Hello! Yep, being in the spirit of Christmas, I've quickly wrote this special Xmas chappie for you guys! Hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: Dear Santa. I want to be Stephenie Meyer. Or at least a vampire.
Plot No.3 – Christmas with the Cullens
Setting – The Living Room of the Cullen House
Time – 10 am
Esme: -sings while dusting the whole house- 'Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la laa, la, la la la…
Alice: -runs around the house with a gigantic Christmas tree- Here's the tree!!! –Places it next to Edward's piano-
Edward: Hey! The pine needles are going to drop into the strings, the branches are scratching the piano, and Emmett's going to fall onto the tree AND ruin my Steinway if he gets drunk on eggnog again!
Alice: Oh yeah? Well where else are we going to have the Christmas tree?
Edward: Next to the stairs! Duh…
Alice: -huffs- Fine…-Moves tree next to the stairs, before rushing back to the garage for the decorations-
Jasper: -walks down the stairs- Hey, where's Al- -Is interrupted by Alice running with boxes of decorations up the stairs-
Alice: Jazzy! Could you help me decorate the stairs with all these decorations? –Dumps a large box near Jasper's feet-
Edward: -glances at box- Alice, are you sure the stairs won't collapse under the weight of those ornaments?
Alice: -sticks tongue out, before heaving ten boxes off the floor and start decorating the ten-foot Christmas tree with them-
Rosalie: -calls over the stair rails in a slutty, revealing Christmas top with a Santa hat- Where's my big horny teddy bear?
Edward: -tries not to look- Um, Emmett is in the kitchen trying to find the eggnog, but Esme hid them in the-
Emmett: -enters the living screaming- WHERE'S MY EGGNOG!!! I CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT EGGNOG!!! –Runs out of the house spastically-
TDIB: -appears behind Edward- Merry Christmas!!!
Edward: Shut up!
TDIB: -snorts- Oh that's nice…It's Christmas!!! Santa and baby Jesus wouldn't like that…-Wags eyebrows- Although you could turn me into a vampire to make them happy again…
Edward: Shut up!!!
TDIB: -sings to the tune of 'We Wish you a Merry Christmas'- I wish you would have some eggnog. I wish you would have some eggnog. I wish you would vampirise me so I'll sparkle in the sun!
Edward: GAH!!! –Stalks off towards the front door to Bella's house-
TDIB: -shrugs before disappearing-
Jasper: -holds Alice while she does the upper part of the tree- Um, sweetheart…are you sure we actually need to dress up as elves and Santa's little helpers. Because I'm content with just wearing plain red and green, you know…
Alice: -pouts- But I'm not, so there! –Claps- You'll look good as Rudolph!!!
Jasper: -mutters- Oh joy…
TDIB: -runs downstairs with a pile of soggy clothes and a half empty carton of eggnog- Er, Alice? I hate to tell you this, but I accidentally tripped…and split some eggnog onto these Christmassy costumes…
Alice: -screeches- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS!!! RUINED!!! –Breaks down and dry sobs-
Jasper: Look what you've done! You should be ashamed of yourself!!! –Mouths to TDIB- Thanks…
Alice: -wails- That was suppose to be the highlight of the day, to parade in the costumes while we open up our ridiculously expensive presents under the tree…
TDIB: Um…look on the bright side, Alice…At least the clothes smell like Christmas…-Offers clothes to Alice- You want to smell it?
Alice: NO!!! –Attacks TDIB but she disappears-
Jasper:-comforts Alice- It's okay…we could manage without the elaborate Rudolph suits…
Alice: -sniffs- But…but…
Emmett: -comes barging in the room while sniffing the air- Something smells like…EGGNOG!!!
Alice: -sobs- Oh Emmett! The costumes are covered in eggnog! –Holds up clothes-
Emmett: Really?! Awesome!!! –Starts eating the clothes- Hmmm…eggnog-y goodness…
Alice: -screams- EMMETT!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THOSE CLOTHES WERE?!
Emmett: -snorts- Yeah, and this is coming from the person who spends pretty much every second day maxing out on her credit cards…
-Meanwhile, somewhere upstairs…-
TDIB: -pour lots of eggnog down the stairs- Hehe…suckers…-Disappears-
Rosalie: -looks at herself in a handheld mirror while walking towards the stairs- Oh who's the prettiest person in the world? Yes you are, yes you are, yes you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! –Slips on the eggnog and falls down the stairs-
Alice: -starts laughing- Rose…you…you…HA!!!
Rosalie: -looks at her porno suit- NO! MY DRESS!!! RUINED!!!
Emmett: -gasps- It's EGGNOG!!! –Starts licking Rosalie's suit-
Alice: -looks other way- Um…Awkward much?
Jasper: Hmmm…-starts sending out waves of lust towards Emmett-
Emmett: -groans- Oh Rose…-tries to take Rose's suit off-
Alice: EMMETT!!! GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!
Emmett: Yes sir!!! –Runs up the stairs with Rose in his arms, but is distracted by the eggnog on the stairs-
Rosalie: -angrily- Emmett!!!
Emmett: -is too busy licking the eggnog off the stairs-
Alice: -filming Emmett and Rosalie- Hehe…the subscribers for our YouTube channel will love this…
-Meanwhile, somewhere on the rooftop-
TDIB: -cuts the electric lights, which falls down and shorts out the light up reindeer on the ground- Hmmm…Christmas with the Cullens…Steven Spielberg should make a movie out of it…
Bella: -after getting out of the car- Um…I don't think that reindeer is work- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! –Gets buried under three feet of snow from the rooftops-
Edward: BELLA!!! –Starts brushing snow off her-
TDIB: -on the building with a shovel- Hey Edward!!! –Throws snowballs at Edward-
Edward: -growls- That's. IT!!!
TDIB: Chaos. Confusion. Destruction. My work here is done. –Disappears-
Yeah, I didn't really know how to end this, so yeah...
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and I hope that your cranberry sauce and eggnog never run out!
Next up: Edward Leaves Bella!