being cautious. What good friends they were. I was about to repay them. Any second now…
And then it happened. They all glanced up together and froze. Ranger inside stilled until the ladies looked up. Tank and Lester froze on the outside. I could see Tank smiling. He turned to Lester. "Well, Well. What do we have here?"
They opened the door and walked inside to stand before Ranger, both grinning.
Ranger was looking up at Tank. He smiled slightly and lowered his eyes until he was staring straight into the alley at me. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. His look said, "So is this how you want to play it?"
Tank started chuckling. "What are you doing here, Rangeman?"
Ranger looked back up and didn't even blink. "Mani/Pedi."
"No shit? They any good here? I've got this callous on my heel that Tropical Nail just can never seem to get rid of."
Lester was looking through their brochure. "These prices aren't bad. Their paraffin treatment is only 10!"
Ranger looked over his shoulder. "Hey Phong!" Phong walked over. "Do you have room for two more?"
Mai looked up. "Of course he do! We always have room for Ranger and his friends." She smiled up at him. He smiled back and she giggled. Now I was pissed. She was supposed to be a lesbian!
I stormed across the street and threw open the door as Tank and Lester were sitting down in pedicure chairs. The wind blew my jacket open.
"NO! NO NO NO! This is not how it works!"
"What are you wearing, Bombshell? Lester asked, looking me up and down.
"NEVERMIND! Why the Hell aren't you making fun of him?"
"He's just taking care of his cuticles. It's the healthy thing to do." This was from Tank.
Phong pointed at Ranger. "He has lovely nail bed." I threw up my hands. "Why we no see you in here for while, Stephanie? You need manicure?"
"NO! I don't need a manicure, Phong!"
"Well we need to get you your bikini wax. It been over three month. You must look like rice field." He grimaced, showing his teeth. "Yikes."
Tank and Lester did the same grimace.
"Yikes." Lester said.
"Yikes." Tank said.
I felt my face heating up. "No…I…I got it done at Nail America last month. Really…I..."
Ranger snagged my hand and pulled me onto his lap.
"Babe."
"Don't Babe me! What is it with you and embarrassing me about my hoochie? I swear to God, Ranger, you will never get to go there again." I was furious.
"I'll get another chance, Babe." He whispered into my ear.
"No you won't!" I said jumping up. "Screw you. And screw you, you and you!" I pointed at Tank, Phong and Lester. I pointed back at Phong. "Wait, I take yours back. I need a bikini wax and Mai is the best."
She looked at me. "You come at 4:00?" I nodded. "Good. Bring book because it take ALL hour! And you no scream like last time."
I kicked the door on my way out.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow I would get him. I could feel it.
TBC…
P.S. If we have any Vietnamese ladies on this list, I hope you weren't offended. I got nothing but the love.