Three weeks she'd been there. For three weeks she'd spent a good six hours a day by Buffy's bedside. Even with slayer healing it was taking Buffy a long time to heal from her substantial injuries. They started to talk like they were friends, sharing stories and passing jokes back and forth. Still, in those three weeks, Buffy had never told her why she did what she did. Faith wasn't going to push her to talk either. She knew how hard it was to talk about the things that made you want to end your own life.

She wouldn't call what they had a friendship, but they were getting there. There were still a lot of things in their past that they weren't yet able to talk about. Faith was okay with that. Giles had said that sometimes it was better to leave the past in the past and just move forward. But the talks they had, sometimes it did feel as if they were friends. The first time she heard Buffy laugh was at the end of the first week. She'd never seen her eyes light up like that before. She couldn't even remember now what had gotten that laugh, but after that day it was increasingly easier for Buffy to laugh and smile.

Faith had fallen into a steady routine in the last three weeks. She felt for once in her life she needed something steady and solid. Most days she felt like she was on autopilot and there were some days where she felt as if she was walking around lost in a haze where she couldn't find the edges of reality where it blurred with her dreams. Every morning she'd wake up around seven, grab some breakfast and bring up a tray of food for Buffy by eight. She'd sit there until two in the afternoon, then head off for some training with the younger girls for a couple hours before dinner was served. She'd taken over Buffy's patrol at night and every night before she went to her room she would check on Buffy in the infirmary, saying a silent good night from the door.

Just like every morning, she woke up, showered and headed down to the kitchen for breakfast. Giles was already down there waiting for her when she walked through the large double doors. She tried to go unnoticed because she had a feeling as soon as she walked into the kitchen that he was going to want to talk. Sure enough, he cleared his throat as she opened and closed the fridge, and she could only sigh as she turned to look at him.

"We need to talk," he said without looking up from the paper laid out in front of him at the table. "Get something to eat and bring Buffy her breakfast, then come to my office."

"Okay."

She felt a lump rising in her throat as she grabbed a bagel and quickly ate it, suddenly not feeling too hungry. She made up a tray of food for Buffy and headed up to the infirmary. She was afraid of what Giles wanted to talk to her about. Every day she'd seen him in the last three weeks he always wanted to know one thing. He always wanted to know if Buffy had talked to her about why she did what she had done and her answer was always the same. It'd be no different today or the next, she knew that much for sure. Buffy wouldn't talk until she was ready to; and that was providing she ever would open up to Faith at all about the events that led to her wanting to end her own life.

"Morning, B."

"Hey," she replied with a smile as she put down the book she'd been reading. "The doctors said I could be out of here by the end of the week."

"Great."

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"You're acting different today. Did something happen last night?"

"No," Faith said again as she put the tray carefully over Buffy's lap. "I need to go speak with Giles, B. I'll come back up as soon as I'm done."

"Oh, okay."

She thought she heard a shred of disappointment in Buffy's voice. She shrugged it off, knowing that dwelling on it wouldn't be too emotionally healthy for her. The feelings she had for Buffy were growing and she was fast becoming afraid that if she wasn't careful it'd slip out at the wrong time.

Faith walked down the long, twisted maze of corridors slowly, trying not to dwell on the way Buffy had reacted. She was beginning to think that Buffy was becoming used to the hours they spent together and she had to admit she was as well. She felt comfortable around her, something she hadn't felt around Buffy since they first met so many years before. It was a different kind of comfortable now and she had to admit to herself that it scared her more than the feelings she had for Buffy.

She felt like her teenage self, falling head over heels in love with Buffy all over again. She only hoped that this time she'd be able to deal with it instead of fighting it. She didn't want to go back down the dark path she'd already taken one too many times. She wanted to prove to both herself and Buffy that she was strong and that she had changed. Somehow she already knew that Buffy had seen the changes in her. It was evident in the way she'd look at her sometimes. There were other times she saw a glint of something she could only classify as love in Buffy's eyes when she allowed herself to stare into them for longer than half a second at a time.

"G?" Faith said quietly as she tapped on the door to his office before she walked inside. "So, what'd you want to talk to me about?"

"Have a seat," he gestured, not glancing up from the stack of papers in front of him. "I wanted to talk to you about staying here for a little while longer."

"How much longer?"

"Permanently."

"What about the Cleveland Hellmouth?"

"The team I sent there has requested to stay. They'll handle it."

"What about my apartment?" Faith asked. "And my Harley?"

"The team of girls will stay in your apartment as soon as you've cleared your things from there. As for the Harley, I am sure we can make arrangements to have it flown over here, although I must say," he chuckled softly as he stared at her, studying her reactions, "a Harley is hardly suitable transportation in the Scottish weather."

"Don't care. It's my baby. I spent the last three years riding it all over the States and Canada. No way in hell I'm giving her up."

"As I said, we'll make the necessary arrangements. What do you think about all of this? Do I need to give you a couple of days to make a decision?"

"I'll stay. On one condition. I don't want to train the girls or teach any classes. I'll lead on patrol, but not every night."

"Is that all?"

Faith laughed and nodded her head, hardly believing she was actually agreeing to stay for good. She couldn't help it. Her heart belonged to Buffy and she wasn't about to leave now, not if she and Buffy finally were working on becoming friends.

"That's all," she said finally, unable to hide her smile as Giles looked rather pleased she had agreed to stay on. "We done here?"

"We are. I'll let you know when I've booked a flight back to Cleveland for you to get your things," he replied, "and to make arrangements to ship your Harley."

"Cool. Till later then, G."

She left his office and made her way back to the infirmary. She didn't know why he didn't just bring it up while they were in the kitchen and figured that he had to have expected some kind of backlash from her. She was halfway on her way back to the infirmary when she made a quick detour and found the door that led out to one of the many balconies. In the last three weeks she had hardly smoked, she knew it bothered Buffy when she came to see her smelling like smoke. She was whipped, definitely, and she really couldn't care less. She wouldn't be whipped for anyone other than Buffy.

The sun peeked through the heavy mist and clouds creating an eerie glow around the castle and the grounds that surrounded it. Strangely, it made her feel right at home. She took a moment to remind herself that this was home now. She suddenly got nervous about breaking the news to Buffy. She had to wonder if Buffy was only tolerating her since as far as she knew Faith would be gone soon. She tried not to think about that as she finished her cigarette quickly and headed back inside, narrowly avoiding a couple of the younger slayers that were running down the corridor. She sighed and walked the last little bit to the infirmary, taking her usual seat on the chair next to Buffy's bed.

"You didn't eat," she said softly when she noticed the tray of food on the table next to the bed was untouched.

"Not that hungry today," Buffy shrugged as she kept her head turned away from Faith and stared out the window. "Are you leaving?"

"Now? No."

"I meant are you leaving to go back to Cleveland?"

"No. Giles asked me to stay."

"For how long?"

"For good."

Buffy turned to look at her then, a small smile creeping over her lips as their eyes gradually met. "That's good. We could always use a good slayer here."

"Yeah. For sure."

"You do want to stay, don't you?"

"Sure."

Buffy smiled a little wider as she reached for a piece of toast and took a bite. "Willow and some of her apprentices are going to try another healing spell later. Will you stay when they come?"

"I will if you want me to, B."

"Thanks. I don't know how to thank you for being here for me the past couple of weeks, Faith. You're the only one who understands me."

"Am I?" Faith asked, a little surprised at her revelation. "I only understand you cos I've been where you are before."

She didn't know why she brought it up, but she figured it was time to talk about it. Buffy looked a bit uncomfortable as she looked down at her hands folded over her stomach. Faith could see the tears in her eyes before Buffy closed them and took a few deep breaths. She'd listen to Buffy say whatever she needed to say. She'd tell her in her own time what happened to her. Right now it was Buffy's time and all she could do was listen. That's all she was there for, to be the one that could listen to her and understand her without judging her. Sometimes having a stone cold heart had its perks even if her so-called stone cold heart turned to mush every time she so much as looked at Buffy.

"I don't know why I did it, okay? Everything has been too much and not enough. I can't be happy anymore, Faith. I think after we got our powers back when we defeated Twilight I lost all ability to be happy about even the smallest of things."

"You know you can tell me anything, B. I'm not going to report back to Giles about anything you say right now."

"I miss being in love, I miss waking up every day knowing that I have something better in life waiting there for me. It's pathetic, isn't it? I was ready to end my life over that."

"It isn't pathetic," Faith said softly as she reached for Buffy's hand. "I get why you did it though, B. Being a Slayer isn't easy and as much as we try to live normal, we got to accept the fact that we can't always get what we want."

"I'm just so lonely, Faith. Nothing ever seems like it is getting any better. I'm just so tired of this life. I'm tired of leading. I'm tired of feeling unloved."

"B, you have a lot of people that love you."

"I know," she sighed. "I just want someone to be in love with me. I want..."

"Someone is in love with you. I am," Faith said softly as she looked down at their hands and she intertwined their fingers. "Why else do you think I came, B? Why else would I sit here for hours every day?"

"You love me?" Buffy asked, her voice cracking with emotion. "You are in love with me?"

"I am, B."

Buffy burst out laughing as if it was one of the funniest things she'd ever heard. She let go of Faith's hand to wipe away the tears that fell. Faith wasn't sure how to feel about the way Buffy was reacting, but it made her feel good that despite what she was laughing over, she was laughing again. It wasn't forced. It was genuine. She missed hearing that laugh and she never knew what it was like not to receive an insult or a threat that followed until she'd spent the last couple of weeks with her. Her sense of pride was a little wounded, though. She wasn't sure what was so funny about her telling Buffy how she felt about her. Those few little words had been heartfelt and powerful to Faith.

"Are you kidding me?" Buffy asked once she managed to stop laughing and her tone slipped into a rather serious one.

"No."

"How can you be in love with me?"

"Just am," Faith shrugged. "Wasn't ever gonna tell you either."

"Why not?"

"Afraid you'd kick my ass," she chuckled softly as she ran a shaky hand through her hair. "You have full permission to kick my ass if you want to, though, once you've healed."

"Why would I kick your ass? Because you're in love with me?"

"Yeah. Probably the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard me say, huh?"

"Well, you're wrong, Faith."

"About what?"

"Everything."

Faith stared at her, unable to take her eyes off of her. She never thought she'd be having this conversation with Buffy, at least not without having Buffy kick her ass or laughing at her for being so incredibly pathetic. She'd already laughed and Faith wasn't so sure if she was laughing over Faith's revelation or if she was laughing because she couldn't believe it.

"How long have you...felt this way?"

"Since the first time I ever laid my eyes on you."

"You mean you've felt this way since that night we first met?"

"Saw you before that night. I'd just got to town and was checking out the cemeteries when I saw you. I was too afraid to make my presence known until the next night outside of the Bronze."

"Oh. Wow."

"It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"No, but it changes everything."

Faith nodded, understanding exactly what she meant by that. It truly did change everything. Buffy reached out for her hand, smiling softly as Faith took it in and intertwined their fingers once again.

"I had no idea, Faith."

"It's okay. Didn't expect you to. I did nothing but deny it and then hide it for the longest time. I know you'd never feel the same way and I've made my peace with that. Can't have everything, you know?"

"What if you could? What if I told you that I have always felt the same way too?"

"I wouldn't believe it, of course," she chuckled softly. "Then I'd get over it and kiss you."

"Yeah? Then what are you waiting for?" Buffy asked with a shy smile.

"For me to believe it."

She raised the hand she was holding and brought it to her lips. Smiling, she gave the back of Buffy's hand a gentle kiss. Her tenderness was surprising to her. She didn't even know she was capable of being so gentle, so tender, so loving with just the simplest of kisses. Buffy only smiled at her as she pulled her lips away and she couldn't stop herself from smiling right back at her. The words not spoken were said silently and she could feel a sense of calm, of understanding. Of love.

"When are Willow and the others coming?"

"Not until later."

"Does it still hurt?"

"I'm healing slowly. It only hurts when I sleep. The gash on my back is really deep. Willow said she was going to try the healing spell again. They aren't sure why the spells haven't been working or why I haven't been able to heal properly yet."

"It was really bad, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Shit, B. If I could have been here sooner..."

"Don't. I don't want to talk about that anymore, okay?"

"Sorry. I just can't help but think I could have been here for you, B. I should have been here for you."

"Even if you were I wouldn't have been patient enough. I wouldn't have taken the time to see how much you've changed and the two of us would have fought just like we always have. I guess everything happens for a reason. I'm just glad I've given you a chance this time."

Buffy gave her hand a gentle squeeze and they both smiled at the same time. Faith could feel her heart hammering in her chest. It had always felt that way whenever she thought of her, dreamt of her. She wanted to kiss her, but she couldn't. It was too soon for her to take it that one step further. They still had some things to get over and through before they could jump head first into a relationship, if that's where everything was heading. She was just comfortable sitting there next to Buffy's bed, holding her hand and staring into her eyes. She had to keep herself from falling into the intense gaze she was receiving. Her insecurities were there in full force now, warning her to tread carefully.

"So, do you believe it yet?" Buffy asked, her eyes glimmering with hope and something else Faith wasn't so sure was there. She didn't want to look too much into what Buffy was feeling. It scared her. "Faith?"

"Working on it, B."

"This is almost too surreal, isn't it?"

"It is. Never thought the day would come where we could just sit here and talk like we're actually friends."

"We are friends. Friends who have deep, intense feelings in more than just a friendly way," she said with a laugh. "So what are we going to do about it, Faith?"

Faith didn't really know the answer to that question. The only thing ever coming close to resembling a relationship for her had been what she had with Robin. Was she even capable of having a relationship with Buffy that went beyond friendship? These were waters she wasn't sure of testing just yet.

"I really don't know," she replied honestly.

"Oh. You don't do the relationship thing. I almost forgot about that."

"Buffy, it isn't that I don't do relationships, I just don't know how."

"I can show you how," she said softly as she gently stroked her thumb over Faith's. "That is, if you are even willing to try."

"What about our history, B? We still have a lot to get over and we've done nothing but avoid talking about it. That isn't going to help us move forward, is it?"

"We can only try. No relationship is perfect and without its faults. If you do feel that way about me, what's stopping you from being willing to try?"

"This is fucked. Never thought you and I would be having a talk like this. It's crazy."

"It is, isn't it?"

"I don't know, B. This is just..."

"Crazy. Yeah, you said that already."

"I thought you hated me. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me after what happened..."

"I thought I did too," Buffy chuckled as she gave Faith's hand another gentle squeeze. "I always thought it'd be too late to tell you."

Faith didn't want to say what she was really thinking then. She didn't want to tell Buffy it'd only be too late if she had gotten herself killed before she told her. She couldn't make Buffy feel any guiltier and down on herself than she already felt.

"Am I dreaming right now?" Faith asked after a couple of minutes of heavy silence between them. "Seriously feels like I'm stuck in a dream. This can't really be happening, can it?"

"I've been feeling the same way for the last couple of years, but it's been more nightmare than dream. This is real, though, Faith. I haven't felt this...happy...in a very long time."

She wondered if Buffy saw how different she was when it was just the two of them. Her walls were let down and the masks she always had on around everyone else to guard herself were put away. For the first time in her life she felt comfortable in her own skin around someone else and it didn't surprise her that it was Buffy who fit the shoes of that someone else. She glanced over at the clock and motioned for Buffy to turn onto her stomach. She watched as Buffy rolled over gingerly, wincing sympathetically as Buffy hissed under her breath at the pain.

"Can you..."

"What?" Faith asked, leaning in so she could hear her. "What, B?"

"Can you untie the gown for me? It's digging into my skin."

She nodded and gently tugged on the loose knots of the hospital gown and pulled the thin blue material away. Her breath caught in her chest as she stared down at the deep gash that ran nearly the entire length of her back. She'd never stuck around before when one of the doctors had come in to change her dressings over the last couple of weeks so she'd never really seen the severity of it until now. It was healing though, gradually, but even for a slayer it was a wound that would take as long as any normal human being would take to heal completely. Now she knew why Willow was so determined for her healing spell to work. Even when Buffy did heal, the scars would always be there, out of place on her mostly flawless pale skin.

"Shit..." Faith breathed out shakily as she leaned back in the chair and reached for Buffy's hand. "You okay now?"

"Thanks."

She flashed Buffy a forced a smile as she sat there in the chair and held onto Buffy's hand lightly. With her free hand, she reached for the remote for the TV and flipped it on, slipping out of her boots and propping her feet up on the bed next to Buffy's legs. She couldn't think about what she saw, she didn't want to, and she knew Buffy just wanted to forget and move on as best and quietly as she could. She couldn't help but think, though, that it was too bad it took Buffy trying to end her own life to bring the two of them together, to close that gap that had always kept them apart.

She let go of Buffy's hand when she heard the footsteps out in the corridor. She kept her eyes on the TV news, trying to pay attention as the newscaster talked about the recent deaths in town, as Willow and three of her apprentices came into the infirmary.

"How are you feeling today, Buffy?" Willow asked as she walked over to the other side of the bed and put her black bag on the edge of the bed.

"A little better."

"Morning, Faith," Willow smiled over at her as Faith dropped her feet to the floor and quickly slipped her boots back on. "Are you staying?"

"Uh..."

"If you are staying you'll need to stand back and stay out of the way, okay?" Willow said sternly as she motioned for the three girls to surround the bed. "Buffy, I can't promise you this won't hurt. I got into contact with Oz and he found some texts with some healing spells I didn't know about already. This spell has only ever been used once before. Oz and I couldn't find any more information other than the texts saying it had been successful."

"What do I have to lose, right?" Buffy said softly, her eyes meeting Faith's for a split second. "Do what you need to do, Will."

Faith took a couple steps back and sat on the next bed, watching as Willow and the three girls began chanting in a language she couldn't understand. She closed her eyes when Buffy began sobbing quietly, feeling a slight discomfort through her own body, almost as if she was feeling the pain Buffy felt. When she dared open her eyes again, the room was filled with a soft orange light and she could just barely see Buffy under the glow. Willow stumbled back a little, without a doubt having used too much of her power, and she motioned quietly to the girls to continue while she quickly rummaged through her bag and pulled out a bottle.

Faith had to look away as Willow poured what looked to be blood over the wounds on Buffy's back. The smell was pungent, it made her stomach churn, and she fought down each wave of nausea with a deep breath. Unable to take much more of it, she slipped off the bed and headed for the nearest window. She climbed out onto the shallow roof and shakily lit a cigarette, trying to block out the sobs and whimpers she could still hear coming from Buffy.

It felt like hours passed before she heard nothing but silence coming from inside. Willow poked her head out the open window before she climbed out and sat down next to her. She looked worn out and yet she looked so alive. She said nothing as she stared out over the grounds.

"Is she okay, Will?"

"She's resting. It took a lot out of her."

"Did it work?"

"Yes," Willow beamed. "I can't believe it did though. I was about to lose all hope in helping her."

"You're a talented witch. You always figure things out one way or another."

"Did I just get a compliment from you, Faith?"

"Don't hold your breath," she laughed wryly as she took a long drag of her cigarette. "There aren't any more about to slip out anytime soon. I tend to save the compliments for special occasions and the like. How long is she gonna be out for?"

"A couple of hours? I'm actually not sure. The texts Oz found never mentioned much of anything other than the spell itself. I was so afraid of the side effects, but so far I don't think there are any other than extreme exhaustion."

Faith bit her tongue, holding back the threats she felt about to slip out. She couldn't fall back into being that Faith anymore. It was just too easy to go back to being that way and she was tired of it. Willow looked over at her for a moment before she grabbed the cigarette from her and took a quick drag. Faith only raised an eyebrow in mild amusement as Willow fought off the hacking cough that followed.

"Faith?" Willow sighed out once she caught her breath and stopped coughing. She stared at her for a moment, waiting for Faith to look at her before continuing. "Have you told her how you feel about her?"

She nodded her head before quickly fixing her gaze on the dark clouds that began to roll in from the west. "I told her."

"She loves you too, you know?"

"I know."

Willow smiled as she stood up and climbed back inside, leaving Faith out there on the shallow roof, alone with her thoughts and the thundering rain she could hear just off in the distance. She sat out there until the first drops of rain began to fall, then slipped back inside and quietly closed the window.

Her heart was pounding as she slowly walked over to Buffy's bed. She still lay on her stomach and she was sound asleep. Faith stood there staring down at her, and sighed as she looked down at her back. The gown was still untied and Faith couldn't help but lightly run her fingers over her now smooth, flawless back. It was hard for her to believe that not even half an hour before it had a gash so deep, so wide, she thought she'd forever have the scars that would match her emotional ones. Holding her breath, she ran her fingertips over Buffy's spine, feeling her shiver slightly under her. She jerked her hand back quickly, not wanting to wake her. She tied the gown closed, sighing softly as she pulled up the white cotton sheets and sat down in the chair.

She thought about how she got to where she was now. She thought of all the things she'd done, to herself and to others, that led her down the rocky path she'd chosen to take through life. She thought about the road in life she had taken that wasn't her choice, the road of being a Slayer, one of hundreds of thousands now. She wasn't alone and neither was Buffy. She knew despite both the path she had chosen to take and the one that was chosen for her, it still led her to Buffy and where she was now. Despite all the downfalls there had always been an upside to every decision she ever made. She just never saw the upside of it all until she came here.

All the bad and all the wrong and depressing shit in her life had led her here to help Buffy get through it all. She wasn't even sure she was going about it all the right way, but she figured she must have done something right for Buffy to let down her own walls and let her in the way she had. Her mind was still reeling over telling Buffy how she felt and hearing that Buffy had felt the same way about her. How many years had they avoided one another because of their feelings? She knew the answer to that already: Too many. Everything was changing again and she was afraid of what lay ahead for both her and Buffy, alone and together. Both of their lives had been filled with the impossible and being in love with one another was just another stepping stone, a boulder really, that they had yet to leap over in order to see what was waiting for them on the other side.

She had a smile upon her face as she reached for Buffy's hand and closed her eyes. She knew when she opened them, Buffy would be awake and both their lives would change. Hopefully for the better. Hopefully.