Swimming Lessons

…

Ah~ Swimming lessons.

One of the most anticipated topics in PE.

Clear water.

Girls in revealing bathing suits.

Romeo having a rant about what coloured board shorts to wear.

"Which colour should I weeeeaaar!"

Yep.

All the usual stuff.

"Does it really matter?" Horatio, who had long since changed into a pair of baby blue and white board shorts, asked.

"Yes! I want Juliet to compliment me!" Romeo said waving his arms around.

"Just give it rest would ya." Othello cut in.

"Nobody asked you!" Romeo hissed.

"Oh of course not~" Othello said sarcastically as he headed out of the change room, "no one ever asks the 'black guy'."

Horatio blinked several times and turned to Romeo, "What on earth was that about?"

"I have no idea…" Romeo muttered before quickly holding up three different coloured board shorts and basically shoving them in Horatio's face, "I've narrowed it down to three which one!"

"Tell him the one that looks the worst."

"Hamlet, you're a real asshole you know that?" said Romeo.

"No just mad." he responded, he was currently clad in black board shorts.

"Hamlet, please couldn't you have worn something brighter?" Horatio groaned in frustration.

"What is it with you and telling me to wear brighter clothing, does seeing me in bright clothes excite you or something?"

Horatio's face went bright red.

"And cue Horatio's man crush again." sighed Romeo who had finally decided to wear a pair of blue and green board shorts.

"Will you cut it out with the man crush thing!" Horatio demanded.

"But do you have one?" quizzed Hamlet, not because he was curious, more so because he liked to embarrass his friend.

"No god damn!"

"Guys hurry and get your sexy behinds out here," said Mercutio who was standing in the door way, "More specifically, Ro-may-o, get out here!"

"Why don't you get out of here!" Romeo yelled hiding behind his locker door, "and for the love of god and all that is holy why are you wearing hot pink glittering speedos?"

"All in the name of love darling~"

"I need to scrub my eyes with some bleach…" Romeo muttered once he heard Mercutio leave, "guys?"

Romeo turned to find Hamlet hiding in another of his emo corners crying and an equally horrified Horatio who was frozen to the spot.

"I don't blame them." Romeo muttered as he sighed.

On the opposite side of the changing benches Guildenstern was almost ready to throw up at that terrible sight of Mercutio in that pink speedo.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee that." he shuddered subconsciously tying his board shorts up in a double knot for fear Mercutio might just try and rape him and every other male he could get his hands on. I fear for Romeo's safety right now was all he could think.

"Hm? I didn't see, I was getting changed." Rosencrantz said slamming his locker shut.

"It was horrifying Mercutio was- oh my…"

Rosencrantz blinked, "what are you staring at?"

"N-no, nothing at all…" his companion answered lamely.

No, it has absolutely nothing to do with the tight red short shorts you're wearing, nope, not at all… Guildenstern thought, shaking his head furiously.

"You sure?" Rosencrantz questioned.

"Of course…" Guildenstern paused, "it's just what if those shorts of yours fall off? There's basically nothing keeping them there except thin elastic!"

Guildenstern couldn't help himself, he pulled them and let them snap back.

"Ow! Guil, that hurt you jerk!" his friend cried, "and they are perfectly fine."

Romeo who had been watching the bizarre scene unfold before him couldn't help but voice his long time unspoken question, "Are you two in some kind of gay relationship?"

The two in question both almost fell over and answered in unison, "Are you insane!"

"Eh, just checking," he said, "now, come along men. To the pool!"

Thus the little group made their way our of the change rooms. Romeo jumping and turning every five seconds in case Mercutio was after him, Horatio awkwardly dragging a sulking Hamlet who was still curled up in a ball and Rosencrantz completely unaware of his best friends perverted stare.

"It seems the stragglers have finally decided to grace us with their presence." the swimming instructor promptly said when the little group arrived.

"We sure have." Romeo said posing dramatically.

Horatio shock his head at the sight and sighed yet again when he saw Hamlet had found yet another emo corner to sulk in.

"Ah~ Juliet~ You look beautiful as always~" Romeo said dramatically, holding Juliet's hands.

The young girl in question only blushed and looked away, with a hushed "thankyou."

"Oh so Juliet gets praised by her lover but mines sulking in a corner."

"Now, now Ophelia, Hamlet has yet to see you I'm sure he'll praise you." Horatio said although his thoughts were more along the lines of Hamlet doesn't love you anymore back off bitch! That's mine!

Ophelia was already looming over Hamlet demanding he look at her a tell her she was pretty. Hamlet finally looked at his harasser and looked her over.

"Well?" Ophelia asked.

"Incredibly plain and boring as usual aren't you."

"You son of a-!"

"Okay! I think it's time to begin class now." the instructor cut in not wanting to deal with a lovers quarrel.

"You got lucky this time." Ophelia glared while Hamlet just shrugged and headed over to the rest of the group.

…

An hour later and everyone was back in the change rooms getting changed into their uniforms.

"I can't believe how many times you tried to molest me!" Romeo raged at Mercutio.

"How else am I supposed to show my love?" Mercutio whined as Romeo threw his towel at his head.

"Don't show it at all!"

Mercutio sighed and decided to let Romeo win. For now.

"Ophelia tried to drown me three times! Just because I didn't say she looked pretty!" Hamlet, now in his uniform, cried.

"There, there," Horatio said gently, patting Hamlet on the back softly, "it'll be alright, she won't hurt you again." If she does I'll be the one drowning someone Horatio added in his mind.

"We're not even dating anymore! Why does she stalk me Horatio?" Hamlet continued.

"I guess she can't let go?" Truth be told Horatio himself had no clue, Hamlet had dumped her rather harshly so he was amazed she wasn't totally avoiding him.

"Not to worry buddy we'll help you out." Rosencrantz said giving Hamlet a slap on the back, probably a little too hard.

"You're going to wind him Rose." Guildenstern muttered with a sigh that said 'I can't take you anywhere can I'.

"At least you didn't get felt up by random people in the pool." Rosencrantz sighed, "I know for a fact that damn Player felt me up on more than one occasion, I caught him so I think he stopped, but it still kept happening! Why!"

"W-who knows…" don't look guilty, don't look guilty, was the mantra playing through Guildenstern's mind.

"It wasn't you right Guil?"

Guildenstern was pretty sure he stopped breathing for a few seconds there. "D-don't be silly, why would I?"

"You were the only one with me the whole time."

"It wasn't me!"

"I don't believe you."

"You never do." he sighed.

"No one would believe you." Romeo cut in.

Guildenstern promptly threw a wet towl at Romeo's face.

"What the hell!" Romeo yelled, towl still stuck to his face.

"Oh by the way Mercutio used the towl you currently have on your face." Guildenstern said casually.

"Oh my God, ewwww!" Romeo screamed before running out to the showers with intentions of scrubbing himself until he was 'clean'.

Rosencrantz giggled a little, "Your terrible Guil."

"I know."

"Mercutio didn't really use that towel did he?" Hamlet asked obviously calmed but still clinging to Horatio for dear life.

"No, I was just teasing him."

"Oh dear…" was all Horatio could think of to say.

…

A/N - =w= How do I come up with this madness? XD dear god Shakespeare would be horrified.

And yes, I have decided that the Romeo in this story rants and worries about his clothes a lot. My decision is final.