This chapter's been a while coming cause well the last chapter was so good – a least I was so happy with it that I knew I couldn't better or even match it in this one. And I haven't. But heh, it's a thing, with some porn in. Hopefully a good thing.

3.

Loki

The last snows of winter piled up outside the windows, half obscuring them, and I sat sullenly in the window seat in your quarters, glaring out at the reflected colours in the shimmering white and hating them. I think perhaps I saw something of myself in that all-concealing snow, where nothing looked like it was and everything appeared as it was not. So shining perfect to the eye but so easily muddied and hiding such danger and foulness. Yes, I could have been made of the stuff, and today I felt horribly enfolded in its icy, stifling embrace.

I traced idle runes against the windowpane, simple magic to clear the view until I was at least looking out on the startlingly bright blue of the sky, same blue as your eyes when untroubled and easy.

"What is it?" you said and I started inwardly, having forgotten for a moment that you were there. Not realising that as I stared moodily out the window, you had been watching me over the weapons you had been shining up in front of the fire. I turned, not starting, silent and deceitful as the snow, my own fractious mood pulling my lips into a sneer of a smile –

"What is what?"

"I just saw you smile."

What had I been thinking that caused such a thing? Ah yes – the blue of the sky like the blue of your eyes, open and honest to shame the sulking snow. How that sky (those eyes) pleased my tired heart; warming me from the frozen inside, singing me to life with that pure clear light, golden fingers to warm the icy soul.

Well of course I was in too rotten a mood to say any of that. It was not your fault today; indeed it was purely my own malingering, critical self-involvement that was making me cross. But the fact that my mood was self-inflicted did not improve it in the slightest, and the knowledge of my own fault just made it dramatically worse. Not being able to lash inwards any more than already came naturally I lashed out, as always. You so often got the worst of my internal hatred reversed, you must have felt sometimes it was truly aimed at you; I wonder you could still have been always there for me.

I wonder it still. This riddle that I did not pose and could never answer.

"Do not flatter yourself that you were the cause," I grouched in reply, slumping deeper into the window seat.

"Loki –" you frowned, chiding me like a boy and crossing the room to kneel beside my seat – "What is wrong with you today? What puts my little brother in so pensive a mood?"

Honestly, you were like a big dumb dog, all soft and golden, looking up at me with those big trusting eyes that just begged me to be alright, to be happy, to walk in the sun as you did, not always skulk in the shadow. You made me think it possible, you know – even for me, and I alternately loved you and despised you for it. But truly it was hard to be as angry with you as I felt like I wanted to be.

(I did not really want to be, brother, I never enjoyed hurting either of us, not truly.)

"Oh dear gods," I sighed – "It uses long words. I wonder does it even know what they mean?" You frowned –

"Mood?"

"Pensive, you moron."

"Pensive is not a long word."

I exhaled deeply and shook my head at you. At least like the snow I could be so easily melted.

"For all the gods' sake brother get up off the floor, you're like some big dumb animal at my feet."

"Well –" you smiled at me, glowingly – "I would bark like one as well if it would amuse you and clear you of this wretched countenance."

"Even longer –" I whistled, mock impressed – "Do take care or that canine brain of yours may overheat from effort."

"Brother –" you took my hand in yours, clasping it so I could put up no further argument. Your skin was warm from the fire and mine so much colder next to yours, you rubbed my hand between yours gently as you looked up at me, not even thinking, just subconsciously, instinctively trying to warm me. I rolled my eyes at your hopeful countenance but even I did not have it in me not to spit your hope back in your face at that time. You never would just leave me to brood would you? So determined that I should be happier, that you gave me little choice but to be so. I sighed and half way smiled, with the effort of feeling myself really let go a little with it.

"You really won't just leave me to brood will you?"

"Well no."

"It's like you cannot just be happy - if I am not." I did not say it to bait you, it struck me as a genuine strangeness.

"Well –" you said again, your forehead crumpling in that perplexed frown you had as though this should have been painfully obvious – "No. Besides, what cause have you to brood? Has aught occurred to make you sad today, brother?"

"No – " I admitted, grudgingly – "It's not – it's just –" I squirmed, suddenly feeling how ridiculous I had been, was being – as though I were nonsensical as a child. I kicked the windowpane petulantly – "but how could you understand?" I groaned, I was not making it better or myself appear any more adult – "You never have cause to hate yourself, to fear your own nature as I –" I squeezed my eyes closed for they seemed to sting a little and turned away from your hopeless, honest gaze.

"Loki –" you sighed, taking my other hand and forcing me to look at you – "Loki no, I do not understand, my Loki, I see nothing here to hate, nor would I ever fear you –"

"You're an idiot," I retorted, for your flow of sweet words threatened to fix me too deeply not to be painful and I was more afraid of that than I would ever let you know – "And you do not know me at all to say such things."

"Brother, I know you better than you think and sometimes –" I tried to glare at you but I fear it looked weak, for I knew you were right – "Better than you do. No do not argue with me for once –" for I was ready to do so – "I know you – and you are perfect to me, I fear more perfect than you will ever know. I love you, little brother, and I wish only to see you happy –"

"Thor –"

"No you don't, I know that voice. You will let me make you happy Loki, won't you?"

You were so intent and your need seemed to honest and so great I could not help but acquiesce, besides your thumb was stroking me not so idly and creeping up my leg and I cannot say I was not moved to allow you to persist in your I am sure well-meant intentions. You let go of my hands gently to slide both of yours up my thighs and I sighed, shuddering, letting it go and twisting my fingers softly into your hair, stroking behind your ears and twisting strands of your hair around my fingers as you smiled up at me rather less innocently.

"I will make you so happy, little brother –" you growled softly, a grin creeping into the side of your smile. I groaned a little at that and as you gently began to palm my cock through the leather my head fell back to rest against the cool window, the wall cool against my back as the heat built up in the pit of my stomach. Squinting down I saw you smile, far too pleased with yourself, though I was of course going to let that go for now. After all you were on your knees at my feet and I cannot say I could ever find that objectionable.

"My brother –" you murmured, voice vibrating against my leg as your fingers worked at unfastening my lacings with remarkable deftness – "You will feel so good by the time I am through with you."

The fact that you made it sound like a threat only made my cock harder as you took it in your hands and then slowly, teasingly, in your mouth. I was not sure when you had become so skilled at this, though I am sure it must have I who had taught you, and my hands tightened in your hair as you tormented me gently for a while, licking and teasing at the head of my cock as you squeezed lightly at the base. You smirked against my sensitive skin when I moaned a strangled sound that may or may not have been brother, hating you for being able to do this to me, but loving you for doing it. You responded by licking mercilessly down my entire length, making me jerk, pushing my cock further into your mouth, hissing a smirk out of me to hear you choke a little and pull your head back, just long enough to annoy before dipping down again and taking me completely into your mouth. Your fingers kneaded at the muscles that stood tense in my leg and my hands clasped around the back of your head, forcing you in place, though my traitorous fingers may have stroked the back of your neck as I did so with treacherous tenderness. You were delightful like this, and your soft groan of pleasure around me was the final touch to make me come, shuddering with relief, into your mouth, spilling with it at least a good part of the ill feeling that had been plaguing me.

I smiled down at you, benignly now, the prickling in my head replaced with a pleasant soft humming. Indeed I felt so entirely boneless that I allowed you to catch me as I slipped down from the window seat and into your arms, where I curled into your lap, like a child. Indeed you were large enough and strong enough that I could fit in there perfectly. I admit it was lovely to just nuzzle warmly into your shoulder and feel myself as protected as I could ever want to be, even from myself.

"I told you I would make you feel better," you said, a tad smugly I must say. I growled at you half-heartedly in response.

"But you do – don't you brother?" you persisted, so concerned, always so concerned – "I do not like to see you sad, my Loki, what is it comes into that head of yours?" I shook that troublesome head –

"I wish I knew. You make it go away though brother, only you ever make it go away." Later I would no doubt tell you that I never uttered such needy comments at times like this, but neither of us would ever believe me.

"Loki –" you smiled, holding me close but so gently, I always marvelled how you managed it – "I will always fight for you, against anything that upsets you my brother- even if it's you I have to fight."

"Would you kill the bastard if you had to?" I whispered, half smiling – "The one that hides in my heart?"

"If I could leave the rest of you intact."

"Oh Thor –" I sighed – "I am never intact. I don't think I ever was. Only – only you could make me so and –"

"Then I shall," you said firmly "I'm not going anywhere."

I wondered if that was a promise you could really keep, but frighteningly trusted you enough to hope that if you could not it would be through no choice of your own.

"It's the snow," I said, angrily for fear you would find me stupid – "It's the damned snow – the ice gets into me like – like it just won't let me be and it make me – wrong. I don't want to be wrong brother –" I swear I was on the verge of saying something I would later regret, asking for something I would never ask for. But you would not let me –

"Loki, Loki you're perfect," you insisted – "And the snow is not so bad you know – it can be – fun."

"Fun?" I wrinkled my nose in distaste, and you – damn you – poked it like when I was tiny – "When is snow ever fun?"

"Well –" you grinned and started to rise, pulling me with you – "Come outside and I will show you."

"Show me? What? Are we going to throw snowballs and build snowmen? Because –" I was getting ready to object so heartily it would talk you out of it but your optimism was nauseatingly infectious and your conviction that I would come with you so strong I feared I would have to do battle to make it otherwise. You grinned an absolute affirmative and swished a cloak around you, grabbing me by the hand and running me down the corridor to plunge outside into the snow.

_x_

Do you wanna build a snowman? I suspect the next chapter may involve silliness. Also snow. Possibly sex. But not with snowmen, that'd be weird. :-)