A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I'm not sure with how this chapter turned out. Hopefully you enjoy... maybe even find it cute. haha
If only you knew… part 3
"Morning." Jay smiles at me as I roll over with a groan.
"Morning." I mumble sleepily as Jay pulls me closer and kisses my forehead.
"I like waking up to you again." I smile into his chest, admitting this to him.
"So do I, it's good to be back in our bed." I tilt my head back to kiss him.
I'm forced to pull away abruptly with another groan, making a dash towards the bathroom.
I feel Jay's hands pulling my hair back and rubbing my back soothingly as he lets me finish.
He passes me some toilet paper when I'm finished and helps me stand; I send him a small smile as I reach for the toothpaste.
"I'll make you something to eat." He kisses my head on the way past.
"Dry toast!" I call out around the toothbrush and he chuckles as he nods.
Once done in the bathroom I make my way to the kitchen and sit on the offered stool, I frown at the toast in front of me before pushing it away.
"On second thought. Not hungry." I drop my head into my hands.
"We can stop and get you saltines and ginger ale on the way to work." Jay offers gently, his hand caressing my back.
"You know about that?" I pick my head back up to send Jay a look.
"I did some research last night when you were asleep." His smile is soft, eyes shining with happiness.
"Yeah?" He nods and kisses me gently.
"I'm really happy Erin."
"Me too…" I whisper as he kisses me again.
"I actually have saltines and gingerale. Platt got me some." Jay goes to search for these as I unlock my phone.
"Crap." I almost slap my forehead when I see it.
"What's wrong? You okay? Is the baby okay?" Jay's worried questions fly at me quickly, his body by my side in a second.
"We're okay." I chuckle gently.
"I'm glad you stopped by last night. I was going to have to find the courage to tell you before midday today anyway." He frowns at me confused.
"Why?"
"I have my first ultrasound today, to find out how far along I am. I didn't want to go without you." My hazel eyes are soft as I look up at Jay.
"Thank you." He whispers, unable to contain his happiness.
"Jay stop pacing." I laugh at him as I lay back on the table, waiting for the doctor to come back.
"Sorry." He comes to my side, holding my hand anxiously.
The doctor walks back in; we exchange smiles as she comes over to the bed to lift my shirt.
"You ready to see your baby?" Her smile is kind; I bite my lip and nod.
"Definitely." Jay breathes out.
"Great, well we'll see if we can get a shot with an abdominal ultrasound, otherwise we'll have to do a transvaginal ultrasound."
"That sounds fun." I deadpan as Jay chuckles.
I send him a playful glare and he stops laughing, a smirk taking its place.
"The gel will be cold." I gasp as the gel goes on.
She brings the probe over and rubs it along my stomach, moving it around and trying to get a clear picture.
"Did you drink a few glasses of water beforehand?" She asks as she squints at the screen.
"Yes, I was told to. Is everything okay?" I can't keep the worry out of my voice, fear gripping my chest.
"Is the baby okay?" Jay asks, a worried frown on his face as he holds my hand tighter.
The doctor is silent as she continues searching; my eyes fly between her and the monitor.
Every passing second feels like torture.
I'm trying to read her non-verbal cues, determining if she's worried.
"Uh. There we are." Her voice is soft and Jay sighs in relief.
"What? Where?" Fear unclenches my heart at her words.
"Right there." She points to a little blob and Jay kisses my hand.
"Let's try for a heart beat."
"This early?" Jay asks shocked.
"Sometimes."
Tears spring to both our eyes when we hear the faint heartbeat; I look over to Jay who leans down to kiss my forehead.
"Oh my god." I whisper, emotions overpowering me.
"You're Eleven weeks. Almost into your second trimester."
"What? But it hasn't been that long since my last period. I didn't realize I was so late." I frown as I try and count back the weeks again.
"It's normal to have some spotting, women mistake it for a period all the time." She reassures me gently.
"Oh. Wow."
"I'll get you guys a picture then we can run through everything, and set up your next appointment."
"Thank you." I wipe the gel off my stomach before swinging my legs off the bench. Jay leans down to kiss me gently.
"We should tell Hank and everyone." Jay mentions as we drive back to the district.
"Yeah, I can't believe how far along I am." I caress my stomach gently.
"We can wait another week if you want."
"No, let's tell them." Jay parks at the district and we make our way upstairs.
"Nice of you two to join us." Hank calls out as we walk to our desks.
"Sorry, appointment ran long." I apologise quickly.
"What? Marriage counseling?" Ruzek jokes, I send him a glare in return.
"Too soon for that joke? I mean you guys are back together right?" I roll my eyes as Jay just shakes his head at him.
"Dude. Shut up." Ruzek throws his hands up innocently.
"Halstead, Lindsay. My office." We exchange a look before joining Hank in his office.
"This isn't going to happen again. You guys are either looking at each other longingly or fighting. It wasn't supposed to happen to begin with. I let it slide for various reasons. It's not going to happen again." Hanks abrupt as soon as the door is shut.
"Hank, look-" I try and interrupt before he continues on his rant.
"No, Erin. I'm not going through this again with you two. You're barely coping with whatever problems you are having now. You've been tired and looking like hell."
"I haven't slipped Hank." I grit out through my teeth.
"Whatever, doesn't matter. If this is happening again, one of you is out." He crosses his arms, leaving the ultimatum hanging between us.
"That's fine Sir. If that's the way it has to be."
"Jay, no." I whisper, eyes turning to him.
"It's okay Erin. As long as we're together." His hand finds mine, brushing over it softly.
"You don't have to do that Hank. You know Jay and I are professional."
"Really?" He chuckles in disbelief.
"I think we've been working pretty well given the circumstances."
"There shouldn't be circumstances." He fires back.
"You make this big deal about you so kindly letting us date… have you forgotten what I did for you not so long ago?" The question hangs between us, Hank looking like he's been slapped.
"Erin."
"No. I think that gives me some leeway here. Family's important."
"Jay's not your family." Hank shakes his head simple.
"Yes he is. Especially now."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"Well if you'd let me tell you our news, you'd know." My reply is feisty.
"Fine." He moves his arms to his pockets and stares me down.
"I'm pregnant." Hank's jaw drops as he blinks at me.
"What?" He whispers, a smile coming on his face.
"I'm pregnant. We just came from the doctors. That's why I've been sick and looking like hell." I pull the ultrasound photo out and show it to Hank, tears springing to his eyes.
"You're gonna be a mum?" His voice is quiet, full of shock.
"Yeah." He brings me in for a hug.
"I'm so proud of you Erin. I'm sorry I was such an ass." I chuckle at him, letting some anger melt away.
"So Jay can stay?"
"Yeah. No more walking out, you hear?" Hank turns to point at Jay and he nods.
"Never again."
"Good. Congrats guys." He pulls Jay in for a hug before smiling down at the ultrasound again.
"I'm gonna be a grandpa again." I chuckle at him.
"You telling everyone now? How far along are you?"
"Yeah. I'm eleven weeks." He ushers us out of his office and to the team.
"So what's the what? You guys shacking up again or what?" Ruzek asks with a smirk, Jay and I allow ourselves a chuckle as we roll our eyes at him.
"Yeah. Sure." Jay replies in his sarcastic fashion.
"What?" Ruzek hits back defensively.
"Shacking up? Honestly." I roll my eyes at them.
"Jay and I actually have some pretty big news though." I take a deep breath, looking over to meet Jay's eyes.
"We're having a baby." I'm smiling as I tell everyone, looking to take in their shocked expressions.
"What? Guys, congratulations." Antonio pulls me in for a hug, before releasing me holding his hand out for a fist bump.
"Way to go, mum."
"God, that's scary." I laugh back.
"What? This is crazy. Congrats you two." Ruzek pulls form his hug from Jay to pull me into his arms.
"Oh my god. You two are seriously going to have the cutest baby." Kim squeals pulling me in for a hug.
Once everyone has offered us their well wishes, hugged us a few times and pried us for details there is a lull in the conversation.
"So this is why I've taken myself out of the field. Why I've been tired, sick, distant… looking like crap. Apparently it takes a lot to grow another human being." I try and make light of it before I shrug, tears forcing their way to the surface.
"I wasn't partying, I know you all thought that. I'll admit, it hurt. I thought I deserved the benefit of the doubt."
"You're right. We shouldn't have treated you that way. We're sorry." Antonio is the first so speak and I nod at him.
"Man, you were going through enough. Finding out you're pregnant, all alone…" I see Jay's eyes find the floor, shame on his face.
"All that matters is that I'm not alone now." I reach for Jay's hand, silently giving him comfort that I'm letting go of any lingering anger.
"Hey babe." Jay chuckles, I turn to see his raised eyebrows.
"Hey." I throw before returning to my task.
"What are you doing?"
"My jeans don't fit anymore." I whine at him, hating myself for how my voice sounds.
He chuckles again, my glare silencing him quickly.
"Not even my fat jeans." I try and do them up again before giving up with a sigh, looking in the mirror with a frown.
Jay's arms wrap around me from behind, pulling me close.
"Can I let you in on a secret?" His whispered breath against my neck.
"What?" I raise my eyebrow.
"Your jeans don't fit because you're growing our baby."
"Shut up." I throw an elbow back giggle.
"You're so beautiful. Don't forget that." His hands move my shirt up and we look at the swell of my belly with a smile.
His lips place a kiss on my neck as his hands caress my stomach, mine resting over his.
"Come on." Jay pulls me around to face him, before gently taking my jeans off and helping me step out of them.
He moves over to the chair and I crawl into bed.
"I found your secret stash." I smirk at him; he turns to me with a raised eyebrow as he puts my jeans away.
"Of porn?" I throw one of my many pillows at him as he doges it easily, laughing loudly.
"Funny."
"Just kidding. As if I'd need that with a girlfriend as sexy as you."
"Nice save Mister. But I'm talking about you 'what to expect' books." I reach over to his bedside table and open the draw before turning to him with a raised brow as he comes to sit on the bed.
"Uhhh."
"Yeah. I didn't know you were reading these." I whisper.
"I want to be prepared."
"You're amazing, you know that?" He shakes his head before leaning close.
"You're amazing." He whispers closing the distance between us.
"There are some in there for you."
"I saw that." I nod gently.
"I just… didn't want to pressure you. You've been coming to terms with everything."
"Like I said, amazing." I reach down and pull a book out.
"I got you something." Jay pushes up from the bed to walk back out of the bedroom.
He comes back with a gift bag, tissue paper sticking out.
I take the offered back as he sits on the bed facing me; I reach in and pull out the gift. I giggle at the three onesies, sparing Jay a look before I read them.
You got this daddy. My finger traces the arrows pointing to arms, head, legs and the word 'snap' for the diaper.
I'm cute,
Mums hot,
Dads… lucky.
Silly daddy, boobs are for babies.
"Oh my god. So cute." I laugh, tears springing to my eyes.
"Couldn't resist. Especially this one. Because Daddy is lucky." I hold it up to really take it in.
"Oh my god. We're going to have a baby… that fits into this. So tiny." I shake my head as tears stream down my face.
"Yeah, we are." Jay brushes my tears away; I drop the onesie to rest over my small bump.
"How was your support group tonight?" I ask quietly.
"Hard. But they tell us to focus on the good things in our lives." His hand caress my cheek and I lean into it, placing a kiss on his wrist.
"I love you."
"I love you too." Our lips meet in a soft and sweet kiss, hands resting over my belly cherishing the very thing that brought us back together.
We're exactly where we belong.
A/N: Let me know what you think. :)