Loving isn't Knowing

The Doctor had listened and talked with Brian for a few more hours, smiling and laughing as they shared stories of his son and his best friends, no more was brought up of River's disappearance act in the night, or the fact that his friends were trying to look out for him when he needed it. The Doctor did however wonder about the letter Amy had left him two days before, wondering if he should open it and share with Brian what might be inside, though his gut instinct told him to keep it to himself, especially as it seemed he was the only one who believed the Ponds car crash wasn't an accident, as his mind wandered back to a conversation earlier in the evening with Brian.

''And here was me worrying about them catching some kind of tropical disease when they decided to travel with you to Peru or whatever exotic place you wanted to travel to this month, in the end who knew it would be a simple accident a mile from their own home''

''Incident… it wasn't an accident, they'd never have been that careless'' The Doctor had said simply as Brian sighed and shook his head.

''Look Doctor, we know you feel guilty as it was your car they were driving, and it should have been you to collect those materials they wanted, but the police found nothing suspicious it was a tragic and simple accident. Your car was in top condition, they weren't speeding, so it was just an accident, please drop it. We can't keep living in the past of ifs or buts, stop blaming yourself or trying to find anyone else to blame ok..'' Brian hadn't said it harshly but the calmness of how he had said it made the Doctor stop talking.

Now as he walked back to his flat, holding onto the box of Amy's first possessions hugging them close to his chest, he sighed lightly. Maybe it was just him, maybe it had been an accident, the car had recently passed an MOT test so it was completely fine, and Rory had been found in the drivers seat, and the Doctor knew he was a slow driver. So he knew that it wouldn't have been his fault, but maybe an animal had run in front of them in the road, maybe they'd swerved to avoid it, and that's why they ended up crashing into that angel monument round the corner of the next village. He shook his head lightly, Brian was right whatever had happened had happened, and he couldn't bring them back even if he knew what happened, plus there was far more important memories he wanted to keep alive, and the crash wasn't one of them.

He unlocked his way into his flat flicking on the lights and setting down the box, smiling at the little raggedy doll Amy had made of him when she was younger, among other things that was the one thing he was glad to have to remind himself of her. He decided he would look through the rest later, first he wanted a look at that letter. He moved his way into the kitchen ignoring the mess of the rest of his living room, he'd got halfway to doing it but he'd made Brian a top priority on his to do list, so the other half could wait, and poured himself some water from the tap. He was grateful his hands had stopped shaking as he pushed his wife from his mind, he'd been sleeping in the spare room for the last couple of months, not able to clear or chuck her stuff out in case she decided to make a reappearance as she often did in one of her disappearing acts. God he loved that woman, but he didn't know where he stood with her this time. He knew that one of the things in there was that blue diary he had given her on their first date, he'd never looked inside it, and all the time he'd been alone with it now he still hadn't done. There were too many of her secrets wrapped in that curly haired head of hers, and maybe it should stay that he shouldn't know, maybe the part of him loving her was loving isn't knowing what was written inside. He just said that as another excuse to stay out of their bedroom, but there was another part of him that wondered if he loved her anymore, maybe he should be moving on…

He sighed and leant on the side of the kitchen counter taking Amy's letter out of his pocket, smiling at her feminine scrawl as he slid it out and unfolded it to read.

Hello Old friend,

and here I am on what will probably be the last letter I ever send you. God please don't make me do this again, I can feel my hand already beginning to cramp, but anyway. Oh Raggedy man, all my years I have known you and you think I don't know when you lie to me, Rule One remember. I can see it in those sad green eyes of yours, she is making you unhappy, why can't you just admit that. I love River as a friend, but its clear she is using you and you don't deserve that. I know you love her, and I'm taking the coward's way out to tell you this, but every time she leaves to further her career, she takes a part of your heart with her.

I don't know why I suddenly felt to write this to you now, but I feel like something is coming, something bad, I've told Rory but the silly idiot says I'm paranoid. I think someone's watching us, and I'm scared, but my dear dear Doctor, always know that the little girl you found in that playground, and stopped her crying over her grazed knee, and became her best friend is incredibly grateful, and I always will be. I love you my madman, as much as Rory, he loves you too you know though he won't admit it.

I remember you saying very wisely that we are all just stories in the end, so make it a good one. Keep my story alive Doctor if anything happens, because it has been brilliant and I'm glad you and Rory were the ones I got to share it with. Also, let Brian know how much we love him, and tell him that well he'll know.

Always your Amelia Pond xx

The Doctor found himself crying as he reached the last x, choking back the tears until he felt a hand touch his shoulder and a soft voice whisper.

"Hey...come on Doctor ' Kate Stewarts voice reached him, bringing him out of his tears as she took the letter from him "Pub..now, and I'm not having no as an answer" She told him sternly, but the worried expression on her face let him know she had read that letter, and as he wiped his tears stuffing the letter back into his pocket, he knew that he had been right. If Amy had predicted her oncoming death, than something was amiss, but he needed a break and his head clear to sort, and so he went with Kate to their local, not talking on the way as she drove, but letting the letter playback through his mind.

Someone had been watching them, but the question, was who?