A/N: Yay chapter three! Thanks to those who are following and have dropped a review! More are always welcome :)
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It was now up to him to save the world. Only Alistair did not quite feel like it was a world worth saving.
That was unfair, and the logical part of his brain knew it. Still, that logical part of him didn't get much say in the matter. His grief began to overwhelm him and forced him to crawl back into his shell. The witch that was accompanying them now - Alistair did not like even thinking of her name - was only making matters worse. Aedan tried to be the dutiful leader and placate the arguments between the two, but Alistair still left every conversation with her a bit more beaten up than before. It didn't help that the other Warden seemed to have a strange fascination with the witch either.
The only bright spot in his life right now was that Elissa was travelling with them, at least until they reached Redcliffe, where Aedan was still determined to leave her. At night when they made their camp, Elissa would sit with him, idly chatting about superfluous things, trying to have him join in on the conversation. Sometimes she would even succeed.
Elissa was lucky to be alive. She had ventured out of Ostagar the morning following her arrival, just as she promised Aedan, in the hopes of meeting up with Redcliffe's army. She had only traveled a bit over an hour, when she and her mabari pup, Elethea (named after some ancient relative that sounded vaguely familiar to Alistair, but he couldn't place where in history she was from) were attacked by a small group of darkspawn. While surprisingly, at least in Alistair's eyes, she claimed to have been able to hold her own against the majority of them, an Alpha revealed himself from the woods at the last minute, pushing her down and preparing to make the final blow. If it hadn't been for Morrigan and a well timed freezing spell, Elissa wouldn't have made it out alive. Injured, she sought refuge with Morrigan and Flemeth until the battle of Ostagar.
Before they ventured away from Ostagar and Flemeth's hut, they agreed on traveling to Lothering, a small village a few days north, then heading straight to Redcliffe. Aedan hoped to gain Arl Eamon's advice and support and leave his sister in caring and capable hands.
That last bit, according to Elissa, was just not going to happen.
Elissa adamantly refused to stay at Redcliffe, promising that she would travel with her brother and Alistair and aid ending the Blight. Aedan couldn't refute that her capabilities in both archery and... rogue-ish skills, as he called it, would no doubt be helpful. Still, he swore to her that she would be left behind in Redcliffe, even if he had to leave in the middle of the night. Elissa only rolled her eyes. "Like that's going to stop me," Alistair heard her mutter.
They were only a few short hours outside of Lothering when they stopped to make camp. It had been dark for hours, and while Alistair reveled in the possibility of sleeping in a bed at the inn with a hot meal in belly, both the party's exhaustion and the dangers in the woods made stopping a necessity. After they finished eating, Elissa took her normal spot next to Alistair, as Aedan made his way over to Morrigan's secluded camp. She watched her brother leave, a hint of concern etched across her lovely face.
"I'm not sure how I feel about that," she muttered, though Alistair couldn't tell if she was speaking to him or to herself. "She saved my life, and Aedan's, and your's, and for that I must always be grateful. But there's something... not right." She bit her lip, looking over to Alistair. "What do you think?"
Alistair reminded himself that he should be grateful for the witches that saved his life, but he couldn't get over the fact that he should have been down there with his brothers, fighting and dying together. He still wasn't comfortable with the witch, and didn't particularly like the fact that the only other remaining Grey Warden was keeping company with the apostate. Not really wanting to voice his concerns, however, he only gave Elissa a noncommittal shrug.
He could feel Elissa staring as he looked blankly ahead, her concern neatly switching over from her brother to him. "Alistair," she whispered, though he still refused to turn his gaze towards her. "Do you want to talk about... Ostagar? The Grey Wardens?"
He shrugged again, trying to keep back his emotion. "There's not much to talk about, I'm afraid. They're all dead. I'm not. Jolly good fun for me."
She bit her lip again and turned away. A jolt of guilt coursed through Alistair. She was only trying to comfort him, to help him, and he was being a bloody arse. He bit back a sigh and rubbed his hand over his face, trying to think of something appropriate to say.
"I'm sorry I'll never get the chance to apologize to Duncan," she whispered.
Alistair snapped his head towards her, surprised by this confession. He had no idea why Elissa would have a reason to apologize to Duncan. He knew what happened now; Aedan had explained their circumstance after his joining. Aedan himself was mourning enough for the loss of his family and lands, but he was even more terrified that Elissa had witnessed all of that.
"I know Aedan told you everything, Alistair," she said, pulling him out of his still faced him, though her eyes were away from him, unfocused. "My mother and I found Father in the larder, badly wounded... mortally wounded. Duncan had brought him there... Father knew that's where we'd look for him." Her eyes misted over with tears. Alistair never had much experience with crying women (or women in general, his brain reminded him), and he sat frozen, unsure what to do. But Elissa continued on, either ignoring or oblivious to Alistair's discomfort.
"I was convinced that the three of us could escape together. Mother and I could have dragged Father out, and Mother would have found him the healing magic she so desperately wanted. Father told us to leave, that he would distract Howe's men... that he wouldn't survive the journey anyway. Duncan came up behind us, and told us he was right..." She trailed off, her watery eyes glistening from the firelight. "For saving him, and ensuring my mother and I to safety, Duncan request a boon... me... I hated him in that instant. Hated him. And when my mother said she would stay behind... to buy us more time..." She pawed at her eyes, furiously wiping away the tears streaking down her face. "I swore that Duncan could have saved us all. He could have carried my father out, dragged my mother away, and we would all be alive and well."
Catching Alistair's eye, who looked beyond shocked and disgusted, she shook her head. "You must understand, Alistair, my world had just been turned upside down. My father's best friendhad his men storm the castle and kill everyone. I saw my sister-in-law lying dead beside her son. I had to drag my mother away from his body, sobbing. I watched my people, people that I had known my entire life, defending us, and falling. My knight, the one who trained me to fight, the one who was my best friend, gave his life to allow me to escape. I saw my father lying in a pool of blood... his own. I witnessed my mother put aside the rest of her life to die with the man she loved to buy her daughter more time. And suddenly, I was conscripted... no longer the daughter of a teryn, but a soldier... I was grieving, I was confused... and I took it out on Duncan." She paused again, turning away from him.
Before he realized what he was doing, Alistair reached out to Elissa, gently resting his hand on her shoulder. She sniffed and wiped her face again, and hesitantly turned towards him once more. "I told him as much, too. The night before we reached Ostagar. He didn't say anything, just let me yell and scream and curse. I still hatedhim. And then we arrived at Ostagar, and Aedan was his pig-headed self and took my place, and then sent me away, and... and I never got a chance to apologize. Or thank him." She took a deep breath, doing her best to compose herself. "Both of my parents made their decision. Perhaps if I had my way... had Duncan carry my father or drag my mother... we'd all be dead, him included." She looked to the sky as if the stars might answer her. "I'm sorry I never got that chance."
The pair sat in silence, but it didn't seem as awkward or uncomfortable anymore. Alistair's brain rattled with what she had just confessed. Duncan had made his decision to fight to the death alongside the king, and Duncanhad made the decision to send him away. If Alistair had his way and fought alongside his brothers, he would be dead too, and Aedan as the only surviving Grey Warden would be truly alone with the burden of ending the Blight.
But it was Loghain who decided to quit the field, to give up on his people. His king. That decision, in Alistair's eyes, was unforgivable.
Alistair decided, then and there, that Loghain would pay, and if he had his way, he would be the one to make him.