Not A Mouse Stirring

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

Chapter Three

'Welcome to the family'

Despite contrary belief, Lily Evans and James Potter did not hate each other although the moment the prank occurred everyone seemed absolutely certain that Lily had always hated James and that James had hated Lily but was now desperately in love with her. Of course people also believed that Sirius Black was also desperately in love with her when those who knew Sirius well knew that the only things Sirius loved were himself, the Marauders, pranks and Quidditch. The day Sirius Black was serious about a girl was the day that annoying author Gilderoy Lockhart was declared Minister of Magic. However the prank had caused such a stir that peoples thinking couldn't be changed. Lily Evans hated James Potter. James Potter was madly in love with Lily. So it was and so it would always be.

The prank was now the most talked about thing at Hogwarts and Lily wanted nothing more than to get people to shut up about it. She had hoped that her own prank would get people to talk about something other than the one that had been played on her. Unfortunately as far as she knew James Potter was afraid of nothing.

She had asked around, watched him for weeks, and had found nothing. James Potter was not scared of spiders. He was not scared of heights. He wasn't scared of clowns. James Potter was beginning to look more and more like he was fearless. Only Lily knew better. Everyone was scared of something and she would find out exactly what that fear was, then use it against him to make the best prank ever. She was determined.

One afternoon she sat in the library working on a Defense Against the Dark Arts project on grindylows with Remus Lupin only she hadn't been able to concentrate much because she had been distracted by a group of whispering girls sitting behind them.

"…it's horrible really, the way she's toying with their emotions like that," said a fourth year Hufflepuff that Lily had never even talked to before. "It's bad enough that Lily has messed with James and Sirius but really, to bring in Remus too?"

"I've heard that it wasn't really a lovers' quarrel, just a prank," said another girl that was a Ravenclaw.

"Oh please Willa! Even James and Sirius aren't stupid enough to do something like that just for a prank. No, she was definitely messing with both of them."

"They don't seem too broken up about it."

"Of course they don't. James and Sirius aren't likely to stop being friends over a girl. They're practically brothers. They just got fooled. I'm not at all surprised about that Lily Evans being such a tart though. After all, she does hang around with Severus Snape and everyone knows he's bad news."

That was the last straw. Lily whipped out her wand then and was about ready to hex the two girls when Remus saw and grabbed her by the wrist before she could. "Lily," he said, "Come on now. If someone sees you'll get points taken away or detention."

"But Remus-"

"No, and if it makes you feel better I'll hex them myself later. It'll make James and Sirius happy."

Lily frowned. "I don't want James and Sirius happy. I want the pleasure of making those girls have boils on their face for a week."

Remus chuckled. "You're a vicious little thing aren't you?"

"Only when provoked," she said with a slight smile, "otherwise I'm as harmless as a puffskein."

"You know you could always just ignore what everyone says. As it is, James and Sirius are finding your bursts of anger and you're stalking downright hilarious. You're only encouraging them to want to prank you again."

She sighed. "I can't help it Remus. I hate it. I don't like that the whole school thinks that I'm some kind of scarlet woman and all I want to do is kill James and Sirius for making me that way, although more so James because that arrogant little berk had the nerve to make me look like a tart and then kiss me in front of everyone which made me look like even more of a tart and for that he must pay."

Remus blinked at her. "What did you just say?"

"I said that James Potter must pay."

"No, before that," said Remus.

"Oh. He made me look like even more of a tart by kissing me in front of everyone."

"James kissed you?"

"Yes. Don't look at me like that! He just kissed me on the forehead and he was doing it to goad me. It didn't mean anything."

Remus looked amused. "That's an interesting development."

Lily rolled her eyes. "There is nothing interesting about it. It's only that James Potter likes doing things that make me turn ten shades of red because he gets some sort of sick and twisted pleasure out of it."

"Perhaps," said Remus in a tone that suggested he knew something that Lily didn't causing her to glare at her fellow prefect.

"I don't like the sound of that. What are you trying to hint at Lupin?"

"Well it might just be James being James, only he's careful when it comes to girls that he lets into his life. James has obligations because of his family and he can't really just date anyone because the moment his get wind of it they start talking about wedding plans."

That was when Lily had a brilliant idea.

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that Potters scared of an arranged marriage?"

Remus shifted nervously in his seat. "Er…possibly, it is something that has come up time and time again for him and Lily I know what you're thinking but with his family-" He was cut off guard when Lily suddenly kissed him on the cheek.

"Remus Lupin, you're brilliant!"

"Lily, think of a different prank. I'm warning you James's family-"

"I don't really care what James's family thinks! Oh Remus, thank you so much! You have just given me the best idea. James Potter will never mess with me again after this. Do you think we can meet up later to finish up the report?"

Remus sighed. He knew there was no point in talking to the girl. She had made up her mind and that was that.

"Sure," he said, "but Lily?"

"What?"

"Just don't say I didn't warn you not to do it, alright?"

Lily blinked. "Sure thing," she said. Then she grabbed her stuff and hurried out of the library nearly crashing into two tables on her way out. She then ran all the way up to the Gryffindor tower and didn't stop until she burst into her dormitory where both Dorcas and Marlene.

"What's James Potter's home address?" Lily demanded of both girls, who had been busy painting their nails while listening to the radio. Dorcas and Marlene stopped what they were doing and looked up at her in surprise.

"What on earth do you want James Potters home address for?" Marlene asked.

"Er…to send his mother flowers," Lily lied.

Dorcas laughed. "Right, as if you would send anything to James Potters Mother. This doesn't have anything to do with that stupid prank that you've been planning does it?"

Lily grinned from ear to ear in response. "Why my dearest Dorcas, whatever could you possibly mean?"

Her two friends exchanged looks at each other and then shook their heads. "Right then," said Marlene, "it does have something to do with that stupid prank of yours. Lily I know you're tired of people thinking that you're a slag, and your upset about the Marauder's prank but I don't think that you should do whatever it is your thinking about doing. James's family-"

"Oh I don't care about James's ruddy family! It's not like they're vampires or something and can eat me alive."

"Er no," said Dorcas, "of course not. But they're really not the sort of people that you want to involve in whatever prank that you're considering."

"Great Merlin, what are they, the wizard mob? Look I promise that the pranks all in good fun. Potter will get what he deserves and that will be the end of that. Though I suppose I don't technically need his home address. I'll just get a little outside help."

Marlene sighed. "I believe we've lost her, Dorcas. She has completely succumbed to prank fever."

Dorcas shrugged. "Perhaps everything will work out fine. Perhaps James won't be too mad." Then the girls looked at each other and laughed. Their friend didn't notice however. Lily was already sitting at her desk, scribbling furiously and deeply involved in the letter she was writing that she was fairly certain would result in James Potter being scared of her very shadow.

See, Lily was writing to her father, Richard Evans. Richard Evans along with being a great, over protective Dad also had a love of jokes. So Lily knew that her father would have absolutely no problem going along with her idea. It was going to be brilliant and would involve a howler, and James Potter's incredibly red face as well the assurance that people would stop talking about her 'sordid affairs' with the Marauders.

Once she had finished appealing to her father for help Lily bounded off from the Gryffindor tower up to the owlery with a smile on her face. She grabbed her owl, a tawny barn house one named John Lennon, and sent the letter on its merry way.

She got her father's response the next morning and it was decided that her prank would occur on Wednesday so all Lily had to do was wait. She endured the rude remarks from her peers and the glares from the girls with a smile on her face because she knew that eventually, her reputation would be the last thing that people talked about. Instead, they would all talk about how Lily Evans had bested James Potter.

So she waited, and then Wednesday morning came. She was so excited about her brilliant prank that was going to take place that she actually forced Dorcas and Marlene to get up early. "Rise and shine girls!" she said, after she herself had gotten ready and threw open the curtains to the dormitory.

"Ugh! Lily, it is too early to be so cheerful," Marlene said.

"Or awake for that matter," said Dorcas, "go back to sleep."

"But today is a wonderful day girls! Today is a wonderful day because James Potter is going to get a taste of his own medicine. Don't you want to see Potter get a taste of his own medicine?"

That made her friends wake up. "Wait a minute. You mean to say that your prank for Potter is happening today?" Marlene said.

"Yes," said Lily with a grin, her green eyes twinkling.

"Well why didn't you say so? That makes all the difference in the world," said Marlene, "come on Dorcas! I want to see Lily best James Potter!"

Dorcas laughed. "Or fail miserably at it," she said, "don't forget there's always the chance that the prank isn't as great as Lily says."

Lily then walked over to Dorcas's bed and hit her on the arm with one of her pillows causing Dorcas to cry, "Ouch! What the bloody hell was that for?"

"For not believing that I can best James Potter," said Lily, "I mean honestly. Do you have so little faith in me? I am hurt, wounded, and bleeding!"

Dorcas rolled her eyes. "Of course you are. Look, if I have to get up this early to watch your stupid prank I am going to have to have pancakes. So in other words, Marlene, hurry up getting ready."

Marlene glared at the girl. "Marlene, hurry up getting ready! Excuse me but you are the one who takes two hours to do your hair and makeup!"

Lily couldn't help but chuckle at her friends. "Whatever you do, just do it quick. I don't want you to miss it. I'll be down stairs waiting for Potters demise." She bounded out of the room and then made her way to the great hall to the Gryffindor table. With hardly anyone there due to the early hour, she managed to get a fairly decent seat.

She waited patiently and eventually her friends and the rest of the students started to trickle into the hall. Marlene and Dorcas both took seats on either side of her and started shoveling food onto their plates.

"So when is this great prank of yours going to take place? It won't be too long I hope," said Dorcas.

"Not long at all," said Lily, "just wait for the owl post."

"Owl post?" said Marlene with surprise. "What does the owl post have to do with anything?"

"You'll see," she said simply, and then took a bite of her eggs. Her eyes darted to the Marauders then, who were sitting not far off from the girls on their side. James Potter caught her watching and to her surprise he grinned, then winked at her. Lily was a little taken aback by that action however, she was too happy about her prank to let it get to her so she simply returned Potter's smile.

He could make of it what he wanted. All that mattered was that in a few minutes Potter would get what he had had coming to him.

As if the owls had heard her thoughts somehow, there was a loud screech and then the post flew in. Lily grinned as she saw her very own, John Lennon, circle the hall and then stop over by Potter and hold out its leg to the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain.

"It's starting!" she said excitedly to her friends.

"Thank Merlin!" said Marlene.

"This should be interesting," muttered Dorcas.

The three girls turned their attention then on James Potter and watched with intense interest. James was staring with the bright, red howler looking like a mouse that had been cornered by a lion. His mates seemed to be urging him to just open the thing however, James seemed incredibly apprehensive about it.

"Come on, come on," Lily muttered under her breath as she waited.

Then finally James slowly opened the red envelope. "MR. JAMES POTTER!" The voice of Lily's father roared. "HOW DARE YOU? MY DAUGHTERS REPUTATION IS RUINED! THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE TO PROFESS YOUR FEELINGS FOR A YOUNG LADY AND IT IS NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLASS. I HAVE WRITTEN TO YOUR FATHER AND DEMANDED THAT YOU MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF HER! YOUR FATHER DEMANDS IT TOO AND YOU WILL MARRY LILY AND MAKE THIS WHOLE THING RIGHT! SHE IS A FINE GIRL AND DESERVES IT! Oh-and Mr. Potter, welcome to the family."

The howler quickly turned to ash then and its remains landed innocently on the table. The great hall was quiet for a moment before everyone quite suddenly was howling in laughter, though Dorcas, Marlene, and Lily were laughing the hardest.

Lily also enjoyed watching as the hall laughed at Potter's misfortune and she enjoyed it even more when she saw that Potters face had turned ten shades of red. However, the feeling of elation that she had had at besting James Potter was gone the second that he looked at her. She had expected annoyance and possibly a little bit of admiration. She hadn't expected to see a look so dark that it would have possibly frightened Voldemort.

She couldn't help but gulp. From the look on James Potters face, Lily was going to be dead before her morning classes were over.

A/N: There's chapter three. I've never had so much fun writing a fanfic before. I'm hoping the chapters will get a little longer but at the moment their all sort of short. Oh well. Reviews are appreciated.