Chapter Three- Clash

I leaned my head against the wall as I entered the room. All around me was this constant barrage of noise, but in my room, there was silence. The only sounds came from either the flickering flame of the candle or the scratching of the quill pen across the journal page.

My feelings, conflicted as they were, poured onto the page. Any feelings I had long thought nonexistent stirred inside of me. The only question was why? Why should I even care about her, especially after what she had done to me? She broke my heart—or better yet, stabbed me in the heart—with that damned arrow of light she possessed. It not only pained me physically, but even the very depths of my soul. That is, of course, if I still have one.

My death was strange. Most digimon, to my knowledge, would feel some kind of remorse, even if it were illogical or miniscule. I felt nothing but the pain of the arrow. And yet, there was a second pain, which even I cannot describe now. All I remember was that this was a dull, numbing pain before. During my death, it spiked as my thoughts flew faster than a hurricane. I simply could not for the life of me figure out what that was.

And now, as I contemplate it, I feel that it was the little compassion I had felt slowly regretting everything that I had done. This confused me greatly. Why was the answer suddenly clear now? I could have used that information earlier.

Recollections of my childhood grew nearer to me, and became clearer to see than any other time in my life. For decades, I had pushed them away, for they were too painful to remember. But now, they came back, haunting me when I dared to keep them in mind, yearning for them to be kept under lock and key once more. There are times when even the strongest digimon can feel weak, and I loathed every minute of it.

My conscience seemed to enjoy this pain, for his laughter echoed throughout my head. I scowled and clenched my fists, biting at my lip until it bled. I mentally cursed myself out for my nervous habit, and I held my tongue over the wound to stop the bleeding.

My conscience decided that it was time to speak out after staying silent for so long. Why do you always sabotage such a good thing? That's why you're suffering for it now. If you had listened to me, you'd have a bride by now, wouldn't you?

I can't believe this. My conscience, me as a child, is rebuking me. The logic of him telling me off is not something I was at all prepared to take on, so I simply ignored him, as I have always done. I could sense him backing down, so I simply stated out loud, "So what if I could have had her then? She wasn't ready for me, and I certainly was not patient enough then to handle her acting out."

But you did handle her, no?

I sighed and continued, "You know as well as I do that that's not at all what I mean."

Alright, well then, enlighten me. What is it that you mean?

"We are not having this conversation right now."

Yes we are.

My eye twitched, painfully annoyed of how inquisitive I was in my youth. It's useless to try to tell a child 'no' when all they want to—and all they can hear—is 'yes'. Usually, my conscience stays silent because he's under the impression that I have selective hearing, which when it comes to someone younger or lesser than me, I do. Why should I care what he has to say? He tried to stop me from conquering the Digital World, but did that work? Obviously not. Then again, he did tell me not to enter the Real World, and we all know what happened there, but I am deviating.

There was a loud scratching at my door, which pried me away from my desk. Before I even answered the door, I was certain that it must be one of my Devidramon, and I was correct in my assumption. His blood red eyes stared up at me as I looked down to see what he was trying to tell me.

In his mouth was Gatomon's tail, and her head was hanging a few inches off the ground, but her ears dragged. She was fussing and telling the Devidramon to put her down. I nodded my head, and he released his grip, giving her quite a headache as her head met the floor. Her tail ring was missing, so I stared at the Devidramon. He held out one of his claws; her tail ring was balanced on the end of it. I snatched the ring away, pocketing it. I clenched the back of Gatomon's neck before she had a chance to flee.

Assuming again, I asked Devidramon, "She tried to run away, didn't she?" He slowly nodded his head. A sadistic grin crossed my face as I dismissed him. This was going to be one hell of a night.