Chapter 2: Party at Bag End

A week had passed since Gandalf's unexpected visit. Celandine had already made a habit of heading off to the edge of the forest after Afternoon Tea to practice with her bow. She was learning quite quickly as Bilbo had witnessed during one of these sessions. The other Shire Folk were already starting to talk, gossiping that she may not be a Hobbit, but there may be some Took blood in her after all. Bilbo himself had his own doubts and suspicions, but the Hobbit was content with it as long as it made his daughter happy. And as long as she didn't shoot anyone. And as long as she returned in time for dinner.

Tonight, however, she was running very late.

"Where is that girl?" Bilbo muttered after glancing at the clock one more time. "It was 6 o'clock nearly half an hour ago." He was pacing nervously in the kitchen, wondering what was keeping her. What if she hurt herself with that bow? Oh, he shouldn't have let her keep it!

The doorbell rang.

The Hobbit half hoped that it was Celandine, but half knew it wasn't; why would she ring the bell of the house she lived in? Once he answered the door, he saw not his daughter, but, surprisingly enough, a buff, balding Dwarf standing outside.

"Dwalin," he said with a bow. "At your service."

Bilbo, realizing he was standing in front of a stranger in nothing but his pajamas and a bathrobe, tied his robe tighter as he spoke. "Bilbo Baggins, at yours." He was deeply confused as to why a Dwarf of all things had come knocking on his door. "Do we know each other?"

Dwalin stepped in without being invited. "No." He began looking around as Bilbo closed the door. "Which way, Laddie? Is it down here?"

"I-is what down where?"

"Supper." The Hobbit suddenly found himself holding a large fur cloak while Dwalin continued to look around. "He said there'd be food, and lots of it."

"H-he said? Who said?" But the Dwarf had already sat himself at the kitchen table and was helping himself to his and Celandine's meals. Bilbo was about to protest… when the doorbell rang again. He set down the cloak and answered the door to… a rather elderly looking Dwarf with a large nose.

"Balin, at your service."

"…Good evening."

"Yes, yes it is." Balin stepped inside and grinned. "Though I think it might rain later. Am I late?"

"Late for what?"

"Oh!" Balin's attention turned to Dwalin (who was currently relieving the cookie jar of its contents). "Evening, Brother."

Dwalin set the jar aside and stepped toward the older Dwarf. "By my beard. You're shorter and wider than last we met."

Bilbo closed the door again as words were exchanged and cringed when the two Dwarves crashed their heads together. Then protested as they made their way to the pantry. "I like visitors as much as the next Hobbit, but I would like to at least know them before they come visiting." He was greatly ignored by the brothers.

The door bell once again rang; this time, he was met with another set of Dwarfish brothers. These two were younger than the first ones. One had raven hair while the other was blonde.

"Fili," said the blonde.

"And Kili," said the raven haired.

"At your service," they both said while bowing.

"You must be Mr. Boggins!"

"Nope, sorry, can't come in, you have the wrong house!" Bilbo tried desperately to shut the door, but Fili and Kili pushed it back open with ease.

"Has it been canceled?" Asked Fili. "No one told us."

Bilbo was getting frustrated. "N-nothing's been canceled-!"

"That's a relief," Kili sighed as he and his brother sauntered in, handing the irate Hobbit their weapons. They then joined Dwalin and Balin, who were now in the dining room.

Bilbo heard footsteps coming through the door. He tossed the weapons aside and shouted. "NOW WHAT?!" He was surprised, yet relieved, to see Celandine, her boots caked in mud, bow and quiver at her side, and a confused look plastered on her face. "Oh, I am so sorry. I was just- And just where have you been?"

Celandine slung the bow over her shoulder and signed. 'I stopped to help Mr. Gamgee push his wagon out of the mud, Papa. Did I just see two Dwarves come into our house?'

"Yes, you did." The Hobbit ushered her inside, closing the door behind them. "But this makes four."

'Four Dwarves? In our house?'

"Mr. Boggins, who are you tal- Is that an Elf?" Bilbo turned and saw Kili just outside the dining room, staring at Celandine. "But she looks so young, even for an Elf! Only a wee lass!" The other Dwarves emerged at the commotion and caught sight of her./

"Why," Balin muttered. "I don't believe I've ever seen an Elf in their very early years before. How old even is she?"

Celandine stared down at her muddy boots, blushing. 'Fifteen years and another half a year.'

The Dwarves continued to gape at the Elven girl in disbelief. Bilbo, however, was less than happy. "Great, just what I needed; four uncouth Dwarves coming into my house unannounced and gawking at my daughter like she's-."

"YOUR DAUGHTER?!" They all exclaimed at once.

ONCE AGAIN, the doorbell chimed. "Make that FIVE Dwarves!" Bilbo angrily swung the door open… and both he and his daughter had to step back in order to avoid being crushed by the whopping EIGHT Dwarves that toppled through. Celandine and the four unburied Dwarves stood awkwardly aside as the ones in the pile started shouting and cursing at each other. Meanwhile, the Hobbit was glaring at a tall ninth figure behind the large mound. One he knew all too well by this point.

"Gandalf."

"Put those back! Put that back! Put THAT back! No, not the jam! That's… a tad excessive. Have you got a cheese knife?"

"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block." The response came from Bofur, the Dwarf with the lumberjack's hat. And one of the many nuisances threatening to eat him and Celandine out of house and home. All of them were bringing furniture into the dining room to prepare for their feast, trailing mud behind them. What was worse than that was no one was raising a finger to help him stop them. Gandalf was conversing with Balin, Dori, and Oin, the older Dwarves of the bunch. Celandine… she'd made friends of Fili and Kili, who were for some reason quite fluent in sign language. The three of them were 'talking' and laughing in the hall as the others were moving chairs.

Though, as Bilbo noticed, there was something strange going on whenever the other ten Dwarves passed by his daughter. Some of them caught a glimpse of her before looking at something else and hurrying quickly away. And others, some of the more buff and hardy Dwarves, glared at her with either suspicion or, worse, hatred whenever she caught their eye. Celandine, of course, was oblivious to all this, continuing to 'talk' to her new friends. However, Bilbo remembered reading somewhere that Dwarves (apparently sans Fili and Kili) have always had bad relations with the Elves. The Hobbit was just about to approach his daughter, to warn her about the looks she was getting, when Gandalf decided to start up a conversation with the trio.

"How are you getting along with that bow of yours?" Inquired the old man.

'Very well,' Celandine signed. 'I'm getting quite good with it.'

"You know, Celandine," piped in Fili. "my little brother right here is somewhat of an expert with a bow. Well, maybe not an expert, just the only weapon he doesn't completely fumble with."

"Fili!" The other two giggled at the (for some odd reason) flustered raven haired Dwarf. "… Though he does have a point. I could teach you a little of what I know. Even how to make more arrows."

'I'd very much appreciate that, Mr. Kili.' The Elven girl now sported her own light blush. Bilbo could not believe what he was seeing. His nearly sixteen year old daughter's first crush was to be a very uncouth, who-knows-how-old Dwarf. Before he could intercede. Gandalf once again spoke.

"Say, Fili, we seem to be one Dwarf short. Tell me, where is your uncle?"

"Late as always," replied Fili. "He traveled North to a meeting of the other Kingdoms. He'll be here, eventually."

"I see… well, it would seem supper is just about ready. Bilbo, Celandine, care to join us?" Celandine nodded excitedly, but Bilbo shook his head.

"I've had more than enough of a headache for one night."

"Are you sure?" Bilbo nodded in confirmation. "Very well then. Come along, you three." With that, Gandalf turned and headed off to the dining room. It was heartbreaking to see Celandine following him, the Dwarfish brothers on either side of her. The feeling was slightly dulled when she flashed a small smile toward her father. And then, he was alone, with nothing but a few abandoned celery sticks to stave off his hunger. After a rather long dinner, full of drinking and burping contests alike, the Dwarves at least had the decency to clean up after themselves.

Their method of doing so….

"Excuse me," said Ori, the youngest Dwarf of the group. "I'm sorry to bother you, but what should I do with my plate?"

Before Bilbo could politely answer, Fili came up to them, said "Give it here, Ori," as he took the plate, and tossed it down the hall. The plate was caught by Kili, who immediately tossed it into the kitchen to Bifur, the Dwarf with the axe piece in his head. This began a chain reaction in which plates, bowls, cups, and silverware went sailing out of the dining room, down the hall, and into the kitchen. Celandine and Gandalf were nearly hit by flying spoons and Bilbo's heart stopped when Fili fumbled with his mother's West Farthing crockery and it almost fell. It all became worse (for the Hobbit, anyway) when he said they'd blunt the knives. Because that's when they started singing.

~Blunt the knives, bend the forks Smash the bottles and burn the corks Chip the glasses and break the plaaaates That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Things became more chaotic as the song progressed.

~Cut the cloth and tread on the fat Leave the bones on the bedroom mat Pour the milk on the pantry flooooor Splash the wine on every door!

Everyone (sans Bilbo) was enjoying themselves. While most of the Dwarves were assisting with the clean up, some had produced instruments or were using various dishes as such. Balin sat at the end of the dining room table, subconsciously flinging plates into the air while humming along. Bomber, by far the… thickest Dwarf, was eating any leftover food off said plates as they passed by him. Gandalf stood in a corner, smoking his pipe as cups whizzed by his face. Celandine took turns dancing with Kili and Fili just outside the kitchen, stopping from time to time to help pass the tableware. The song continued.

~Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl Pound them up with a thumping pole When you've finished, if any are whoooole Send them down the hall to roll!

After a brief instrumental, Bilbo headed for the kitchen to see the mess he would have to clean up.

~That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

The Hobbit entered to find not a room filled with broken glass, but a table piled with all of his cleaned and unscratched dishes. All the Dwarves, Gandalf, and Celandine were all gathered in the small room, cheering and laughing…. Then there were three loud knocks at the door. The entire house became eerily quiet. After a few moments, Gandalf broke the silence.

"He is here."

The Dwarves scrambled to the entrance of Bag End. Bilbo followed them out of curiosity. When he arrived, he saw Gandalf opening the door for a thirteenth Dwarf. However, he seemed different from the others.

"Gandalf." His voice was deeper than the Hobbit had expected. The new arrival entered and took off his black wolf's fur cloak. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice. There would of been a third time if it'd not been for that mark on the door."

"M-mark?" Bilbo piped up. "There's no mark on that door. It was painted more than a week ago!"

Gandalf then spoke. "There is a mark, and I put it there. Now, Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."

"So, this is the Hobbit."

Bilbo took in the features of the figure standing before him. He was at least a half a foot taller than the other Dwarves, rather tall for a Dwarf in general. He had long raven hair (with strands of silver) that framed his hardened face and piercing dark blue eyes. Also his attire and the way he carried himself… it was as if he thought himself royal. Thorin then began to circle him, examining him carefully.

"Tell me, Master Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon?"

"What is your weapon of choice? Axe? Sword? Perhaps a bow?"

"Well, I am fairly skilled at Conkers, if you must know.…Though I hardly see how that was a relevant answer on my part." The Hobbit was mentally kicking himself as the new arrival smirked.

"I thought as much," the Dwarf replied before turning to the others. "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." They all chuckled before heading to the dining room, leaving Bilbo and Gandalf in the entryway. The Hobbit glared at the old man. Another thing to add to his list of annoyances that have happened in the last two hours; insulted by the most handsome Dwarf he'd ever-… handsome? Never mind. The wizard only smiled at him and went to join the company, Bilbo following close behind.

What happened next was the last straw.

Celandine, after the clean up, had went back into the dining room to wipe off any remaining debris from the table. When Thorin appeared in the threshold, she smiled at him and curtsied. However, she was ignorant of the cold stare she was receiving in turn.

"You made no mention of Elves on this quest, Gandalf," he growled. The Elven girl's smile disappeared, replaced by a shocked and nervous expression.

"I felt there was no need," replied the wizard.

"You know what they've done." Thorin was now slowly approaching Celandine, who had backed herself into the table in a sudden fear. "You know what they are. Cowards, traitors, and thieves." He suddenly gripped the hair on the back of her head and brought her to his eye level. The Elven girl silently yelped in pain, tears beginning to well in her amber eyes. "And now one stands with my company, thinking herself one of us!"

"Uncle, stop!" While Bilbo, her own father, stood unmoving, frozen in shock as his daughter was in possible danger, Kili and Fili, the two friends she had only met tonight, rushed to her aid. But no matter how much they tried, Thorin kept his grip. Celandine looked as if she was screaming now, mouthing the words 'help me' over and over again. The Dwarf finally released her, but when he did, it was by tossing her to the ground, still snarling and glaring at her.

Celandine stayed on the ground for a moment. She dared one final look at her tormentor. When the Dwarfish brothers asked if she was all right, she got up, pushed them aside, and ran weeping to her room. They all heard a slam, then silence. The one to break that silence was Bilbo.

He started off at a near whisper. "I've tried to be patient with the lot of you. Tried to be the understanding and hospitable host." Then he erupted. "BUT THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE, YOU HEAR?! I'VE HAD IT! You come here without a proper invitation! You eat us out of house and home and trail all sorts of filth onto the carpets! You've all but destroyed the bathroom!" He pointed a finger at Thorin. "And YOU! You have the GALL to torment my daughter like that! I don't know how you Dwarves do things, but we Hobbits DO NOT tolerated such harassment! And if you can't get that through your thick skulls, then the door is just over there! Don't let it hit you on the way out, because I CERTAINLY WILL!"

For a moment, all was silent sans for Bilbo's heavy breathing. Then Thorin spoke, still irate. "You certainly have the gall to speak to a king in such a way."

"Thorin." When Gandalf spoke sternly, he gave the Dwarf King an angry look. That look was enough to make him breathe sharply through his teeth and say:

"I apologize for for my behavior."

"You sure as hell are sorry," Bilbo growled. "Now, I'm going to go see to my daughter. And you had better be either ready to full heartedly apologize or out of Bag End by the time we get back." With that, he left the Dwarves and wizard to their own devices to get to Celandine's side. On his way out, he could have sworn he heard Bofur say:

"Forget that damned dragon, an angry Hobbit is something to truly fear."

Oh, how he would love to strangle that bloody loudmouth.