Ch3
Abby woke up to the sound of her alarm going off. She rolled over to hit the snooze button and felt he stinging pain in her hand. "I love that feeling." Abby thought "I'm so worthless and that's the perfect reminder of that. Abby got out of bed and into the shower as she let the hot water run over her the guilt started to set in. It always came, sometimes right after cutting sometimes the next day but it always came.
"I can't believe I did it again!" Abby thought as she got mad at herself. " A whole month" she told herself "You went a whole month and now you've screwed it up all over again."
Abby stepped out of the shower and tried to focus on getting dressed. She said each thing she needed to do out loud so as to keep herself distracted from the horrible voices on the inside. Abby was starving but she wouldn't let herself eat. 'Why should you eat? You deserve to be hungry your fat enough just go to work.' Abby decided against eating anything and headed out to work.
Abby walked into the lounge to see Carter taking off his jacket and shaking the snow out of his hair. "Morning Abby." john's eyes lit up when he saw her. "Hey Carter." Abby replied feeling instantly guilty for ignoring his phone call the night before. "Did you get my message?" Carter asked helping her take off her jacket. "Oh yea I got it this morning." Abby lied. I went to bed early last night and I turned off the ringer so it wouldn't wake me." Abby was used to lying like this the small white lies that nobody ever caught on to. She'd been doing it her entire life. To her teachers when they asked how her mother was, Eric when he asked questions about Maggie's condition. White lies just came naturally to her. "Well it must have helped" Carter said, "You look beautiful this morning." Abby blushed and looked down. Carter leaned down to kiss her and Abby deepened the kiss and it quickly became more passionate. They had to pull away to catch their breath. "Abby" Carter sighed contentedly wrapping his arms around her and putting his chin on her head. Abby loved moments like these. She felt so safe in Carter's arms none of the voices could get her there all she felt was peace. She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. They stood like that for several long moments Abby wasn't going to be the first to let go she didn't have the strength. A few minutes later Carter slowly pulled away from Abby. "Hey we're gonna be late he whispered. " I know Abby replied and reached up to kiss him once more. "You're coming over tonight right?" Abby asked him when they parted. "You bet I am Carter grinned at her before leaving the lounge. Abby smiled to herself Carter really was a godsend. Abby could feel the doubt of the other voices but right now she refused to listen to them.
Eight hours later she was in a decidedly less good mood. There had been trauma after trauma, screaming kids and even a drunk. The drunk had really gotten to her they always did but usually she could hide it. Today she could only see her failure mirrored in his eyes. It had been a long time since her last drink but the cutting that was an addiction too. She just wanted to go home and forget. "Are you ready?" Carter asked coming up behind her at the desk. "Oh uh yea." Abby said trying to come out of her trance. She wished Carter wasn't coming over now she just wanted to go home and be miserable. But Carter looked so excited and happy she just couldn't tell him not to. She went to get her stuff from the lounge.
Abby woke up to the sound of her alarm going off. She rolled over to hit the snooze button and felt he stinging pain in her hand. "I love that feeling." Abby thought "I'm so worthless and that's the perfect reminder of that. Abby got out of bed and into the shower as she let the hot water run over her the guilt started to set in. It always came, sometimes right after cutting sometimes the next day but it always came.
"I can't believe I did it again!" Abby thought as she got mad at herself. " A whole month" she told herself "You went a whole month and now you've screwed it up all over again."
Abby stepped out of the shower and tried to focus on getting dressed. She said each thing she needed to do out loud so as to keep herself distracted from the horrible voices on the inside. Abby was starving but she wouldn't let herself eat. 'Why should you eat? You deserve to be hungry your fat enough just go to work.' Abby decided against eating anything and headed out to work.
Abby walked into the lounge to see Carter taking off his jacket and shaking the snow out of his hair. "Morning Abby." john's eyes lit up when he saw her. "Hey Carter." Abby replied feeling instantly guilty for ignoring his phone call the night before. "Did you get my message?" Carter asked helping her take off her jacket. "Oh yea I got it this morning." Abby lied. I went to bed early last night and I turned off the ringer so it wouldn't wake me." Abby was used to lying like this the small white lies that nobody ever caught on to. She'd been doing it her entire life. To her teachers when they asked how her mother was, Eric when he asked questions about Maggie's condition. White lies just came naturally to her. "Well it must have helped" Carter said, "You look beautiful this morning." Abby blushed and looked down. Carter leaned down to kiss her and Abby deepened the kiss and it quickly became more passionate. They had to pull away to catch their breath. "Abby" Carter sighed contentedly wrapping his arms around her and putting his chin on her head. Abby loved moments like these. She felt so safe in Carter's arms none of the voices could get her there all she felt was peace. She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. They stood like that for several long moments Abby wasn't going to be the first to let go she didn't have the strength. A few minutes later Carter slowly pulled away from Abby. "Hey we're gonna be late he whispered. " I know Abby replied and reached up to kiss him once more. "You're coming over tonight right?" Abby asked him when they parted. "You bet I am Carter grinned at her before leaving the lounge. Abby smiled to herself Carter really was a godsend. Abby could feel the doubt of the other voices but right now she refused to listen to them.
Eight hours later she was in a decidedly less good mood. There had been trauma after trauma, screaming kids and even a drunk. The drunk had really gotten to her they always did but usually she could hide it. Today she could only see her failure mirrored in his eyes. It had been a long time since her last drink but the cutting that was an addiction too. She just wanted to go home and forget. "Are you ready?" Carter asked coming up behind her at the desk. "Oh uh yea." Abby said trying to come out of her trance. She wished Carter wasn't coming over now she just wanted to go home and be miserable. But Carter looked so excited and happy she just couldn't tell him not to. She went to get her stuff from the lounge.