A/N: This was written after Bash but before Tested aired. At the time of writing, I had no clue if Mercedes would do the do. Obviously I was wrong. Whatever...I'm just glad I found the will to fic before the S5 finale aired. It was touch and go there for a minute.
Thanks to Anni and Illy for literally being the only ones who read this after I wrote it months and months ago.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters of Glee.
Not The Same
Sam Evans bit his lips nervously. Today was a very important day in his very young life; no doubt about that one... In fact, it marked a turning point, so to speak, in the most vital relationship he'd probably ever have.
This week had been pretty freaking crazy. On Monday afternoon, Sam found himself platonic friends with Mercedes Jones again...something he'd actually been praying for -off and on- these last two years. Then he and Blaine had moved in with her; going from strangers to roommates in the span of several hours' time! Say what you will about dumb blondes, but Sam Evans knew a sign from God when he saw one. In the spirit of carpe diem, Young Evans immediately used his sudden close proximity to the ex-girlfriend all others paled in comparison to…used it to make a play, that is. Therefore, Tuesday the couple kissed and tentatively agreed to explore romance again. Wednesday they'd gone on what Sam hoped was the first of many dates. Afterward, while feverishly kissing Mercedes atop her comfy king sized bed, he discovered just why the couple's physical relationship had never progressed very far those hot summer nights almost a lifetime ago. Then couple broke apart quickly, both wondering if this would be the rock on which Samcedes finally split for good.
Thursday found the pair awkwardly avoiding one another while Mercedes winced in remembrance of having to squawk the words "I'm a virgin," and Sam wondered what this would mean for their tenuous-at-the-best-of-times relationship. Finally, Friday reared its embarrassing head, and the new couple hung out innocently all day; avoiding the subject altogether. Mercedes spent the evening soul searching, while Sam quietly resolved to give Mercedes time to think.
Apparently, Mercedes hadn't need very much time.
Today was Saturday, late afternoon. Blaine would be at the loft until the next day, and Mercedes and Sam were having their second official date since reuniting again. She'd formally invited him to a home-cooked meal in their kitchen via text, and pointedly made reference to a "very important and much-needed postdinner talk," once he'd accepted. They'd eaten, cleaned up, and now sat together on the sofa in the den, each waiting for the other to say something. Truth be told, Sam had no idea what to say.
As he studied Mercedes' profile silently, Sam asked himself where he thought they stood as a couple. The fact was, that both he and Mercedes were very prone to making mistakes…their courtship had always been steeped in secrecy, their daily interactions unnecessarily drama-filled, and their breakups extremely painful. The fact that they each were willing to revisit those times said a lot for how much joy both parties got from being together. And knowing what had happened before, both Sam and Mercedes were determined to get things right this time around...determined not to repeat those same mistakes.
Following Tuesday's kiss they talked about the past, laid demons to rest, and resolved to work hard at being a different, more mature couple in New York City. They'd made promises…promises to finally end the destructive patterns established years ago, while deep in the throes of puppy love. Sam knew that in order for this to last, it was imperative that he, in particular, start making changes right away.
Sam knew Mercedes, probably better than anyone outside of her immediate family. So he had a pretty good idea of how she'd spent her time since making the all-important revelation mid-makeout. He knew there was probably a dog-eared and never-completed-to-Mercedes'-satisfaction pro/con list folded into a compartment of her wallet…a list that enumerated all of the reasons she should want to make love to her boyfriend, contrarily placed right alongside the reasons why she shouldn't. He knew she'd probably prayed and meditated about the subject, and asked God for clarity on what to do. Sam also had a sneaking suspicion that she'd sought out the advice of some of their friends. So he was pretty sure Mercedes knew whether or not she felt ready yet, for them to take that step. Only thing was…he had no idea where she'd landed.
Feeling helpless, Sam resigned himself to honor whatever decision Mercedes had made. He was trying to break old habits, after all. Therefore, if she'd decided to wait on the day she deemed them ready to make love, he would wait.
This wasn't easy by the way…
There was a time -way back when- when Sam would have seen Mercedes' indecision, gone on the offensive, and immediately planned and executed a grand gesture to battle her resolve. He was the boy who'd once used YouTube to woo, and proudly put a conflicted girl's name in lights... But not this time. This time he'd forego any temptation to serenade Mercedes, in an unfair attempt at changing her mind. He wouldn't sing in Spanish or dust off any Michael Jackson songs. If Mercedes wasn't ready for sex, he'd wait with her…he loved her; he was an adult...an adult who now knew better than to apply pressure in the interest of getting his way. Taking Mercedes' hand, Sam exhaled, praying for patience if that was what she required of him.
Mercedes stroked the fingers Sam had threaded between her own, also pondering where they stood. She knew, and could admit, that she'd been irresponsible at times with Sam's affection. Mercedes knew that in many ways she'd wronged him, even more than she had Shane... and she longed to close that chapter of her life once and for all. Mercedes had always been the type of person to observe and learn from the mistakes of those around her. It was something she was proud of, actually… and the tendency had served her well so far. One of the lessons she'd taken closest to heart, while watching her friends fall in and out of love, was that love caused pain. She'd experienced the hurt of the lonely firsthand, and plenty of it. It sucked. Mercedes knew that lovers often caused one another painful heartache, and she desperately wished to avoid that as well, if she could. But the biggest and most crucial source of pain… from what she could tell… happened when you found love and lost it. It was something she managed to avoid for years, until Sam Evans snuck his way into her heart, returning to it with a regularity that terrified her. Twice now, in the spirit of self-preservation, she'd pushed him away. And she'd been proud of herself for sacrificing short-term happiness for long-term comfort. The only problem was, now that Mercedes had finally established a career -the career she'd expected to fill her soul until love felt safer- it still wasn't enough.
So she'd faced her trepidation head-on and come to New York for a fresh stab at loving Sam. And the Mercedes of years past would have bolted back to LA, rather than sit around the debating the intricacies of her still-intact hymen with any guy! But this time, Mercedes was determined to do things differently...and knew she had to start now. Gone was the girl who sought advice from well-meaning guidance counselors wielding really insulting pamphlets. No more was the girl who needed to be hit over the head by a snarky cheer coach spouting very public truths, in the interest of settling very private matters once and for all. Instead, she'd give her man the opportunity to BE her man...they would face her fear as a team.
Mercedes released Sam's hand, cleared her throat, turned to him and began. "You know, Sam... Sometimes I wish I were more like our friends," she smiled briefly, stood up purposefully, and for some reason he couldn't fathom, walked across the room to stand before the mantle over the fireplace.
"Oh, yeah?" he replied, confused already. "How do you mean?"
Mercedes, still on the other side of the room, picked up a charcoal lighter, and began to light the many pillar candles placed there, while simultaneously answering his question. "Well, take Tina and Rachel for instance. This whole 'first time' thing I've been struggling with? "
Sam nodded.
"Well, it never really caused either of them the kind of stress its causing me. I mean, they both slept with their high school boyfriends, in their parents' houses, no less...and never looked back." The young woman, having methodically lit the four candles resting above the fireplace, now began doing so to the three scented jar candles on the kitchen table. "No fear..."
Sam shrugged, still not sure where this conversation was going. "That's not really you, though, Mercedes."
After he uttered the words, the young man realized the inherent truth in them and continued.
"I know you; if you'd have gone there, then some part of you likely would have felt like you were disrespecting your mama's house or something. You'd have worried about your church family finding out, or your business bein' spread around school. So you can't compare yourself to them."
She paused briefly and shot Sam a warm smile, pleased that her boyfriend knew her so well, even after all this time. "True. But I still envy them. Santana and Brittany too." Having lit the candles on the table, Mercedes took a few steps and resumed her task, this time tackling the tapers she'd placed in the silver candleholders, borrowed from Kurt's "faux antique" collection and arranged on the breakfast bar.
"Why Brittana?" Sam asked, mesmerized by this random incessant candle-lighting, but also enjoying the effect of the flames as they cast shadows on the wall he faced. He sniffed, and smiled, as the White Chocolate-scented wax wafted from across the room. He was beginning to relax, and wondered if perhaps his girl had lit them for that reason.
"I guess, before I really knew them, I pretty much figured those two were playing with fire...the way they both basically had sex with whoever, whereever and whenever; in those days before they became a couple..." Mercedes started, walking over to where Sam still sat and bending to give him a peck on the forehead. She straightened up, just as he reached out for a proper kiss and giggled, turning to the side table and lighting the two candles floating in a glass bowl filled with water there. "...and in some ways I was right. I mean, back then Satan was forever coming down with mono... to the point where it didn't even phase her anymore. And Britts would have ninja-attack sex with randoms all the time. That's how used to it they were. I used to feel kinda sorry for them sophomore year."
"Oh, yeah?" was Sam's confused reply.
"Yeah," Mercedes replied. "But you know, after the three of us got close in the Troubletones, I kinda realized something."
Sam turned as Mercedes crossed over to the other side of the sofa, where a second set of floating candles waited to be ignited. "What was that?" he asked, wondering if this was Mercedes' way of leading into the talk they desperately still needed to have…
This time it was Mercedes' turn to shrug. "Just that Britts and Satan were lucky in a lot of ways, too. Because Senior year, those two were the most steady couple I knew. They never cheated on each other, never questioned their feelings for one another... Watching them, I figured out that they had an advantage. Till they found each other, sex meant nothing...it was just this physical thing they enjoyed. Like a hobby."
Sam chuckled.
"When they finally found something real, it was easy for my girls to recognize," Mercedes went on. The only candles left unlit in the room was one tall multi-layered pillar, sitting on a stoneware decorative holder on the coffee table right in front of Sam. As she bent to light the three wicks on top, Mercedes muttered, "It must be nice to be so sure of where your heart belongs from the get-go. They're lucky."
Sam watched Mercedes put down the lighter and begin switching off lamps and light fixtures in the foyer, kitchen, hallway and living room. When she finally returned to the den she turned on the iHome, selected a playlist and filled the room with soft music. Finally satisfied that she'd created a romantic environment for this important discussion, Mercedes settled into the sofa and cuddled into Sam's side.
He quickly kissed her forehead and replied "But, again, you wouldn't be you if you took that kinda attitude about it." He shot his lady a lopsided grin and continued. "Mercedes, leapin' first and learnin' from your mistakes afterward is fine for some people. It works for them, but you're not the type...you're more careful than that. You like to think stuff through before you act. Because consequences matter to you." He tickled her side. "Can you imagine how many dudes probably got their hearts broken or their feelings hurt by Britt and Satan when they were sowin' all those wild oats?" Sam obviously bit his tongue instead of reminding Mercedes that he had been one of those boys on multiple occasions.
Mercedes let out a hearty chuckle "Probably too many too count."
"Exactly," Sam nodded. "And you'd hate to cause somebody unnecessary pain."
Mercedes straightened up, causing him to whimper at the loss of direct bodily contact, and faced Sam. She'd made up her mind to speak freely. "Sam, you don't think I'm making too much out of this whole virginity thing, do you? That I should maybe try to be more like our friends?"
Sam, pleased that they were finally going to talk about the huge pink elephant in the dimly lit room, shook his head vigorously, "No way. It is a big deal. For both of us." Sam realized, in that moment, how much their love must have meant to Mercedes... how important he was to her, to even consider sharing her first time with him. She valued her virginity more than most of the people they knew. Which meant she'd always value the guy who eventually took it even more. All of a sudden, he became flattered by the amount of careful thought she was giving the issue. Sam grinned and continued. "I've never been anybody's first before. That's a big responsibility."
Undaunted by his kind words, Mercedes continued to look him directly in the eye and asked, "Do you, right now, feel like I'm using my being a virgin as a convenient excuse to do exactly what I'm guilty of doing in the past between us...overthinking things, getting scared, and sabotaging our happiness?"
"No," Sam pulled Mercedes into a firm embrace, stroking her hair and squeezing her tightly. "Not at all. I can tell when you're runnin' scared, and this ain't it." He pulled away, gazing deeply into Mercedes' eyes, from which several happy tears had shed when he answered her question in the negative. "Just like you said before, if we're gonna do this thing again, we can't be goin' into it like a couple-a kids. Not if its gonna last this time. And I want us to. Whether or not we're ready to make love is most grown-up decision we've ever had to make together." Again, Sam embraced his girl as he told her, "It's the kinda thing that can change everything... Make you want forever with me, or never wanna see me again. So you take all the time you need to make it."
Mercedes took a deep breath, exhaling on a sigh of pure relief. She smiled into the fabric covering the firmness of his chest, and wiped away the tears lingering on her cheeks. She hadn't known, when dressing and preparing for their date this evening, exactly what she needed and wanted to hear before she told him her decision. But, true to form, Sam had said exactly the right thing. She was no longer nervous, no longer apprehensive. She looked forward to spending the next several decades allowing this man to make her happy...making him happy. She raised her head, kissed Sam again and rose determinedly to her feet.
Starting now.
Silently, and determinedly, Mercedes pulled her roommate to his feet. Standing on tiptoe, she clutched his broad shoulders and met his lips with her own. As they kissed, Mercedes trailed her hands across the curve of his biceps and along the length of his forearms, caressing backs of his hands and entwining his fingers with her own. The kiss continued, seductive music filled the room, candlelight flickered...and Mercedes, emboldened by her lover's sincerity, used her hands to propel his hands towards the front of the tracksuit she'd worn for their date. She'd donned a shot-skirted velour version of Coach Sylvester's infamous duds before starting their meal.
Still silent, the couple released the zipper in tandem, opened the jacket, and revealed the top half of the silky pink negligee Mercedes wore underneath. As her boyfriend gazed in wonder at her nearly naked form, Mercedes used her fingers to make his fingers loosen drawstring that held the tiny skirt on her ample hips. Together they pulled said drawstring, untying the bow she'd lovingly knotted. Together they watched as the soft fabric fell to her feet and revealed the rest of the aforementioned lingerie. Mercedes confidently stepped outside the circle formed by the now unnecessary fabric and posed, hands on her hips, as her boyfriend took in the basic gist of the conclusion his girlfriend had come to.
Mercedes smirked, saying, "I figured you'd say that. And I've taken all the time I need."
A/N: This was boring to me. But the next ones are better, I promise.