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Sasha had arms crossed under her chest and leaned lazily against the doorframe of Tom's guestroom as she waited for him to return from his bedroom with a shirt for her to sleep in. As she waited Sasha couldn't help but replay the past few hours on her mind. After he had accepted her offer to stay but declined to talk about his feelings and nightmares she had tried her best to keep the conversation as lightly as possible by simply avoiding anything that would lead them to talk about the time during the pandemic much less their return from Asia.
"There you go." Tom said when he came back carrying on of his old shirts in his hands. "So do you need anything else?" "No, thank you." Sasha shook her head while she took the shirt out of his hands. "I'll be fine." She smiled softly as their gazes met and for a moment neither wanted of them wanted to leave the other even though they were both tired and they knew that they would only be separated by the hall.
"So I guess it's time to say good night then." Tom stated, but for Sasha he sounded more like was asking for her approval just to be sure. "Yeah, good night." She nodded and for a moment she wanted nothing more but to hug him and tell him everything will be alright, but then Tom turned around and was about to head into his bedroom.
"And Tom?" She asked hoping that he would stop and turn around to face her. "If anything happens I'm here for you. I don't care if you have to wake me up in the middle of the night." She added when he had turned around to face her again and then without thinking twice about her actions Sasha reached up and cupped his cheek with her left, bringing his focus down to her eyes. "You're not alone in this." She added genuinely as she gently caressed over the stubbles on his cheek. Tom leaned into the palm of her hand and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of her gentle touch as he kept his eyes fixed on her bright blue ones.
"Thank you." He had small smile on his lips and then Sasha saw something in his eyes that she hadn't seen since the day he had send her and her team to St. Louis to take down Shaw; it was hope that he will recover from his burn out.
"Good night, Tom." She said again before she finally removed her hand again. "Night." Tom sighed deeply as he turned around and then headed over to his bedroom, while Sasha still stood in place as she watched him disappear behind the door.
Once she got into the guestroom and had closed the door behind herself Sasha turned around and leaned against the while wooden door with her back. For a few minutes she simply stood there and looked up to the ceiling as she once again tried to process everything that had happened in the past few hours. She wanted to help and ease his pain, but how was she supposed to help when he refused to let her in?
"He needs time." Sasha sighed as she answered her own question before she looked down at the shirt in her hands and for a moment she wished that she would have brought her own clothes over as she realized that wearing his shirt Would send her on a trip down the memory lane.
I could sneak out and head over to Kara's and get…, Sasha shook her head as she quickly got rid of the idea of leaving Tom just so she could avoid the memories of their past together.
After she had changed into Tom's shirt she slipped under the soft covers and turned off the light on the nightstand, she rolled on to her back and stared into the dark. She didn't know why, but she waited a couple of more minutes before she finally allowed herself to close her eyes while she took a deep breath which she immediately started regret. As she inhaled the essence of his shirt she could've sworn that she smelled a hint of his aftershave even though she knew that he probably hasn't worn the shirt for ages. It was that smell and knowing that it was Tom's shirt was enough for her mind to head to a place that she had locked down over a decade ago.
The night at the bar near the Naval Academy, before that night Sasha had never been one of those girls who would go out and get hooked up, but with Tom it was different. Their first kiss in the hall of the bar somewhere between the cigarette machine and the men's restroom wasn't exactly romantic, but it was enough for her to realize that Tom Chandler would be the one for her. That night she wanted him more than anything else and she was sure that he felt the same way. After they had left the bar and had made it over to her apartment she had tried everything to get him inside, but Tom resisted her temptations.
Today, after everything they've been through it was still a miracle for her, that he was able to resist her temptation.
Two days later
She had spent most of her time trying to forget those damn blue eyes and those soft lips. She was sitting in her Tactics of Naval Warfare class for the first time and then he walked in. At first she thought Tom was just another student but when he took his place in front of the class she realized that Tom Chandler, the man that she had tried to sleep with, was her teacher.
The mixture of surprise and pure shock that she felt in that very moment was the saw that she saw in his eyes when he had spotted her among his students. She remembered how hard she tried to ignore her feelings for him, how hard she tried to avoid eye contact even though he was talking to her and the countless times that she had told herself that dating her teacher would be inappropriate.
Today, she knew that no matter how hard she would try to ignore and bury her feelings for Tom, she would always end up thinking and craving for him.
For a while Sasha was still lost in her memories before she finally slowly drifted off to sleep. Ever since she had joined the Ever since she'd joined the Naval Intelligence department, Sasha had been a light sleeper. Even on her days off she had troubles letting go completely and have a deep sleep. But now that she had stayed with Kara and Frankie for a week she felt like her sleep had gotten even lighter. It wasn't because of Frankie's nightly cries or fuzziness it was more because she felt some kind of responsibility, even though Kara had told her that she would take care of him during the night.
Now with Tom it was the same, it was her responsibility to be on alert, because she cared for him and she had promised him that she would be there for him if he needed her, so she just couldn't allow her body to drift off completely.
A few hours later Sasha was in her usual half-asleep – half-awake state when she heard a noise coming from the hall. At first she thought that she was imagining it and tried to ignore the noise, but then she heard it again and it hit her like a bolt.
TOM! It shot through her head and she quickly reached for the light on the nightstand and turned it on. She gave her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light and then she quickly slipped out from under her blanket and got up. She got over to the door and just as she had quietly opened the door she heard him again. He sounded like he was moaning in pain so she quickly walked across the hall to his bedroom. She wrapped her fingers around the handle and took a deep breath as she tried to prepare herself for what would come once she got inside his room.
"Tom?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper as she slowly pushed the door open. The first thing she noticed was that the light on his nightstand was still on and then saw him. He was tossing around the bed as if was fighting against someone or something; his face was pale and cover with sweat. "Tom?" She asked again as she stepped closed and noticed the painful expression on his face.
"Dad! No!" He muttered desperately over and over again. For a moment Sasha didn't know what to do as it broke her heart to see him broken like this. She had expected that he would have a nightmare but not like this.
"I'm so sorry, Dad! It's my fault. Don't die!" Tom's desperate voice mixed with the noise of his fists hitting the mattresses violently brought her back to reality. "Dad, I'm so sorry I should've been there…"
"Tom?" Sasha asked against as reached for his left shoulder and gently shook him. "Wake up, Tom." She told him this time her voice wasn't as careful as it was before as her gentle touch became a bit rougher so he would finally wake up. "Tom?" Her voice was firm and then he suddenly stopped tossing around the bed. "DAD!" He cried out and then he finally ripped his eyes up in horror. He was breathing heavily as he tried to make out if it was real or just a dream.
"Hey, it was just a dream." Sasha told him as she removed her hand from his shoulder. "It's okay. It was just a dream." She repeated again when as Tom quickly sat up in his bed.
"I killed him, I killed them all." His voice was hoarse and filled with pain. "It's my fault. My Dad, Darien, my sister." Tom stopped when he felt a lump forming in his throat and then he suddenly felt tears welling up in his eyes so he turned his face away from Sasha.
"Tom?" She asked when she noticed that swallowed hard and she knew that he was fighting against his emotions. "It's okay." She told him while she sat down next to him on the edge of the bed.
"You don't understand. It's my fault. I killed them." Tom replied his voice filled with emotions and ten Sasha reached out and gently caressed his cheek.
"It's okay to cry." It was Sasha's gentle touch and the carrying tone in her voice that broke him down and he started to cry.
Feedback as always is highly appreciated!